Of course not. “I repudiated it to Straif T'Blackthorn.”
“True,” T'Blackthorn said. “I so reported to SupremeJudge Elder.”
Ailim Elder nodded.
Lahsin shivered in relief. She reached desperately for other instances. There was only one, and Tinne had told her . . . but she had no choice. “I repudiated my marriage to Tinne Holly.”
Lip curling, Taxa said, “I can see the HeartMate bond between you. He's your HeartMate, that doesn't count.”
Thirty-four
One glance at Tinne's anguished face told Lahsin the truth. He was
her HeartMate. All this time he hadn't been honest, had misled her. About how much? Being in FirstGrove? Why he liked her? He didn't care for her for herself, for how she'd been and grown, but because she was his HeartMate. That was the only reason he'd helped her. Nothing more.
Her mind spun, struggling to understand. She swayed. Clute reached out and steadied her. Tinne held back.
Taxa was gloating again, whipping at Lahsin with her words. “You didn't repudiate my father, and you killed your husband. You'll die for that.” She smiled, nastily. “Or, better, wear depressFlair cuffs for the rest of your life.”
That drove a person mad, everyone knew that.
Lahsin repudiated her marriage within my hearing
, Strother growled, trotting up to her and nudging his head under her hand. That steadied her. She breathed easier.
“You're her Fam. You don't count.” Taxa spat the words.
Strother glared.
I was a feral dog when Lahsin repudiated T'Yew. Not her FamDog for days. That counts.
“Indeed it does,” SupremeJudge Elder said.
Ilexa bounded to them, sat and curled her tail around her paws, twitched her whiskers.
I was there when Lahsin T'Yew repudiated her marriage to the nasty man. I heard her. I am her HeartMate's Fam, but that is all right in the rules.
“Agreed,” Elder said solemnly. “Three neutral witnesses state that the late T'Yew was not wed to Lahsin Burdock.” The SupremeJudge was serene, hands tucked in her opposite sleeves.
Lahsin had never realized until now, when she wasn't wearing one, how warm a heavy formal gown was with sleeves made of thick material. Easier to think of that than Tinne or T'Yew.
“I'll have your judgeship for this, Elder,” Taxa said.
Ailim Elder shrugged. “More powerful people than you have tried.”
Taxa sent a withering look to the men who still held her. They let her go. “She murdered my father, a FirstFamilies GrandLord. She. Must. Pay.”
Clute said, “An accidental death. I saw it all. T'Yew grabbed my sister. He looked like he was going to kill her. He had depressFlair bracelets for
Lahsin
, the gentlest person I know.” He shook his head.
Lahsin tried a smile, knew it was a travesty. “I learned being gentle was bad from T'Yew.”
Clute scowled. “He was going to . . .” He squared his shoulders. “I think he was going to rape her.”
“She's his wife,” Taxa screeched. “It's not rape.”
“She was
not
his wife, and yes,” Ailim Elder said, “it is rape. I don't know where you get your primitive notions. A girl, a woman
always
has the right to say no.” Her eyebrows raised. “I certainly can't imagine you submitting to rape.”
“I saw everything,” Tinne said. “The death was self-defense.”
Tab Holly said, “An accidental burst of Flair due to recent Passage in response to the threat of rape.”
There was silence, and Lahsin could hear the wind. Now she felt warm, hot from guilt and failure. She'd accepted yesterday during Passage that there would be more of both emotions in her life, just didn't realize they'd plague her so soon.
Stepping away from her brother, avoiding Tinne's supportive gaze, but keeping her hand tangled in Strother's fur, she met the SupremeJudge's eyes. “I killed T'Yew.” Her mouth tasted awful. “I didn't mean to. I didn't want him dead, I only wanted to be free of him. I had my last Passage fugue yesterday evening. I am an adult now. I'll accept whatever verdict you have of my actions.” Her voice quavered on the last few words, shaming her.
Then she felt heat at her back, realized Tinne had moved to stand literally behind her, though she had not been able to look directly at him since the revelation that they were HeartMates.
SupremeJudge Ailim Elder swept the gathered FirstFamily Nobles with a stern glance. More had appeared, D'Sea, the mind Healer, T'Hawthorn, D'Grove.
The judge said, “I take the Words of Clute Burdock, Tinne Holly, and Tab Holly about the circumstances of this
accidental
death. Does anyone contest this?”
“I do!”
Taxa shouted.
The SupremeJudge turned a look on her that sent a chill to Lahsin's bones. Taxa shut up. “You're emotionally overwrought.”
“No!” Taxa spit.
“Anyone would be, under the circumstances.” The mind Healer D'Sea glided up to Taxa, sent a glance to Lahsin. Lahsin was feeling numb. Probably not a good thing, but better than wretched betrayal or guilt or horror or . . . numb was better.
“My father was only taking Lahsin back to our Residence. For her own good.”
Clute fired at that. “I don't believe that anymore. But you and T'Yew got what you wanted from my sister's marriage with him, didn't you? Got a whipping girl for years. Don't tell me you didn't, I can see that in my sister's face and yours. But Lahsin didn't produce a son for T'Yew, so now you're a FirstFamily GrandLady, and that's even better for you.”
“My father is
dead
.” For the first time tears streaked down Taxa's cheeks, but she pushed away D'Sea's comforting arms.
“An accident he brought on himself,” SupremeJudge Ailim Elder said. “After threatening a woman he'd previously abused.” She focused her gaze on Lahsin, and Lahsin recalled that the SupremeJudge was a telempath and knew all the emotions going through everyone. She'd sense Lahsin's shock and the fear Lahsin had, might always have, of T'Yew. But Lahsin couldn't answer.
Tinne set his hands on her shoulders, and it was worse. She wanted his touch, but wanted a friend's touch, not a HeartMate's. Lahsin couldn't prevent a sob.
The judge turned her stare to Taxa. “If you continue to press for a punishment for more than accidental deathâwhich is letting the perpetrator live with the emotional hurt of the act for the rest of her lifeâthen we must do a truthspell investigation of past events at T'Yew Residence.”
“Impossible. You can't dare!” Taxa fumed.
Elder narrowed her eyes. “Most FirstFamilies have learned that the rule of law is superior to the rule of individual Nobles, or even the FirstFamily Council. Obviously some learn that lesson slower than others, D'Yew.” The judge raised her brows. “But even if we judges did not have the right to question your Family and Residence about perversions committed there, there are more ancient ways. T'Yew submitted to the old rules when he was accepted into the FirstFamilies Council.” Matching Taxa's glare, the judge said, “Six FirstFamily Lords or Ladies can vote to investigate one of their own.”
“I'll vote for the probe,” T'Holly said.
“And I,” said T'Blackthorn.
“Me, too,” said T'Ash.
“And I.” Lahsin didn't recognize the voice, looked at the man. His cuffs showed him to be Saille T'Willow, T'Yew's enemy.
“That's four of six,” the judge said. “Are you and your allies strong enough to stop another two from joining with these?”
“Don't do this, D'Yew,” Vinni T'Vine, the boy prophet, said. “It's best that all consequences of your father's actions and Lahsin's reaction end here and now.”
A vein throbbed red in Taxa's temple. “I don't need you to advise me. I'll never need you to advise me, you
child
.”
White-faced, T'Vine bowed, then ranged himself with the older Lords. Tab Holly put an arm around the boy.
“Look to your alliances,” T'Willow said, reminding every Noble there what was truly important. “Some ties made with your father expired with his death.” His smile was unfriendly.
From the fleeting expression of surprise and wariness, Lahsin realized that Taxa didn't know her allies. Lahsin didn't think Taxa had made any alliances of her own.
T'Willow must have seen the same thing Lahsin had. “Sloppy,” he said.
Of course T'Yew's life expectancy had been long. Lahsin felt sick again.
“I suggest you return to your Residence and set your affairs in order,” the SupremeJudge said, not unkindly.
Taxa dashed more tears away. “I want to see my father in Deathgrove, prepare for his Transition ritual. His
unnatural
transition.” She glared at Lahsin.
“Fate is entirely natural,” Tab Holly said.
With a wordless cry, Taxa whirled away. D'Sea, the mind Healer, followed until Taxa rebuffed her.
“I hereby declare that the death of Ioho T'Yew is ruled as accidental and self-defense on the part of Lahsin Burdock.”
“Rosemary,” Tinne murmured. “Lahsin Rosemary.”
“Lahsin Rosemary,” the judge corrected. “And I state that I have come to this legal conclusion through observation, questioning witnesses, and through the use of my telempathic Flair. This matter is closed.”
The Lords and Ladies gathered around T'Hawthorn and T'Holly to talk of politics and alliances.
“Lahsin, may I speak with you?” Tinne asked.
“You weren't honest with me. I always thought you were honest. Honâorable.” Her voice broke.
He came around to face her. His expression was strained, the skin tight against his face. “I was as honest as I could be.” He hesitated. “Neither of us wanted a HeartMate. I wanted to get to know you.” Another pause. “I wanted to help.”
“But you've known all along.”
“Yes.”
“And you came to FirstGrove first to find me because I'd run away from T'Yew and was missing and I was your HeartMate.”
He just nodded, turning paler, almost the color of his hair. His eyes were dark gray coals. He was beautiful, this man she'd taken as a lover. And he broke her heart.
“Lahsin, I learned something in the last few minutes.” An ironic smile flickered on his lips, then vanished. “I always learned as much or more from you than anything you've learned from me.”
As images flashed of their lessons, their talks, their sex, pain ripped through her.
His gaze was strong, level, serious. “I learned that I love you,” he said.
She was still shuddering with sweeping emotions, couldn't cope with such change, so words just fell from her lips. “I don't love you.”
His mouth thinned, but he showed no pain he might be feeling. She put her hands against her head to settle her spinning wits.
He nodded. “I will wait, Lahsin. We are HeartMates, and I will wait. Come to me when you're ready.”
She saw that flash of anguish again. Her mouth dropped open, and before she closed it, he was gone.
D'Sea came up and wrapped Lahsin in a hug against her soft body, sending waves of calm, and Lahsin realized how stiff and hurt her muscles were, how cold she was. She began to quiver, then tremble, then shuddered and wept.
“You've been too isolated,” D'Sea said, stroking her hair. “Going through all this on your own. Alone.”
Strother barked.
I was with her!
D'Sea didn't understand Lahsin's grief. It was because she
hadn't
been alone that she wept. Because her sanctuary had been perfect with a beautiful garden, great Fam, wonderful love, and all that had been an illusion. Tinne had only come to her, cared for her because she was his HeartMate.
That sounded strange, but she was too confused to sort it out and cried some more.
“Tell me where your hidey-hole is, dear, and I'll send someone to get your things.” D'Sea patted her on her back. “You need a good place to stay.”
The words brought Lahsin up short. D'Sea obviously believed she'd taken shelter in some deserted building in Druida. She hadn't. Lahsin had to keep FirstGrove secret and safe.
She drew away, swallowed tears, forced herself to speak calmly. “Thank you, but I'd prefer to do that myself.”
D'Sea frowned, then said, “All right.” She lifted a hand. “I'll get you an escort.”
“That won't be necesâ”
Tab Holly was there, taking D'Sea's hand in his own and bringing it to his mouth in a bow, then he let it go and turned to Lahsin. “Don't know if you recall that we've met. Tab Holly, Tinne's G'Uncle and mentor. Owner of the Green Knight Fencing and Fighting Salon.” He held out a hand that was hard with calluses. “I'll accompany the lady,” he assured D'Sea.
Lahsin eyed him. He probably knew a whole lot about what was going on. About Tinne, if she wanted to ask. She didn't. “Thank you,” she said, taking his hand. Tab smelled a little like Tinne. Or because the man was so much older, Tinne smelled like Tab. Or they both smelled of the Green Knight Fencing and Fighting Salon.
No, the common scent was that of the ointment she'd first made for Tinne. Tears started again.
Tab gave her a huge linen softleaf.
Strother projected loudly,
I come. I am strong and tough.
“I welcome your company,” Tab said. He met D'Sea's gaze. “I think it's time that Tinne lives in T'Holly Residence. GentleLady Lahsin Rosemary can stay at the Turquoise House.”
D'Sea's eyes widened, then she nodded. “I agree.”