Heartache High (9 page)

‘On the
outside
, it all seems perfect.’

‘Outside?’

Iain doesn’t
notice, but Lamia glances at me anxiously.

‘There’s
something not right…like there’s something nasty
inside
her.’

Inside
her?

Does he mean
me
?

Am
I
the
nasty thing he can sense inside her?

*

 ‘
You’re
not
inside her, Steph!’ Jassy points
out.

‘You
are
her,’ Dave adds helpfully.

‘But I
feel
like I’m
inside
her!’

‘It’s a dream,
remember?’

‘You weren’t
talking about it like that a moment ago!’

‘We were coming
to the conclusion, I think, that’s it’s just an admonishing
subconscious!’

‘With lashings
of flattery thrown in to make the pill easier to
swallow.’

I’m crying – not
me
, the girl on the seat.

‘I should think
so too,’ says Jassy. ‘Poor girl!’

Lamia has rushed
round from behind her desk to comfort me – the me on the
seat.

‘Iain, how can
you
say
such a thing? This poor, poor girl, who suffered so
long waiting for you! Who took the trouble to visit me to help her
win you around! And this is how you repay her; by calling her a
nasty person inside?’

An embarrassed
Iain sidles across his chair, moving closer to me, putting a caring
arm around me.

I lean against
him, weeping.

‘Sorry, sorry!’
Iain’s almost weeping himself. ‘I don’t know why I said that, I
really don’t. I don’t know why I think that!’

Lamia steps back
slightly.

‘Mr Sinclair,
perhaps it’s not my help you require, but a
psychiatrist’s!’

‘No no,’ I say,
weeping in my chair, in Iain’s comforting arms. ‘I don’t think a
psychiatrist’s the answer. I think it’s that Iain doesn’t really
love me–’

‘Steph, that’s
not true, I d–’

‘He just likes
to show me off! He
lusts
after me!’

‘Steph! Of
course
I love you!’

‘I must admit,
Iain,’ Lamia says sternly, ‘from what I’ve heard today, it doesn’t
seem as if you
do
love her.’

‘But I
do
love her! I’ve
always
loved her!’

Always
loved her?

He’s
always
loved me?

‘Always loved
her?’ Lamia asks suspiciously.

Iain’s head
ashamedly droops low once more.

He didn’t
notice, once again, that Lamia and I swap strangely conspiratorial
looks.

How can he have
always
loved me?

He never said
anything.

‘Why didn’t you
ever say anything, Iain,’ I ask from my chair, ‘if you’d
always
loved me?’

Iain grimaces.
Like even now, he still wants to hold back from finally admitting
something he’s kept hidden for so long.

‘Yes, Iain,’
Lamia coaxes, ‘why didn’t you say
anything
?’

‘I loved her,
loved her so much it hurt. I wanted to tell her, to ask her out;
but I never knew what to say whenever I was around her. I always
made a fool of myself, I was so nervous. I’d blurt it out all
wrong, I knew I would, and she’d laugh, and everyone would
laugh!’

How long have I
wanted to hear Iain say that?

But what am I
saying?

This is just a
dream isn’t it?

‘Or a
flashback.’

‘Or your
subconscious.’

Jassy and Dave
grin supportively.

‘Then how did
you ever expect to be together, Iain,’ Lamia asks, ‘if you weren’t
prepared to say anything?’

‘Can’t you
imagine how much it would have hurt me if she’d turned me down?’
Iain says. ‘Better, I thought, to live in hope that she also
secretly loved me, than to suddenly have everything all dashed to
pieces. I just hoped that, somehow, we’d just sort of be almost
naturally drawn together; that that’s how it would work out if we
both loved each other.’

‘Seems like you
didn’t need that love potion after all,’ Jassy says, nudging me
playfully. ‘A foregone conclusion eh?’

‘That’s if Steph
actually
did
visit our Miss Morticia here,’ Dave adds,
somewhat breaking the magic of what I’m hearing.

‘But you would
never have come together, would you Iain,’ Lamia points out, ‘if
you were both just relying on things happening by chance? So,
ironically, even though you were both in love with each other, you
could never realise that love until Stephanie here came to me for
my love potion? I don’t suppose you’ve heard of Tristian and
Isolde? No?’

‘Hmn, moot
point,’ Jassy hisses defensively. ‘Tristian and Isolde blamed their
doomed love on the potion they’d both mistakenly taken. But they
were really naturally drawn to each other.’

‘So,’ Iain says
hopefully, ‘your potions
do
work? They
are
potions?’

Even as he
spoke, Lamia had been making her way over to a large cabinet that,
when pulled open, revealed a multitude of old-style stoppered
medicine bottles.

‘Yes, they
are
potions.’

‘Are they
safe?’

Iain watches
nervously as Lamia deftly pours out and mixes a number of both
crystalline and liquid ingredients.

‘Does Stephanie
look in any way ill to you?’

Iain glances at
me. His smile is uncertain, yet he shakes his head, says, ‘No, she
looks
fine.’

There a hint of
doubt in the word
looks
.

‘She seems
different,’ he adds.

‘Only to you
Iain, only to you.’

Lamia still has
her back to them as she continues her swift, skilful mixing of the
potion.

‘And that’s
because she’s now confident, assured. How is she regarded at school
now; is she more popular, or less?’

‘More; much
more.’

He says it, I
think, with bitterness.

‘I couldn’t fail
to notice the bitterness there Iain,’ Lamia says with a low
chuckle. ‘As I suspected, it’s jealously you’re suffering from; the
resentment, too, that power has slipped out of your hands into
Stephanie’s.’

She gracefully
walks back from the cabinet, holding a glass of the potion in her
hand.

I’m a little
disappointed that it isn’t steaming, as you’d expect a magical
potion to be. It isn’t even fizzing.

It looks like
milk.

‘I can cure you;
I can make you happy one more.’

She hands Iain
the potion.

‘Drink,’ she
orders.

Iain gives me an
edgy glance.

‘You’re sure
it’s safe?’ he asks me.

I nod,
smile.

‘Course it’s
safe; I wouldn’t bring you here, would I, if I didn’t think it
was?’

Iain still
hesitates. The glass shakes slightly in his hand.

‘Please Iain,’ I
plead. ‘It’s the only way we can be
truly
happy!’

He brings the
glass up to his lips.

He tries it with
a sip.

I smile, urging
him on.

He drinks
more.

He drains the
glass.

Lamia takes the
empty glass from him.

‘It will make
you feel drowsy for a while, perhaps even send you briefly to
sleep; but don’t worry, this is all perfectly natural.’

‘Sleep?’

Iain already
sounds dazed. Anxious too.

‘It’s all
perfectly normal.’ Lamia’s voice is professional,
reassuring.

‘I’m tired, very
tir…’

He’s slouching
slightly in his seat.

He smiles, a
child-like smile, a sleepy smile.

He drifts off,
mumbling as if a little drunk.

He slumps limply
in his chair.

‘He’s asleep?’
Lamia asks me.

I
nod.

And then we both
laugh.

*

Why are we
laughing?

Poor
Iain!

As I rise up
from my seat, Lamia throws her arms around me and hugs me closely,
lovingly.

‘It’s so
good
to see you again Panthia!’

Panthia
?

‘Mother!’ I
say.

Mother
?

‘Wow, your
subconscious is
really
playing games now Steph,’ Dave says
with an amused chuckle. ‘Just how many deep-rooted problems have
you got circulating around in that mind of yours?’

Lamia and I pull
apart with affectionate smiles.

Lamia glares at
Iain with obvious disgust.

‘It’s a good
thing you worked out he’d been in love with her after all,’ she
says, taking my hand tenderly. ‘It could have caused
complications.’

‘I haven’t felt
anything odd though,’ I say. ‘I don’t think it’s had any
effect.’

Lamia draws me
close again, standing directly in front of me.

She taller than
me. It could be the killer high heels she’s wearing.

‘It’s still
wiser to check,’ she says, locking eyes with mine.

Wow!

Seeing her eyes
like this is really unnerving.

They’re wide,
unblinking.

They really are
like deep pools of sparkling water.

‘Are you there
Stephanie?’ She says it kindly. ‘I
know
you’re in there
somewhere dear; so please make yourself known to me!’

*

What’s going
on?

How does she
know I’m here?

‘She doesn’t
really know you’re here, because she doesn’t
really
exist,
remember Steph?’ Dave explains.

‘If it really is
your subconscious we’re tapping into here, it obviously knows
you’re watching everything,’ Jassy agrees. ‘Although what Freud
would make of it, I’ve no idea.’

‘Come out, come
out, wherever you are,’ Lamia trills creepily.

Thankfully, she
pulls away from me once more.

Those eyes were
weirdly hypnotic, like they really were capable of drawing me
out.

Like you skewer
out a winkle from its shell!

‘Are you sure
you haven’t felt her trying to regain some form of control?’ Lamia
asks me.

‘I’m sure of
it,’ I reply. ‘She’s still safely locked away where she should be.
Well, ever since lover boy here was ensnared of course.’

I giggle
wickedly.

‘Hmn, not as
ensnared as he should have been, obviously.’

Lamia observes
the sleeping Iain intently, a new sense of admiration in her
voice.

‘He was not only
in love with the real Stephanie, but he’s retained that love for
her despite your undoubted charms my dear.’

She turns back
to me, looking me up and down with undisguised approval.

‘You’ve made
so
much more of her too! He’s a fool to want the old
Stephanie back.’

‘Hmn, but we
know men can be like that, unfortunately. Completely predictable
normally; but obtuse when you least expect it!’

‘An obtuseness
that, in this case, could mean our poor little Stephanie isn’t as
self-contained as she should be.’

She takes me by
the arms, pulls me back towards her yet again.

‘Now, let’s try
it again shall we?’

Her eyes lock on
mine once more.

‘Stephanie; I
know where you are,’ she says. ‘You’re a student at Heartache High,
aren’t you dear?’

*

She knows about
Heartache High!

‘Sure she would,
if she’s a construct of your subconscious!’ Dave says. ‘You’re
reading too much into a lot of this.’

‘Isn’t that what
a psychiatrist has to do with subconscious thoughts though Dave?’
Jassy says. ‘Read a meaning into them, interpret them?’

‘I don’t think
any
psychiatrist could interpret
these
thoughts
accurately!’

I feel like
Lamia can see me.

Feel like her
never-wavering eyes are actually locked onto me, the student at
Heartache High, rather than onto the eyes of the me back in that
room.

‘Don’t you enjoy
it there dear?’ Lamia asks mischievously. ‘I mean, all those people
there, all just like you? All those things you have in common? All
those things you can share and discuss? You’re all of one mind,
aren’t you?’