It was after
one of their marathon shopping excursions, near Thanksgiving, that they stopped
in at Angela’s before heading out to a movie.
While Lil stowed her day's purchases, Emily browsed along the shelves of
record albums that lined one wall of her bedroom.
“You must spend
a fortune on music, Lil.”
She ran her
finger along the rows of record jackets, calculating the value of such an
impressive collection.
“Feel free to
borrow.
I hardly have time to
listen.”
Lil turned to see Emily staring
at a small framed square on the wall above the shelf.
“Oh, I never told you about that, did
I?”
In typical breathless fashion, she
launched into her story.
“It was the
most amazing thing ever.
I was home from
school last Christmas and Dad dragged me along to help with this awful
party.
So I'm watching all these people
making absolute idiots of themselves, and who do I see standing over against
one wall, but Stani Moss.
The
Stani
Moss!
You know who I mean, the
violinist.
I couldn't believe my eyes at
first.
So I took some food and went over
to talk to him.
He's really very
ordinary once you get past how gorgeous he looks.
I mean he's not the least bit snobbish or
intimidating.
Anyway, we talked for a
while and then I got his autograph.
He
even said he liked my name, and I told him I was named for your mom.
You know he was in some kind of accident that
very night?
I guess I was one of the
last people he talked to before he left the party.
Anyway, he's okay now.
I have his new recording.
We've got time to listen before the movie if
you want to.
It's not quite as good as
his Mendelssohn, but it's still amazing.”
Going to the shelf, Lil started to pull out the record.
It was then that she realized Emily seemed to
be holding her breath.
“Em, do you want
to listen to it?”
But Emily could
no longer hear over the roaring in her ears.
She thought she might be about to faint for the first time in her
life.
Right before her eyes, written
neatly in slightly blurred ink on a crumpled napkin, were the words “For
Lilianne, All my best, Stani Moss.”
The
napkin had been pressed between two sheets of glass, framed by a simple wooden
square.
Emily struggled to make sense of
what Lil had been saying.
She had met
Stani the night before the accident, talked to him, told him her name, Emily's
mother's name?
How could it be possible
that they had both met Stani, Lil before and Emily after his accident?
What were the odds against such a
coincidence?
She shook her head slowly
in an attempt to clear her mind.
She
didn't believe in coincidence, did she?
As Lil eased
the record from the shelf, Emily began to back away, moving blindly toward the
door.
There wasn't enough air in the
room for the two of them she was sure.
Lil was about to hold the record up for her to see the cover.
Turning, she raced from the bedroom, making
straight for the front door.
Angela was
just coming from the kitchen; Emily caught a glimpse of her stunned face, heard
herself mutter something about a forgotten appointment as she pushed her way
outside.
With her heart pounding, she
stopped at the porch railing, gasping for air.
What had just happened?
How could
she have lost control like that?
What must
they think of her, tearing out of the house that way?
She felt a hand
gently rest on her shoulder and turning around, fell into Angela's outstretched
arms, for the first time aware that tears were flowing down her face.
As Angela led her back into the foyer, they
almost collided with Lil.
“I'm so sorry,
Mom!
What did I do?”
She stared at Emily in mystified horror.
“It's all
right, Lil.
Just give me some time to
talk with Emily, please.”
Angela's tone
gave no indication she’d noticed the girl beside her was near hysterics.
Lil looked for
a moment as if she might argue, then turned back into her room, softly closing
the door behind her.
Leading Emily
into the kitchen, Angela urged her into a chair and drew a glass of water from
the tap.
“Here, Em, drink this.”
She seated herself at the table, folding her
hands and waiting.
Struggling for
composure, Emily gasped, “I'm so sorry!
I don't know what's wrong with me!”
She sipped the water, wiping at her eyes with the back of her free hand.
“I assume you saw
Lil's little treasure?”
With the threat
of renewed sobs, Emily nodded.
“Emily, I want
you to listen to me, dear.
There are a
couple of things you should understand.
First, I know what happened last Christmas.
Jack told me.
I know what you did for Stani Moss.
I apologize for not warning you about the autograph, but frankly I
wanted to see how you might react to it.
The second thing you need to know is that Jack and I are concerned that
you've been trying to deal with more of a load than anyone your age could be
expected to carry alone.”
Emily shook
her head, about to protest, but Angela went on.
“I know you're strong, but I also know how much has happened in your
life in the past few years.
First your
mother, then your father, having to leave home and not knowing what was going
to happen next.
I blame myself for
letting you go to Florida that first summer.
I should have taken you here with me in the beginning.
But Marcy is family and I didn't want to
intrude.”
Emily began to sob again in
earnest and Angela realized she was probably being a bit ruthless..
But then again, it might be best to get it
all out at once.
Emily had been storing
too much away for too long.
“As for
Stani Moss, Jack is worried that you may have fallen in love with him.”
Emily shook her
head, violently this time.
“No!
You can't fall in love with someone you don't
even know!”
“Maybe not,”
Angela paused, handing Emily a napkin to wipe her streaming eyes.
“But your mother did.
Do you remember the story of how your parents
met?”
A venerable story-teller, Angela
now had Emily's attention, and she went on gently.
“It was at graduation.
A group of us from the conservatory had gone
together.
J.D. was seated on stage with
the other faculty and Lilianne said she thought immediately how handsome he
was, so distinguished in his robes.
Then
she noticed that the cuff of his trousers was torn and his shoes were caked
with mud.
She said she made up her mind
right then she would have to marry him.”
She laughed softly, remembering her own reaction to her friend's
announcement.
“J.D. said, once they'd
actually met of course, that he was no match for such a force of nature, so he
had no choice but to let her sweep him off his feet.”
Emily had
stopped crying, caught up in her parent's love story.
Angela took her hand across the table.
“Maybe you don't fall in love until you've
known someone for at least a little while, but I believe you can fall in love with
the idea of someone.
Especially when
you're watching them draw every breath for hours on end.”
Tears welled again and Emily's chin
trembled.
“That's how it was?
You sat there all night, watching over him,
afraid he might die at any moment?”
Angela stood and took Emily in her arms, hugging her close.
“You saved his life, Em.
Of course you feel some attachment to
him.
What makes you think there's
anything wrong with that?”
“But I
didn't!
I didn't save his life.
He just wasn't supposed to die that
night.
All I did was keep him safe for a
little while.
I believe with all my
heart that God meant for him to live.
I
just don't understand why I had to be the one to help him.
I promised myself I'd let him go, but
everywhere I look he's there.”
Her tears
spent, she sighed wearily.
“You've always
had such strong faith, since you were just a little girl.
But faith doesn't make us superhuman,
dear.
Quite the opposite.
Faith acknowledges that we need something greater,
outside ourselves.
Don't deny yourself
the right to grieve, Em.
Not for your
parents and not for Stani.
Take
advantage of the comfort that comes from your faith.”
She looked pointedly into Emily's eyes.
“And from the people who love you.”
Returning to
her chair, Angela studied the tear-ravaged face opposite.
“You look so much like your father, I'm
afraid we overlook the possibility that you're more like your mother on the
inside.
Behind that beautiful, calm
smile, she was a woman of enormous passion.
Like quicksilver, one minute in the clouds, the next in the
doldrums.
It made her a great musician;
but as her friend, I admit I had trouble keeping up at times.
I suspect the same may be true of you, very
high and then again very low?”
A slow, sad
smile appeared.
“I try hard to be
practical, like Pop.
He taught me so
much that’s worth knowing.
But I get caught
in my own whirlwind at times.
Do you
think I'll ever learn to just take things in stride?”
“You already
do.
But don't try to take so much in one
stride.
Give yourself a chance to be
human.
You're only twenty years old,
Emily.
You should expect a little
whirlwind now and then.
And promise me
you won't try to handle it all alone?”
“I
promise.”
She wiped her eyes, blew her
nose and smoothed her hair from her face, squaring her shoulders.
“Now, shouldn't we explain things to Lil?
I'm sure she thinks I've lost my mind.”
Mentally
shaking her head, Angela smiled at the swiftness of Emily’s recovery.
“Let me talk to her first.
I'm afraid she can be something of a
whirlwind herself.”
In a matter of
minutes, Angela returned with Lil, whose wide eyes searched Emily's face as if
seeing her for the first time.
“I'm so
sorry, Em.
If I'd known, I would never
have gone on like that.
I just can't
believe it was you who found him.
You
must have been scared to death!”
“Pretty
scared.
But Lil, there's something I
want to know.
What did you and Stani
Moss talk about that night at the party?”
“Not much
really.
Music a little.
Mostly we just stood there watching the
crowd.
Then when I got ready to leave,
after he gave me his autograph, he told me he'd be on the radio on Christmas
Eve.
Told me to be sure to listen.”
Lil seemed to hesitate, a thoughtful frown on
her face.
“Then something kind of weird
happened, at least weird for me.
I shook
his hand.
And then I don't know why, but
I said 'Take care of yourself, Stani Moss.'
Then even weirder, in a place like that, I said 'God bless you' and I
wished him a Merry Christmas.”
Emily was
smiling, a look of satisfaction in her eyes.
“Thanks, Lil.”
“But you spent
all that time with him.
I was only with
him for maybe an hour.”
“You talked to
him, Lil.
I never even heard him speak
really.
You know him much better than I
ever will.
I think you did something
very important for him.
I bet he'll
never forget meeting you that night.”