Heart of Grace (Return to Grace Trilogy #1) (18 page)

“There’s a stand. Cole…”
He stopped rooting through the packaging and looked up
at her from his squatted position beside the box.
“How much longer? When are going back to the rodeo?”
“Are you asking me when I’ll be leaving?”
She shrugged. “I have a need to know. We’re partners.”
“That we are.” He took the pieces of the stand out of the
box. “I’ll be leaving no sooner than you. But we’re both here
now, so let’s save that discussion for later. Let’s get this thing
set up for you.”
“We will have to discuss it.”
“Not now, sweetheart.” He smiled to soften the harsh tone
of his voice, looking up at her briefly before resuming his task.
A half-hour later, they had managed to assemble the stand
and fill it with sand for an anchor. Cole hung the bag and gave
it a jab with his good arm. “She’ll hold.”
“Thanks.” Angela slapped her palms on either side to stop
it from swinging. “Now those expensive kick boxing classes
won’t go to waste.”
“Ah, what a pity that would be.”
“Yes, it would.” She rammed her fist hard against the
weathered leather.
He steadied the bag to stop it from swinging. “So what has
you wanting to beat this thing?”
“Maybe I just need to hit something.” Angela furrowed her
brow.
“Does this have anything to do with Jeffrey’s visit?”
She clamped her mouth shut, the skin around her lips
going white. Then she exhaled sharply, her eyes misting. “Yes.”
“Did he hurt you?”
“No, of course not.” She shook her head. “I know I should
explain, but I just can’t. You’re just going to have to trust me
on this.”
“I’m not asking for an explanation,” Cole said. “But I’ll tell
you I didn’t like seeing him here.”
A smiled tugged at her lips. She forced it down. “You aren’t
jealous, are you?”
He cupped his hand at the back of her neck and leaned in,
his fingers tangled in her hair.
“Oh,” she breathed out, “you are jealous.”
“That shouldn’t surprise you.”
She rested her fingers at his waist and whispered, “no, it
doesn’t.”
“Your time’s almost up here.”
She lifted her brow. “So is yours.”
“Yeah, but I’m coming back. I always come home after
competing.”
“I said I’d give you three months, Cole. Back in June it
seemed like an eternity.” She laughed nervously “You know
what they say…time flies when you’re having fun.”
He looked into her eyes and saw the pain of her renewed
memories settled in them. The past had broken through the
guards she had put up; there was nothing left to protect her
from the torture of remembering what her father had done.
Even so, she tried like hell to lift her chin and make light of it.
“Look, it’s our day off,” he said. “We’ve been working our
tails off getting ready for the pro rodeo. How about you forego
bloodying your knuckles on this beast and keep me company
on a ride?”
He knew she wanted to say yes. Her mouth parted slightly,
but no sound came out. Her eyes fluttered from his mouth to
his eyes, and then back to his mouth. She moved closer. Cole
felt the need uncoil slowly inside him. His heart raced.
“That would be a bad idea,” she said, raising her mouth to
his. “I don’t want to be alone with you.”
“But we’re alone now, aren’t we?” This need terrified him,
but he had crossed the threshold and he couldn’t bring himself
to back away, especially when she brought her lips to his and
kissed him lightly.
“I want you to kiss me,” she whispered, “I know I
shouldn’t. Too many complications, you and me.”
She kissed him again. He held on, indulging in the feel of
her in his arms.
His
Angie, so close, but already slipping
through his grasp. He tightened his grip, as though that were
enough to keep her. He teetered on the top of that slippery
slope, already feeling one foot give way. And just as he was
struggling with drawing up the effort to stop, she was the one
who pulled away.
“I’m sorry,” she whispered, “I didn’t mean to…I
mean…I’m not handling any of this very well. I’m using you
as a distraction, and that’s not fair. I’m sorry.” She walked into
the house.
He followed her inside and took her hand to stop her from
pacing. “It’s okay. Come on, sit down.” He led her to the sofa.
“I hate what I am,” Angela blurted out, her gaze on the
floor. “I hate what my father did to me.”
“The two are not the same – what he did and who you are
– two different things, Ang.”
“No.” She shook her head. “They’re exactly the same. My
brother asked me to forgive him, and I couldn’t. Not at first.
But remembering…it made it easier, somehow, to let go of all
the pain I was holding toward Michael. But I can’t stop hating
my father. It’s become who I am.”
Cole squeezed her hand. “Angie, be honest. Is all I am to
you a distraction from all that?”
“What more do you want to be?”
“Angie…”
“No.” She wiped her palms on her jeans and stood. “That’s
not all you are to me. But it’s not that easy now, anyway. You
don’t understand.”
“You know, Ang, maybe the solution to all of this, to you
and me, is simpler than we think. All summer I’ve had to keep
myself from asking you to stay, because I don’t want to be your
reason.”
She looked away, the battle between desire and pain thick
in her eyes. He had come too close to asking, and it was unfair
to them both.
“Do you want me to stay?” she asked.
He felt the words build up in his throat. He swallowed
them down. “I won’t ask you, Angie.”
“You sort of just did.” She paced to the small desk, where
her laptop sat open with papers on either side. “If I stayed, you
would be a reason, Cole. A big one. But not the only reason.”
She turned and paced back in his direction.
He stood and met her halfway. The hope rose and the fool
in him wanted to drop down to one knee, right then and there.
But the darkness crept in, and he forced himself to see the
anguish in her eyes. “You could have a thousand reasons, but
you’ve already got one foot out the door, Angie. I think you
might let me convince you, but I wouldn’t want it to be that
way.”
“You need to know something,” Angie said, her cool voice
a betrayal to the cocktail of pain and regret in her eyes. “I’m
thinking of offering my half of the arena to Reed. What do you
think?”
“I think he’d be a good choice, but I don’t think he can
afford it.”
“I’m not selling it to him. I’m giving it to him.”
“Well, that’s awfully nice of you, but you quit your job in
New York. The suits you sold couldn’t have given you that
much money. Angie, you can’t afford to give away your
inheritance. You stayed in Grace to fix the arena so you could
get something from it. Why give it away now? What changed?”
She looked down. “How can I take Reed’s money? He’s
been more of father to me than Henry ever was. And he’ll do
a good job as your partner. You can trust him.”
Unable to look at her, Cole glanced away and caught a
glimpse of a spreadsheet on the computer screen. There was a
column labeled “NYSE,” followed by a list of stock symbols
and dollar amounts. In the bottom corner was an instant
message box. The sender was “JSykes.” Angela moved to block
his view.
“You’re working for him again. Jeffrey.” Cole huffed.
“Well, that explains it. New York Tycoon, back on top.”
She pinched the bridge of her nose. “I didn’t have a
choice.”
“That’s bull, Angie. You could’ve said no, but you said yes.
There’s your choice. Was his offer that much better than…”
He broke off, swearing under his breath.
“Than what, Cole?” Angela insisted. “Than your offer?
The offer you can’t bring yourself to make?”
“Angie-”
“Someone from the coalition approached me. Wait,” she
said before he could speak. “It’s okay now. I took care of it.
Jeffrey helped. He used his connections to make it so they
wouldn’t be able to get the zoning changed, even if they did
manage to get all the land.”
“At what price?” Cole asked. When Angela only stared at
him, he shook his head and said, “You. You’re the price.”
“I have to go back. That was the plan from the very
beginning. I might not have a choice in working for Jeffrey, but
I was always planning on going home”
You are already home. Stay
. He screamed the words inside his
head, and if he loved her less – or if he were less of a coward
– he might have said them out loud.
“I wanted it to be your choice to stay, Angie. You could’ve
come to me. We could’ve fought the coalition another way. But
you chose your path. And what a convenient path it is, giving
you permission to run away.
Again
. So be it.” He turned and
walked toward the back door. “Don’t forget to wrap your
knuckles,” he called back as he passed the punching bag.
****
“You know how you sometimes dream and it’s like you’re
watching yourself in a movie?” Angela raised a spoonful of ice
cream to her lips. “That’s what it was like. I just kept watching
myself break his heart and I couldn’t do anything to stop it.”
“Oh, honey,” Sophie took the pint of ice cream from
Angela and dipped her own spoon into it.
“What if Michael had stayed for you,” Angela asked,
“would you have been happy if that was the only reason?”
“No.” Sophie said, her eyes still puffy and red from the
tears she had been crying when Angela showed up on her
doorstep. “Not if that was his only reason, but you already said
you have other reasons to stay.”
“And I have reasons to leave. Big reasons. It’s
complicated.”
“So you keep saying.” Sophie shrugged. The women sat on
the couch and fell into silence, taking turns eating spoonfuls of
ice cream. After a moment Sophie laid back in the cushions
and pulled a throw pillow over her chest, hugging it.
“I miss Michael,” she said, looking up at Angela pointedly.
“But it’s not the same as it is with you and Cole. Michael and I
are technically still together, just apart. I couldn’t imagine how
much more I’d miss him if I knew I’d never see him again.
Won’t you miss Cole?”
“Of course I will. And I’ll miss you, and Tina and the arena.
And Reed and everyone else.”
“Is Jeffrey really all that wonderful?”
Angela laughed. “He’s not wonderful at all! Goodness, I
came here and faced what my father did to me just to get away
from him for a while.”
“But you miss him.” Sophie raised an eyebrow. “That’s
why you’re going back.”
“New York is my home. What I miss is my life.”
“It won’t ever be like it was, not after what you’ve been
through here.”
“Yeah.” Angela sighed. “I know. I wish I could unknow
some things, but I guess that’s impossible now.”
“I’m half mad at you for coming back,” Sophie said.
“Because if you hadn’t come back here Michael wouldn’t have
come to see you, I wouldn’t have fallen in love with him, and
I wouldn’t be missing him right now. But,” she added when
Angela frowned, “it’s silly to hate the good stuff because of all
the bad, isn’t it?”
Angela swallowed and laid down her spoon. “Cole couldn’t
even bring himself to ask me to stay. At least Jeffrey cared
enough to ask me to come back.”
“So what? Make it your choice, not Cole’s.” Sophie sat up
and took the ice cream carton from Angela’s hands. “He may
not ask, but I will. Please stay in Grace, Angela. Make a life
here.”
“It’s not that easy,” Angela said. “When I came here there
were two of me. The me who lived in New York, with the
corporate career, the nice apartment in a trendy part of the city,
and a sleazy boyfriend. It was my normal.”
“Even the sleazy boyfriend part? That’s sad.”
Angela shot her friend a sharp look. “And then there was
the country girl me. The me who ran away from everything
that happened to me as a child. I knew what my father did,
even before I knew it. I didn’t want to come back to Grace,
but I’d realized my life in New York had become all about the
sleazy boyfriends and even sleazier clients. So I ran away from
that life, too. I thought there was enough of New York in me
to do what I had to do, keep myself distant from it all, and just
hope it would work itself out.”
“Did it?”
“No.” Angela picked up her spoon again, swinging it back
and forth over her bent knees. “I fell in love. That was so not
part of the plan.”
“It hits you, and boom,” Sophie smacked the heel of her
hand between her eyes, “you’re down for the count before you
know it.”
Angela laughed in agreement and scraped up the last of the
ice cream. “And realizing there is more than just my own little
world…it’s making me see more than I ever wanted to see.”
“And that’s a bad thing?”
“Yes, it is. I don’t know who ‘me’ is anymore.”
“I think you are still you,” Sophie smiled, “there’s just more
to you now. You can’t unknow something…your words.”
“No, but I can forget, or at least not remember it all. In
Grace I feel like I’m at the mercy of something I can’t control.
I don’t like it.”
“That’s stupid,” Sophie shot up and gathered the now
empty ice cream carton and spoons. “Thinking you’re in
control isn’t the same as being in control, because you’re never
really in control of anything. You forgot about what your dad
did, but you didn’t really forget, right? So you’ll go back to New
York and pick your old life back up. You might not go back to
Jeffrey, but you’ll find another sleazy boyfriend, and spend
your days wooing more sleazy clients. And maybe you’ll be
happy in a way, but you won’t forget Grace or Cole or me. Or
everything you remembered. Do you really think you can live
like that again?”
“I know I can’t!” Angela stood and followed Sophie into
the kitchen. “That’s what I’ve been trying to tell you! I have
reasons to stay and reasons to go back. It’s not about one life
over the other.”
Sophie turned on the faucet and rinsed off the spoons.
After a moment she spun away from the sink, tears streaked
down her face. “If you’re so sure you’ll be miserable no matter
what, maybe you should choose the life where you have friends
and a man who loves you.”
“I can’t, Sophie. Besides, Cole is going back to the rodeo.”
“So?”
“So what am I supposed to do? Sit home alone at the ranch
hoping I don’t get a phone call telling me he’s been injured, or
worse?”