Heart of the Nebula (47 page)

Captain Carlson was more than capable of
handling the final approach to Chira V. If anything, James played
only an ancillary role. A reunion gala was planned for the four
allied colony ships once they were safely in orbit, but the various
diplomatic committees handled the organization of that. James
wasn’t needed anymore, which was quite all right with him.

With few responsibilities to keep him busy,
he withdrew. Deirdre seemed worried about him, but she gave him his
space, probably because she felt he needed it—and maybe he did. But
with nothing to do, his thoughts became consumed with Sara. He felt
her loss a hundred times more keenly than that of the other
colonists.

At length, the day of the reunion gala came.
The four colony ships linked together in orbit to form an ad hoc
space station, from which the settlement effort would be launched.
With the observation decks all conveniently conjoined, the
leadership of the four ships gathered for the gala event.

“
Ah, Commander McCoy!” said
the captain of the
Lady of Karduna,
a portly middle-aged man with a goatee and a
double-chin
.
“May
I be the first thank you in person for your heroic leadership in
the late crisis!”

James smiled and offered his hand, but the
enthusiastic captain embraced him with a warm hug, practically
squeezing the air out of him.

“
Oomph! Thanks.”

One by one, the diplomats from the other
ships came forward. After more than twenty minutes of greeting them
all, James felt as if the smile on his face had been pasted on.

The reunion gala on the
observation deck of the
Chiran
Spirit
was even more lavish than the
conference at Gaia Nova had been. Heaping trays of gourmet
delicacies covered the serving table on the inner wall, while the
uniforms of the visiting dignitaries were crisp and colorful. Even
more striking, though, was the wild variation of accents and
dialects between ships. The guests from the
Starhope
chattered so quickly he
could barely keep up with them, while the twangy drawl of
the
Lady of Karduna
sounded as if it were best spoken through a mouthful of
syrup.

This is more of a
first-time meeting than a reunion,
James
thought as he drifted through the crowd. The only contact that
these people had previously had with each other was through radio
transmissions, and the only thing they had in common was their
distant ancestry. The first generation colonists were still all
frozen in cryo—they wouldn’t be woken until settlement was well
underway.

The officers and diplomats from the various
ships all glanced at James sidelong, eagerly awaiting his keynote
address, but he kept himself aloof from all of them. Instead, he
stared down at the magnificent vista of Chira V below.

Great verdant swaths of thickly forested
jungle covered entire continents, while the brown veins of mighty
rivers emptied into the vast blue ocean. Down the eastern side of
the main continent, a giant ridge of black-brown mountains ran like
the coiled spine of a sleeping beast. Higher up in the atmosphere,
wispy white clouds mingled with giant mats of floating blue-green
biomass. It was a raw, virgin world down there—a place untouched by
humanity, full of unexplored wonders and untapped riches. A place
wide enough for a man to leave his old life behind and rewrite his
destiny.

“
Commander McCoy? We would
be honored if you would sit with us.”

James sighed and returned
to the gala. The man who had addressed him was some dignitary from
the
Starhope,
or
maybe the
Lady of
Karduna—
it was impossible to keep track of
them all. The guests had retired to their tables for the dinner,
but even though James wasn’t hungry, he took a plate. When he sat
down, a lively conversation was already in progress.

“
Once we’ve unloaded the
colonists,” said the captain of the
Lady
of Karduna
from across the
table
,
“we should
refit the colony ships as orbital platforms at once. We can’t take
any chances in matters of security.”

“
But surely you don’t
mean
all
of the
ships,” said a young diplomat from the
Chiran Spirit.
“If you ask me, we
could put them to much better use as cargo haulers—this system is
practically teeming with rare and heavy metals.”

“
Security first, my boy.
There’s nothing easier to bombard than an undefended gravity
well.”

“
You do realize,” said a
young female diplomat from the
Starhope,
“that the peaceful release
of the hostages renders this entire discussion
pointless?”

“
Of course it doesn’t!”
said the captain, hastily swallowing a bite of food. “So long as
there has been human society, there has been war. Am I right,
Commander?”

James stared and said
nothing.
A democracy of wolves.

“
I don’t think we’re in
danger at all,” said the woman, ignoring James.

“
No danger? What do you
mean?”

“
Interplanetary travel is
an expensive venture requiring a great investment of resources. To
launch an attack, they would have to divert resources away from
their colonization and settlement effort to build their own fleet.
It might be generations before they do anything like that, if
ever.”

“
Ah, but you’ve discounted
the threat from unmanned probes,” said the captain, taking up the
debate with unabashed glee. “It would only take a handful of
laser-stars to lay siege to this planet and cut us off from space.
The rebels could build up a fleet of them in only a matter of
years.”

“
No, I believe Dalya is
right,” said another young man to James’s left. “Why would the
rebels want to launch an attack?”

“
Because—”

Thankfully, the conversation was cut short
by the master of ceremonies, who rose to the podium at the head of
the room and called for attention.

“
Ladies and gentlemen,
dignitaries and distinguished guests, it is my privilege to be here
with you at this, the culmination of our generations-long voyage.
When our forefathers set out from Zeta Nabat, they were barely more
than a band of refugees, leaving a war-torn territory in the hopes
of building a new world. Today, that dream has come to
pass.”

The room filled quickly with applause. James
couldn’t help but wonder what Sara would think if she were there.
This dream belonged to her just as much as it did to him.

“
In the coming days and
weeks, we have a great deal of work to perform,” the master of
ceremonies continued. “Those of the first generation will soon be
woken from their long, cold sleep, and it will be a great pleasure
to welcome them to that future to which they looked forward for so
long.

“
But one of them is already
here among us, one who did more for the cause than anyone else of
his time. He needs no introduction, for his name has long been
revered by us all. Please join me in welcoming Commander James
McCoy!”

Blood rushed to James’s
cheeks as the crowd applauded again, this time noticeably louder
than before.
Sara did more for this cause
than I ever did,
he thought as he walked up
to the podium. He turned to face the crowd, and the applause died
down to silence.

“
Uh, hello,” he began, a
wave of anxiety hitting him as he looked out at the hundreds of
eager faces that now beamed at him. “Thank you very much for
bringing me—for bringing all of us—here. We—”

There were a lot more people in the crowd
than he’d expected. Sweat began to form on the back of his neck as
he looked out at them, until his eyes met Deirdre’s out near the
back. They had agreed to attend the event separately, just to quell
any rumors about them being in a relationship. But when he saw her
smile at him, he could feel her sincere support.

“
I’m not much of a public
speaker, so sorry if I stammer a bit. But what I lack in grace, I
try to make up for in action. People tend to remember deeds a lot
longer than words, and—well, I guess you’re all a testament to
that.”

The room broke out in spontaneous applause,
cutting him short. He nodded and held up his hand, and the noise
gradually died down.

“
We worked for this dream
for so long, it’s actually kind of strange to see you all here
right now. I wasn’t the only one of course—in fact, I probably
wasn’t the most important one. We all made sacrifices, and yours
were just as great as any of ours.

“
This day doesn’t belong to
me, or to any one woman or man,” he continued. “And while I know
that you look to me as some sort of legendary leader, the truth is
that my work is already done. My place in history was only to bring
you here. Now that you’ve arrived, the responsibility has fallen to
you.”

This time, the applause was more scattered.
A few of the smiles were starting to turn to frowns. James searched
the crowd for Deirdre’s face, but couldn’t quite pick her out.

“
So much has changed since
I went into cryo. This time in history belongs to you, not to me.
And while all of you look to me as a hero, there are others who see
me as a villain—a wolf. So long as I’m your leader, this colony
will never know peace. Therefore, I wish to announce my resignation
as your commander.”

An audible gasp went up around the room.
Less than a second later, the roar of commotion was almost as loud
as the applause from before. Where once the crowd had hung on his
every word, now the room had fallen into chaos. James’s eyes
finally picked out Deirdre in the back, and with a start he
realized that she was crying.

Did I disappoint
her?
he wondered. He’d never thought that
his announcement would make her cry. His gut knotted, and for a
very brief moment, a seed of doubt took hold in his
heart.

“
Ladies and gentlemen,
please!” the master of ceremonies announced, rising quickly to the
podium. “I’m sure that the commander wasn’t being
serious—”

“
No,” said James, taking
the podium back, “I meant every word.” He glanced out at the crowd,
hoping that Deirdre was listening. For her sake, he needed to
explain himself.

“
When I led my people into
the nebula, we were surrounded by enemies in a constant state of
war. The people needed someone who would fight for them—someone who
would keep them safe. But here at Chira, our only enemies are the
ones we make among ourselves. We don’t need fighters anymore. We
need peacemakers who can reach out and make reconciliation
possible.”

Some in the crowd broke out in applause, but
it was quickly drowned out in the chaos. A few scattered people
even began to jeer. Disgusted, James raised his voice even
louder.

“
You think this is our
dream? Well, it’s not. You’re free agents—free to do as you like.
Don’t let me or anyone else take that away from you.”

Sara wouldn’t have wanted
me to say that,
he thought as he stormed
out the door. People were calling out to him not to leave, but he
ignored them. With the possible exception of Deirdre, though, no
one in that crowd mattered to him. He just wanted to get away from
them all.

His thoughts strayed to the virgin world
just outside the ship’s windows. The lush green landscape and wispy
white clouds beckoned to him like no planetscape had ever beckoned
to him before. Down there, he was no legend—down there, he wasn’t
any different from anyone. He could shed all the baggage that he’d
carried for so long and lose all the ghosts that now haunted him.
More than anything else, that was what he wanted—a chance to start
over.

Though perhaps he would be better off ending
it all than to try to start over alone.

* * * * *

The moment James left the gala, Deirdre ran
after him. Her heart was still crushed and her mind a whirlwind of
questions and confusion, but one thing stood out through it all:
she was the only one who could reach out to him in this moment, and
that he needed her more than he knew.

He had a good start on her, though, and the
crowd certainly didn’t make it easier. By the time she reached
their quarters, she found him already rummaging through his
personal belongings. There wasn’t much for him to go through.

“
Hey,” she said, bracing
herself in the open doorway. She wasn’t going to let him go until
they’d had a good talk.

“
Hi,” he muttered, not
looking up.

“
Are you all right?” she
asked. “You, uh, kind of lost it back there. When—”

“
I don’t care,” said James,
his forcefulness surprising her. “I’m through with politics for
good.”

“
But James—we need
you.”

He stopped and looked her in the eye. “No,
you don’t. I’m a man out of time, Deirdre—a man from a bygone age.
I did my part to make peace possible, but my time is finished.
Someone else needs to pick up where I left off. I can’t lead this
people any more than—than you can write a history that hasn’t
happened yet.”

But I need you,
Deirdre wanted to say.
Are you going to leave me just the same as everyone
else?