Heat it Up: Off the Ice - Book One (10 page)

I’d been so relieved that it had only been a dream, I let all logic slide. Yes, I want Sofia. No denying that. But she’s been hurt before. The last thing she needs is someone like me messing around with her then walking away.

I hadn’t meant for things to go that far, but once I started, I didn’t want to stop. I didn’t want to ramble off some random physics facts in my head to take away my need for her. Yes, I should have walked away, that would have been the smart thing to do. But instead, I let my desire to be with her, to taste her, overrule all logic. And in the process, I let down my wall just enough. That’s the only explanation I have for the nightmare.

I bang my fist against the tile as the accident plays in an endless loop in my head. I squeeze my eyes against the pain of hearing Gabby scream seconds before the collision. Except now it’s Sofia’s face I see, like in the nightmare.

God, I’m so screwed up.

I yank on my boxers and jeans, and leave the bathroom. A girl giggles from Nik’s room. It’s not Sofia. The muffled sound belongs to someone who’s been drinking too much, and will giggle at anything he tells her.

I return to my room…and stop dead in my doorway. Sofia’s not in here, and neither are the clothes I tossed on the floor when I removed them from her.

I bend over and pick up the dog tags Gabby gave me our last Christmas together. They’re a reminder of how fucked up my life is, not that I need a reminder. I could’ve sworn the dog tags were on the nightstand the last I looked. But the last time I paid attention to them was several nights ago. Have they been on the floor all this time and I didn’t see them until now?

I walk into the hallway and spot the cell phone next to Nik’s oversized sneakers. I pick it up. It’s not mine and it’s not Nik’s. It could belong to his latest conquest.

Nik’s bedroom door opens and my roommate walks out in all his naked glory. It’s an annoying habit of his that he does with great frequency when “entertaining.”

“Dude, put on some clothes, would you?”

Nik shrugs and walks to the kitchen. I follow him, even though I’d rather be in my room than find out what he’s getting for his sexual entertainment.

“Does this belong to your
friend
?” I show him the phone.

He opens the fridge. “Dunno. Maybe it belongs to that plaything you brought back with you.” He straightens, a can of spray whipping cream in his hand. “And by the way, you’re welcome.”

I frown. “Welcome for what?”

“Making sure she doesn’t think there’s gonna be a third period.”

I feel my frown deepen. “What do you mean?”

“She asked who Gabby was. I told her your wife.” He grins stupidly and waits for me to high-five him.

The only thing I want to do is slam my fist in his face. Inwardly I cringe. I’m not normally violent, even on the ice. But in the span of a couple of hours, I’ve broken my record for physically lashing out at someone or contemplating doing so—if you ignore my constant craving to punch the lights out of the drunk who stole my career and Gabby’s life. But since he’s dead, I don’t.

“Fuck,” I mutter.

Nik’s grin widens. “I bet you did. Nice piece of ass she had.”

I fist my hands. Definitely going for a record. “Don’t ever talk about her that way again.” Not that there will be an “again” after the stunt he just pulled.

Nik’s grin wavers at my harsh tone. I hand him the phone. “Can you ask the girl in your room if this is hers?”

He nods and leaves. He returns a minute later. Shaking his head, he gives me back the phone. “No, it’s not hers. At least you won’t have to go around Finland to see who the shoe fits.” He chuckles at his stupid analogy. I glare at him.

But he is right about one thing. It’s not hard to figure out who it belongs to. Now, the problem will be returning it to her. Correction, returning it and getting Sofia to talk to me again. Because if I’ve guessed things correctly, she’s put two and two together and come up with me as the major asshole who’s cheating on his wife while he’s in Finland. Like her ex-boyfriend cheated on her and her father cheated on her mother.

And now I have to prove to her, somehow, that she’s wrong.

One of the advantages of not getting drunk is that hitting the gym the next morning isn’t so painful. Nik is still asleep in his room when I leave to go to the sports center. Judging from how wasted he was last night when he came home, I don’t expect to see him anytime soon.

The sports center isn’t too busy when I arrive. It’s still early, but not too early for the cleaning staff to be working. I approach a woman mopping the floor. “
Hei
. Is Sofia working today?”

It’s Sunday, but since she never mentioned last night if she’s working today, the odds of her being here are miniscule.

The woman gives me a blank look. “Sofia?”

I’ve learned some Finnish since coming to Helsinki, but this is beyond what I can say. “
On Sofia
”—I point to the mop—“
tänään
?”

The woman laughs, which isn’t too surprising. Between my Finnish and pointing to the mop, I’ve asked her if Sofia is a mop today.

I’m about to give up and head to the weight room when Rafu, a therapist from the building’s physical therapy clinic, approaches us. The woman is still laughing.

He nods at me. “Can I help you with something, Kyle?”

“Maybe. I’m looking for an American girl who’s working here for the summer. Her name’s Sofia. I was just wondering if she’s here today.”

“Where does she work?”

“She’s studying to be an athletic trainer, but they’ve got her cleaning toilets.”

Rafu talks to the woman. She responds in rapid Finnish. “She’s not working today,” he tells me. “Sorry.”

“That’s okay. I figured I’d ask since I’m here.” It’s probably just as well she isn’t here. Now that Sofia thinks I’m a cheating asshole with a wife back home, talking to her in public might not be a bright idea. Who knows how she’ll react.

I thank them and walk toward the weight room. Like the rest of the building, the area is quiet, with only a few diehard exercisers working out. Toivo and his girlfriend are by the bench press.

“
Hei
,” I say to them. “Do you need a spotter?”

“That would be great,” Toivo replies.

“I’ll let you two work out and talk hockey,” Maija says, “and I’ll be on the rowing machine. Have fun!” She walks away.

The best part about Toivo is that he’s serious when it comes to training. He’s not at the gym to socialize. We push each other hard, focused on the workout and on nothing else. It’s not until we’re finished that I start wondering why I’m even worried about what Nik’s dumbass comment could mean for me when it comes to Sofia.

Because she’s a friend
, I remind myself. Yes, I’d be more than happy to screw her if she gave me another chance. But I also don’t want to fuck up what we have between us. She’s not a puck bunny. Unlike them, she wants to be friends.

But thanks to Nik, I might’ve lost her as even that.

Toivo and I finish off our workout and join Maija. As far as I can tell, Sofia hasn’t told her yet that I’m a cheating douchebag of a husband.

“Do you want to have coffee with us?” Toivo asks as we head for the locker room.

“Sure. But I need to use the sauna first.” I explain how the heat helps my injury. Like with Sofia, I’m vague as to how I got it, but even though he hasn’t said anything, I have a feeling he knows who I am. And I have a feeling he knows about the accident. I have no idea if Maija also knows, but if she does, it’s only time before she inadvertently mentions it to Sofia.

Maija splits off to go to the ladies’ locker room. The men’s sauna is busier than I expected, and it keeps Toivo from asking questions once he notices the scars on my leg. But he also doesn’t seem too surprise to see them, confirming he knows who I am and what happened to me last year.

“Can you do me a favor?” I ask. “Can you not tell Maija about them or about who I am?” At his puzzled frown, I explain what I mean.

“Maija knows you used to play hockey for the Minnesota Bears. I told her.” He cringes. “I’m sorry. I had no idea it was supposed to be a secret. But why don’t you want Sofia to know that you used to play in the NHL?”

“She’s different than the girls usually interested in me. Different in a good way. I’d rather she just see me as a regular guy.” And not a man to pity because he lost everything important to him, no thanks to the stupidity of someone else.

“I’ll talk to Maija but I can’t guarantee anything. She’s not into gossiping, but if she thinks Sofia should know, she will tell her.”

“Thanks.” That’s better than nothing, I guess.

Nik texted me while I was in the sauna and wants me to call him back ASAP. I tell Toivo I’ll meet him and Maija at the coffee place he mentioned. By the time I arrive, he has already asked her not to say anything to Sofia about my previous career.

“So you want me to lie to her?” Maija says.

“Not really.” I tell her the same thing I told Toivo. “I just don’t think she needs to know. That was my past and I’m focusing on my future.” I don’t mention what that is. If Maija’s like most other girls—excluding puck bunnies—she’s thinking happily-ever-after thoughts about me and Sofia. She doesn’t need to know the truth—that Sofia isn’t part of my future.

Maija remains torn between what she wants to do and what I’ve asked of her. In the end she lets out a hard breath. “Okay. I won’t tell her. But if it comes out, you can’t tell her I knew. This is between you two.”

“Thanks.”

One problem down. Next up? Dealing with the lie Nik told Sofia.

I tie up my sneakers. Muumu emerges from her bedroom, smiling. She’s in her bathrobe and has curlers in her hair. She asks me if I’m going for a run, but other than that I don’t understand what she’s saying, even though she says it slowly. You’d think after being here for almost a month, I’d at least be a little bit more fluent in the language. But noooo. I still suck at it.

And maybe that’s why I notice whenever she says Joni’s name. It’s pretty much the only thing I recognize in that long string of Finnish.

“
Hei, hei
,” I say and open the door…to discover why she’s been smiling ever since she left her room. Joni is standing in the hallway in his running gear. “Hi?”

“I thought you might like a running partner.” His gaze drifts over my tank top and running shorts.

“Have you been waiting all this time?” I never told him when I run, but I suspect someone has. I look at that someone. She nods her encouragement.

“Maybe a few minutes,” he says. “I won’t talk if that’s what you prefer.”

It is what I prefer. I can’t daydream if I’m talking or listening to someone. I don’t want to be rude, though, so I avoid answering the question. “Can we run by the lake?”

He tells Muumu something that causes her smile to widen.

“She’s responsible for this, isn’t she?” I say as we leave the apartment. I shut the door behind me.

“She worries about you.”

That might be so, but I suspect it’s more than that. She hasn’t asked about my “boyfriend” since I kissed Kyle in front of her, but she’s mentioned Joni’s name a few times.

“Give me a second,” I tell him. “I just remembered something I have to do.” I return to my bedroom to grab my phone from my nightstand. It’s not there. I don’t have time to look for it, so I stand close enough to the doorway to be heard, but not far enough for them to see what I’m up to.

Unfortunately, Joni is here and understands what I’m saying, so I can’t fake talk like I demonstrated to Kyle when I first asked him to help me out. But since I’m more concerned about Muumu than Joni, it doesn’t matter if he understands me or not.

“Hey, are you busy?” I say to the phone. I laugh as if Kyle had just said something funny, but all I can think about is how the joke is on me. Kyle is married and he cheated on his wife by not only kissing me, he went down on me. The laugh sounds phony to my ears.

Pushing away the memory of what his roommate told me, I close my eyes and remember the feel of Kyle’s tongue against mine. And then my thoughts turn south and I remember the feel of his tongue on my girlie parts. A small moan slips out. Awesome. Now it sounds like I’m having phone sex. “I’m just about to go for a run.” The words come out all breathy. Oh well, whatever works.

Since Joni can understand me, I add, “Have fun coaching today, babe. I miss you.” The ache between my legs echoes that sentiment. Clearly it’s already forgotten that Kyle’s married.

I fake end the call and return to the hallway where Joni and Muumu are still standing. “Sorry about that. You ready?”

Muumu tells me to have fun and goes into the kitchen. I can’t tell if she fell for my act and finally realizes I’m not single.

Unless…unless she’s spoken to my mom and Mom confirmed that I don’t have a boyfriend. I’ve always been open with her about these things. She has no reason to believe I’m keeping a boyfriend from her. Oh crap. Maybe I need to tell my mom what I’m up to. If I’m lucky, she’ll tell Muumu to back off.

Joni and I walk down the stairs and exit the building. The sun is shining and promises to be another warm day. Without saying anything to each other, we start with a light jog, heading along the sidewalk. A few cars drive past, but nothing like the weekday morning traffic.

Needing to burn off my frustration at what happened last night, I pick up my pace. Joni easily matches it. I get the sense he’s holding back so he can run with me.

“You and that guy aren’t really dating, are you?” he says.

I stumble on a raised crack in the sidewalk. That’s what I get for not paying attention to where I’m running. “Why would you say that?”

“I can just tell.”

And the award for worst actress goes to…

“I’m curious,” he continues, “why are you pretending that you’re dating him?”

“It’s nothing personal. It’s just I don’t want to be involved with anyone. But you try explaining that to my grandmother. Even if she could understand what I tell her, she won’t understand my reasons.” I conveniently ignore the part about how I was involved with Kyle twelve hours ago. What happened with him only further cemented my resolve.