Healing Touch (4 page)

My eyelids grew heavy. Things were getting to
me and I was having a hard time sleeping.

A bicyclist passed at a speed perfect to
outrun Cody’s attack. The shovel full of sand hit the path just
behind the back wheel.

“Cody James Campbell, no! We’re going to go
home if you can’t play nice.”

He smiled at me, moved to the other end of
the sand box, and continued emptying its contents.

I really hoped this vacation day would
recharge my batteries. I needed to wake up and resume a normal
routine. The exhaustion was not due to crazy nights out with the
girls or dates that stretched until morning. My fatigue came from
hours of endless worrying. The stupid lump in my throat hadn’t gone
away. I tried not to touch it but it became a nervous habit to
check it every ten second. My friends worried about me. I felt bad
lying, but I told them I was running out of gas because of Cody.
They still checked in on me but gave up asking me to hang out after
a while.

Instinctively I touched the lump on my neck.
The more I tried not to think about it, the more it bothered
me.

Cody had about half of the sand out of the
box. I was impressed at his meticulous effort. One side of the
square was almost bare right down to the cement base.

The birds chirped above me. They were
probably making plans to fly south, discussing the best route to
warmer climates. A destination far away from worries and
responsibilities sounded wonderful. It would be nice to sit on a
lounge chair looking out over the ocean. My heavy lids drifted
shut. I visualized waves crashing, palm tress swaying. Seagulls
flew overhead as couples walked on the long stretch of white sand.
The beat of the waves was hypnotic. I gazed out over the ocean that
spanned before me. The blue of the sky blended on the horizon into
the water. I could barely make out the dividing line.

I wiggled my toes and looked at my tanned
legs against the bright beach towel draped on my chair. It matched
the bathing suit I had on. One must always wear festive colors in
the tropics. I adjusted my large straw hat and looked at my travel
companion. Jeremy tanned nicely and had a great body, such a
beautiful body. He glanced at me and smiled from his reclined
position. A purple boat with pink sails caught my attention as it
bobbed in the waves.

“Tracy.”

Cody walked across the wide beach carrying a
tray of margaritas. He looked so cute in his mini tuxedo.

“Tracy.”

How sweet, a skewer of fruit adorned each
glass.

“Tracy!”

“Mommy!”

Somebody kicked my beach chair, rocking the
whole thing in a violent way.

My eyes shot open to the sight of Jeremy, not
on the beach, but in the Cherryville Park, holding a squirming
Cody.

“Oh my God!” I stood up and grabbed Cody out
of his arms. “I must have fallen asleep. Where did you come from?
What happened?”

“Calm down, everything’s fine. Cody just
wandered up the path a little ways and I figured you were around
here somewhere.”

“Wandered away! He could have been hit by a
car or stolen!” The little boy already had enough of being held and
struggled to get down. “Where exactly did you find him?”

“Well, over by the ball fields.”

I felt a little light headed and set the boy
on the grass. I knew Cody could move fast but that was a long way
from where we stood.

“Let’s swing, Mommy!” He shouted and took off
toward the swing set. I leaned on my knees, letting my head clear
before trotting after him.

Jeremy jogged behind the two of us. “I think
you need to sit down, Tracy. Let me push him.”

“I’ve done enough sitting.” I boosted Cody
into one of the swings. “I should be arrested.”

The doctor stood to my right and looked at
me. In a soothing voice he said, “He’s fine. You’re being too hard
on yourself.”

I turned my head away so Jeremy couldn’t see
the tears pooling in my eyes. Sitting on one of the swings, I
slowly rocked myself while looking at the ground. Out of the corner
of my eyes I could see his tan muscular legs. It was beyond
comprehension why a guy this gorgeous even bothered to talk to
me.

Cody flew back and forth. Jeremy must have
pushed him because Cody still hadn’t learned how to pump. Either
that or he enjoyed the adults doing the work for him.

Jeremy came around the front of Cody’s swing
and started making faces at him while he pushed. He’d grab the seat
of the swing and make it stop completely before pushing him back
again. A few giggles escaped my little boy as he swung higher and
higher.

“Big.”

He swished forward and back.

“Big!”

Forward and back.

“He wants you to give him a big push.”

Jeremy spoke to the little guy in a devious
voice. “Oh, you want a big push. How big?”

Cody squealed with excitement. “Realwee
big.”

“Super big?”

“Yes! Yes!”

His wish was granted. Peals of laughter
filled the playground. Jeremy pretended to bite off Cody’s feet as
they neared his face. He skillfully grabbed the flying limbs and
removed one tennis shoe, then the other. A cup full of sand poured
from each.

“Whoa buddy, are you planning on taking the
whole sandbox home?”

“Cody, this is Jeremy. He’s the new doctor in
town.”

“Hi Jerwee, I’m Cody.”

“Nice to meet you. You need to be a good boy
for your mom and not wander off. She was worried about you.” Jeremy
captured each foot and removed the dingy socks.

Through snorts of laughter Cody said,
“Sorwee, Mommy.”

“It’s not your fault sweetie, Mommy fell
asleep.”

“Why are you tired, Mommy?”

I looked up at the little boy. He held eye
contact as he moved back and forth, waiting for an answer, as was
Dr. Nelson.

“There was a good movie on TV last night. I
stayed up too late watching it.” I lied horribly when tired. Jeremy
didn’t believe me for a second.

“Naughty Mommy.”

“Yes, naughty Mommy for lying.”

“Oh oh, you’re in twouble.”

Jeremy laughed and said, “Yes. What should we
do with her?”

“Spank her!”

I shot an astonished look at them both.
Jeremy seemed to like the idea.

“Absolutely not!”

“Hmm, any other ideas, Cody?”

He giggled and looked at me. The little
stinker was enjoying this. “Belly farts!”

“Ok, I’ll hold her down Cody, you give her
big juicy ones.” With that he lunged for me.

I took off squealing like a ten year old.
After a couple laps around the swings I stopped abruptly, causing
Jeremy to collide into my back.

Two ladies strolled by on the walking path. I
recognized them as friends of Mrs. Larson. I stifled a groan and
produced a fake smile for their benefit.

The women passed and as soon as they were out
of hearing range I grumbled, “Fucking hell.”

“Mommy said a bad word.”

“What happened? Aren’t you supposed to be
here?” Jeremy asked.

“I took the day off.” All the humor drained
from me in an instant. “Well, doc, if you haven’t been the subject
of town gossip yet, you will be now. Damn it. I really don’t need
this.”

Jeremy kept his distance but the damage had
been done. “Sorry, I got carried away.”

I gathered Cody’s shoes and socks.

In a concerned voice he said, “Tell me why
you’re so tired. Worrying about things?”

“None of your business.”

“You’ve lost weight too. I assume that’s not
from a fad diet. Is it getting difficult to swallow?”

“Gee, doc, do we have to go through this
again? I’m fine.”

“Is it me? If it is, I can recommend a doctor
in Des Moines to do the biopsy.” Jeremy lifted Cody down off the
swing.

“Drop it.” I watch Cody tear off barefoot in
the direction of the sandbox.

For the first time since we met I saw anger
in his expression. “Listen, that little boy needs you to be
healthy. You are already showing signs of difficulty. It’s only
going to get worse.”

I sighed and walked to a bench near the
sandbox. Lunchtime approached and I knew I only had a half hour or
so before Cody became grumpy due to hunger. I’d sit for a minute
then head for home to make the toddler’s favorite meal, macaroni
and cheese. The thought of food made my stomach growl.

Jeremy heard the growl but sat beside me
saying nothing.

“Cody, please start scooping the sand back
into the box.” He worked on this task haphazardly for a few
minutes. It wasn’t perfect, but it would pass.

I wanted to tell Jeremy what I felt. That I
was scared to death to get the results back and have it be cancer.
That I didn’t want to get sick from chemo treatments or endure
endless trips to the hospital for radiation. I couldn’t go through
all that. What would I do with Cody? Who would care for him if I
was sick in bed? Who would make him fish sticks and hold him when
he cried? If I gave in and admitted I had a disease, who would care
for and hold me?

I wanted to tell him all these things but
couldn’t, so I said nothing.

Without saying goodbye, he walked away.

“Jerwee, wait for me!” Cody dashed off in his
direction. Jeremy scooped him up and gave him a big hug. He eyes
met mine as I approached. The expression surprised me. It wasn’t
one of frustration or irritation. He cared.

Words stumbled from my mouth but I had no
idea what to say. “I’m sorry, I…”

“Tracy, I know you’re scared. You have to
accept the fact that this isn’t going to go away. Let me help
you.”

I grabbed the boy from his arms. “Come on,
buddy, time for lunch.” I turned toward the parking lot without
replying to his last comment.

He spun me back around and held my arm.
Something was on the tip of his tongue and he appeared to struggle
with the words. He shook his head and said, “Will you be able to
nap when Cody does?”

That would have been too convenient, too
easy. I shook my head said, “Cody hasn’t napped in over a
year.”

***

A circle of cheesy pasta, pears, and peas lay
on the floor surrounding the booster chair. It wasn’t as bad as
most days. Cody was really hungry so he dropped less.

He was settled in the TV room watching
cartoons and playing with his cars. I hoped to make myself a quick
lunch and rest on the couch as he played. If I were lucky, I’d get
a few minutes of sleep in before he got bored.

My stomach cried out for a cheeseburger,
steak or ribs but these were not on the menu. Instant mashed
potatoes were easy to swallow so I cooked up another pot full. It
was the fourth batch in two days. I needed to run to the store to
buy more cheese. At least that added protein.

The potatoes were nearly done when I heard a
loud crash in the TV room, followed by a scream.

Racing into the room, I surveyed the child
and area as quickly as I could, searching for blood or broken
glass. “What happened?” Cody sat next to a bookshelf with a pile of
books and picture frames near to him on the floor. Most of these
items came from the top two shelves.

“Cody, were you trying to climb up the
bookcase? I told you not to do that.” I picked him up and checked
for damage. “Sweetie, you have to be careful.” The tears flowed but
he wasn’t hurt.

“Why were you crawling up the–” The doorbell
interrupted me.

I did my best not to swear in Cody’s ear when
I saw the person on the other side of the front door. Dr.
Nelson.

I opened the door but blocked his path into
my home. “You are seriously trying to annoy the hell out of me
aren’t you?” Cody squirmed out of my arms, gave Jeremy a hug and
then raced off to gather cars and trucks. Apparently he thought
Jeremy was there to play with him.

Jeremy lifted a small grocery bag and said,
“I come bearing gifts.”

“The gossip in this town is out of control.
If someone sees your car outside my house I will never hear the end
of it.”

He had an irritating smile plastered on his
face. “I parked three doors down and I have a rental today. My car
is in the shop in Des Moines.”

I refused to let him in and searched for
another reason to scare him off. “Aren’t you pushing the boundaries
of patient privacy? You can’t just look up my address and stop
by.”

“Mrs. Larson told me where you lived.”

I opened my mouth to blast the doctor. My
words were drowned out by the loud shrill of the kitchen smoke
detector.

Cody covered his ears and let out a blood
curdling scream.

Jeremy was on the move before I could even
comprehend what was happening. “You get him I’ll check the
kitchen!”

Cody and I moved to the front sidewalk to be
further away from the sound. After a few minutes the alarm
stopped.

“The coast is clear!”

Cody and I inched into the kitchen. The room
was smoky but starting to clear due to an open window. Jeremy
lifted a charred pot out of the sink.

“Is this a new recipe, blackened mashed
potatoes?”

“Yuck, Mommy, are you going to eat that?”

“Oh my God, my lunch.” It was only one
o’clock and I was completely defeated. I set Cody down on the floor
and collapsed into a chair.

“You just relax. Come on, little guy, we’re
going to make your mom something to eat.”

Before long, Cody was up on a chair helping
Jeremy unload bananas, strawberries, and a jar of powder. All the
ingredients were tossed into a blender with a touch of milk.

“Hit the button big guy.”

Cody pureed and blended the concoction.

“All right, let’s see what she thinks of
this.” Jeremy handed me a tall glass of the liquid. It tasted
fantastic.

“I love it.” Cody was thrilled at my reaction
but didn’t stick around for clean up.

Jeremy quietly scrubbed the counter and ran
water into the pot of mashed potatoes.