Her Old-Fashioned Husband (13 page)

“But I should have told you this before,” Heath said with deep regret. “I was hoping Frankie would
open up with you
. It’s only in the last few months I’ve seen her misery grow.”

“
It’s
tied up with the fact that we’ve been trying unsuccessfully to get pregnant
,” Tom told him. “She’s a bit obsessed with having a baby and
it’s
so painful for her each time it happens, if you’re right she’s not dealing with the sadness as we would. She’s crying out for help, I know
it.
It
seems like my reassurances aren’t helping, I need to show her I’m going nowhere. We need some time
together, just the two of us. And w
e’re going to give up trying to get pregnant for a while.”

Heath nodded. “Good idea. It’s too much pressure on both of you and
it’s
not like there’s any rush. I mean, look how old I am. Positively ancient and I’m having another child.”

Jaron
wasn’t Heath’s son by blood, although
he was his son of his heart.

“Can’t be easy on her, with Bryony and Ava both pregnant,” Heath continued. “Maybe what you both need is a complete break. Get away from here.”

Tom closed his eyes for a moment, feeling exhausted. “I think you’re right. I’ll see if I can arrange some time away for both of us.”

“You’re welcome to go to the cabin, no one’s using it and you’ll be guaranteed privacy.”

Tom opened his eyes and looked at Heath, grateful for his support. “Thanks, I think I’ll take you up on that.”

Frankie awoke as her neck was covered in kisses. She moaned softly and rolled sleepily onto her back to give those wandering lips more access. As her bottom pressed against the mattress she whimpered in pain.

A chuckle escaped those amazing lips, pushing her more fully into consciousness.

“It’s not funny,” she murmured, still not opening her eyes.

“You deserved it,” Tom answered, his lips moving against her colla
rbone as he spoke. “And I ought to
give you another spanking for this little stunt.”

She sat up suddenly, ignoring the pain in her bottom. Her body slammed into Tom, whacking him in the nose. He followed her up, rubbing his nose.

“Hey,” he protested.

“Sorry,” she said with concern, pulling his hand away from his nose to peer at it in concern. “Did I hurt you?”

“I’ll live,” he grumbled. Then he turned to her again, eyeing her sternly. “Just what did you think you were doing leaving the bed when I told you to stay there until I returned?”

“But I am in bed,” she said.

He just narrowed his gaze and continued to stare at her. Frankie shifted uncomfortably.

“I’m sorry,” she said quietly.

“Tell me, if Heath hadn’t made you call me to let me know where you were, would you have called? Or would you have let me return home to find you’d disappeared again?”
             

Frankie gazed down at her clenched hands. “I’m
sorry;
I don’t know what’s wrong with me.” She didn’t know if she’d have called him or not. She wouldn’t like it if he did the same to her. “I’m so selfish and horrible, why are you even with me?”

Tom placed his hand under her chin, forcing her gently to raise her head and look at him. “Frankie, you are not a horrible person and I am not going to leave you.
When we first got together, I remember that you were scared I’d leave you. I thought we’d worked through your insecuriti
es until the other night. Baby, are you
scared that if you can
’t get pregnant, I’ll leave you?”

She nodded slowly.

“Why would you think that? Honey, we’re married. I love you. I take my wedding vowels very seriously. Why would you e
ver think I would want to leave
you?”

“Because you deserve more!” she wailed. “You deserve better than me. I’m not good enough for you. I just create trouble. I try so hard, but nothing I ever do seems to go to plan and then I go and d
o stupid things like last night
. I’m just so scared of losing you sometimes, it kills me. I can’t lose you, Tom; I don’t think I can survive it. Yet, at the same time I can’t help but feel that I am going to lose yo
u and so I find myself doing things I think will
push you away. It’s horrible, I find myself doing it, but I can’t seem to stop. I don’t know what to do.”

“Shh, shh, honey.” He pulled her into his arms and rocked her. “It’s okay, I’m not
going anywhere. Let it all out.
Oh, sweetheart. You’
re exhausted, aren’t you? T
rying to be perfect takes a lot of energy, especially when you’re working full-time then coming home to clean and cook for hours. I’m so sorry I never noticed what was going on, that I let it get to the point where you imploded in a cry for help.”

Franki
e
pulled back and rubbed her hands over her face, trying to clear away her tears. “But I don’t
deserve you
. I’m not a good person like you. I’m never going to be perfect.”

“And you think I am?” he asked incredulously. “Honey, I make mistakes, I do stupid things, I can be grumpy, I snore when I drink, I never remember to leave the toilet seat down and I get so caught up in my work sometimes that I don’t give you the attention I deserve.”

She shook her head. “Your work is important. You help people and they love you for it. I’m sure everything thinks you married down.”

Tom took her shoulders in his hands and shook her gently. “Enough,” he said sternly. “I never want you to put yourself down, do you hear me? I married you because I love you. Neither of us are perfect, but you are not a bad person, Frankie. You are beautiful, kind, funny and you’re the one I desire, the one I want to grow old with. Frankie, why haven’t you talked to me about your insecurities before now?”

Frankie shrugged, averting her gaze.

“Look at me, young lady,” Tom ordered.
             

A shiver raced up her spine at his firm tone and she gazed up at him obediently. “These feel
ings weren’t as bad when we first got married
. Sure, I felt really amazed that you would want to marry me, but I wasn’t going to tell you what a horrid person I could be. I thought I could change. I was going to try so hard to give you everything you wanted so you wouldn’t see my faults. So I worked hard to bring in some money to pay my way, I tried to keep the house really clean and tidy for you and I when I watched you with Jaron, well, I realized what an amazing dad you’d make, so I...”

“You decided you’d give me a baby. Shit, Frankie, do you even want kids?” he asked with shock.

“Yes,” she quickly reassured him. “I would never bring a child into the world if I didn’t want one. Then months went by without my getting
pregnant and I figured that was
just another failure, another way I’m letting you down.”

“Honey.” He grabbed her hands in his. “You’ve never let me down.”
             

“I did last night,” she pointed out. “Tom, I’m not sweet and nice like Ava or calm and together like Bryony, I feel like I’m always lost, like I’ll never measure up and be the wife you need. And the last thing I wanted to do was add to your problems, you’re so busy with your practice, you need a wife who doesn’t give you any trouble and that’s all I give you.”

“Shit.” He gathered her onto his lap and sat with her on the bed. Frankie snuggled close, loving the feel of him surrounding her,
protecting her. This was home.

He clasped her face in his hands. “Frankie, you do not have to be perfect. I don’t want perfect. I want you. All of you. You don’t have to be the best at everything to keep me. Honey, you are stuck with me no matter what.
It doesn’t matter if
we
can’t have children, we can adopt or find a surrogate if necessary.
Nothing is as important to me as you.
”

“What if you find in a few years that you’re sick of my tempe
r?
”

T
om snorted. “Never
.
Frankie I know who yo
u are, I always have.
Besides,
I know just the cure for your temper.”

He grinned as she rolled her eyes.

“
I’m so sorry for failing you, honey. I’ve been too wrapped up in my work when I should have been taking care of you. Can you forgive me?”

“Forgive you?
Why? None of this was your fault.
”

“Because I should have realized the stress you were under. You’ve worried and worked yourself into exhaustion, baby. No wonder you snapped. And I spanked you for it.” His voice held self-reproach.

“No.” She pulled back to look at him. “I deserved it. I knew the consequences. Sometimes-sometimes I think I might disobe
y just to...” she trailed off.

“Because it makes you feel safe?” he guessed. “Knowing that I care enough about you to punish you for putting yourself at risk?”

“I guess. Do
es that make me weird?”

“No, baby. You are not weird or strange, okay? I want you to get that right out of your head. Because if you’re strange for needing that sort of care and attention then that must mean I’m a freak for needing to care for you that way.”

She shuddered. “What are we going to do? I feel so lost, so unsure.”

“Well, how would you feel about a holiday? I thought we’d go up to the cabin for a week. You need lots of rest and care and I could use some alone time with you. I want you to realize that no matter what I am here for you, honey. I love you.”

Relief filled her, he wasn’t running. He didn’t think she was selfish and too much work. And damn, a holiday sounded like heaven.

“That sounds great,” she said. “But can you get the time off?”

“It’ll take me a week or two to organize it, but yeah, I can get the time.”

“I’ll ask for the tim
e off, too.
”

Tom ran his hand over her arm. “How much notice do you need to give to resign?” he asked.

Frankie sighed. “Tom, I don’t know...”

“Do you enjoy your job, baby?” he asked. “I know you love nursing, but do you enjoy working where you are? What if we could find you a new job, maybe part-time?”

She thought about it seriously. “I guess I haven’t been happy there for a while. And a part-time job does sound good.”

“So will you hand in your resignation?”

“
I feel like I should support myself. I mean, I should wait until I have a new job. I can’t just stay at home all day and laze around.”

“Honey, somehow I can’t see you sitting around all day watching TV. You work too
hard
. You need to ease up and if you can’t do on your own, I’ll help you. Why don’t you give up your job and start looking around for part-time work? If our practice gets bigger, we might need more help.”

Frankie chewed at her lower lip. “I don’t know if working together is a good idea.”

He chuckled. “Maybe not. We’d probably kill each other in the first week. But honey, you do not need to support yourself. That’s my job, I’m here to look after you and give you what you need. You take such good care of me, but when I try to take care of you, you make it so hard I have to pretty much force you to accept my care.”

“No, I...” her protest trailed off as she realized the truth of his words. “I do that, don’t I?”

He nodded.

“I’m sorry. I love having you look after me, I just feel bad because you take care of people all day and then you have to come home and take care of me.”

“Honey,
it’s
not a chore. I love looking after you and you come first, before everyone else. But, this is who I am, I like caring for people, it fills this need inside me, I would never see looking after you as a chore, never. It’s a need.”

“I’ve been mucking everything up, haven’t I?” she said with a sigh.

“I think we both have, love. I’m as much at fault as you are. I think some time away will do us bot
h good.
When we go away, I’m going to push you, though. I want you to totally open up with me, Frankie.”

She stared at him. Was she ready to completely let go? Could she make herself completely vulnerable? She always held a bit of herself back, knowing how devastated she’d be if he ever left her.

“I’ll try,” she promised.

“Good girl,” he told her. “I want us to make a pact, right now. If either of us feels lost or unsure or if we need something the other isn’t giving us, we’re going to ask. There is no judgment in our house, nothing we can’t talk about. Promise?”

“I promise,” she swore, feeling her heart lighten.

“Pinky swear.”

She burst into laughter. “What?”

“Pinky swear.” He held out his pinky to her.