Heart in the Field (25 page)

           
“I told her I might be late. She
knows I sometimes don’t make it.”

           
“Okay. Then I’ll drive you home
later.”

           
“That’s fine.” She felt anxious now,
because he seemed to be slipping away from her, as if she could stretch out her
hand and not feel him there anymore.

           
It was a neat thing to do, to share
an impromptu casual meal with Nick. But she could still feel his coolness, even
beneath his easy grins and light caresses. Driving her home in the dark, he was
silent. He came in for a second, and made sure she was safe, but he didn’t ask
to stay.

           
When she hung up the black leather
pants in the closet, she blamed them for her lack of control this weekend.

•

           
When Nick returned to his apartment,
it smelled like a Chinese restaurant. He washed the dishes they had used and
cleaned up. He took out the parking ticket and sat down at his desk. He wrote a
check and sealed the envelope. The parking ticket made him feel stupid. He
should have thought of everything when he knew he was going to spend a weekend
in a hotel room with Serena. But then when he parked the van he hadn’t been
intending to spend the entire weekend.

           
He raked his fingers through his
hair. All he’d bargained for was the afternoon after lunch. Then they’d go for
dinner in the hotel and drive home. Instead, it was now midnight Sunday, and
they had spent hours making love, and even then it had been difficult to leave
the hotel.
And even more difficult to leave Serena.

           
What was he going to do? Hang her on
until he left? Or let her go now, before he had a chance to hurt her? The
thought of letting her go hurt him like hell. He almost had to double over, the
pain was so excruciating. He went to bed with no decision made. He couldn’t say
what was going to happen tomorrow when he saw her again.

           
Nick didn’t see Serena until the
afternoon on Monday. By that time he’d read the newspaper gossip column
circulating around Steel TV.

           
Possibly the heat they create on TV
isn’t all a sham. Where were Serena and Nick while a Steel TV News van sat on a
Niagara-on-the-

           
“We went to investigate a story and
it took longer than we thought,” Nick explained to Don, but he was thinking: I
didn’t want all this for Serena.

           
Don put his hands in the air. “I
don’t care what you do together.
Or why?
This adds
intrigue to the show. I like it.”

           
Serena
won’t like it, though.
And he was right. She
followed him into his own office.

           
Wearing a gray and white pinstriped
pantsuit, and brandishing a copy of the newspaper, she said through gritted
teeth, “Why the hell did you bring a Steel van on the weekend? We could have
gone in one of my vehicles.”

           
“I didn’t know what was going to happen
between us. Did I?”

           
“Maybe not, but I don’t like my
personal life insinuated upon by newspaper columnists. A theater critic down
for the Shaw Festival saw us.”

           
“It’s unfortunate we were spotted,
but, as I said, I wasn’t thinking straight. I only had one thing on my mind.”

           
“Sex.
That’s all you’ve had on your mind since we met. Well, now you’ve had it.
Satisfied?” She threw the paper down on his desk and flung her purse and
briefcase on to his sofa. “Now we’ll be gossiped about. Hell! Damn!”

           
He shouldn’t laugh, but he couldn’t
stop himself. She was a beauty. He couldn’t get her out of his mind or her
scent from his body. He’d wanted her since he met her, he’d wanted her all
weekend,
he
wanted her now. There was no letting up.
Part of him might feel worn out from having her, but it didn’t stop that same
part of him from being aroused.

           
“Don’t laugh,” she said. “We have to
put the gossip to rest.”

           
“It’ll be forgotten tomorrow.” He
hoped. “Look. I didn’t want this for you, believe me.”

           
Her hair was upswept and neat. She
reminded him of the way she’d been the night of the party. Not the way she’d
been all weekend, ruffled, hot and desperately hungry.

           
“Let it be, Serena.”

           
“I didn’t want anyone knowing about
us.”

           
“Why?”

           
“Because I don’t
like stuff like that.
I’m a cool chick. On the weekend I lost my head.”

           
“And I lost mine. So what are we
going to do about it? Go around headless?”

           
She caught the ridiculous remark and
laughed in a brittle manner. “I’m saying I don’t want it to happen again.”

           
He felt sick. “You have to be
joking.”

           
“No. I’m not. It’s going to be too
difficult for me on too many planes to continue.” She rubbed the side her
cheek. “I had brain failure.”

           
He wasn’t even seeing her now. All
he could picture was a life without her, and it stretched into a bleak future.
“You’ll think this over, of course.”

           
“I’ve thought it over. I was up all
last night.” She placed her hands on her hips. “I’m sorry, Nick. But affairs
aren’t me.”

           
He couldn’t think of anything else
to say, or retort to, or laugh at.

           
She picked up her purse and
briefcase and went into her own office. He felt nauseous now. The phone rang.
It was Don.

           
He went into Serena’s office and
said, “Don wants us in the studio for a moment.” He couldn’t even look at her.
She was too bright, too painful for him.

           
She went into the elevator with him.

           
He didn’t ask when she had stopped
using the stairs. The memory of that night was also too painful.

           
Down in the studio, Nick realized
that around Steel TV gossip thrived.

           
Fred Dexter indicated Serena with a
nod of his head. “Melted the Ice Maiden, I hear.”

           
Nick said, “I don’t know what the
hell you’re talking about.”

           
Maybe Serena was right. Maybe they
should nip their affair in the bud. Or at least give it some space for the
gossip to die down.

           
He left the studio before Serena, to
give her that space.

•

           
Serena watched Nick leave without a
word to her. Oh, well, what was she worried about? The less she saw of him, the
less the gossip would flourish. By the time she returned to her office and felt
the horrible sinking sensation of loss when she found Nick gone even from
there, she wasn’t so sure she had done the right thing by turning him away.
Maybe she had stayed up all night worrying about the consequences of her
actions of the weekend, but she had also stayed up thinking about how much she
loved him.

           
Her voice mail light was flashing,
so she checked out the message. It was her mother. “It’s urgent,”
Reeva
said. She phoned her mother’s office and was
surprised to get her on the phone right away.

           
“I was accosted by the media on the
way to my office this morning, Serena. I’ve had at least a dozen phone calls.
Is it true?”

           
Serena slumped into her chair and
pressed her fingertips into her now aching forehead. “Is what true?”

           
“Your affair on the
weekend with Nick?”

           
She never lied to her mother. She
wouldn’t dare. “Yes. It’s true.”

           
“Then you’re an item?”

           
“No. That’s it.
Just
the weekend.”

           
Reeva
made
a clucking sound in her throat. “What are you thinking of, darling? You can’t
have that type of reputation. You’re more famous in this city than you think
you are.
Neon Nights
is watched by a lot of people. They respect you. They
look up to you. At least make your affair look as if it’s a real love match.”

           
“Well, it isn’t. Why lie?”

           
“Because you want
your show to be a success.
You’ve got a hit on your hands. Besides,
think of me. Think of Seth’s career. We’re all on public view. We have to be
circumspect. Oh, couldn’t you have shacked up at your place for the weekend?
Why go to a hotel?”

Serena knew
the answer to that. It was because she had wanted to keep her time with Nick
separate and secret from her real life. But she hadn’t succeeded. She’d brought
everything back with her and caused quite an explosion.

           
“I don’t know, Mother. Please, don’t
make it difficult.”

           
“I’ll deal with it, darling. Just
take it easy and don’t worry.”

           
Don’t worry? How could she not worry
about a weekend with Nick, when she had discovered she was in love with
him.

Chapter Fourteen

Nick had a
meeting with Don early on Tuesday morning. He hadn’t had much sleep. Thinking
about Serena had kept him awake half the night. He entered Don’s office to the
aroma of fresh coffee. A huge Steel mug of it was given to him by Patty Jane,
Don’s assistant.

           
“You look tired,” she said with a
grin.

           
So she’d heard also the gossip. Nick
went into Don’s office. Don was on the phone, and he waved for Nick to come
forward to his big desk.

           
“It’s
Reeva
Brown-
Carstairs
,” Don mouthed. “She’s resigning.”

           
Don went on chatting to
Reeva
about something else. Nick sipped his coffee. It was
quite a surprise to hear that
Reeva
was resigning.

           
“Nick,” Don said. “I’m going to put
this on a conference call. Let’s talk to
Reeva
about
appearing on
Neon Nights
.”

           
“Nick,”
Reeva
said. “What do you think? I could announce my resignation at the end of the
program. I like to go out in style.”

           
“It’s not exactly
Neon Nights
type of
news. But we are tight on programs near the end of October. Let me think about
it.”

           
“All right.
Come up for dinner this evening at six, and afterwards we’ll attend The Song
and Poetry Festival and we can discuss it.”

           
“Sounds good,” Nick said. “I’ll be
there.”

           
Reeva
told
Nick where she lived,
then
Don chatted a few more
minutes and disconnected the call.

           
Nick frowned at Don. “She’s really
not a dark enough subject for
Neon Nights
.”

           
“We can’t say no, though. I want her
to do a weekly political commentary. We already discussed that at the party.”

           
Nick turned his mug around in his
hands. “What do you think Serena’s reaction will be? She might not want to work
with her mother.”

           
Don grinned. “You can handle that.
She’s your woman. I can’t believe you got that far with her, Nick. I really
can’t.”

           
So everyone thought they were still
a going concern. Nick took the stairs down to seven, wondering if they should
continue their affair for a while, or at least make it appear that they were
involved in something genuine. He didn’t want people thinking he had dumped
Serena after the weekend, as if he’d got what he wanted. Because he hadn’t got
all he wanted. He wanted more than an affair. He wanted her company in his
life. Worrying about hurting her six to eight months from now was kind of a
knee-jerk reaction when she might not even care about him enough to last that
long. She could be tired of him by Christmas. He would rather make it look as
if their affair had petered out, than have her gossiped about because Nick
Fraser had given her a dirty deal.

           
He looked in at her office, but he
didn’t disturb her as she was dialing her phone. He sat down at his desk to
make a note of his appointment with
Reeva
this
evening, acutely aware of
Reeva’s
daughter through
the thin dividing wall.

•

           
Serena had just come from a corridor
meeting with Cam, who had asked about the
progress of the
Bad Men, Good Women
program. She was beginning to see through Cam’s laid-back attitude. She felt it was intentional.
When he could, he put the pressure on. He made you feel that if you didn’t do
as he asked he would be extremely unhappy.

           
Angela’s phone rang four times, and
she was surprised by an answering machine. It was a man’s voice. Lawson
Thomson? His voice was deep and droning, almost hypnotic. Serena didn’t bother
leaving a message. If Nick’s gut instinct was correct, Angela wouldn’t want
Lawson to know that Serena had been in touch with her. She would just keep
trying until Angela answered the phone herself. She wasn’t happy with a
situation that made her friend mistrust her, but then she was the one who had
decided that Angela’s story should be told. She was the one who needed to prove
something to Nick.

           
Not wanting to think about Nick
right now, Serena decided that she would go shopping and buy herself something
to wear tonight that would meet with the approval of her mother. She had a
long-standing date this evening to attend the Song and Poetry Festival to see
Seth perform. Gerry was out of town for a few days, so she had been invited to
dinner and to stay the night.

           
Dinner at her mother’s plush
apartment was always an occasion. Because she was so busy,
Reeva’s
meals were catered by one of her favorite chefs who threw together,
Manno’s
own words, wonderful, fluffy concoctions. He was a
big man, with a creased, interesting face and delighted in serving
Reeva
and her guests. He was working in the kitchen when
Serena arrived, and greeted her with a huge grin.

           
“I have poured you both wine in the
living room,” he said. “Now get out of my kitchen. Tonight is a surprise.”

           
Serena changed clothes in her
assigned bedroom and joined her mother in a room with thick peach carpet and
massive windows that overlooked the sparkling lights of the city. Serena sat
down in one of the plush armchairs.

           
Her mother nodded to the silver tray
on the table that held two crystal glasses of white wine. “Have a glass. You
look nice. I like that blue silk. It complements your eyes.”

           
Serena stroked the long, slim skirt
over her knees. “I bought it this afternoon.” She was pleased she had as
Reeva
wore a glamorous emerald green suit.

           
“It’s attractive.”
Reeva
sat down in the opposite chair and lifted her glass
to her lips. “This is nice. Time like this is rare with you, Serena. Actually,
a lot of things are rare since I’ve been in politics. Although,” She paused for
effect. “I have decided to call it quits at the end of this term. I’m not
running again.”

           
Serena felt so surprised by the
sudden announcement her hand swayed and her glass almost spilled. “What will
you do?”

           
“I’ll always find something to do,
but I’d like to see more of you and more of Seth. There are also Gerry’s kids.
Carrie is getting married next July, and we’d like to take the trip out to Edmonton for the
wedding.”
Reeva
peered at the sparkle of the liquid
in her glass. “I just feel that I’ve put a lot of pressure on myself for most
of my life and it’s time to relax. Maybe we can get down south for a few months
each winter and enjoy ourselves.”

           
“I think that’s great. You deserve a
good time. Have you made the announcement official yet?”

           
“No. Not yet. But I was chatting to
Don Steel today and he mentioned it might be worthwhile to make a public
announcement on Steel TV. He just happened to have Nick in his office and we
went on a conference call to suggest you do a documentary on me for
Neon Nights
,
then
I’ll announce my resignation at the end of the program.
A grand farewell.”

           
Serena felt the now familiar
irritation with Nick and Don for making plans without her. “Did you agree to
this?” She knew she sounded quite harsh.

           
“I agreed. But Nick didn’t think a
political program on me was really
Neon
Nights
material. He said they might need to
fill some time later in October, though.”

           
Serena knew what all that was about.
Nick was dubious that
Bad Men, Good Women
would be ready. And he was probably right. “So when does
this happen?”

           
“I felt I should discuss it with
Nick. So I invited him to dinner and to Seth’s concert. He should be here any
moment.”

           
Serena was so flabbergasted at her
mother’s maneuvers that she lashed out at her. “Why didn’t you ask me first
about this?”

           
“Because Don wants
me to appear in a weekly political commentary spot.
We discussed it at
the party. I mentioned I might be calling it quits at the end of this term. He
thought I should go out in style. You know, Don. He likes to dramatize.”

           
“Yes. I know Don.
And
Nick.
And they both like to manipulate everything.
Absolutely
everything.”

           
Reeva’s
eyebrows rose.
“Darling.
Don’t be so upset. This is a
chance for you to be seen with Nick to keep the gossip under wraps.”

           
“So you’re doing this on purpose?”

           
“No. I grasped an opportunity that’s
all. It’ll be for the best. Besides, I feel you need a man in your life. You’re
becoming hard and bitter.”

           
“I didn’t even think you liked
Nick.”

           
“I like him. All I said was, beware.
But as you’ve gone the whole way with him, you might as well continue,
otherwise it would appear to be a pretty shoddy affair. As I said yesterday,
that isn’t the way you should conduct your public life. Besides, it will do you
good to get out of that shell you’ve built around yourself.”

           
Serena touched her throat where her
dress dipped into a V. Her flesh felt hot.

           
The buzzer sounded into the
apartment.

           
“That must be Nick,”
Reeva
said. “Go along to the dining room, dear. We haven’t
got much time. The limo is coming at seven fifteen.”

           
Serena walked through to the dining
room. A maid was setting up the table with
Manno’s
shrimp delight starters. Serena gulped down the rest of her wine. Nick came in,
dressed in one of his black suits with a white shirt and black tie. He looked
superb.
As usual.

           
He smiled at Serena.
“Surprise.”

           
She acknowledged him with her head.
She really had nothing to say. She hadn’t spoken to him since Monday morning,
when she’d told him it was all over between them. Of course the rest of the
world didn’t know that.

•

           
Nick thought Serena looked fantastic
in a long-sleeved, ankle-length midnight-blue dress.

           
Reeva
patted his shoulder. “Sit down, Nick.
Manno
is a
wonderful chef. You’ll love the meal.”

           
Nick waited until the women were
seated, then he sat down with them. The starters did look rather delicious.
Everyone began eating, while
Manno
poured wine. Nick
noticed Serena picked at her food. She would turn over a shrimp, stare at it
then do the same with another one. He wondered if she felt the same emptiness
inside that he felt.

           
“I’ve just informed Serena that I’m
not going to run a third term,”
Reeva
told Nick.

           
“You’re not going further in
politics?” he asked.

           
“No. At one time I did think I might
go on to provincial or federal seats. But I think I’ll have to leave that to
younger, more energetic people.”

           
Nick chuckled. “Even younger people
aren’t as energetic as you.”

           
Reeva
seemed to like that remark, and patted his white cuffed wrist. “I’m wearing
thin, believe me. I’m going to leave time for the family. If the
family have
time for me.” She let her gaze fall on her
daughter. “We have plans to go to West Vale next Sunday, to take Serena and
Seth out to Thanksgiving dinner.” She shifted her eyes to Nick. “You’re welcome
to join us, Nick. There’s a sweet little restaurant near West Vale set in a
nineteenth century stone schoolhouse. It overlooks the valley where the autumn
leaves will be at their peak of color.”

           
Nick was beginning to see a picture
form. Everyone was taking it for granted that, after last weekend, Serena and
Nick
were
a couple. He wondered if he should put
Reeva
straight, and then caught Serena’s glance. She shook
her head, so he said, “I’d like that very much. Thank you.”