Hearts Made Whole (22 page)

As if sensing his desire, her lashes fell and she nibbled her lower lip, telling him she was probably thinking the same thing he was.

“No one would be able to make you leave the light.” His voice came out husky. “Not if you're my wife.”

“True,” she said softly. “There are plenty of keepers' wives who serve as assistants.”

“It's the perfect solution.” He wondered why he hadn't thought of it earlier. He supposed part of him knew that Caroline wouldn't have considered it before. And he likely wouldn't have considered it either. But now she was willing to do anything to keep her family safe—even marry Arnie. And now he was desperate to keep her from doing so. The option seemed so much more viable.

“I may not be a much better choice than Arnie,” he said, “but if you think you can put up with me . . .”

She smiled. Her eyes lit up and sparkled.

Before he could come up with any more excuses why he shouldn't marry her, he lowered himself to one knee. He placed his hand around hers and looked up into her face with as much earnestness as he could muster. “Caroline Taylor, will you do me the honor of becoming my wife?”

“Oh, Ryan,” she said breathlessly. Her eyes shouted her acquiescence. He could see that she wanted to agree. Surely she couldn't deny her desire for him. He'd seen it, felt it.

“Please?” he whispered, not caring that he was practically begging her. He wasn't sure why he was so desperate for her to agree to his proposal, but his muscles tightened with anticipation.

She studied his face. The light in her eyes wavered. In that moment of hesitation, all the insecurities of the past months crept back.

“Would you mind if I take the night to think about it?” she asked gently.

Was she hoping that if she had the whole night, she might be able to come up with a kind way to turn him down?

He shook off the morbid thought, forced a grin, and rose to his feet. He didn't let go of her hand. He couldn't break the connection yet. “Of course I'll let you think about it tonight.” He tried to make his voice playful. “But you have to promise me that you won't go running off again, especially to marry Arnie.”

“I promise.”

“Will you give me your answer in the morning?” he asked. The sooner they got married, the sooner they'd be able to send the message that they weren't leaving, that the scare tactics hadn't worked. And it was past time to involve the sheriff. They needed to find out who was responsible for the threats once and for all.

“I'll tell you first thing,” she said.

“Good. I'll be waiting.” Then something inside him coiled tight. He didn't want to think about the fact that she might say no. Now that he'd asked her, he realized he couldn't imagine life without her.

In the few short weeks he'd known her, she'd brought more healing to his life than months of medicine and treatments had. She'd become the soothing balm he needed. And now he didn't want to lose her. He was too afraid of the kind of man he might become again if he didn't have her by his side.

“Ready to go back home?” he asked.

At the snap of a nearby branch, Caroline started, fear flashing across her face.

“You're safe,” Ryan assured her, twining his fingers through hers and tugging her close to his side. “I'll make sure of it.”

Even as he said the words, he peered in the direction of the sound. He didn't see anyone, but that didn't stop the skin at the base of his neck from prickling. Instinct told him someone had been watching them.

“Let's go,” he said, reaching for his horse.

When Caroline nodded at him, he breathed out his relief and whispered a silent prayer that by this time tomorrow night, he'd be a married man.

B
y the time Caroline arrived back at the lighthouse, a strange calm had settled over her. Not even the sight of the blackened door of the passageway or the broken window or the charred siding could call forth the usual anxiety.

She wasn't exactly sure why her panic had evaporated, the panic that had almost driven her to Arnie, to almost accept his offer of marriage. It wasn't because Ryan had dropped to one knee and formally proposed to her. It couldn't be. There were still too many uncertainties and no guarantees that her family would be safe, even if she married Ryan.

She shrugged out of her shawl and tossed it over the back of the wing chair in the living room. She took a deep breath of the smoke-laden air, surprised that her nerves hadn't pinched her airways as they had earlier.

“Caroline?” Tessa's voice sounded from the kitchen. When she stepped into the doorway, her brow was creased with worry. She held the bottle of opium pills in one hand and a pestle and mortar in the other.

Caroline had no doubt that Sarah was in a great deal of pain
after having been moved out of the house and that Tessa was grinding the pain medicine to ease the girl's discomfort. If such a short distance could disturb Sarah, Caroline didn't want to think about what a longer move would do.

Tessa inspected Caroline's ring finger. “You didn't marry him, did you?”

“Not yet.” Ryan opened the door and stepped into the sitting room behind Caroline.

Her body thrummed to life at the sound of his voice and the hint of humor in it. She didn't dare turn around and look at him. She was afraid she'd fling herself into his arms and tell him yes, that she'd marry him—tonight. Especially if she saw the hurt in his eyes that he was trying to hide.

She hated that her hesitancy had brought him some pain, but she had to sort through her confusion before she gave him her answer. His proposal had happened so abruptly that she couldn't think, couldn't react or begin to make sense of what it meant.

He moved behind her, not quite touching her but close enough that she could feel his breath by her neck. “But our wedding will be soon, won't it?” And with that, he brushed a soft kiss against her cheek.

The merest touch ignited a flame in her belly. She had to hold herself rigid to keep from melting backward into him. She had the urge to run with him all the way to town and get married. Right then. Without waiting a second longer. But the rational part of her warned her that she couldn't marry him simply because she wanted to kiss him again, that a marriage needed to be built on much more than physical attraction.

“I don't understand,” Tessa said. “I thought Caroline was running off to marry Arnie.”

“She was,” Ryan replied. “But I asked her to marry me instead.”

Tessa's face drained of all color. “You can't marry Caroline.”

“Why not? Then you can all stay here. You won't have to leave.”

“But I want to leave!” Tessa cried. “And I told you that I want you to take me with you when you go.”

Caroline shook her head, trying to make sense of what Tessa was saying. “You can't go with Ryan—”

“I'm old enough!” Tessa shot back. She took several steps forward, her dark eyes filled with determination. “I'm a woman now. I can make my own decisions.”

“You can't just run off with Ryan or any other man—”

“I can do whatever I please.” Tessa stamped her foot, her supple body shaking with a frustration Caroline didn't understand. “I'm perfectly capable of taking care of a man and my own house. I've been managing this house for years while you've been busy with the light.”

The resentment that laced Tessa's declaration stopped Caroline's response. Had Tessa been unhappy all these years? Maybe Caroline had been wrong to assume that Tessa had been willing to take over so much responsibility.

Ryan cleared his throat. “Listen. I don't want to get into the middle of this, and the last thing I want to do is hurt you, Tessa.”

Tessa lifted her chin, the slightly stubborn gesture frustrating Caroline all the more. The girl removed the cork on the vial of opium pills. Even that small sound and movement reeked with defiance. Tessa tipped the bottle and let a pill slide out into the mortar.

The motion drew Ryan's attention. At the sight of the medicine, hunger flashed across his expression. Though his body
was free of the addicting pills, he obviously still struggled with craving them.

Tessa quickly recorked the vial and slipped it into her apron pocket.

Ryan took a breath and continued, “I'm not planning to leave the light.”

“You said Caroline deserved the keeper job,” Tessa insisted. “You said you'd leave so that she could have it. And you promised you'd take me with.”

“I didn't promise you that,” he said firmly.

Tessa pressed her pretty lips together into a pout. “I asked, and you didn't tell me no.”

Ryan shook his head. “If Caroline agrees to marry me, then I'm staying. If she doesn't marry me, I'll gladly relinquish the lighthouse to her. I'll even ride into Detroit first thing tomorrow and make sure the Lighthouse Board knows exactly how qualified Caroline is for the job. And I'll tell them we suspect Finick is trying to drive you out.”

He turned to Caroline and looked directly into her eyes. “One way or another, we'll get to the bottom of all that's happened.”

Caroline gazed toward the rising sun, a faint outline of pink and orange behind a haze of clouds. She'd expected Ryan to relieve her hours ago, as had become his custom. He'd come up during the wee hours of the morning to take over extinguishing the light.

Their arrangement had allowed her to get more sleep and have more time during the day to do other things she'd been neglecting since her father's death.

She exhaled and savored the sense of calm that had stayed
with her all night. In fact, she hadn't worried during Ryan's absence either. She'd decided that he probably wanted to give her the opportunity to think about the marriage decision without pressuring her.

She'd been grateful for his sensitivity, since she hadn't been able to think about anything else all night long.

It had taken her some time, but she'd finally sorted out some of the reasons why she'd hesitated to accept his proposal. For one, she wasn't sure that he was completely ready for such a responsibility. It had only been a few weeks since he'd been drinking and medicating himself into a stupor. Was he healed enough to move forward with life?

She'd also realized that she longed to hear him say he wanted to marry her because he loved her and not just to rescue her from all her problems. But the truth was, there hadn't been any love between her and Arnie, and that hadn't stopped her from rushing off to marry him. Why did love have to be a part of the agreement with Ryan?

After struggling through that question during the dark hours of the night, she'd come to the conclusion that love didn't matter. Even if Ryan didn't love her, even if he was only marrying her to do the noble thing and save her from danger, they could still have a good life together. Perhaps they'd eventually fall in love. It was known to happen in marriages of convenience on occasion.

Besides, if she was completely honest with herself, she had to admit, she was already falling in love with him. At least that's what she thought was happening. Since she'd never been in love before, never even had a beau, she didn't quite know what all her feelings meant.

But she did know she admired Ryan, especially for his kindness
and tenderness. She appreciated his sensitivity, his sweetness. And he was braver and more daring than he gave himself credit for. He never feared charging into dangerous situations. He was always willing to risk his own safety for the sake of others. And he never asked for anything in return.

Not only that, but he knew her. He could see inside to her fears. He accepted her despite her weaknesses, and somehow had a way of making her feel stronger. With him at her side, she felt as though she could bear the problems better.

The truth was, she couldn't ask for a better husband than Ryan Chambers. She didn't want any other man but him. She wanted to spend her life by his side. Together they could face whatever came their way.

She pushed away from the rounded window and her view of the eastern horizon, her heart light and bubbling with excitement.

Yes, she loved him.

Even if he hadn't said the words to her, even if he didn't love her yet, even if he wasn't completely healed, she'd still marry him. She'd give herself fully to him and pray that eventually he'd do the same.

With a lightness to her steps, she rushed down the spiraling stairway. She couldn't wait to see him and tell him the news of her decision. She could imagine his grin and the teasing spark in his warm, brown eyes.

She exited the doorway at the bottom of the tower to avoid the damaged passageway. As she made her way around the outside of the house, the silence and stillness of the house nagged her. Reaching the sitting room window, she peered inside. The room was dark without a trace of the usual activity for early morning.

She glanced to the roof, to the stovepipe, and wondered why no smoke was rising from it into the open air. If she didn't know better, she'd almost believe Tessa hadn't started the stove yet. But that couldn't be true because she was always up early to wake the boys, cook them breakfast, and send them off to school.

A sliver of unease pinched Caroline as she opened the front door and stepped inside the dark house.

Where was everyone?

She quietly closed the door behind her and tiptoed across the center rug, noting that nothing seemed out of place. The crocheted afghan was folded neatly across the rocker. Tessa's books were stacked on the low bookshelf. The boys' boots were lined up on the rug next to the door.

Caroline paused. The boys' coats were still hanging on pegs above their boots. Shouldn't they be on their way to school by now?

With growing alarm, Caroline walked into the kitchen. The same stillness greeted her there. The chairs were pushed into the table, which was bare except for a bowl of apples that graced the center along with two candles on either side.

The stove was cold. There were no scents of breakfast, only the lingering smell of smoke from yesterday's fire.

Picking up her pace, she continued through the kitchen and down the hallway. The bedroom doors were still closed. Dread filled her as Caroline opened Sarah's door. Faint light was beginning to peek in through the edges of the curtain, illuminating Sarah's form on one half of the bed.

At the sight of her approach, Sarah smiled, although weakly.

“Where's Tessa?” Caroline asked.

“I don't know,” Sarah whispered. “She didn't sleep with me last night. I'm worried.”

Where was Tessa? The dread increased tenfold. What if Tessa had become the next victim in the string of cruelties inflicted on her family? What if she'd been kidnapped . . . or worse?

A scuffling on the boards overhead told her the twins were still home and just getting out of bed. They were late, but at least they were safe. She hurried out of Sarah's room and went across the hall. Her hand hovered above the doorknob. Although she didn't want to disturb Ryan, the urgency racing through her veins demanded that she wake him and enlist his help in finding Tessa.

Maybe Tessa had decided to ride off. Maybe she'd finally had enough of living at the lighthouse. Whatever the case, Caroline wouldn't put it past Tessa to think she was grown up enough to make it on her own now.

Caroline stifled a frustrated sigh and turned the knob. The door opened soundlessly. She peeked into the room, which was cloaked in darkness.

“Ryan,” she whispered loudly.

The shifting of covers and a soft moan came from the bed.

“Ryan,” she said again. “Wake up.”

A groggy “Hmm” was his only response, and it was all too reminiscent of the way his voice sounded when he'd been taking his pain pills.