Heart (12 page)

A fresh pang of guilt hit me. “What will he
think now?”

“He won’t have to think,” Ryder answered.
“When I told him everything about you and your world, I also made
it clear what would happen if you ever came back. He’s been ready
for this for as long as you’ve been gone.”

“You made it clear that…?”

“That if you came back and it wasn’t safe
yet, I would go with you this time.” He sounded so casually
confident while he delivered a blow that left me breathless.

My mouth went dry and my heart stuttered.
“Oh, right.”

He picked up his phone and waved it at me,
“I’m going to…”

“Right.”

He dialed his dad and immediately started
explaining. I sat stewing with my emotional turmoil while I
listened to him give his dad all of the dirty details over the last
twenty-four hours.

I expected his dad to yell at him or demand
he come straight home, but it didn’t sound like any of that was
happening. Ryder never raised his voice or got defensive. Instead,
he had a very reasonable conversation with his dad that ended in I
love yous and promises to call soon.

“He’s going home to look for my passport,”
Ryder explained after he hung up the phone. “Once he finds it,
we’ll figure out how to grab it from him and where to book our
flight.”

“He’s really cool with all of this?” No
matter what Ryder said, I could not believe his dad was just fine
with letting his only son go.

“He’s not cool with any of it.” Ryder ran a
hand through his riotous hair and shot me an impish grin. “But I’m
eighteen now. There’s not a whole lot he can do.”

“Ryder-”

“Don’t, Ivy. I… It’s hard enough for me,
okay? Why don’t you try to get some rest? I’ll wait for him to call
me back, then we’ll figure out what to do next.”

The day must have caught up with me or maybe
it was Ryder’s constant back and forth that gave me whiplash strong
enough to jar my filter out of place. Or maybe I had just had
enough.

Whatever it was that pushed me over the edge
made it impossible to stay quiet for a second longer. “I get that I
hurt you,” I snapped at him. “I get that I messed up and ruined
your trust forever and all of that. I get it. Believe me. But you
can’t keep doing this!” His eyes grew wide with confusion, so I
growled with frustration, but slowed down my outburst long enough
to explain it to him. “You can’t keep icing me out at the same time
you make these huge sacrifices for me. You’re cold, then hot, and
then right back to frigid! I can’t keep up and it’s giving me a
headache. So pick. Pick which one you’re going to be and let’s just
commit to it.” His eyebrows disappeared into his hairline and I
started to think the tick in his jaw might be strong enough to
break some teeth, but I was too furious to stop now. “Do you want
to hate me? Or do you want to save me? Because honestly, at this
point, I can’t tell and it’s driving me crazy!”

His lips twitched and I swore on everything
that was ancient, if he laughed, I was going to jump out of this
car and take my chances with Nix. “You’re right,” he finally
admitted. “I have been sending mixed signals and I should
apologize. It’s probably because I want both of those things and
I’m not getting my way no matter what. I should have known it would
be like this with you.”

“What is that supposed to mean!” I didn’t
mean to scream like a harpy, but he was turning me into one!

“I want to save you, Ivy, but it’s not that
easy! And I want to hate you!
Believe me
, I want to hate you
so bad. But,
I can’t
. And that’s what’s driving
me
crazy!
You’re
driving me crazy!”

My head nearly exploded with frustration. I
felt the pressure building like too much air in a balloon. “Nope. I
do not accept that! You’re driving
me
crazy!”

We stared at each other for a hot second. I
panted breathlessly. My vision narrowed to include only Ryder. I
took in his sharp jawline covered in a day’s worth of stubble, his
full lips, and slightly crooked nose. I focused on his untamed,
rebellious hair and then my eyes fell to those gunmetal grays that
glittered with just as much emotion as I felt pumping through my
veins.

We collided in the center of the Bronco. His
lips crashed against mine at the same time my arms flew around his
neck. Our kisses were punishing, bruising, almost violent, but
neither of us slowed down. I lost all conscious thought as soon as
his lips touched mine and I only continued to slip into the madness
brought on by this staggering passion.

I nipped at his bottom lip roughly and his
hands slammed on my waist, hauling me as tightly against his chest
as he could. His kisses were demanding with their intensity, but
each one lit a fire beneath my skin that threatened to burn me
alive.

I had never been kissed like this before.

I didn’t even know kisses like this
existed.

All I could think about was Ryder’s lips
moving against mine, his tongue tangling with mine, his warm palms
slipping beneath my tank top. All I could feel was his skin against
mine, the heat of his mouth, the possessive sweetness of his hands,
the utter destruction his body demanded from mine.

He was the place my mind always went to, the
place my soul called home.

He was the place my heart called love.

And I had been without him too long.

“Ivy.” My name was a prayer whispered on his
lips.

I whimpered in response, knotting my fingers
through his wild hair. I let myself get lost in the feel of him
against me, the taste of him, the pressure of his body against
mine.

God, how had I lived without this for so
long? How had I ever given this up?

He slowed us down until his lips moved with
an aching tenderness that shot straight to my belly and wrapped
around my bones until I felt safer in this moment than I had in the
entire last year I’d spent on my own. I shook with emotion as I
tried to pour into this kiss everything I still felt for this
man.

Everything I had always felt for him.

His grip on my hips relaxed until he could
slide his palms up my back and draw me impossibly closer against
his chest. Our mouths knew exactly where to go and how to slant.
They had memorized each other all those months ago in a way that I
would never forget.

My heart raced in my chest. It beat so fast I
was afraid I would black out. My blood tingled with the heat of our
connection and the anticipation for what was to come. I never
wanted to leave this moment. If this became my forever, I would be
happy to live out my days here.

With Ryder.

With his touch.

With his open heart that had always beat so
steadily.

With his soul full of conviction and
beauty.

With his mind that was untouched by the
ugliness of my world and bent to things that were moral and right
and good.

With him. I was just content to be with
him.

Sometimes, when I was at my lowest or so
utterly alone that I thought I could shatter to pieces and nobody
would notice, I would imagine a safe place for me to go. I would
picture a place where Nix couldn’t reach me or find me or touch me.
I would be free from the Pantheon and Olympus, from the horrors of
my past and my mother and anything that wanted to harm me.

I would know freedom in a way that I never
had before.

That place was always Ryder.

When I lay in my bed in the darkest hours of
the night, curled into myself, with no hope, no future, and no
change in sight, I would close my eyes and remember Ryder. My safe
place wasn’t a place at all, but this incredible man that had
changed my life so irrevocably.

As Ryder’s warm, soft lips moved over mine
with such intimate affection, I realized I would have always come
back to him.

I would never have been able to deny myself
this forever. I would have eventually given into the memories and
the aching of my heart.

Because it was worth it.

Ryder was worth it.

A sharp ringing sang through the quiet cab
and brought reality with it. I jumped from the sudden, obnoxious
ring and Ryder immediately pulled away.

His cellphone continued to scream while we
stared at each other from three inches apart, both breathless and
panting. My arms were still wrapped around his neck and his hands
were still buried beneath the hem of my tank top.

I ran my tongue over my bottom lip, desperate
to savor the taste of him for a moment longer. His eyes tracked
that movement and I felt his body harden underneath my touch. He
moved forward an inch before his phone stopped ringing.

The silence was almost as strong as the
noise. I let out a shaking breath before jumping again when the
phone started ringing a second time.

“Holy shit,” he groaned. “I’m coming.
Geez.”

He retracted his hands and sunk back to his
seat. I felt the loss of him immediately. I wanted nothing more
than to climb into his lap and resume whatever that was.

He picked up his phone and answered it. As he
said hello to his dad, I tried to calm down and return my breathing
to normal.

I turned in my seat and melted into the soft
upholstery. My fingers fluttered to my lips as if they were
physically trying to hold the feel of Ryder’s mouth on mine for as
long as they could.

I closed my eyes and let this beautiful
feeling wash over me and sink into my bones.

I had missed this. I had missed it more than
I knew you could miss something. And not just the physical
affection from Ryder, but the trust and desire that came along with
his affection.

I had been convinced I would never get to
experience that again. When I made the decision to leave, I knew it
was a very real possibility that I would never see Ryder again, let
alone kiss him again.

I gave up everything real and substantial
with him for freedom. I left him and the lovely thing that was
between us so that I could get away from Nix. It had been selfish
and devastating. It had destroyed me.

But in my defense, when I left him, I didn’t
think a happy ending was possible, no matter what happened. We
cared for each other, but eventually I would have destroyed that.
Eventually, my curse would have poisoned our relationship.

Or worse, my curse would have killed him.

And if I didn’t do it, Nix would have
eventually found us and finished the job himself.

“He found my passport,” Ryder declared,
breaking into my thoughts.

“That’s good news,” I whispered.

“We need to meet him somewhere so I can pick
it up.”

“What if Nix follows him?”

“We have a plan,” Ryder explained. “I think
it will work, but if it doesn’t, then we have a backup plan.”

“Okay.”

“Ivy.” The tone of Ryder’s voice made me turn
to him.

The deep rumble of his concern washed over my
skin and I closed my eyes from the force of it. When I opened them,
I met his silver eyes and let his presence hit me all over again
like a blast of a hurricane wind or the tremor of a violent
earthquake. Ryder’s attention held the strength of a natural
disaster and the depth of the ocean. Whenever he focused on me
completely it was a physical thing that permanently changed me.

“Yes?”

“I’m not going to let him get to you again,”
he swore. “He will not touch you unless you want him to. Yeah?”

I had a lifetime of fear compounded in my
chest. Anxiety had been my constant companion long before I ever
ran away. I knew what it was like to tremble because of another
man’s mere presence. And yet, when Ryder made his promises and told
me that Nix would not come near me unless I wanted him to… I
believed him.

“Yeah.”

His full lips lifted in a soft smile. He
watched me for several long moments waiting for me to back down or
call him on the impossibility of Nix ever finding me, but when I
didn’t his expression grew even more peaceful.

“Alright, let’s go meet my dad and then we’ll
get as far away from this city as humanly possible.”

“Sounds good to me.”

Chapter Ten

We met his dad on the outside of town at a
gas station near the airport. It was dark by the time we had driven
back to Omaha and decided nobody had followed us.

The bright lights from inside the building
spilled onto the pavement outside and lit up the lot with glaring
intensity. The place was pretty busy. There was a constant stream
of customers coming and going. Nobody paid attention to us in the
darkened corner of the lot. They were all too preoccupied with the
monotony of their own lives.

I watched them with a jealousy I couldn’t
hide. I wanted that kind of simplicity. I wanted to be able to
stand in the middle of a crowded place and tap away on my phone
without worrying that someone would be magically attracted to me
and try to take advantage of me or that someone would recognize me
and report back to Nix and suddenly his army would swoop down on me
and drag me away to the Underworld. I wanted out of my life and
away from a Pantheon of gods that wanted to destroy me in one way
or the other.

I wondered if Ryder was my way out. He was
determined to come with me. I didn’t want him in any more trouble,
but he was right. This was his decision. He was eighteen and could
do as he pleased.

“He’s here,” Ryder announced.

I watched his dad pull next to us in a dated
Subaru and ignored the nervous butterflies that took flight in my
belly.

I was terrified to see his dad after all of
this time. I couldn’t imagine Nate Sutton had much love for me
after I nearly got his son killed and then abandoned him to save
myself. Plus, I could only imagine what he thought after Ryder had
been completely honest with him.

I wasn’t exactly the kind of girl a dad hoped
his son would fall in love with.