He sat down, drawing her
across his lap and holding her gently against his chest.
“Listen to me very carefully.
First of all, no one can make me believe I'm
making a mistake.
This may be the first
time in my life I’m certain I'm doing the right thing for myself.
I've come here, found you, fallen in love
with you, all on my own.
I've made decisions,
made changes, moved out and moved away from the thing that's controlled me
since I was just a little boy.
You have
inspired me to become my own man, Emily.
How can you doubt the strength of what I feel for you?
Even if you never want to see New York City
again, it won't matter.
If you want to
stay here and wait for me, I'll come back to you.
While I might want you to travel with me,
share the madness of my life at least part of the time, if that isn't something
you can do, we'll find some compromise.
Emily, I see you for the treasure you are.
Your simplicity, your gentleness and
goodness, fill every empty place in me.
Am I making myself in any way clear?”
She had listened, wide-eyed,
gazing up into his face.
Now she nodded
without a smile.
“Yes, Stani.
Perfectly clear.
Eloquently clear.
I believe you love me enough.
I can't quite accept the miracle of it, but I
will in time I think.
And if compromise
is all it takes, we can do that, I know.
It's change, it's not fitting together, the way we do here, that scares
me.
Here we've been so natural together.
Will it be that way out there?”
“We won't know until we try,
will we?
But why wouldn't we?
I'm not different out there, except that
there are more demands on me.
But you'll
have to see for yourself.
That's one
reason I wanted you to come to New York as soon as possible, before we start
pretending my career is some far off thing.
You've never even see me perform; and that is me, darling, with that
blasted violin, that people expect to hear on any given night.
But that is also me, the poor wretch who
leaves the stage exhausted and wonders if he was good enough on that given
night.
Will you still love me if I sink
into the depths after disappointing myself?
I think you will, I think you might even keep me from sinking.
We won't know until we try.
But remember, if we never try, we'll surely
fail.”
“Failure is most often in the
hesitation.
My father lived by that, and
I've tried to.
I'm not usually so afraid
of failure.
But this is so much bigger
than anything I've ever tried.
There's
so much at stake now, you most of all.
I
couldn't bear to disappoint you, Stani.”
“Emily, you can never
disappoint me as long as you stay true to yourself.
You are the woman who saved my life, who
keeps on saving my life every day you love me.
You said you wanted to be in love with me, if that's what I wanted,
remember?”
“Yes, of course, I remember.”
“Did you think we'd only be in
love for a few days every month or so, when I could find a little time to come
here to you?
Did you think I'd be
satisfied to ask you to wait indefinitely for a few kisses by the fire?
I want you with me, every minute, as close at
hand as I can keep you.
Emily, I want
you to be my wife, the person who shares everything in my life, the good and
the bad.
And I want to share in yours,
the beauty and the simplicity, the hard work, the joy of life in this
place.
I believe God led me back here,
not to find my memory, but to find my future.
He seems to have a plan for us together now, not separately
anymore.
If it's divinely ordained, how
can we be afraid?”
She reached up to touch his
face, her hand cool and soothing.
“When
did you become so wise?”
“Not wise, but so much in
love.
It fills me with a confidence I've
never known.
You told me, wait and
listen.
And what I hear is him telling
me to love you, to make my life with you.
He will show us how to work out these details you're worried about.
If we start down the road, I'm certain the
way will become clear.
I'm sure enough
to risk everything on it.”
“No fear?”
“No, and for me that's quite a
change.
I'm the kid who was terrified of
everything, but not anymore.
Not if
you're with me.
I've stood up to Milo;
that in itself is amazing.
What else is there
to fear?”
She sighed, staring into the
distance.
“I still have to face
him.
You'll be there, to protect me?”
“You know I will.
But I really think he'll be so charmed, he
won't be the least bit scary.
And you'll
only have to meet him once.
I'll make
sure John is there too.
He'll be your
bodyguard now, you know.
And he'll like
the new responsibility.
He says you have
beautiful legs.”
He kissed the tip of
her nose, aware of the darkness that lingered in her eyes.
“Really?
I've never had a bodyguard.
But I thought you would be my protector, my
knight in shining armor.”
She nestled
her head against his shoulder.
“I
suppose in some situations, we'll both need protection.
Can you go wherever you want, just walk down
the street, or do you have to ride in cars with tinted windows and rush in
through back entrances?”
“Good heavens, I'm not some
matinee idol.
Oh, the photo hounds can
be a bore, and there's the occasional autograph seeker, but you get used to
that.
Once in a while, John will slip me
out a side door if there's too much of a crowd, but not all that often.
It's just part of the job, and I guess I've
been dealing with it for so long I don't notice it anymore.
If it causes you any distress, I promise,
we'll take care of it.
John is very good
at what he does.
But I'm sure we can go
wherever you want to, sightsee, go to the theater, things everyone wants to do
in New York.
We'll have fun, darling, I
know we will.
It’ll be our first big
adventure together.
Now look at me and
tell me you feel just a little braver about things.
No more fears?”
“How can I be afraid when your
arms are so strong around me?”
She
offered her face for his kiss, but he continued to stare down at her.
“Stani, you could kiss me, just to give me
that little bit of added courage.”
“Is that all it will
take?
No dragons to slay, no ogres to
run off?
Give me some real challenge, my
lady, to prove my worthiness.”
When she
giggled, he covered her mouth with his, his kiss demanding her response.
She gradually grew limp in his arms, her
hands falling to his chest in surrender.
“Brave enough now?”
“For the moment.”
She was breathless, sighing against his neck.
“So you promise to never again
doubt the power of my love for you?
Never to question that you are my one true, forever love?”
“Yes, Stani, I promise, no
more doubts.”
“And
you'll come to New York, let me show you off and take you around the town, meet
my family and friends and even Milo?”
He
relentlessly kissed her forehead, her nose, her chin.
“Yes, Stani.
I'll come to New York.”
“And you'll marry me in
September, stand up with me in church and make an honest man of me?”
More kisses, and he pressed her tighter
against his chest, until he could feel her heart beating against his ribs.
“Yes, Stani.
I'll marry you.
In September.
In church.
If that's what you
want.”
“It is what I want.
Is it what you want?”
“Yes, Stani, more than
anything.
No more fears.
No more doubts.
Now would you kiss me like that one more
time, just to seal the deal?”
“Gladly.”
Chapter Forty-nine
Dearest Stani,
In just six days, I'll be there with you.
The time is going too fast, and I'm sure I'll
still be packing when the driver gets here on Monday morning.
Martha Jean keeps sending me clothes to try
on, as if she thinks I don't own anything fit to take to the big city.
Do you know, she told me after meeting you
that I really need to step up my style?
She thinks you are flamboyant!
How can a man who only wears shades of black be flamboyant?
She must have been blinded by your hair and
your incredibly brilliant smile.
At any
rate, she’s convinced me to buy some very impractical things, which I hope you
will at least pretend to admire.
I'm
sure when I get home she’ll expect a full report of your impressions.
Do you consider me dowdy and old fashioned,
Stani?
Jack and I paid a visit to Emily on Sunday
afternoon.
She is healthy and very
sweet, but the conditions in their home are pretty primitive.
Bobby and Ruthie wanted me to tell you how
much they appreciated your gift.
They
used it to buy a beautifully outfitted crib for the baby.
She is sleeping in royal style in the middle
of the kitchen near the cook stove.
They
are loving parents, but I hope she will be their last.
(Do you like babies, Stani?
Or have you ever spent any time around
one?
It's a question I feel I must have
an answer to, as I paint my pictures of our future.)
It has occurred to me that you still owe me a proper
proposal of marriage.
Maybe when you’re
back from Europe and we are prepared to let everyone in on our plans, we could
enact a little drama, so we'll have a story to tell all our friends.
I somehow think Lil will be disappointed to
hear that you merely informed me that we were getting married.
She sees you as one of the great romantic
figures of our generation, you know.
After you did something so blatantly Old World as kissing her on both
cheeks, she went on all night about your elegant manners, your charm, your
style, and even the lyrical beauty of your accent.
I had to listen into the wee hours of the
morning, as she sang your praises, as if I had no idea how wonderful you
are.
She will definitely expect you to
ride off into the sunset with me slung over the saddle of your white charger,
banners flying, trumpets blaring.
How
can you disappoint your biggest fan?
Do you have any idea the interest you generated
here?
Myrtice Green, the postmistress,
is a fount of information; and she says that everyone has been asking questions
about you, where were you born, how we met, how much money you earn, if your
hair is really that curly, or that color?
Oh, and most frequently asked, are you ever coming back to town?
I guess they don't have much faith in my
power to hold your
attention.
I am amazed at the ease with which you walked down the
streets of our little town.
I won't say
you fit right in, but you did seem at home.
Perhaps you are such a citizen of the world you would be at home
anywhere.
But in a town this size,
anyone who wasn't born here is considered a foreigner.
I myself am only first generation, since both
of my parents were outsiders.
Even
though my father's uncle built the house I live in, it counts for very
little.
Many of the families have been
here since before the Declaration of Independence was signed.
But it’s a good place to live, for the most
part.
There is virtually no crime,
everyone keeps the trash picked up, and church attendance on Sunday is over
sixty percent.
Can any of that be said of
NYC?