“You were never foolish.”
“Dear Dimitri, you have always been a poor liar, and I do appreciate it. I was extremely foolish.”
He looked as if he were about to speak, then thought better of it.
“Yes?”
“A matter of curiosity, nothing more.”
“Go on. What is it you wish to know now? I promise I will not have you shot.” She grinned. “Today.”
“Then it is perhaps worth the risk.” He smiled dryly. “Still, as I have been chastised once already for my impertinence, I shall hold my tongue.”
“And if you did not,” she said slowly, “what would you ask?”
“Simply if you are still foolish enough to give your heart to a man who is not worthy of it.”
“Your instincts are correct as always. It is a presumptuous question and you are wise to refrain from asking.”
“I thought as much.” He touched his fingers to the rim of his hat, nodded and directed his horse to join the riders up ahead.
It was an irony of their relationship. He was one of the few people in the world she counted as friend, yet that friendship could only go so far. Regardless of the frank nature of today’s discussion and so many in the past, there were boundaries between princess and subject he would never cross. Boundaries she would never push.
Matthew had never treated her as royalty. He had treated her as a woman. A desirable woman. It had been a unique and thoroughly wonderful experience. Oh certainly she had usurped Katerina’s position, claiming to be nothing more than a companion to royalty when she and the dashing lord had first met. And loved. Even so, today, knowing her true identity, he treated her no differently than he had last year. Aside from the chill in his manner, of course, and the touch of disdain in his eye. It would be hard, if not impossible, to win his heart again. But in this too she was determined to succeed. Katerina edged her horse to Tatiana’s side. “My cousin does not look happy.”
Tatiana uttered a short laugh. “I can scarce recall the last time he did look happy.”
“His responsibilities weigh heavily on him. And he is concerned for you.”
“I am well aware of that. And I do appreciate his concern. However—”
“However, he does not know as much as he thinks he knows: the true purpose of your quest. That, no doubt, is for the best.” Katerina studied her. “And what of your Lord Weston? Was your reunion successful?”
“My Lord Matthew, actually. I do like the way the
my
part of it sounds. However, I cannot say I could term our meeting successful.” Tatiana smiled ruefully. “He did not throw me out, but he has not agreed to my proposal.” She met her friend’s gaze with confidence. “But he will.”
“Did you tell him about the Heavens?”
“Not yet.”
“Did you tell him—”
“No.”
“Perhaps you should simply tell him the truth.”
“No.” Tatiana shook her head. “I suspect he is not entirely certain as to his feelings about me at the present, which I think is a very good beginning. But he is not ready, and, to be honest, neither am I. I would wager he has spent a great deal of time hating me and I dare not give him another reason to continue.”
“Would he?”
“I do not know.” Even as she said the words, she realized there was much about Matthew she did not know. Yet it did not matter. Somewhere, deep within her, she knew all she had to about this man she had loved once and never stopped loving.
“I can scarce blame Dimitri for his concern.” Worry showed in Katerina’s eyes. “I too fear for you. It is a hazardous game you play with this man. Do not forget, when you left him he did not come after you.”
“I have forgotten nothing.” It did bother her that Matthew had not moved heaven and earth to find her, although she could hardly blame him, given the abrupt nature of her departure. Still, today he had known her true identity. He had obviously cared enough to discover at least that.
“You could lose much.”
“But I could gain the world, and that, dear Katerina, is what makes it worthwhile.” Matthew’s words rang in her head. “And exciting. The risk. The gamble. Knowing your very heart is at stake. I have never known such excitement. Or such passion. Or such—”
“Love,” Katerina said simply.
“Love.” Tatiana nodded.
From the moment she had met the adventurous Englishman with the flirtatious manner and amused look in his eye, she had been unequivocally and irrevocably in love. Their days together were as sharp in her memory as if they had happened yesterday.
In the first moment of rebellion of her entire life, she had escaped the confines of companions and escorts and rank, slipping away from theParishotel that housed the Avalonian contingent. It was highly improper, more than a little dangerous, and she had loved every reckless minute. It was as if, having left the encumbrances of her title behind, she had left the position behind as well. She was not the Princess Tatiana, heir to the throne of Avalonia, but simply the woman: Tatiana Pruzinsky. And she reveled in it. She would have thought that alone was responsible for her immediate attraction to the bold, brash stranger selling balloon ascensions in a Paris park, especially as she was feeling rather bold and brash herself, a completely different person from the quiet, dutiful creature she had always been. But even the giddy sensation of floating above the treetops, of sheer unadulterated freedom, paled in comparison to the intoxication of being in his arms and later in his bed. And in his life.
She and Matthew had explored parts of the ancient city she would never have been privy to without his
company on the ground and, even better, in the air. And more, they explored each other. Their hopes, their dreams, their very souls. She had never known absolute happiness before, had never suspected mere mortals could laugh so much, could share such joy.
Later, she would wonder how she had managed to reveal so much of herself without revealing her identity, and realized who she was to the rest of the world was not as important as who she was to him and to herself. She had never tasted freedom like this of both spirit and body, and she would never be the same.
When she had first left her companions, she had not planned to be gone more than a few hours, but an afternoon had turned to an evening, a night to a morn, nearly a week in all. A passage of time she had barely noted. It was not until she had vowed to love him forever that the unyielding sword of reality had struck with a relentless blow and she knew she could not stay with him unless she first settled the rest of her life. She could not abandon the responsibilities of her position to her country or her family as easily as she had slipped out of her hotel rooms.
Their days together were a glorious dream built on passion and desire and unexpected, unremitting love, but built as well on deceit. She could not bear to tell him the truth and she accepted now, as she did then, the cowardice of her actions. She had left his bed and his life with no more than a note about duty she knew full well was insufficient. A note that released him from further obligation to her. She had wanted to pour her heart out on that paper. Reveal the truth about herself and confess how much he had changed her life and how very much she loved him and vow she would return. But she did not want to make another promise she might not be able to keep.
Yet in the fifteen months, three weeks and four days since she had vanished from his life, the power of the love they had shared had not dimmed but had in fact grown stronger. Strong enough to finally overcome a lifetime of perfect behavior, of the weakness of not questioning the life laid out for her. When she had learned the jewels that were hers to wear and indeed to protect, as a hereditary princess of Avalonia, were imitation and the real gems had been long since lost, she had seized upon it. If she could recover the jewels, she would fulfill her responsibility to her title, her family and her country. At least in her own mind. Why, had any princess before ever accomplished such a feat? Success would give her the courage and perhaps even the right to demand to be able to live her own life with the man she loved. Even abdicate her position, if necessary. How could anyone deny her? After all, what could be more significant than restoring the legendary Heavens of Avalonia, the symbol of her family’s right to rule and her country’s very existence, to their rightful place?
And while recovering the jewels, she fully intended to recover Matthew’s love as well. She refused to consider the possibility of failure on either count. Did she not already have something of a plan for finding the Heavens? Surely she would think of some way to win Matthew’s heart as well. She had no doubt, given his actions today, that he already desired her. Perhaps that was the place to start.
“Do you know how potent an aphrodisiac laughter is?” Tatiana said without thinking.
“I have an idea,” Katerina said softly.
“Of course. How thoughtless of me.”
Katerina’s marriage had been a love match on both sides. When her husband had died of a swift and violent illness, Katerina was devastated. She had become the princess’s official companion while both women were still in mourning. For Tatiana, helping her friend find her way through her grief eased her
own bitterness as well as an odd touch of sorrow that her marriage had been so disappointing.
“Is that how you intend to charm your way back into his affections, then?” Katerina asked. “With laughter?”
“Perhaps not entirely into his affections. But it may well be the first step to charming my way back into his life.”
Tatiana cast her friend a wicked grin. “And his bed.”
Chapter 3
Ephraim Cadwallender leaned back behind his desk in the new offices of
Cadwallender’s WeeklyWorld Messenger
and blew a long, low whistle. “That’s quite a proposition.”
“Indeed it is.” Matt balanced a glass of the excellent whiskey Ephraim kept in his desk in one hand and held a cigar in the other. The whiskey was the publisher’s one true extravagance and well appreciated by his friends. The cigars were Matt’s contribution to the evening.
“Are you going to take her up on it?”
Matt swirled the liquor in his glass. “Absolutely.”
“For the money, of course,” Ephraim said without a doubt in his voice.
“The money, old man, is the least of my reasons.”
“The least?” Ephraim raised a brow. “I would think it would be the best.”
“There are certain aspects of this that are considerably more important than money,” Matt said slowly.
“What could possibly be more important than money?”
“To begin with, she’s up to something beyond writing a family history. Her story is absurd and I don’t believe her for a moment.”
“Forgive me for mentioning the obvious, but what difference does it make?”
“It makes a great deal of difference.” A dozen unanswered questions crowded Matt’s mind. “She’s not quite as clever as she thinks. It’s apparent there is something she hasn’t seen fit to tell me. I want to know what it is.”
Ephraim blew a long breath. “I thought you’d had your fill of ferreting out secrets long ago.”
“One never gets tired of ferreting out secrets; part of one’s nature, I suppose.” Matt chuckled. “In one way or another, I seem to be constantly trying to do just that. To uncover the secrets of the forces of physics and nature to control flight, in and of itself a secret until not more than half a century ago.”
“Still, I scarcely think—”
“And I am certain”—he leaned forward and pinned Ephraim’s gaze with his—“whatever Her Highness is up to, it has to do with my family.”
“
Your
family?” Ephraim frowned. “The family you’ve had no contact with in more than a decade?”
“One and the same.” Matt smiled wryly. “It seems one of the ladies mentioned in the letter that is the heart of this proposition is a member of my family. To be specific, my grandmother. Another lady is one of her oldest friends.”
“I don’t see why that should make you suspicious. Your family is rather well connected. I am extraordinarily suspicious, part of
my
nature, yet it doesn’t strike me as being at all unusual that your grandmother’s name, or the name of her friend, should come up.”
“Think about it, Ephraim. If Tatiana is only interested in writing of the travels of a long-dead relation, why wouldn’t she simply tell me of my family’s involvement?”
“She doesn’t know?” Ephraim said helpfully.
“It’s a possibility. Indeed, it could be nothing more than an intriguing coincidence. However, she did encourage me to mend the rift with my family.” Matt shrugged. “It was during the natural course of our conversation and might well mean nothing at all, but I don’t trust her.”
“So you will accompany her to protect your family’s interests?”
“Exactly.”
“But you don’t especially like your family.”
“You’re wrong there. It is my family that does not especially like me.”
“As far as you know,” Ephraim said pointedly.
“As far as I know.” Matt sipped thoughtfully at the whiskey. “However, my grandmother was always fond of me.”
It was his grandmother who had taken the place of his mother when his mother died shortly after Matthew’s birth. His grandmother who had taken his side during his escalating clashes with his father as he grew older. And his grandmother who had wept when his father secured an appointment for him in the navy and sent him off.