Read Healing Your Emotional Self Online
Authors: Beverly Engel
Harbin, Thomas J.
Beyond Anger: A Guide for Men
. New York: Marlowe and Company, 2000.
Lerner, Harriet Goldhor.
The Dance of Anger: A Woman’s Guide to Changing the Patterns of Intimate Relationships
. New York: Harper and Row, 1985.
Williams, Redford, and Virginia Williams.
Anger Kills: 17 Strategies for Controlling the Hostility That Can Harm Your Health
. New York: Harper Paperbacks, 1993.
RECOMMENDED READING
253
forgiveness
Klein, Charles.
How to Forgive When You Can’t Forget: Healing Our Personal Relationships.
New York: Berkley Publishing Group, 1997.
Safer, Jeanne.
Forgiving and Not Forgiving: A New Approach to Resolving Intimate Betrayal
. New York: Avon, 1999.
Smedes, Lewis B.
Forgive and Forget: Healing the Hurts We Don’t Deserve
.
San Francisco: Harper and Row, 1984.
reconciliation
Davis, Laura.
I Thought We’d Never Speak Again
. New York: HarperCollins, 2002.
dealing with your abusive parents today
Bloomfield, Harold.
Making Peace with Your Parents
. New York: Ballantine Books, 1983.
Engel, Beverly.
Divorcing a Parent
. New York: Ballantine Books, 1991. Secunda, Victoria.
When You and Your Mother Can’t Be Friends
. New York:
Dell Publishing, 1990.
abandonment.
See
rejection abuse.
See
emotional abuse acceptance, 150
by peers, 69
addicts, 3 anger
constructive expression of, 93–96, 199–201
toward parents, 91
avoidance, 64–65
beliefs, questioning, 109
belittlement, 53
biofeedback, 246
blame, 53–54, 112
body dysmorphic disorder (BDD), 64
body image, 2, 63–64, 175–77
creation of, 65–68
damage to, 69–74, 177–79
improving, 74–76, 181–84
See also
perfectionism borderline personality disorder, 2,
246, 247
boundaries, setting, 109
BPD.
See
borderline personality disorder
breathing retraining, 246
Brown, Byron, 134, 151–52,
217–18
Bruch, Hilde, 196
CBT.
See
cognitive behavioral therapy
characterological low self-esteem, 83
child abuse, effects of, 2.
See also
specific type
childhood, recovering from, 156–74, 232.
See also
inner- child work; self, healthy image of
cognitive behavioral therapy, 246 cognitive restructuring, 246
compassion, 134
confronting parents, 110–13
contempt, 54
control, excessive parental, 47–50, 212–14
recovering from, 216–19
rejecting, 214–16
core beliefs, negative, 96–102 creating a new mirror, 27, 77
critic, inner, 16, 119–22
rejecting the, 117–18, 122–26,
133–35, 216–18, 227–28
255
criticism, excessive parental, 15, 52–55, 220–22
DBT.
See
dialectic behavioral ther- apy
defending parents, 201–2
denial, 112
Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, The,
60–61
dialectic behavioral therapy, 247 dialogue, inner, 123–25
DID.
See
dissociative disorders disapproval, parental.
See
critic,
inner
dissociative disorders, 246 dread, sense of, 221
DSM-IV.
See The Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders
eating disorders, 3
EMDR.
See
eye movement desensitization and reprocessing
emotional abuse, 14, 16–22 body image and, 69–76 empathy for self after, 156–61 feelings about, 90–91
See also
specific type emotional intelligence, 143,
149–50
emotional neglect.
See
neglect emotional separation, 115–16
emotional understanding, 92–93 emotions
being aware of, 149–50 identifying, 144–47
judging, 145, 148–49
negative, 146–48
empathetic mirroring, 157–59
empathetic responses, 24–25
emptiness, 150
engulfment, 150
enmeshment, 107–9 essence.
See
self
essential qualities, 152–53
expectations disabling, 54–55
reasonable, 164
exposure therapy, 246
eye movement desensitization and reprocessing, 247
failure, sense of.
See
self-esteem fathering, 161–64
feeling brain, 245
feelings, description of, 103 Firestone, Robert, 244–45
forgiveness, 113–14
Gestalt therapy, 123–25
Goleman, Daniel, 143 Golumb, Elan
on healing, 130–31, 157–58, 230,
234, 236
on narcissism, parental, 60, 61,
62, 128
grief, 115–16
group therapy, 234
guilt, 112
healing, 1, 238–41.
See also
specific type
help, seeking outside, 235–37 humiliation, 54
inadequacy
of child, 50–51
of parents, 32
incest, emotional, 44–45, 204–7
healing from, 210–11
independence, declaring, 107–9
individuation, 104–6, 115–16, 205,
233–34
inner-child work, 192–96 inner core.
See
self
inner critic.
See
critic, inner
intellectual understanding, 92 introject, negative.
See
saboteur,
inner
invisibility, 58–62
Kaufman, Gershen, 54, 57
limits, setting, 109
Linehan, Marsha, 247 Loring, Marti Tamm, 21–22 lovability, 30–35
Love, Patricia, 209–10
love of self.
See
body image; critic, inner; saboteur, inner; self-love
marasmus, 34
marital therapy, 246
Mayer, John, 149–50
Mellin, Laurel, 157, 164, 165.
See also
Solutions Program
Middleton-Moz, Jane, 92 Mietus, Therese Blackwell, 241 Miller, Alice, 113–14
mirror
body image and, 71–72, 179–80 creating a new, 26–28
looking in the, 9–12
mirroring, parental.
See
Parental Mirrors
mirror journal, 78, 82, 153
mirror therapy, 3, 26–28, 77–80, 243–44.
See also
specific type
mistreatment.
See
specific type
mothering, 159–61.
See also
self-care
Napier, Nancy, 81
narcissism, parental, 58–62,
229–30
recovering from, 230–37 narcissistic personality disorder, 2,
60–61
negative core beliefs.
See
core beliefs, negative
negative emotions.
See
emotions neglect
body image and, 69–76 healing from, 187–98
misunderstanding of, 18–20
parental, 4–5, 14, 16, 30–32,
34–35
of self, 171–73
self-image and, 20–22
NPD.
See
narcissistic personality disorder
nurturing, 133–35, 167–71, 246.
See also
mothering
obsessiveness, 64–65 overprotectiveness, parental.
See
smothering, parental
pain.
See
grief
parental mirrors, 80–82, 96
types of, 29–62
parental mirrors
(continued)
See also
mirror therapy parenting, effective, 14, 24–25
babies and, 26 compensating for lack of,
156–74
pathological critic, 119
Peck, M. Scott, 156, 163
perfectionism, 9–12
parental, 50–51
rejecting, 227–28
See also
shame
physical neglect.
See
neglect positive voice, 133–35 possessiveness, parental.
See
smothering, parental
post-traumatic stress disorder, 246–47
powerlessness, 47–50
professional help, seeking, 235–37 projection, parental, 80–82, 91–92
psychic numbing, 143–44
psychological maltreatment, 20.
See also
emotional abuse PTSD.
See
post-traumatic stress
disorder
rage, 57.
See also
anger rationaliziation, 112
reconciliation, 114–15 recovery.
See
healing rejection
healing from, 187–203
parental, 35–40
peer, 69
relapse prevention, 246
relationships, 4
resolving, 113–15
resentment, 110.
See also
anger respect, 25
responses to abuse, 1
saboteur, inner, 126–30
rejecting the, 130–35
sadness, 145–46
Sagan, Eugene, 119
security, 21
self, 4
creation of, 4
examination of, 11–12
flagellation of, 198–201
healthy image of, 87–90, 139–55
sense of, 23–24
self-absorption, parental.
See
nar- cissism, parental
self-acceptance, 134–35, 153–55,
218–19
self-awareness, 149, 188–90
self-care, 156–61, 167–74
self-concept, 12–13
self-consciousness, 24
self-destructiveness, 180
self-esteem, 2, 4, 12–15, 17, 150
improving, 83, 202–3
See also
perfectionism self-indulgence, 196–98
self-love, 218–19
self-nurturing.
See
self-care self-pity, 112
self-statements, 103
self-talk diary, 102–3
separation from parents, 204–5.
See also
individuation shame, 22–23, 52–57, 58, 220–24
rejection of, 92–94, 224–27
shame attack, 221, 226
Shapiro, Francine, 247
shattering your parental mirror, 27, 77
situation, description of, 103 situational low self-esteem, 83 smothering, parental, 5, 17–20,
40–47, 204–7
body image and, 69–76 healing from, 210–11
Solutions Program, 3, 164, 165,
166, 245–46
spirituality circles, 234
stress inoculation, 246 structure.
See
fathering
therapy.
See
specific type
touch, importance of, 190–91 Touraine, Grace, 196 treatment.
See
specific type true self.
See
self
12-step groups, 234
unresolved relationships, 113
validation, 25, 202–3
values, questioning, 109
voice, positive, 133–35
voice therapy, 244–45
Wisechild, Louise M., 22, 29, 104
Woodman, Marion, 142
worthlessness, 35–40 wounds.
See
specific type
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