Helios Awakened (The Helios Chronicles #1) (16 page)

“You’re wrong,” she said as she looked directly into his vacant eyes. “He IS better than this. He’s living his life differently.”

She let go of Tyler’s hand and he immediately reached for the money. When he looked up at her again she had a frown on her face as anger began to replace the pity she felt for him. She rose from her feet and stepped away from him. She walked over to Andrew, who had a sad and lost expression on his face as he watched the exchange between them. Andrew knew that that could have easily been him. What would he have become had he not gone to prison? Would he have been just like Tyler or possibly worse? Madison grabbed Andrew’s hand in hers and then brought her other hand to his face, forcing him to look at her.

“Let’s go home, Helios,” she said earnestly.

He nodded and they walked in silence, passed the many people on the street, none of which seemed to care about the scuffle that had just occurred, passed the forecourt of the theater and on to the parking structure. Madison watched as Andrew slid into the seat with no fanfare or words. As she pulled out onto Hollywood Blvd. she found her way back to the freeway, glancing over at Andrew several times. He never looked her way; he was lost in another world, a world he left so long ago.

Andrew hadn’t said a word the entire way home. He just had a glazed look on his face as he stared out the window. At various points, his brows furrowed or she saw tears coming down his cheeks. She had wanted desperately to stop the car but instead she sped up, thinking it was best to get home as quickly as possible. But now she was really scared. It was like he was in some kind of a trance.

“Andrew!” Madison said as tears started falling from her eyes.

Andrew was so lost in his memories that he couldn’t hear Madison calling his name. After a while, he felt her shake him and turned in her direction, seeing that she was crying. He blinked several times as he remembered the confrontation with Tyler. Tears immediately started falling as he then remembered what Tyler had said to her. The whole scene had caused him to remember that horrible time in his life.

“Madison...” he whispered and before he could say anything else she had straddled his lap and was holding him tightly.

He rested his head against her neck as he wrapped his arms around her, if he could envelop her completely he would have. After several minutes, she moved slightly so she could look at him. He wouldn’t meet her eyes; shame was overwhelming him. She ran her fingers through his hair and then down both sides of his jaw until she was cupping his face.

“Andrew,” she said softly, running her thumbs along his skin. He looked up at her and she kissed him softly, sensually, lovingly. “Are you okay?” she asked, concerned.

Andrew nodded but looked down and away from her. He couldn’t meet her eyes and see the love she felt for him. It was a love he didn’t feel that he deserved.

“I don’t care what that guy said. That was who you were then, not who you are now,” Madison said with conviction which caused Andrew to look at her dumbfounded.

“You may not think that if you knew some of the things I did.”

“Try me, baby.”

He sat up some and forced her up as well. He ran his hands up and down her arms, trying to summon the courage to tell her what kind of person he had been.

“I did what Tyler said I did. I used women and then I stole from them,” he said, bringing her hands into his but still not meeting her eyes. “I ran away from the group home when I was seventeen and ended up in Hollywood. I tried to find work but couldn’t and I was homeless,” he said with a sigh. “Before I left Detroit, I pulled a scam with a friend of mine so that I would have some money when I got here.” He continued to look at their joined hands. “I picked up on this woman and while I was having sex with her my friend went through her house, taking anything we could pawn.” His forehead creased as he ran his thumbs along her hands. “After three years of living on the streets, barely scraping by, I decided to do what I did in Detroit. At that point, I started using harder drugs. I had tried cocaine and speed but I didn’t like how they made me feel. That's when I found heroin.” His brows furrowed. “Or, rather, heroin found me. I was using daily for a little over two years before Tyler and I went to that party in Palmdale.”

Madison watched him talk. She could tell how difficult this was for him. Now she understood why he was so worried about being tested. She wasn't sure how she felt about all of this. She had assumed he had done some bad things while using, most addicts did, but it was hard to imagine Andrew doing what he said he did. But she was certain of one thing, and that was that she would not judge him on the mistakes he made in his past.

“I shouldn’t have taken you to ‘Mi Amigo’,” he said sadly. “My old dealer lives not far from there which is probably why Tyler was lurking around the neighborhood. I’m so sorry. I wasn’t thinking. Madison...” he said forcefully and it was then that she realized that she was looking at their joined hands and not him. She looked up at him. “I’m not proud of the things that I did but I need you to know this. I’m not using you for anything.” He paused and his face looked strained, like he was debating something internally. “Well, I suppose that’s not entirely true.”

Madison’s eyes began to water.  Andrew saw the look on her face and knew she didn’t understand what he meant. He took a deep breath and swiped his thumb under her eyes.

“You make me feel something I have only felt one other time and that was when I used heroin.”

“What’s that?” Madison asked confused.

“Peace,” he said with a soft breath. “I feel at peace with you. When I used, that peace was a break from my past, but with you, it’s like I feel that anything is possible.”

Now tears were running down her cheeks.

“I have never loved anyone in my life, but I love you, Madison. You don’t have to say it back I just... If you can’t be with someone like me I will understand but...” He was breathing heavily, having a difficult time finding the words he wanted to say. “But, I need you to know that I love you. I’m...”

Madison stopped his words with a kiss. A kiss she hoped could erase all the bad memories he had, all the hurt he had experienced, and all the pain he had endured. A kiss that would make him understand that no matter who he had been, she believed in who he was right now and who he could be in the future. She felt his body physically relax as their kiss became more urgent and passionate.

“I love you too, Andrew. Nothing you did before we met changes that. I’ve never felt this way about anyone either. I’ve always kept people at arm’s length, never letting them get too close but I couldn’t do that with you. I cared about you immediately. My heart is yours, Andrew, please don’t break it.”

She could feel his tears as he held her tighter than before. Andrew couldn’t believe what he had just heard and it made his heart soar. She still wanted to be with him. It felt almost too good to be true.

Madison continued to shake Andrew but he still wasn’t waking up. He had started thrashing in the bed, mumbling and crying, which had woken her up. He then started screaming the word ‘no’ over and over again, getting louder with each utterance. He was sweating profusely and breathing irregularly. Madison could hear movement down the hall but at this point she didn’t care. She just needed to wake him from his nightmare because he was really terrifying her.

“Andrew, oh God, baby, please wake up, please,” Madison pleaded in vain.

The door opened and Madison’s grandmother walked in to see Madison in a panic, shaking Andrew who was thrashing in the bed, screaming and crying simultaneously. His face was twisted in pain as sweat poured off of him.

“Grans, he won’t wake up,” Madison cried hysterically.

Her grandmother turned the lights on in the room. Although she needed to have a talk with both of them, she knew this was neither the time nor the place for it. She went to the bed and sat down next to Madison pulling her hands away from him.

“Don’t shake him, Maddie. That will make it worse. Just talk to him in a soothing way, be gentle and nurturing.”

Madison nodded and started stroking Andrew’s hair, whispering that she loved him, that she needed him. She then began humming softly to him as her fingers gently caressed his face. When he stopped thrashing, she brought her body close to his and rested her cheek against his chest as she gently touched his face. She continued to whisper how much she loved him and needed him.

“Maddie, we’ll talk about this in the morning,” her grandmother said, flipping the lights off and exiting the room, giving them some privacy.

Madison was barely aware of her grandmother exiting the room. Her mind was completely focused on Andrew, who now breathing regularly, his heart no longer was racing. Madison snuggled even closer to him as his cries turned into soft whimpers which turned into light snoring. Whatever he had been dreaming of was long gone. 

“Oh baby, please tell me how I can help?”

~*~

Andrew awoke abruptly, glancing at the clock. The alarm hadn’t gone off. He hurriedly slipped out of the bed and got dressed before kissing Madison softly on her forehead. He opened the door gingerly, looking down the hall and listening to see if he could tell if Madison’s grandmother was up. He didn’t hear anything down the hall or in the bathroom. Andrew tiptoed out of the room, closing the door gently. He eased his way through the living room, being careful not to make any noise. When his hand reached for the doorknob, he was halted by a throat clearing.

“Andrew. Why don’t you come and sit down, please?” Grandma Downing said, watching as Andrew’s shoulders slumped and he slowly turned around.

“Yes, ma’am,” he replied like a defeated child.

She watched as he walked slowly to the couch and sat down. She swiveled her recliner so that she was now facing him. He was not making eye contact with her which made her worry that this was possibly not as serious as it had seemed the night before. As she had watched her granddaughter last night, whispering her undying love to him, she had felt both happy and sad. Happy that Madison had finally experienced that level of affection for someone and sad that she had fallen for someone that appeared to be troubled, just as her mother had done so long ago.

“So what are your intentions, Andrew?” she asked, breaking the silence and cocking her brow in the same manner that Madison always did.

Andrew stared at her, confused. He wasn’t sure what she meant by that. Was she trying to ask him if he intended on marrying Madison? Did she want to know how he felt about her? Andrew knew he loved Madison and that he wanted to spend the rest of his life with her if she would keep him, but was that what she wanted to know. He sat there with his brow furrowed, deep in thought.

“Andrew, what are your intentions with my granddaughter?” she asked once again, this time a little firmer.

“I love her?” Andrew said, he wanted it to come out confident but Madison’s grandmother was making him nervous so it came out as a question.

“You love her? You don’t sound too sure about that,” she replied with a frown.

“I love her,” he repeated with more confidence.

“Well, I hope so. Love is a very serious thing. This is the problem with you kids nowadays; you all throw that word around as if it happens all the time, as if it is the most common feeling imaginable. You say it because you feel aroused physically by someone but you lack the understanding of what the word means.” She touched her hand to her chest. “How it feels in here.”

“I...” Andrew started to say but was cut off as Madison’s grandmother continued.

“My granddaughter has been through a lot, young man, and if you are not committed to her, I ask that you leave her be. Her heart is not a toy to be played with. So if you are not sure of your intentions or your feelings for her then I ask that you end this before she is heartbroken by a man who will not reciprocate the love she obviously feels for him,” she said with conviction.

“I can’t end it, ma’am. I need her. She makes me feel...” He began to stutter. His heart couldn’t fathom a life without Madison in it. “I can’t go back to being nothing again. I do love her, ma’am,” he said with tears pooling in his eyes.

Grandma Downing watched as Andrew started wiping his eyes. She hated to be so hard on him but he needed to understand that Madison was not some summer fling. She deserved better than that. She wasn’t sure what future lied ahead for them but it was clear to her now that he loved her just as it had been clear to her last night that Madison loved him.

“Well, alright,” she said in a much gentler tone. “I trust your aunt and uncle and know that they would not allow a liar in their home so I have no choice but to believe that you are being sincere. Are you being sincere, Andrew?”

Andrew nodded and took a deep breath that he quickly expelled when he heard her next question.

“So how long have you been sneaking into my home,” she uttered with her brow arched again.

“Umm...” Andrew hesitated but before he could answer her he heard movement in the hall.

“Five nights, Grans,” Madison said, coming into the living room.

Madison sat down next to Andrew, taking his hand in hers. They looked at each other with smiles on their faces. She had heard her grandmother raise her voice and realized she must have been talking to Andrew. She had quickly gotten dressed so that she could rescue him from the Grandma Downing inquisition. Andrew ran his thumb gently under her eyes which were puffy from lack of sleep. 

“Grans, I’m an adult and I should be able to...” Madison began but stopped speaking when she saw the look of anger on her grandmother’s face.

“Madison Nicole Ellis, I am well aware that you are an adult,” she replied crossly.

“I’m sorry, Grans. I...”

“I wasn't born old and moral. I was young and immoral once. I know what it feels like to love and be loved. Does that mean I should turn my head and act like I don’t know what’s happening in my own home?” she said with ire.

Madison felt her stomach clench tightly as she realized she may not be able to have Andrew in her bed each night. It was, after all, her grandmother’s home and if she said no, adult or not, she would not be able to have him here. It was rare that Madison saw her grandmother angry and she wasn’t sure how she should respond to it. She felt Andrew squeeze her hand and looked up at him. He offered her a small smile before he turned to her grandmother.

“Ma’am, I meant no disrespect to you or Madison and, umm, I don’t want to cause a problem. I’m sorry. I won’t come to the house at night anymore.”

“Whhaaat?” Madison spluttered out with a forlorn look on her face.

“Now, wait just a moment,” Grandma Downing said; standing and moving next to Madison who was visibly shaking.

“Grans, I’m sorry, please, I’m not a little girl anymore,” Madison said to her, tears streaming down her cheeks.

Grandma Downing pulled Madison into her arms and held her close to her chest, letting her cry. She was confused about what she should do. Madison was clearly an adult, as was Andrew. Although she did not approve of premarital sex, she knew that it happened. She could tell that neither of them seemed to be taking this relationship lightly even though she felt that it was moving rather fast. Of course she also knew that just because it was happening fast didn’t mean it wasn’t true. She took a deep breath and brought her hands to cradle her granddaughters face.

“I don’t approve of him spending the night but I won’t stop it from happening.”

Madison wrapped her arms around her grandmother’s neck. “Thank you, Grans. Oh my God! Thank you.” Madison kissed her on the cheek.

“Now this doesn’t mean I want you walking around my house naked or that I want to hear either one of you,” she said looking directly at Andrew.

“Yes, ma’am,” Andrew said, feeling the heat move up his neck.

“And, I don’t want to hear that bloody motorcycle of yours waking up all the neighbors and announcing your comings and goings,” she said, watching them both.

“Of course, ma’am,” Andrew replied feeling like he was suddenly a sixteen-year-old boy being scolded for sneaking into his girlfriend’s room. At least what he assumed a sixteen-year-old boy might feel.

Madison laughed and kissed her grandmother on the cheek again before hugging Andrew tightly.

“I better go,” he whispered in her ear.

“Can you come by later?”

“I promised Aaron I would help him today in Tehachapi but we should be back in town later this evening. Can I come by then?” Andrew asked, hopeful.

She smiled. “You better.”

He turned to her grandmother and smiled. “Thank you.”

After Andrew left, Madison pranced into the kitchen to start breakfast. She was feeling enraptured with love for Andrew. She felt a tremendous relief flood through her at the realization that she and Andrew did not need to hide any longer. That he could come over earlier and that they could hold each other at night.

~*~

Andrew pulled out his pack of smokes and lit one up quickly, exhaling into the crisp morning air. His free hand worked its way up the back of his neck as he inhaled once again. He suddenly felt exhausted, yet his heart was still racing. Had it really only been a week since he met Madison? That seemed impossible to him. He lit another cigarette as he continued towards his aunt and uncle’s home, wondering how, in such a short time, he could feel this deeply about someone. When her grandmother had been upset he was almost certain that she was going to tell him he could no longer come over. He would have survived it, but not very well. Andrew smoked another couple of cigarettes, contemplating the last 24 hours. So much had happened that he felt unsettled and on edge. As he stepped into the house, he found a frazzled Olivia who was unsuccessfully being consoled by Aaron.

“What’s going on? Is everything alright?” Andrew asked, assessing the situation.

They both turned to him and Olivia leapt from her seated position and ran to him, wrapping her arms around his neck. Andrew glanced at Aaron for some guidance but he just shrugged his shoulders, a small smile on his face.

“Ummm, Auntie, are you alright?” Andrew asked, confused.

She stepped back and wiped her eyes. She had been insanely worried about Andrew going into Los Angeles yesterday. She remembered all the things that were in the report that Roger had collected. She had been plagued with nightmares all evening, ranging from a lost little boy crying out for help, to a lost young man crying out for help. When she awoke and he wasn’t home, she had begun to fret. Aaron had tried to reassure her that he was probably still with Madison which had led to even more worry at what would happen if Grandma Downing found him there. She had decided to give it another hour before calling over there but now that she saw him before her she felt foolish for worrying as she had.

“I...” she took a deep breath, “I had been worried when you weren’t here this morning.”

“Oh,” Andrew replied, running his hand through his hair. “I overslept and then, umm, Madison’s grandmother wanted to talk to me.”

Aaron let out a chuckle until both Andrew and Olivia turned to him with disapproving looks. He mouthed the word ‘sorry’, but his smile said he still thought it was humorous.

“She was kind of angry at first but in the end she said she wouldn’t stop me from spending the night, even though she said she didn’t approve of it.” He gave them both a questioning look. “That means I can still go over there, right?”

“Yes, it does. I will give Grandma Downing a call later today. She’s probably wondering if I knew about this dalliance between the two of you.”

“Do I have time to shower before we have to leave?” Andrew asked Aaron who nodded.

An hour later, Aaron and Andrew were headed to his friend, Carmine’s, house. He had called Aaron earlier in the week and asked if they could help with some repairs that needed to be done on his roof. Andrew didn’t mind hard labor but he did mind who the hard labor was for. Carmine was a retired teacher but if you asked him he would advise you that he had been booted out because of a system that discriminated against the aged. If you allowed him to, he would rant for hours about his trials and tribulations both in and out of the school system. Andrew did his best to block him out as Aaron was the only person he seemed to like but on occasions he would be forced to listen to Carmine’s bizarre views of the world.