Heart of Rockies 03 - More Than a Feeling (21 page)

“Mom!” Avery slapped a hand over her mouth. “You didn’t tell me you were going on a date with Thomas!”

“It wasn’t a date,” she insisted, pouring tea into three mugs like it took every ounce of focus she had to spare.

“But you
did
go out to coffee with him?” Ruby prompted, her heart overflowing for the woman. If anyone in the world deserved to find love, it was Elsie Walker. Seeing as how she was one of the only people who seemed to know how to love someone else, it only seemed right.

“We went to get a cup of coffee,” she admitted. “As
friends
. That’s all. Thomas is a dear friend of mine. And so was his lovely wife.” But Ruby was sure that gleam in her eyes had brightened since yesterday.

“Seems to me Mom’s not the only one who has a reason to hum.” Avery’s head tilted toward Ruby. “I ran into Shooter earlier.”

Wow.
It sure didn’t take long for word to get around this place.

Elsie looked back and forth between them. “What did I miss?”

“It seems that Ruby and Sawyer were making out in the kitchen this morning,” Avery said through a sly grin.

Now it was her turn to blush. Not so much from embarrassment, either, but because anytime she heard the words “Sawyer” and “kiss” her body flamed. There were so many reasons she should be guarding her heart and pushing that man away—out of her life—but instead, whenever he came within two feet of her, practical reasoning threw caution to the wind and literally blew her right into his arms.

Promise me we’ll finish this later.

She’d never wanted to finish something so bad in her whole life.

“Shooter walked in on them,” Avery informed Elsie. “Said it looked pretty hot and heavy.”

Ruby resisted the urge to fan herself. That would be an accurate description.

“That’s terribly romantic,” Elsie murmured. “I’ve always thought the kitchen was the best place to make love.”

Ruby choked on a swig of tea. Since when did Elsie make love! And in the kitchen? Lordy! Remind her to wipe down the counters later…

“You two!” Avery’s head fell back with a dramatic pout. “You’re making me jealous. I’m not getting
any
right now. It’s like Bryce is too afraid to touch me. He’s afraid he’ll hurt me.”

“Well, you did just give birth,” Ruby reminded her. “Wasn’t your labor like twenty hours or something?”

“Yeah, yeah, yeah. Can’t forget that. Trust me.” Avery leaned closer. “That’s why I want details, honey. All the juicy ones. Fill me in. Let me live vicariously.”

“Well…” She replayed the kiss in her head, and even though her body clenched with anticipation like it had when Sawyer’s hand slid up her ribs, she didn’t know how to describe it. How could you describe perfection? “He…kissed me.” She actually wished there was more to tell. “And he’s really good at it.” Really really really really good, her lady parts reminded her with an affectionate squeeze. It was good to have them back. They’d pretty much been silent until Sawyer had waltzed into her life.

“So are you two together? Dating?” Avery’s palms tilted toward the sky. “I mean, seriously. How many times have you kissed now?”

More than she knew about, but Ruby opted to keep that to herself. “It’s complicated.” She should keep reminding herself of that fact. “He’s moving away.” A sudden sadness gripped her throat. In a couple more weeks Sawyer would be gone. Once that had brought relief, but now it made her heart ache. Screw her secrets, all the reasons she couldn’t have Sawyer. None of that changed the fact that she didn’t want him to leave.

None of them did. That was obvious from the sullen silence that took over. The three of them sipped their tea, eventually finding more to talk about—Lily’s new habit of blowing raspberries and summer bookings at the ranch. After the tea was gone, Ruby stood and carried the tray back into the kitchen, finding that Elsie’s song had stuck with her.

At last…my love has come along…my lonely days are over…

Humming it to herself, she knew she’d give anything—even all her secrets—to be able to say that someday.

A
t exactly 4:59 p.m. Sawyer booked it out of the station and headed for his Tahoe. It’d been hard to focus all day. Luckily it was a typical shift in small-town Aspen. He’d gone out on patrol but had to give only a few warnings. Not like his quota mattered when he was planning to leave anyway.

Except he didn’t have to leave. He could stay. He could take the job.

As he’d driven around town all afternoon, he’d actually noticed the things he didn’t normally pay attention to—things he took for granted having grown up basically in a Garden of Eden. Things like the way the new green grass glowed on the carved slopes of Aspen Mountain. Like the friendly cobblestone walkways and small cafés that gave people the chance to connect and build community.

When he thought of leaving, of losing all of that, his ribs cranked tight.

He slid into the SUV and shoved the keys into the ignition but didn’t release the emergency break. Instead he let his head rest against the steering wheel.

The party had reminded him how much he was a part of this community. How much this community was a part of him. At the time leaving seemed like the only way out of his grief, but that wasn’t true. Much as he hated admitting Bryce was right about anything, it seemed his cousin had gained a fair amount of wisdom after living through a tragedy that would’ve broken most men.

You’ll never deal with it if you keep it to yourself.
He’d taken the first step by telling Bryce. But he’d never deal with it if he didn’t face it head-on, either.

It was time. Instead of fearing he’d run into Kaylee randomly, it was time for him to go and seek her out. To put the past to rest for good. If he couldn’t take that step, he couldn’t stay in Aspen.

It was time.

Firing up the Tahoe he eased onto the road and drove straight to the place he’d avoided for the past year. After he’d stopped to see Kaylee, he’d go by Grayson Collins’s house, then straight over to Ruby’s.

That thought was enough to make him ignore the five speed limit signs he passed on his way to Awakenings Coffee House.

The green-and-white-striped awning stretched cheerfully over the sidewalk. Before Kaylee had gotten a job there—after she quit at the ranch—he’d gone for coffee nearly every morning, preferring the local hangout over Starbucks. But after she left him he couldn’t stand to even drive by it, knowing he might see her. Maybe it was guilt or maybe anger or maybe grief. Whatever it was, he’d deal with it today.

How could he expect Ruby to confront her past when he wouldn’t confront his?

Before he could overthink anything, Sawyer got out of the car and cruised through the glass door. A cheerful ding sounded overhead, but everything seemed dark. They’d remodeled since he’d been in. Instead of colorful walls decorated with whimsical art, everything was sleek and earth-toned. Leather. Dark wood. Drab modern paintings. The place was pretty empty. Only a couple of customers sat at a high bar table near the window.

“Sawyer.” Kaylee froze at the espresso machine. She didn’t say anything else, not “hi” or “leave.” She didn’t seem to be able to speak at all. He never came to see her. He’d gone out of his way to avoid her ever since he’d caught her in bed with Jace. She must’ve known he wasn’t there for one of her superficial chats.

He marched over to the counter where she stood and braced his hands against the surface. “Hey.”

She mostly looked the same as she did every time he ran into her. Shiny dark hair cut in a stylish bob. Tight, expensive clothes that fit her petite frame snugly. A lot of makeup. But she also looked tired. There were lines around her eyes that hadn’t been there before.

“What do you want?” The same wariness in her eyes leaked through to her words.

For the first time looking at her didn’t make him mad. Or resentful. It didn’t make him feel anything, really. “I guess I came to tell you I’m sorry.”

She set down the rag she’d been using to clean the machine. “What?”

“I’m sorry I failed you. I’m sorry I couldn’t be what you needed.” But it was time to let go of the regret. And even the release of those words made him lighter, the same way it had when he’d told Bryce about the baby.

She looked at him the way she used to right before she’d yell. “I don’t want you back. Got that? I don’t need you.”

He almost laughed. She didn’t need anyone. Maybe that was her biggest problem.

That was the difference with him and Ruby. He needed her. And she needed him. “I didn’t come here to get you back,” he said, knowing the threatening smile would send her into a rage. So he kept it hidden inside. “I’m moving on. And I wanted to make sure you knew that I own it. I know I screwed up with you. I said some shitty things. And I’m sorry.”

Tears slipped down her cheeks. She swiped at them like they made her angry. “It wasn’t your fault.”

“Maybe not all of it. But a lot of it.” And he’d like to think he wouldn’t make the same mistakes again.

Kaylee sniffled. “When the baby died, I felt guilty. Like I’d ruined your life.”

He looked into her eyes. God, if only he could take back the things he’d said so she didn’t have to live with guilt. “You didn’t cause it,” he said. “I know that. The miscarriage just happened. You couldn’t have done anything differently.” He hoped she believed it. The day he’d said those things to her was the day he’d learned the power of words, that they could never be taken back.

“I didn’t want him like you did, Sawyer.” Kaylee closed her eyes. When she opened them, they were red. “The thought of having a baby scared the hell out of me. But you…you were so excited. And then the miscarriage happened. You took it hard. I couldn’t watch you hurt like that.”

“So you left.” It wasn’t an accusation. He’d simply never realized that. She’d left because she didn’t want to watch him hurt. But that’s what people were supposed to do in a relationship. They were supposed to be there. That’s what made the hurt bearable.

“You expect so much,” Kaylee muttered, staring at the granite countertop. “I couldn’t give you all of me. I don’t know how to give that to anyone.”

He hoped she’d figure it out when she found the right person. That was the only way to have a real relationship with anyone. To be open. Self-sacrificing. That’s what Bryce and Avery had. What Dad and Mom had. They’d fought hard for it, for each other. And Kaylee would never fight for anyone because it was too hard. It cost too much.

“If it makes you feel better, Jace and I broke up,” she said indifferently. The tears had dried as quickly as they’d started. “I’m not good with commitment, Sawyer. You had to know that.”

“I didn’t.” There was so much he hadn’t known about her. So much he hadn’t known about relationships in general. His parents had made it look easy. They’d argue, sometimes raise their voices, but their respect—their devotion to each other—always won out, no matter how ugly the battle got. It took two to make something like that happen, though. Two people who would fight for it every day of their lives.

He straightened, prepared to walk away from her, from the regret, from the grief. “I hope you find what you’re looking for.”

Because he was starting to think that he finally had.

When Sawyer pulled up in front of Grayson Collins’s house the man was waiting on the curb. When he left the coffee shop, Sawyer had called him to make sure he was home, and now, a few minutes later, the man stomped over to his car.

Sighing, Sawyer pushed open the door and got out. Like he’d told Collins on the phone, the fact that his dog had gone missing didn’t mean someone had stolen it. Dogs ran away all the time. Sad as it was, sometimes around here a coyote or a mountain lion swiped them, though there hadn’t been any reported sightings in the area. He’d told him that, too, but the man wouldn’t let it go.

“Nell’s been missing two days now,” Collins growled, like it was Sawyer’s fault.

Maybe it you were a nicer person, the dog wouldn’t have taken off.
Not that he was allowed to offer his personal opinion or anything. He’d do his best to keep it professional, even though Collins deserved a swift kick. “We can file a report,” Sawyer said, reaching back into the car for his clipboard. “I’ll have you fill out the paperwork—”

“We don’t need paperwork.” Collins shuffled to the edge of the sidewalk, staring down the street. “That girl took Nell. I know she did. She has my dog at her house.”

Sawyer gazed toward the duplex Ruby shared with Aunt Elsie. “I’m sorry. Which girl?” he asked, playing dumb.

“Your friend. She stole my dog.”

“Did you see her take the dog?” The fuse on Sawyer’s temper was lit. Ruby wouldn’t steal someone’s pet, for god’s sake.

“I didn’t see her. But you were here the last time. You saw how she acted.”

He couldn’t deny Ruby had been upset, but she wasn’t stupid. “She didn’t take your dog, sir. Like you said, she’s a friend of mine. And I’d know if she had a dog at her place.” Wouldn’t he? Surely she’d mention something. Or he would’ve seen it. He’d shown up there the other night…

“Then she hid it somewhere,” Collins yelled. “Where else would she be? Nell doesn’t run.”

Sawyer leaned against the car, surveying the quiet street. “Have you seen any animals in the area?”

“No,” the man snapped.

“What about your fence? Could the dog have slipped out somehow?”

“Nell. Doesn’t. Run.”

For the life of him, Sawyer couldn’t figure out why. If he were this man’s dog, he would’ve run away a long time ago.

“Does the dog have a collar? Any identification?”

“Of course.” Collins held out a paper. “Here’s her registration. She’s a damn champion. Worth a hell of a lot of money and I want her back.”

Just to humor the man, Sawyer scanned the paper. “Well, I’ll file a report. In the meantime, I’d suggest you post signs around the neighborhood—”

“You’re not even going to ask that girl?” Collins interrupted.

“I see Ruby all the time.” He fought to keep his jaw soft. That was an exaggeration, but Ruby didn’t have time for a dog. She’d been at the lodge nonstop. “She doesn’t have your dog.”

“I went to her door the other night. She was acting suspicious.”

You’ve got to be kidding.
He didn’t like the thought of this man stalking Ruby at her house. Not at all. “What do you mean suspicious?”

“She was in a hurry to get rid of me.”

Again…couldn’t blame her. Especially given her history. It probably freaked her out to have an angry man show up on her doorstep. He should talk to her about not answering the door. Never could be too careful.

The man’s lips curled in a scowl. “The dog is there. I know the dog is there.”

Obviously this man wasn’t going to let it go. The only way to get him off Ruby’s back would be to go over there right now while Collins watched. Sawyer looked down the street again. Ruby’s car was in the driveway, and he’d planned on going over anyway. It’d just be a little earlier than he thought. He shrugged. “I’ll stop by and check in with her.”

Then he’d take her over to his place and make her a dinner she’d never forget.