Heart Echoes (31 page)

Chapter 52

Outside the ice cream parlor on the sidewalk fronted by a make-believe Main Street crowded with pedestrians, River leaned against the wall. He crossed his arms over his chest as if that would stop the wrenching twist inside it.

The first time he had experienced the telltale sign of dread was when the forest ranger approached his campsite, hat in his hand, face pinched as if he were in great pain.
“There's been an accident.”

The breath-catching dread never returned until the day after his first date with Teal. They had taken Maiya with them on a picnic at the beach. Teal refused to call it a date; he disagreed. He awoke the next morning soaked in sweat, the wrench working inside his chest, squeezing and crushing and digging.

From that day on, he understood that to love was to risk losing it all again.

At a gut level, he knew Krissy would have said, “It's worth it, River. It's totally worth it.” And so he forced himself to learn to live with it, to tame it, to respond more quickly with a
Fear not, I am with you; give it to Me, give it all to Me.
It was either that or curl up in a fetal position.

But right now he was having trouble forming the words. His pregnant wife had been gone far too long for a bathroom run unless she was sick again. Should he go find her? Then there was his teenage daughter, off by herself in this stupid theme park, at the mercy of who knew how many crazies. . . .

Lacey touched his arm and handed him a tiny paper cup and small spoon. Beside him, Will received another. “Life is short, guys; eat more ice cream. This is a sample of the black walnut. Oh my gosh!”

River followed her line of sight. Maiya was making her way on the sidewalk toward them. The sunlight dappled on her face through leaves. She was smiling, talking to someone beside her, a man. . . .

Lacey rushed toward them and threw her arms around the man.

Beside him Will let out a low whistle. “It's my brother. How in the world did he end up here? And with Maiya?” He squeezed River's shoulder as he went over to greet him.

Speechless, River watched a scene that made no sense but irked him. The brothers hugged. Lacey and Maiya hugged. They all smiled. Lacey laughed.

Cody Janski was small compared to Will, his hair all but shaved off, his frame more wiry than slender.

River could take him, easy.

But what was the guy doing there? And where was Teal?

Maiya came over to him. “Where's Mom?”

“Restroom. What's . . . ?” He really didn't have any words.

Maiya pulled apart his crossed arms and hugged him fiercely.

He hugged her back.

She said, “It's Cody. My dad. I think.” She let go and made serious eye contact that he could not avoid. “He seems like a nice guy. Wanna meet him?”

River studied her face, tentative and eager. Her eyes pleaded, her smile slipped. “How did this—how did this happen?”

“I had to, Riv. I just had to. Please don't be mad.”

Maiya arranged it? Of course she did. Of course she had to. Her mother had dragged her feet long enough.

She said, “Baker helped me find him. And then I . . .” She shrugged. “I called him. I told him what I knew and wondered if he thought he could be my biological father. He was down at Camp Pendleton. We both wanted to meet. I suggested a halfway point.” She shrugged again. “That would be here.”

He wanted to chew her out for keeping things secret, for putting herself in an iffy situation with a stranger even if he was Will's brother. But then he saw the sparkle in her eyes and realized how long she had waited for this. He was being as childish as Teal had been. Maiya was the one behaving like an adult. She was taking ownership of her life, making important decisions and acting on them.

He tossed the ice cream cup in a nearby trash can and gave her a tight smile. “Introduce me.”

Maiya looped her arm through his and pulled him along. Lacey and Will moved aside so he could shake the man's hand. Will started the introduction but Maiya interrupted.

“Riv, this is my dad, Cody Janski. Cody, this is my awesome stepdad, River Adams.”

My dad? My dad?

Something sank inside of River. Compared with “my dad,” “awesome stepdad” fell way short.

Geesh. How old was he? Thirteen? He smiled, hoping it didn't look as forced as it felt.

Cody shook his hand and grinned, a wide show of teeth in his narrow face. “Nice to meet you, sir. I apologize for the awkwardness. Your daughter has an irresistible convincing streak in her.”

River felt some of the tension drain from him. “She gets it from her mother.”

“I bet she does. Lacey has a similar one.” He winked at his sister-in-law. “Well, I guess I have to ask the obvious.” He paused. “Is it true?”

River exchanged a look with Lacey. This was Teal's job, wasn't it? Lacey widened her eyes as if to disagree, as if to say this could wait no longer.

Maiya's eyes grew wide. “Riv, please. I could have half siblings! Nora and William could be my grandparents!”

Maiya had always longed for this knowledge of extended family. Had she somehow sensed they were not all that far away?

He could not withhold this gift from her. “Yes, it's true. Teal told me.”

Cody said, “No question about it? I am Maiya's father?”

Biological.
River relaxed his clenched jaw. “Absolutely no question about it.”

Cody turned to Maiya. “Give me five.” They slapped each other's hands. “Welcome to the Janski side of your family, Miss Maiya.”

There was a brashness to him that reminded River of so many of the boys who had attended the academy down through the years. He was seeing them, kids like Jake Ford, seventeen years from now. They would never lose that audacious manner and might even be able—as in Cody's case—to mold it into creative energy for positive endeavors.

He wasn't convinced it meshed with his Maiya's personality, though.

As everyone else seemed to talk at once, River noticed out of the corner of his eye Winnie the Pooh, one of the larger-than-life characters that roamed the park, waving and looking for kids to hug.

Or women?

Pooh ambled directly toward them, Teal under his arm.

They stopped, and his wife shook Pooh's hand and talked at his chest. River stepped onto the street and approached them just as Pooh lumbered around and walked off.

Teal turned and saw him. His frustrations at her faded. She looked sicker than she had earlier. How could she handle what was happening behind him?

“Teal.” He reached her, blocking her view of the Janskis.

The Janskis. That now included Maiya. Would she want to change her name to Janski?

Teal gasped. She had noticed them.

He held her, his hands on her arms, keeping her still. “Love—”

“Oh, River! I saw them back there.” She gestured, a flip of her hand toward nowhere in particular. “A while ago. Oh.” She moaned. “What am I going to do? I can't face her. I can't face him. This is all my fault. I pushed her away. I pushed her into this.”

“Shh.” He bent until his forehead touched hers, willing the rash of words to stop.

“I—”

“Shh.”

She whimpered.

“Listen to me, Teal. What's done is done. This is not about you right now. This is about Maiya meeting a sperm donor.” River grimaced at the harsh description, one he created years before but had never spoken aloud. Back then he had needed to depersonalize Bio Dad.

But now . . . now the guy was a living, breathing human being.

He said, “He's a human being, and from this day forward she will have a relationship with him. Right now we set the tone for the future. We cannot communicate that he is the enemy or that she is a mistake. She can't hear that for the rest of her life.” River straightened to look at Teal. “She's okay, love. She's okay. She did this on her own, and she's proud of it, not angry with you anymore.”

“But—”

“Later. You ask her forgiveness later.”

There was a footstep behind him. “Mommy?”

He moved slightly, giving his girls enough space to hug each other but keeping them close.

“Oh, Mommy,” she whispered. “He's nice, and he likes me!”

River scrapped his plan to ground Maiya for life. His little girl had sprouted wings. She needed to fly.

Chapter 53

Like a tottering elderly person, Teal clung to Maiya's arm as they moved with River toward Lacey and Will and . . .

And Cody.

“Hey.” He grinned his trademark cheeky grin, still familiar after all these years.

She shook his outstretched hand. “Hi.”

“You never write; you never call.”

His smart remark transported her back to Cedar Pointe when they attended the combined middle–high school. He had been a mouthy upstart, four years behind her in class. Hadn't he changed at all?

She gritted her teeth in a smile. “Did you want me to?”

He laughed. “No way, José.” He turned to Maiya and his thin lips settled into a gentle smile. “Seriously, I would have so messed you up in the early years.”

Teal had difficulty swallowing.

He said, “It's best we start now. Whatever that means is up to your mom and stepdad.”

Inside Teal, some iron resolve went to mush. “I was going to call or write.”

Cody said, “Guess she beat you to it.” He shook his head. “Kids. Whaddya gonna do? But like I was telling Will and Lace, I might not have taken it from you, Teal. I sure wouldn't have agreed to meet you all at Disneyland.” He smiled again at Maiya. He seemed to have a special one for her.

Will suggested they find somewhere to sit. River agreed. Lacey herded them toward a small round table outside the ice cream shop and Will went inside to buy ice cream for everyone. They borrowed chairs from other tables and eventually sat.

The whole scenario was bizarre and awkward, but Teal did not have a better idea. Until recently she had never imagined seeing Cody again face to face or even talking with him. She would have told Maiya about him first. Then she would have written a letter to him in Virginia, where he was supposed to be. If they heard back and if he was open to communicating with Maiya, she would have suggested letters and e-mails.

And maybe, just maybe, down the dark, murky road of the future, they would meet when Maiya was married with kids of her own and he happened to be in town.

She longed for her turtle shell.

She scooted her chair closer to River's, leaning against his arm, feeling decidedly clingy. Maiya sat on his other side, between him and Cody. Between her two dads.

Awkward beyond belief. Way, way weird.

Next to her, Lacey squeezed Teal's arm and gave her a small smile as if in agreement.

At least they were spared any ex-flame type of residue. Teal and Cody had never had a relationship. Theirs was such a small school that they knew each other, but he scarcely crossed her radar until Lacey's crush. An independent college student by then, Teal had felt it her duty to inform her half sister that she was nuts.

Then that night . . . That night he was simply a means for Teal to hurt Lacey—to fulfill every prophecy Randi and Owen had ever declared over her.

No, there was no love lost here. No closure needed.

Which made Maiya's story all the more sad.

“Mom, Riv?” There was an anxious crease between Maiya's eyebrows, the one that begged for their approval.

Teal felt River bristle. Or was it her own nerve endings igniting his where their arms touched?

We cannot communicate that he is the enemy or that she is a mistake.

No, they did not want to do that.

Teal laid her hand on the bare skin of his forearm. She needed him to rub off on her. “What, hon?”

“I have two brothers and a sister. Well, half. Just like you and Aunt Lace, Mom.”

And you have another on the way!
She wanted to shout, but smiled instead. “What you've always wanted. How old are they?” Lacey, of course, had mentioned them through the years, although Teal had not committed the information to memory.

“Dylan is ten, Evan is eight, and Hayley is six. Isn't that cool?”

“Very cool. You can be as bossy as I was.”

Lacey laughed. “Knowing Maiya, she may pass you up in that department.”

“Hey!” Maiya protested.

“Funny.” Teal turned to Cody. “Did you tell your children yet?”

“Yeah. Too soon, I admit, since I didn't know for sure. But that's just me. Maiya got ahold of me while we were all in Texas. They're still there, at my in-laws', until tomorrow. They're excited about having a big sister.”

Teal wondered how one told little kids about a one-night stand. “And, uh . . .” She had to ask him. She could not hear it from Maiya. Could not hear his wife's name in the same sentence as
stepmom
. “Your wife? She, uh—?”

“Erica took the news in stride.” He chuckled. “I married a brick with a heart of gold. I did have to talk her out of tarring and feathering you, though, for not telling us sooner.”

Teal felt her eyebrows rise.

“I reminded her that we've been overseas most of our married life. We couldn't have really gotten to know you.” He looked at Maiya. “Now we'll be living just down the road. They can hardly wait to meet you. If you want.”

Maiya grinned.

“And then there are my parents.”

He had told them already? Teal felt ashamed and guilty and grateful all at once. Nora must be so angry with her.

Cody shook his head as if in amazement. “I'd call from Germany and it was ‘Maiya this' and ‘Maiya that.' So I know when we tell them, they'll be on cloud nine. I think they already adopted you.”

Maiya's grin stretched until her eyes nearly shut. “Really?”

He laughed.

At the word
adopted
, a knifelike sensation ripped through Teal. River had never adopted Maiya. He wanted to, but she could not allow it. Contacting Cody four years ago was out of the question. She wasn't risking her newfound happiness by dragging her past into it.

Could it happen now?

River addressed Cody. “What do you propose to do from here?”

“Well, like I said, we'd all love to have Maiya come visit.” He shrugged. “For a weekend or whatever. I don't want to disrupt your lives.” He gazed at River. “I'm not claiming any rights here, but it seems a good thing for a biological dad to get to know his daughter.” He turned to Maiya. “If she wants.”

Maiya looked a question at River and Teal.

Teal said, “It's up to you, honey. We can make it work.”

“I could drive down to Pendleton.”

“Nah, I don't think so.” Teal smiled. “Not yet, Miss Just-Got-Your-License. We'll figure something out.”

Maiya grinned again. “Okay. I'd like that.”

Will walked up to the table carrying a container that held six huge waffle cones filled with ice cream. “Ta-da!” Ever the perfect host, he had remembered everyone's favorite flavor and now served them.

Maiya and Cody discovered they each had caramel pecan.

She said, “That's your favorite?”

“That's yours? Get out of town.”

They laughed.

Teal kind of hoped they all could have gotten out of town right then and there. As it was, they would be eating ice cream until nightfall.

River leaned over to eye her cone. “Hm. Strawberry's your favorite?”

His nearness calmed her. She smiled the special smile she had just for him. “Yours too?”

“Get out of town.”

Her stomach full of strawberry ice cream and settled for the moment, Teal knew now might be her only chance. “Cody, can we talk?” She glanced around the table. “Alone?”

“Sure.”

She squeezed River's arm and he nodded in understanding.

Cody walked beside her through the crowded Main Street. He said, “I apologized to River for meeting like this. I tried to talk Maiya out of it, but the truth is, I really wanted to meet her and find out the truth from you. It seemed like the best time. I was able to get today off. Tomorrow, when Erica and the kids get here, life will be crazy for a while, till we get settled in.”

“I apologize for not addressing things directly with you.”

He chuckled. “With Maiya in charge, you didn't need to.”

“She's just a kid. I shouldn't have . . .”

“She looks like you, but at the same time she's got my mother in her DNA. I mean, the way she moves her mouth, and there's something about her walk. Do we need to do a paternity test?”

“No. You are her father. There is no other possibility, because I was not intimate with anyone else.”

He looked at her. “I thought Lacey was the squeaky-clean sister and you were the, um, opposite.”

“I didn't sleep around. Do you remember that night, in the back room of your parents' place?”

He worked his mouth as if unsure what to say. “Honestly, no.”

Teal believed him.

They continued in silence. He spotted a vacant bench off to the side and gestured toward it. They sat.

He said, “Look, it's no secret I sowed a lot of wild oats during those years. Most of the details are lost in a purple haze. How did you and I hook up?”

“You took Lacey to a dance.”

“Yeah, that I vaguely remember. She wasn't my typical date. I know she wasn't my typical end-of-date conquest.”

“No, she wasn't. But you tried, which is what angered me. Then somehow Owen . . . It doesn't matter. The thing is, I tracked you down that night. One thing led to another.”

He rubbed his forehead. “Did I rape you?”

“No.” She took a deep breath. “Have you . . . ?”

He lowered his hand and winced. “Like I said, purple haze. So far, no complaints. So far, no other offspring either. Thank goodness. Erica wasn't exactly surprised at Maiya's claim, but I don't know how many more she could take.”

Teal tried to imagine what kind of woman would marry him. An independent saint?

He said, “You never told Maiya my name?”

“No. Then I would have had to tell Lacey and Will and my mom and your parents. It would hurt them so much. I couldn't give Owen the satisfaction to gloat.” She cringed. Even Owen had factored into her lie?

“That guy was one mean dude.”

“The thing is, my sister was in love with you and she adored me. I basically did what I thought would hurt her the most and then I shoved it under the rug and moved on.”

“Kind of hard to hide the kid, though. You got pregnant by immaculate conception?”

She shook her head. How silly, but that was exactly the idea she had promoted.

He said, “What
did
you tell Maiya about me?”

“Nothing.” She paused. “I told her you weren't ready to be a father, that you didn't want to be with us.”

“Your run-of-the-mill tale of abandonment.” Cody's voice and mannerisms remained polite, but he wasn't letting her get away with a thing.

In the pit of her stomach, the ice cream rolled into a congealed lump. She wouldn't want to face him on the stand. “Probably half the dads of her classmates are absentee. Abandonment was an easy explanation. It held her off until a couple months ago. Then I told her that right after she was born, you'd gone to jail.”

“Kind of picky about what parts of the truth you reveal, aren't you?”

“Yeah. And I still am. What do I tell her about her conception?”

“Why not the whole truth?”

“It's . . . it's . . .”

“Sordid?”

“Unloving.”

“And?”

She shrugged.

“That makes you look like what?” he said. “A flawed human being?”

She frowned.

He laughed, not unkindly. “Teal, you are. I am. The entire race is.”

“I know that. I just don't want her to feel unwanted.”

“I seriously doubt she'd feel that. She's such a good kid. I deal with eighteen-, nineteen-year-olds coming into the Corps. Some of them couldn't hold a candle to her. The maturity and confidence she expressed when we first talked on the phone was unbelievable. She didn't get that from my genes. Despite the fact that you're a lawyer who knows just how much truth to hold back, I bet you've been Mother of the Year for sixteen years running, right? You've taken care of all her needs and then some. You even found a decent stepdad for her.”