Hearts Crossing (Woodland) (10 page)

“Not given the end result. Instead of good, I caused nothing but disaster. Why have faith after that? Why hope for goodness? Where was my faithful God? Why didn’t He intervene? Why didn’t He see fit to keep Lance alive? It’s left such a hole in our family, in…in…”

“In your heart.”

“Yes.” No way would Collin ever deny that fact. “And I want it to go away, Pastor Ken, but it never does.”

Those last whispered words faded to silence and Collin rested his head in the open cup of his hands. He felt completely drained.

“Has it occurred to you that perhaps Daveny has become the answer to that plea? That God sent her to you for just that purpose?”

“But she’s…she’s like…like an ideal to me. She’s what I’d strive for, if only I didn’t, or hadn’t…”

“Please stop. Right there.” Pastor Ken earned Collin's full gaze and attention. And he wasn’t doing the warm and fuzzy any longer. “Don’t put her into a category she can never live up to or you’ll both end up disappointed. Don’t make her more than she is. She’s a human being with the same hopes and fears and dreams and scars as everyone else. But at the same time, recognize her impact on your life. You need to let her in, and you need to let your family in or this will keep eating you alive.”

Collin thought about that for a moment. “I know they'll change toward me. Once they know about my part in Lance’s death, things will change. I don't want that! As for Daveny, I’m not saying she’d back away, or not feel compassion. She’s too full of love and optimism and hope for such a thing. The same holds true for my whole family. In a way, I feel trapped. That night damaged me. My family would ultimately rally around me, I know that. But Daveny? She possesses too much brightness for someone like me to drag her down. I can't seem to reconcile myself.”

“Then you grossly underestimate her, and your own goodness. That's a grave disservice to you both. Look what she’s done for you already. Do you honestly think that will end? Or change? I don’t, because I know Daveny well enough to realize she doesn’t give her heart away unless it’s completely and with one hundred percent conviction to go along with it. I see it in church nearly every week. And I’ll warn you again not to hold her up to idealism. She struggles, too, Collin.”

A pause settled between them for a time. Collin absorbed that silence, letting it balm his jangled nerves. “I feel so much. I feel anger, bitterness, love, loss, guilt. Shame most of all…”

“That’s a lot of negativity pushing at you.
Let it go
.”

“I’ve done so well ’til now keeping it at bay.”

“Do you think? I’m not so sure.”

Collin speared Pastor Ken with a wry look. Pastor Ken just grinned.

“She’s opening you up, Collin. She’s setting you free. That's God at work. Don't fight it. You can’t run or hide from Him, so stop trying. Instead, turn to the love you’ll find. God is, and always will be, right there waiting for you.”

His definitive inflection won Collin's attention once more. The words of Daveny's presentation, of time and seasons and circumstances not being bullied, played through his mind.

“Let your family help heal you, and let Daveny have your heart. You won't regret it.”

That was a step forward Collin couldn’t quite make. Not yet. He couldn’t face the guilt he felt; the anger and bitterness still tasted powerful enough to cling to. After all, its pattern was familiar.

Collin didn’t mean to be rude, but he needed to leave. Suddenly the church interior felt claustrophobic and overly warm. He stood somewhat abruptly and nodded at Pastor Ken, who watched him in a steady, unresisting manner.

“Thanks, Pastor Ken. I…I should be going, but...thanks. I appreciate hearing what you have to say.”

Without waiting for a reply Collin walked up the main aisle and out the doors into a blinding, bright sunlit day.

Good. He could blame stinging, watery eyes on the elements.

10

To be completely honest, despite back-breaking work, Daveny couldn't help cracking up, and Kiara joined right in. What a pair of planting pros.
Not.

“Forget the manicure for five minutes and push down, Kiara! The roots need to be buried deep!”

Daveny bullied the trunk of a rose bush while Kiara exerted pressure, wedging the roots securely and as far down into the dirt as possible.

Sandy Pierson stepped up, offering readily, “Let me help.”

After performing introductions, Pastor Ken had left the group a few minutes ago, and to her credit, the WWJ Radio personality, having finished mingling with the volunteers, launched into action and chipped right in. Daveny liked her already. What wasn't to love about a media person who was willing to give the Woodland project free publicity plus a day's worth of work?

Crouching, utilizing her shoulder as a brace, Sandy helped Daveny prop and position the trunk. Then she reached down to help Kiara bury the roots.

“Thanks.” Daveny encouraged, “Teamwork saves the day.”

Sandy smiled up at her. “You're welcome. Learned long ago that authentic story coverage requires a bit of dirt and sweat.”

“No doubt,” Kiara quipped, giving their new teammate a grin.

Church members dug shovels deep into a pile of planting soil to the left, filling in the ground and mounding the dirt to a soft rise soon to be polished off by a perimeter of fieldstones.

“I started attending church here again a few weeks ago. I remember Jim Cavanaugh. When I heard he bequeathed part of his estate to Woodland, I wanted his story to be told,” Sandy said.

Daveny helped her wriggle and till and bury.

“The segment I imagine will be a two minute overview, with interviews. I’d love your help with that, as well as Pastor Ken's, and some of the volunteers, too.”

“What a great gesture to the church, Sandy,” Daveny replied, thinking,
Impressive. So, Sandy has a history here.
Daveny looked at Kiara and received her agreeing nod. “We're on board if you need anything.”

“Thanks. This particular Spotlight feature might be a
bit
biased, but that can't be helped. This was my church home for years before I moved to Chicago. It feels good to be back.”

Her eyes strayed. Her attention moved to the front of the church. A short time ago, when the flowerbeds were being finished off by Collin and his brothers, Daveny had noticed the way Sandy watched. Collin had gone inside briefly but had returned now to join his family for a meal break; once again Sandy focused on him. The entire Edwards clan was freshly seated on and around a vivid gingham blanket set with food and beverages.

Daveny intended to join them, so she offered, “Let's break for lunch. We can work on the rock border afterward.”

Sandy turned as though abruptly jarred from her revelry. “Ah...sure. That'd be great. I'm supposed to meet up with Pastor Ken.”

She’d answered, somewhat quickly Daveny felt, especially when she noticed the way Sandy continued to study Collin and his family. Her actions left Daveny puzzled enough to inquire: “Do you know the Edwards family?”

Sandy shrugged, nearly accomplishing a posture of nonchalance. “They're regulars here. A long-time part of Woodland. I might interview them.”

Sandy's attitude was almost businesslike, but Daveny noticed her dark hazel eyes were vulnerable and guarded. Intuition told Daveny that Sandy possessed an affiliation to the Edwards family. But how?

“I want to interview you and Kiara as well. After all, you're the architects of this masterpiece.”

They took off for the food line. But Daveny couldn't help noticing two things. First, Sandy hadn't answered her question. Second, in passing the Edwards' spot on the lawn, Sandy gave them a wide berth.

****

Something rode beneath the surface of Collin's mood. A subtle degree of tension rolled off him, sliding over Daveny. Lunchtime brought them together after working apart for the bulk of the morning. He remained pleasant and warm, but a layer of disquiet that Daveny could all but feel worked like static against her nerves.

Sandy, Kiara and Pastor Ken linked up with a group of volunteers not far away. Daveny noticed his furtive glances, the subtle squeeze of tension between his brows when he looked at Sandy. He chatted with Daveny, with his brothers and sisters; he horsed around with the myriad of nieces and nephews who toppled all over him. But eyes mirrored the soul—and those mirrors kept track of Sandy—his mouth uncharacteristically set into a tight, straight line.

Being welcomed so warmly into the fold of the Edwards family helped redirect her thoughts, though. Daveny enjoyed getting to know the extended family a bit better, but bodily refreshment barely kicked in before work called once more.

During lunch Daveny had idly mentioned needing some spare muscle to place and secure the circle of perimeter stones by the bridge. Collin didn't say much in reply, but when the break finished, he trailed Daveny to the freshly planted rose bush, which gave her a needed psychological boost.

They went to work, Collin settling the weighty stones firmly into place. Daveny knelt next to him and preceded his efforts by grooming the ground then digging out suitable space within which to nestle the rocks. They created the circle in silence, conversations humming around them, laughter and the dash and squeal of playing children a soothing backdrop.

After a time, the sun became scorching, so she plucked two water bottles from a passing volunteer. Daveny handed one to Collin, finally venturing, “You're working like a man on a mission. Wish I had more of a reward for you.”

The water bottle traveled from her grip to his and he drank deeply.

“No problem. Besides, good works are a reward unto themselves, right?”

His tone and attitude verified her suspicion that he was troubled. His words provided the perfect opening to conduct just a bit of probing. “Is that what you believe?”

At first he just shrugged, but then he went back to work. Briskly. “It's easier to believe in the tangible results of good works, even punishment for bad ones, than it is to believe in the unseen and unheard.”

Daveny settled onto her knees, cushioned from the ground by a protective pad. Almost like a plea she asked, “What happened to make you feel that way, Collin?”

“Some day I'll tell you.”

“But not today?”

His shoulders sagged as if burdened by a weight he could hardly bear.

“I'm a little raw today, so this probably isn't the best time to delve deep.” He looked at her in earnest. “Daveny, it's not you. Honestly, it's not.” There he paused, seeming to consider. He examined the soil, running his gloved hand over its base. “I know what I'm saying may sound overly dramatic; I don't mean for it to. I feel like I'm at a complete crossroads right now.” Daveny moved to speak, but he held up a hand to stave off further questioning. “I'll work it out, but for now I'm trying to sort things out. I'm just in a funk, I guess. Sorry for not being better company.”

The admission made her bold. She didn't hesitate. She kissed his cheek, her lashes fluttering closed against his skin as she did so. The pleasant scent of male musk, the tang of salt from his sweat-touched skin skimmed through her. The essence of him remained on Daveny's lips as she moved slowly away.

“You're fine company, Collin.”

The expression he wore when she looked at him put her heart to work in double time, her pulse racing in syncopation to its beat. Heat flushed through her system when she saw the need, the undisguised hope and openness in his eyes.