Heart Tamer (4 page)

“So…how have you been, Katie?” His eyes explored her face with a mixture of curiosity and something akin to fondness.  It took her by surprise. She had expected him to be impatient to know what she wanted, but he seemed genuinely interested in knowing how she was doing. The constricted feeling in her chest eased up a bit.

“I’m fine.” She paused and collected her thoughts, which wasn’t easy with him looking at her that way. “Business is great. I own a bridal boutique with my partner, Evangeline. It’s called Kate and Evie.” She smiled. “We work hard, but I can’t complain.”

He nodded. “Good to hear. How are the boys doing?”

A fuzzy feeling tickled her belly as she gazed at him appreciatively. It meant a lot to her that he’d asked about her brothers. “Ryan is getting his M.B.A and Reed is in law school. I’m very proud of how hard they’ve worked.” She wanted to say much more, but it was impossible to condense ten years in a brief conversation. Instead she said, “Alec, I never got to tell you how sorry I was to hear of your parents’ passing. They were wonderful people.” She paused and swallowed as her throat thickened with sadness. “And I loved them.”

Alec scrubbed a weary hand over his eyes. His eyes suddenly looked bloodshot and his face was set in somber lines. “Aye. It’s been a sad year. I miss them very much. Granny Bessie passed a few months ago too.”

Eileen had told her how Alec had stayed by his dying granny’s side in hospice the final days before she died. His compassion for his elderly grandma had touched Kate deeply. Underneath the big, tough man lurked a marshmallow heart. He was the kindest man she knew—when he wasn’t being mule-headed.

“I’m sorry about her passing. Your granny was such fun. I remember her naughty jokes and twinkling eyes.”

Alec smiled warmly. “Aye, her naughty humor was too funny,” he said, shaking his head. His eyes grew earnest as he leaned forward, elbows on his knees.  “It was tough to see how she deteriorated at the end. After Mum died, Granny shut down, emotionally and physically.”

Kate could only imagine how desperate he’d felt, wanting to do more for his granny and incapable of easing her suffering. “That must have been hard on you and Eileen. How are you doing now?” she said, searching his solemn face.

“Life goes on and we have to make the best of what we have,” he said quietly. “I have big decisions to make. Whether to keep the MacLeod family estate or sell it. Eileen wants me to sell. She says being there makes her miss Mum and Dad too much. It could be because their passing is so recent. I don’t want to make a rash decision, but I need to return to London soon. I have a good life there.”

“Oh,” she said, feeling a bit dejected.  What else had she expected? Of course he had a good life. Alec was an extrovert. He had a ton of friends…especially lady friends.

Kate looked down at her hands and sighed. It was now or never. She couldn’t sit there all evening dithering over how she was going to ask him a crucial, life-changing question.
Time to suck it up, buttercup!
That was Evie’s favorite saying and today it really fit the bill.

“Katie?” The question in Alec’s voice nudged her into action.

She lifted her face and met his penetrating gaze with a lift of her brows.

“What’s this about? As I recall, you mentioned cutting a deal,” he said dryly.

Was that a twinkle in his eyes? Had to be the whiskey that was making him mellow.

“Oh…ha! Well, that was a bit of an exaggeration. I’m here because I want—” She stopped abruptly.
Nooo, don’t begin with “I want”, dummy!
It was too self-serving, even though this visit was all about what she wanted more than anything in the world.

She got progressively anxious as she struggled to find the right words. A fine mist of cold sweat covered her skin as she clenched her hands into a tight knot on her lap so he wouldn’t see them trembling. She gulped in air and exhaled it slowly, wilting under his probing gaze.

“Are you okay? You look like you’re about to pass out.” He rose from the sofa. “Maybe you should have a wee drink.”

Kate reached up to detain him. The moment she touched Alec’s hard forearm, she snatched it back. She wasn’t there to be seduced by his muscles. She had a mission and needed to see it through without caving to his manly appeal. It alarmed her how the mere touch of his skin and the feel of his controlled strength made her senses reel with longing.

“No drink. I’m fine. Really,” she added when he gave her a disbelieving look. “I’m just a bit nervous that’s all.” She looked down at her clenched hands and unclenched them. There was no need to act as if she were going to a death chamber. The worse that could happen is he’d get annoyed and say no. She didn’t want to consider the Pandora’s box she’d be opening with one simple request. It wasn’t really simple though…it was life changing—for both of them.

Alec sat down again and took her frozen hand in his. The warmth of his touch gave her courage. “Don’t be nervous. Tell me what you want.”

“It’s a bit unusual,” Kate hedged.

His dark brows lifted. “What is it?”

She had rehearsed this moment a million times, preparing a speech worthy of an Oscar. But all she could do was stare at him, panic-stricken. What was she doing here, putting her heart on the line? And what made her think he’d be any different now. In the past, their fights had been because he claimed she was too bossy, when in reality he was a major alpha male. Her problem, which she freely admitted to herself only—was too much pride and the fear of losing face. She’d been working on it for years. This was the ultimate test. Would she be able to swallow her pride and risk losing face?

“Well?” he prodded, tilting her chin to gaze directly into her eyes. 

She lowered her gaze from his and said a quick prayer for strength. She could feel his mystified eyes on her as she looked down and considered the outcome if she didn’t speak up now. She inhaled deeply, drew on the pluck that had gotten her to this point in her life  and decided she’d rather sacrifice her pride than risk losing what she wanted most in life.

Kate lifted one shoulder in a half-shrug and gave Alec a wobbly smile. “I want to have your baby.”

Alec shot up from the couch as if someone had jabbed him with a long needle. He waved his hand at her lap and then to the front of his kilt with a look of utter shock. “You and me? Have a bairn?” Standing wide-legged with his fists planted on his hips, he stared at her as if she’d lost her mind. “Never in a million years did I imagine you’d come all the way over to proposition me.”

Kate’s face blazed. “Knock it off. I’m not propositioning you. I said I wanted to have your baby, not have sex with you.”

“Last time I checked the way you have a bairn is through sex. Fucking to be exact,” he said bluntly. “Marriage is usually in order too.” 

“Who said anything about marriage?” She stood up and faced him squarely. “This has nothing to do with marriage or making love. I have something else in mind.”

He snorted. “This I want to hear.”

She couldn’t get into details just yet. Not with that ornery look on his face. No need to wave a red cape in front of the bull. “I’m not asking you to marry me or anything like that. If we have a baby together, I’ll take care of raising him or her. You don’t even have to be involved, though I think it’s good for a baby to have a father if possible.”

“Damn right it is.” He watched her through narrowed eyes. “It’s been years. Why now? Why me?”

Kate couldn’t exactly say,
Because I've never forgotten the baby we lost. I never loved anyone as much as I loved you, and if I can’t have you, I want your baby.
Her heart raced like a wild filly as she debated what to say. She went for the obvious. “You have so many qualities that I would want my baby to have.”

Alec’s distrustful topaz eyes didn’t waver from Kate’s. “Like what?”

She smiled wryly. “Now you’re fishing for compliments. Okay, well, to begin with you’re very smart, strong and a born leader. You have an abundance of kindness and you’re an extrovert. You genuinely like people and they like you. Those are traits I’d love for my baby to have.”

“Thanks.” He eyed her with interest. “But I still don’t understand what brought this on. The last I saw of you, you were screeching you never wanted to see me again.”

“I don’t screech,” she huffed. “Anyway, what did you expect after a divorce? Compliments?”

He scoffed. “Hardly.”

Kate shrugged. “I’ve matured and I know what I want out of life now. I spent my youth raising my brothers and working hard. After our divorce, I threw myself into building a business that I loved so I could be independent and support myself.”

“I offered to pay you a generous alimony, but you refused,” he reminded her with a grim set of his jaw.

“I didn’t want your money.”
I wanted you!
she silently shouted. “I never expected you to walk out on me and I vowed I’d never depend on a man again to support me or to make me happy.”

“Good for you,” he said with a hint of sarcasm. “You’re independent and you don’t need anyone.”

“I didn’t say that. I do need someone. A baby.” Her eyes met his earnestly. “Not just any baby. I want your baby,” she said with more bravado than she felt.

“I’m not planning on getting married again,” he said brusquely.

“I already told you I’m not asking you to marry me,” she said, exasperated he was fixating on that.

Alec’s dark brows knotted over puzzled eyes, steadily watching her as if he just couldn’t grasp her motives. “So you keep insisting, but most women expect it.”

“I’m not like most women,” she said with a lift of her chin.

“Aye, that’s for sure,” he said readily. He gave a slow shake of his head. “Why would I agree to this?”

“Don’t you want a child? Someone to call your own and carry on your clan’s name? That’s important in Scotland. Isn’t it?”

He lifted a single brow and smirked. "Cut the bullshit, Katie. You don't give a damn about our Scottish traditions.”

“That’s not true. Whatever gave you that idea? I love Scottish traditions,” she said, wounded. “My most treasured memories are the times I spent in Skye with your parents.” 

Alec exhaled a heavy sigh and rubbed the back of his neck. “Why would I agree to bring a wee child into this world without two loving parents to raise it? Life is hard enough."

At this point she was desperate. At her last exam, Dr. Healey had told her if she wanted a baby, she needed to try as soon as possible, or she might not be able to conceive. “Do it for the memory of your parents. They so wanted us to have children.”

A shadow of pain crossed his face. “That’s not fair, Katie. Mum and Dad wanted grandchildren badly because they lost Robbie. You must have known that.”

Kate’s heart sank. Alec looked stricken. She wished she hadn’t brought up the painful past. “Yes, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to dredge up Robbie’s death.”

Alec’s eyes clouded at the devastating memory. “When Robbie died, I felt helpless and sick with rage at the injustice.” His fists clenched at his sides. “I couldn’t bring him back, but I sure as hell could avenge his death by putting the culprits in jail. You never understood how badly I needed to make things right by Robbie.”

Kate laid a gentle hand on his shoulder. “I’m sorry. I should have been more understanding, more accommodating.”

Alec nodded. “Aye.”

“But I wasn’t the only one at fault. You knew I was terrified you’d end up like Robbie, yet you persisted in putting your life in danger while you went after the drug dealers. I couldn’t bear the thought of losing you. I had already lost both my parents and I’m not good at losing someone I love.” She looked skyward and shook her head. “Talking about this makes me feel worse. Ironically, I lost you anyway.”

“It was a bad parting. Not something I’m proud of.” He gave a rueful shake of his head. “I’m surprised you’re here now, wanting to have my bairn. But when you get something in your head, there’s no stopping you.”   

She drew in a shaky breath as her eyes beseeched him. “So…will you do it?”

Alec’s mood seemed to lift as he gazed at her in bemusement. His discerning eyes swept over her, taking in every inch of her body. The moments ticked by with agonizing slowness. She began to feel nauseated and sick at heart that he’d say no.

He finally gave a casual shrug. “Sure.”

“You will?” Kate staggered backward and reached for his arms to steady herself. She was floored he’d agreed so readily. Alec wasn’t a man to be easily led about.

“Aye. Why not? It will be nice to reconnect with your sweet body, lass,” he said with a slow smile

“Hold on. Who said anything about my sweet body? I don’t mean to be crass, but I only want your sperm.” She ignored his affronted look and continued briskly, “I have a document in my room I’ll bring over for you to sign.”

“What does it say?” His voice was brusque and dangerously low.

“It’s an agreement that you will donate your sperm to me with no strings attached. I’ll take care of everything else.”

“Is that so?” he asked in a deceptively calm voice.

“Yes,” she mumbled, realizing how demanding and unreasonable it sounded when she said it out loud. But what else could she do? Alec didn’t love her anymore. She couldn’t have sex with him without his love. It would break her heart. But she wanted his baby so badly she was willing to do anything to get it. She might have lost Alec’s love, but she would always have his child’s love. 

Alec sprawled on the sofa and took hold of her wrist. With a firm pull, he settled her on his lap. “Don’t waste your time, lass. I won’t sign it.”

“Why not?” she demanded, wriggling to escape his hard thighs.

Alec’s hand formed a steely handcuff around her wrist. “Stop wiggling about. Your arse feels so round and soft, we’ll end up conceiving that bairn right here,” he growled.

“No, we won’t. Let go of me,” she snapped, even though the feel of his stiff arousal made her squeeze her thighs against a gush of excitement.

He took her chin in his hand and turned her face toward him. “If you want to have my bairn that badly, wee Katie, we’ll conceive it the natural way.” He gave a meaningful pause. “I’ll have your sweet surrender.”