Her Anchor (37 page)

Fucking Brenn.

I rolled over in bed and checked my phone. I had missed a few texts from him asking if I wanted to meet for lunch? Come over for drinks before the Gala? Ride over together?

I ignored them.

The one thing I thought I could count on was about to go tits up, all because of a pair of tits. I was getting too old to worry about this shit. I spent enough of my twenties battling the voice in my head, the voice of my father specifically, and the shit he’d spew if he ever knew about Brenn and me. Took a lot of years to get that voice out of my head, to be comfortable in my own skin, to be comfortable anywhere. I’d be damned if I was going to let Brenn’s women throw a wrench in that.

I closed my eyes hoping I could block out the sound of hope in Brenn’s voice. I didn’t help. The acid in my belly churned, the sour expectation turning vile. And as much as I wanted to be pissed at him, the pang of guilt ate at me more. It’s not like I never thought about having what he wants, someone who loved me because of who I am and not because of what I came from.

And if the roles were reversed I knew he would try to understand. I owed it to him to try. We were too close, had made it too far together to let someone get in the way. Even if that someone was me.

I knew that if I told Brenn he had to choose he would choose me, but that’s not how I wanted things to go down. That’s the kind of shit move that could do more damage than good. I would meet her. Absolutely I would. Didn’t mean I wanted any part of their forever bull shit. And that sure as hell didn’t mean I would make it easy for her.

I killed as much time as I could showering, getting a bite to eat, washing my truck, getting dressed, but it still left me with way too much time to think. As much as I hated these corporate functions I actually found myself counting down the hours to the Gala and the distraction it would provide.

Finally evening rolled around, and as I walked through the doors of the banquet suite I figured it was probably the first time I ever showed up to one of these things on time. I hoped Brenn wouldn’t read too much into that but, judging by the surprise registering on his face, he was. The wait staff outnumbered the guests at this point and I immediately regretted not waiting longer before I came.

Brenn was busy playing his role, so I found the closest bar, then the quietest corner. Even though I was co-owner of the company my job took me away from here often and sometimes for long stretches of time. Not many people knew me to look at me and so I was mostly left to myself through the rest of cocktails and during the speeches.

Once the room began to move again after speeches, though, Brenn made his way over to me. My eyes ran down the auburn haired woman on his arm and if I hadn’t been so concerned about being royally fucked I would have laughed at how well I knew Brenn. She had Brenn’s type written all over her.

Her long hair was down and it curled down her back. I could picture Brenn wrapping it around his hand, bending her back to meet his lips. Her body was lithe with the kind of long legs that were made for wrapping around your body. Her scent drifted to me, feminine and sweet. Brenn’s woman.

But when my eyes moved down from her luscious chest and I was faced with the slight protrusion at her belly I felt a pang go through me. Fucking Brenn.

“I’m glad you came.” He said as we shook hands.

“You thought I wouldn’t?” I tried to sound normal. Tried to convince him, and me, that he didn’t just put me in a shitty position. The raised eyebrow look I got in return made me think I hadn’t done a good job of it.

“Could have returned my texts.”

“I was too busy. But I’m here now.”

“Hello, Mr. Merrill.” His woman said from his side. “We’ve spoken over the phone dozens of times, but I was looking forward to meeting you in person.”

When she put out her hand I almost hesitated. Like touching her would make this all the more real. I shook her hand, though, and even though it was small in mine and her smile was genuine the blood racing through me was like an alarm, warning me against impending danger.

Brenn’s arms were looped around her waist. His hands had settled over her stomach. She was saying something again. I watched her lips move, but the blood rushing past my ears was making it too hard for me to hear her.

As she talked I took stock of the situation, trying to gauge just how screwed I was here. Fucking Brenn, it was a wonder sometimes how I could love him. Did he even know whose baby she was carrying? Though, knowing Brenn he wouldn’t care. He was so much more open. More willing to put himself out there and risk, to crave the type of life his father would have been proud of. So I guess it should come as no surprise. But fuck.

“Macy, right?” I said, only vaguely aware that I had interrupted the conversation.

“Right, Mr. Merrell.” Her lips twitched up like she wasn’t sure if she should think I was funny or rude.

Her scent had settled around me now, making it hard for me to clear my thoughts. I wished they would leave me alone, let me think this through without watching me. I breathed in shallow breaths, trying to hold on to my casual tone.

“You can call me Micah. I have a feeling we’ll be getting to know each other pretty well. Just like it seems you and Brenn have.”

Her skin flushed a delicious shade of pink but her eyes never cut away from mine. I watched her chest move a little quicker, a little temper simmering below. I wished I didn’t like getting a rise out of her, wished I didn’t want to push her until she showed me the person she kept under that dress.

“Micah.” Brenn’s face darkened, his voice lowered. “Let’s not get into all of that here.”

“No, of course not. We wouldn’t want anyone to have to deal with any unexpected surprises, would we?” I asked with a pointed nod towards Macy’s belly. I was being an ass. I knew I was but it felt so right to make him as angry as I was.

“I’m not sure I’m following what’s happening here.” Macy said, looking up at Brenn.

“Yes, Brenn, why don’t we get it all out in the open?” The bitterness welled up until I couldn’t contain it any longer.

“Not here. After things wrap up if you want. Or tomorrow.”

“If there’s something going on that involves me I’d like to know about it, too.” Macy said, her sharp eyes cutting between him and me. I didn’t want to look at her like she was on my side, but part of me was proud that she wasn’t willing to be silenced.

Brenn’s stare was still on me, icy. After a minute he looked down to Macy and conceded. He nodded to her and led the way to a door not far from where we were that led to the darkened adjoining banquet room.

Light spilled in through the windows from the street, but only enough to reveal features in the harsh half-light. Brenn walked in a few paces past Macy and I, his back to us. I settled against the wall, but Macy stood in place and when Brenn turned he met her straight on.

His face was somber, fingers fidgeting at his sides. A thread of guilt skittered through me at having forced his hand, but not enough to turn back now. I couldn’t go through another night alone knowing what I know, not knowing where I stand.

“Macy,” He said, taking a step forward only to stop again. “There are things that I haven’t been forthcoming about with you. Things that I didn’t mean to keep from you but I have.” She simply watched him, gave him time to think through what he wanted to say.

“I’ve never had a long term relationship with a woman before you. Not one like this, one that bowled me over and took me by surprise. And I never really thought I would find myself in a situation where I would find someone like you.”

“What are you trying to say, Brenn?” She asked, apparently as anxious to have him cut to the chase as I was.

“I love you Macy.”

Out of the three of us I sure wasn’t expecting her to look the most surprised. She narrowed her eyes.

“I sense a
but
somewhere here though.”

“I love Micah, too.” He said. The words hung between the three of us like a heavy fog. Macy’s eyes flickered over to me, then back to Brenn.

“You and Micah?”

“Yes.”

She nodded her head, but said, “I’m sorry, Brenn. I just am not seeing this very clearly. Are you ending things with me?”

“No, that’s not what I want. I didn’t want this to be a shock. And I don’t want this to change things between us, but I’m not an idiot. I know that we can’t go back to the way it was, but I’m hoping this won’t ruin us. I never anticipated for things to go so far, otherwise I would have been upfront about this to begin with.

I’ve never hid my relationship with Micah, but at the time it didn’t seem like something that I needed to tell you about. And part of me wonders that, after things started getting serious with us, I put off telling you because I feared I would lose you.”

“I still don’t see where I fit in here.” She said after a quiet moment, voice soft and eyes wavering between us.

“See, man. I said you were fucking nuts.”

“Stay out of it Micah.” Brenn snapped without even looking at me.

“No, this concerns me just as much as either of you two.” I pushed away from the wall, not willing to be kept out of this.

Macy took a couple steps back, “Maybe I should go.”

Brenn turned away from me, moving to her again.

“No, Macy. Don’t.”

“If she wants to go, let her. You can’t force her to understand.”

“Micah, I love her. She’s having my baby for Christ sake.”

The edges began to fade to black as realization took hold. The baby was Brenn’s. Of course it was. He wanted to be with her, be a family. The rushing was back in my ears and I had to fight to keep the calm in my voice.

“So you’d choose her over me, then?”

“I’m saying that I don’t fucking know. I don’t want to have to choose.”

His heated voice rang in my ears. My fist was through the wall before I had time to think. The pain shot up my hand and radiated through my arm but I gritted my teeth against it. I focused on the pain in my hand instead of the one coursing through my chest.

“Shit.” I heard Brenn mutter from across the room. I glanced over my shoulder to see his back retreating towards the kitchen. I turned to touch my back to the cool wall and slid down to the floor, the fight draining out of me.

Brenn had left the girl behind, standing there watching me. I didn’t know what the fuck to expect, but it sure as hell wasn’t for her to take another step in my direction.

She was calm, her face not giving anything away, as she knelt beside me and held out her hand, palm up. I hesitated. Annoyance flickered across her features and she reached out and grabbed my wrist, pulling it towards her. She made a clucking sound as she examined my hand, but my eyes stayed on her face, absorbed by her focus, her calm in the face of my fury.

Brenn came back in, first aid kit in hand. He walked to her and set in on the floor beside us.

“How is it?” He asked, the fight no longer in his voice either.

“Cut, but not broken.” I glanced down then, not realizing it had been bleeding. “It’ll hurt for a few days but he’ll be fine.”

Brenn nodded and let her work, opening packets of antiseptic wipes and gauze while my hand rested on her leg. I leaned my head back against the wall and let her quick fingers clean and bandage my hand. She worked quietly and quickly, but despite how I had treated her up to this point she was gentle.

When she had finished Macy took her time putting back the items from the kit, cleaning up the bits of garbage. Her eyes were trained on the task at hand, dutifully avoiding Brenn or me. When she had nothing else to keep her hands busy she looked up at me, studied my face as if there was some question she was trying to puzzle out the answer to, before turning to face Brenn. Walking up to him, she put her hands on his chest.