Heirs of Grace (34 page)

I thought a lot about what Trey said: that I should figure out what was most important to me, because I was in a position to really do it, whatever it turned out to be.

Did I have a responsibility to try to improve the world? To undo some of the damage my father had undoubtedly wrought with his magic? I thought I did…but I also thought, for the moment, that trying to give Clara another shot at a decent life was the best way for me to fulfill both those responsibilities.

So putting that question aside, what mattered to me most? I used to tell Charlie, when we’d philosophize in the dorms and talk about how we were going to conquer the future, that there were only two things in the world I cared about, ultimately: love and art.

I had both. Neither one in the ways I’d expected, or hoped, or dreamed, sure, but I had them.

The thing about love and art is, you don’t just get them, and then they’re yours, and everything is finished, and you get to sit back and think,
All right, well done
. You have to work at love and art if you want to keep them, because as my sister and I both have mentioned: entropy gets in everywhere.

I got Clara settled into bed again, and she fell asleep quickly despite her eagerness for morning to come so she could open presents and eat candy canes right off the branches of my parent’s Christmas tree.

I couldn’t sleep, though. I was thinking about my dead father, about the life I’d somehow gotten myself into, about all the ways I could fail Clara, about whether things would work out with Trey, about what I’d do if they didn’t.

My brain just wouldn’t settle, and I know myself well enough to know the remedy for that.

I jaunted back home, to my studio, and lit the space with flickering candles. I had an hour, maybe two, before the house in Chicago would start stirring.

I took up my brush, and thought about the northern lights, and set about trying to capture that ephemeral motion and color on canvas with no tools other than paint, and attention, and the never-ending desire to get the images in my head translated into a form other people could see.

I could have cast a spell to make myself the greatest painter of my generation. Or simply to conjure a finished work of art into being, without the need for mixing pigments and splashing turpentine around. For that matter, I could use magic to shortcut every present and future problem in my life, and to settle every worry that kept me up. I could transform Clara into an obedient little girl, with no more will than a toy robot, and make her consider me a perfect parent. I could use magic to make Trey forever passionate and faithful, without any effort of upkeep on my part. I would be forever faced with a choice between the path of the easy way out, or the meaningful hard way.

Yes, I could have made art by magic. I could have made a
life
by magic.

But where’s the magic in that?

The End

As always, thanks first to my wife, Heather Shaw, for her endless support and love and patience, and for giving me the space and time to write. My gratitude also goes to Besha Grey, for art history tidbits, a few great lines stolen with permission, and her willingness to point out when my characters stopped making sense. Thanks to Effie Seiberg for helping me talk through the story implications of my decision to change the ending. (Turns out my original ending was lousy.) I owe my friend David J. Schwartz (author of
Gooseberry Bluff Community College of Magic
) big for telling me about the Kindle Serials program, which gave me the idea of writing a book like this, and of course my editor, David Pomerico, for talking to me about my ideas and working with me to make this book as good as it can possibly be. Finally, thanks to my agent, Ginger Clark, who takes care of all the things I’m bad at so I can focus on the things I’m better at.

Tim Pratt was born in Goldsboro, NC, and grew up in various places in the American South. He relocated to Northern California in 2001. His fiction has won a Hugo Award, and he's been a finalist for Sturgeon, Stoker, World Fantasy, Mythopoeic, World Fantasy, Scribe, and Nebula Awards, among others. His other books include three short story collections; a volume of poems; contemporary fantasy novels
The Strange Adventures of Rangergirl
and
Briarpatch
; gonzo historical
The Constantine Affliction
under the name T. Aaron Payton; fantasy roleplaying game tie-ins; and, as T.A. Pratt, eight books (and counting) about sorcerer Marla Mason. He occasionally edits anthologies, including the
Rags and Bones
anthology co-edited with Melissa Marr. He works as a senior editor for
Locus
magazine and lives in Berkeley, CA, with his wife, Heather, and their son, River. Find him online at
timpratt.org
.

This book was originally released in Episodes as a Kindle Serial. Kindle Serials launched in 2012 as a new way to experience serialized books. Kindle Serials allow readers to enjoy the story as the author creates it, purchasing once and receiving all existing Episodes immediately, followed by future Episodes as they are published. To find out more about Kindle Serials and to see the current selection of Serials titles,
www.amazon.com/kindleserials
.