Heart Ache (Bound by a Touch Novels #1) (22 page)

She breathed an exaggerated sigh of relief. Her fingers weaved through the fringe of the pillow next to her. Seconds of silence ticked by and Nikolai had to wonder where her thoughts were. Her stillness alarmed him more than when she screamed.

“
I’m your … heartmate?” she asked the question as though she didn’t believe him all the other times he’d answered it.

“
Yes.” He took her hand and put it over his heart. “Do you feel that?” When she nodded, he explained, “You are the
only
person on this earth who can make my heart beat … because you are my heartmate.”

“
When did you figure it out?” she whispered, her eyes focused on her hand.

“
The first time I touched you. That’s how it works. When a young male reaches maturity his heart stops beating. It’s said there is one special female who will make the dormant organ beat again. For me, it was excruciating, and until you, I’d walked around with a horrible empty ache in the middle of my chest. The day you appeared in my office and shook my hand—”

“
Your heart beat again,” she finished for him.

“
Yes.” He slipped his hand under hers to rub at his chest.

She was quiet. Too quiet. Her eyes closed and she inhaled through her nose, causing the nostrils to flare a tiny bit. Her teeth sank into her bottom lip so hard all the color disappeared. The muscle in her jaw jumped. In a flash she flew to her feet, and glared down at him, anger flaring in her eyes.

“
How dare you?” Her hands fisted at her sides. “You knew from that first day! Beyond a shadow of a doubt, you
knew
we were meant to be together?”

He nodded, wanting to slap himself. Guilt ate at him as he watched the tempest build in her eyes. He
should
have captured her in his arms that very first day. He
should
have told her how he felt.

“
Damn you, Niko! You put me through hell, wanting you so badly it hurt, and all the while you knew … you
knew
I was your one and only.”

“
Yes,” he said quietly. “I didn’t want to force myself—my lifestyle—on you.”

She roughly placed a hand on each side of his face, not quite a slap, but not a tender caress either. Her palms were soft, her pulse vibrating against his cheek. She stared straight into his soul with fierce eyes.

“
Don’t you
dare
try to be noble again. If this is going to work, you
will
tell me how you feel, what you think. I almost married another man because—” She closed her eyes and shook her head. “None of this would have happened if you’d have just told me three years ago. I could have made this decision.”

“
What decision is that?” His anxiety spiked. He hadn’t realized there were any
decisions
left to be made. He loved her. She loved him.

“
Well, I guess I need to know first, do you want me in your life?”

“
More than anything.” He stared into her eyes, searching for how this conversation might continue. “Do you want to be in my life?”

She stood before him, her expression completely unreadable. His heart felt as though it might burst under the pressure, and he rubbed at the pain. He tried to breathe but couldn’t get air in or out of his lungs.

What would he do if she walked out on him?

She removed a palm from his face and placed it on his chest over his own hand. He felt like a bug under glass. If she didn’t say something soon, he was going to scream. She lifted her chin and stretched up on her tiptoes, the motion bringing them face to face, eye to eye, heart to heart.

“
I do want to be in your life, Nikolai. More than anything.”

Chapter Thirteen

When Nikolai awoke the next morning he couldn’t believe how dramatically his life had changed. Only yesterday Gabrielle was determined to walk out of his life and never look back. Today she’d decided to never leave his side, and that was exactly where he wanted her—forever.

The heat kicked on, mixing her scent with his. Her lashes were a stark contrast to the pale skin of her cheek. The delicate sprinkle of freckles begged to be kissed but Nikolai refrained, not wanting to disturb her. At least not yet.

His fingertips moved the silky auburn locks from her sleeping face. She looked so peaceful, so comfortable. She covered him like a soft, warm blanket with one arm stretched out across his chest and one leg hiked up over his thigh. And he was comfortable, too. Utterly at peace. It had been a very long time since he’d known this kind of solace.

They were clothed—for the most part—having only made their way to the bed after Gabby had fallen asleep on the couch, midsentence. He’d scooped her into his arms and popped them to his room. He’d slipped her under the sheets. Resisting the urge to jab his fists into the air and shout in victory, he’d changed into a pair of nylon workout pants before joining her.

He traced her features with the feather-light touch of a single finger. She moaned and snuggled closer into him until she nearly became a second skin. He tightened his hold.

“
Niko,” she murmured, wrapping herself even tighter around him. He wasn’t sure if she was awake or not, until her lips brushed his bare chest. “Are you real?”

“
Yes, love. I’m real.”

She stretched, arching against him. “Mmm … I can’t believe I’m really in your arms. Do you know how long I’ve dreamt of waking up in your bed?”

He chuckled softly. “I have an idea.”

He kissed the top of her head then, when she stretched up, he gently kissed her lips. Although his entire body screamed for the intimate contact to get even more intimate, his thoughts turned to Gabby and
her
needs.

“
Are you hungry?”

“
I’m starving.” She kissed him again, then pulled back to look at him. “For more than food.”

Her hot fingers moved back and forth over the exact replica of her birthmark. The light touch tickled and his pectoral muscles jumped involuntarily.

“
What is this? Oh my gosh, Niko! It’s—” She pulled down the neckline of her shirt and tried to examine her shoulder blade.

He smiled. “You are my heartmate. As if my beating heart wasn’t proof enough.”

She shook her head, trying to process this newest piece of information. Her fingertips were gentle as she continued to caress the spot. Back and forth. Up and down. “When did you get it?”

He closed his eyes and sighed. “It showed up last night.”

“
Last night?” she asked. His eyes flicked open just in time to see her bite on her lip and her brows pull even closer together. “Why did it take so long?”

He brushed the hair away from her face and kissed her. She sat up, but didn’t stop touching the heartmate tattoo. He loved the way her fingers tickled over the sensitive flesh resembling a piece of her. The proof she was actually, finally his.

“
You still had reservations, I guess. The rules are when a heartmate completely accepts her love for her male, the tattoo appears on his left pectoral. I’ve been waiting for it to show up—praying to the Goddess for it, actually—ever since I saw yours the first time.”

“
When did you…?” She tilted her head and narrowed her eyes, her mouth lifting at one side. Then like a crack of thunder she laughed. “You
were
there. All of those nights when I thought I was going crazy, you
were
there!”

He wondered if he looked as guilty as he felt, but smiled in spite of it. “Do you know what your sleeping naked did to me? If I weren’t a male of honor.”

“
Screw your honor!” She laughed out loud and slapped playfully at his chest. “I was
trying
to get you to take advantage of me.”

His fingers moved up her arm and pulled her back down to him. “Oh, I’ll take advantage of you.”

He kissed her, letting all of the pent up feelings he’d managed to keep under wraps for so long. She responded in kind. Their tongues entwined, tangled. He rolled their bodies over, her hair fanned out on the pillow, a halo more beautiful than the most exquisite sunset. He braced himself on his arms, hovered above her. He gazed into the depths of her blue eyes. She lowered her lids and the look she gave him was better than any engraved invitation. Staring into her face, Nikolai saw his future.

“
Marry me.”

Her eyes flew open. “Wh- what?”

“
Be mine … in every way.”

She didn’t say anything, just stared at him for what felt like forever, and chewed almost violently on her bottom lip. Her mouth opened, she sighed and then that full, kiss-reddened lip was clamped between her teeth again. Nikolai had been so sure she’d jump at the chance to be his wife. He was about to take back the idiotic request, when she scrambled out from under the cage of his body and off the bed.

She headed for the door. He allowed himself to breathe again when she turned around without reaching for the knob. Pacing seemed to be how she processed information. He’d watched her do the same thing at the office. She stopped in front of him, her eyes dancing with emotions. But he’d be damned if he could name a single one.

“
You want me to marry you, to be yours?”

“
Yes.”

She made the circuit again. Foot of the bed, to the door and back again. She was a bundle of energy. He could almost hear her mind buzzing with it. Her clothes were rumpled, her hair was a matted mess in places, raccoons would be envious of the dark circles left behind by her make-up, and she had never been more beautiful.

Coming back to stand directly in front of him, she looked up into his face. “Okay, I will marry you. On one condition.”

“
Name it.”

“
If I’m going to be yours, I don’t want the ‘til-death-do-us-part crap. I want forever. That’s possible, right? I mean, you can change me. I can be like you, right?” All pretense of uncertainly vanished and now, intensity swirled as the words rushed from her mouth. “I’ve read vampire romance novels and I know there are different rules in the different—”

He cut her off with a long kiss. Elation extinguished worry. His grin widened as his arms wrapped around her and pulled her tightly against his chest. She returned the embrace, wrapping her arms in a death grip around his waist. Nikolai shook his head. He couldn’t believe any of the last forty-eight hours.

“
I love you! Yes, I can change you if that’s what you want.”

She kissed his tattoo. “Awesome! When can we do it? Now?”

He chuckled, loving her enthusiasm. Vampires couldn’t fly … but Niko wondered if he might be the exception to the rule. Because right now, with his female in his arms, he felt light as a soap bubble adrift on the breeze, yet totally grounded by her embrace.

“
Patience, my love. We will need to make arrangements. It’s a long, drawn out, painful process. I will be with you every step of the way, but unfortunately, I won’t be able to do much to ease the suffering.”

“
If it means I can be with you forever, I’d walk through hell.”

He didn’t want to tell her she wasn’t far off. As much as the topic of her change excited him, it scared him more. He’d hadn’t heard of a heartmate not making it through the change, but worst-case-scenario was always a possibility. If he lost her….

His vision faded and an overwhelming dread assailed him. He shook his head, unwilling to think about negative things during such a positive time.

“
So, you read vampire romance novels?” He grinned like a fool. Crimson cheeks accompanied her nod. With a tight hold on her Niko backed up until the bed met his legs and he sat, pulling Gabby into his lap. “Have you got a favorite?”

She straddled his thighs—what a great position this was!—and traced the muscles of his chest and abdomen with her fingers. “I have a few favorites, but if I had to choose just one, I’d have to say my utmost favorite is about a vampire named Sebastian. He’s in love with a human named…”

“
Rachel,” he supplied the name of the female he was all too familiar with.

“
You know the story?”

“
Yes.” He kissed each of her cheeks, then her lips. “I lived the story.”

She stiffened. “You li- … You’re Sebastian?” she croaked, dropping her eyes to look at her fingers which were now clenched into fists between their bodies.

“
No, but I know him.” With a finger, he tipped her chin and when she lifted her eyes to his, he smiled reassuringly. “You do as well.”

“
I don’t know anyone named Sebastian. The only vampires I know are Stephon and Gustav.” He watched as she replayed all the males who she might now see in a different light. Her eyes sparked as realization dawned. She gasped. “Vincent.”

He verified with a nod.

“
But where is Rachel? He changed her. They lived happily ever after.”

“
Don’t believe everything you read, love. Vincent and Margaret actually didn’t get a happily ever after.” He took her hands in his and thought of the heartbroken male. The memories of his friend’s devastation turned his heart to concrete. “It took him years to recover.”