Her Rugged Rancher (19 page)

“You probably imagined burying Casper, too,” she added thoughtfully, then shook her head. “God, if I had caused that horse to be hurt, I would've never forgiven myself.”

“I'm glad to know you care that much about Casper.”

A knowing smile tilted her lips. “Well, I wouldn't have wanted you to be hurt, either.”

Without making a reply, he walked over to the window and for long moments Bella sat there watching him stare out at the darkening sky. Whatever was on his mind, she wanted him to share it with her. But would he ever want to share that deeper part of him, she wondered. Would this meeting with Camilla finally open his heart? Or would seeing Verde Canyon make him even more disenchanted?

Rising from the couch, she went to stand by his side. “I don't believe I've thanked you for saving my life.”

“You're being melodramatic. You're a smart, strong girl. You would have eventually gotten out of the canyon on your own.”

She didn't bother to argue that point, instead, she said, “I realize you don't want to be here with me. And you certainly don't want to meet with Camilla tomorrow. But I'm very glad that you are.”

His blue eyes were dark with doubtful shadows as he glanced at her. “You have a misguided notion that seeing Verde Canyon is going to be cathartic for me—that suddenly I'll be liberated from all the hell Camilla and Ward put me through. Bella, nothing will ever wipe that from my mind.”

She rested her hand on his arm. “You're right. Nothing ever will. But once you face this woman, I believe you can look past all the wrong. You'll be able to see the future and maybe then you can see me sharing it with you.”

* * *

With a groan of misgiving, Noah turned and reached for her hands. “Where do you find this faith in me, Bella? You should've tossed in your chips long ago and told me to get lost. I'm not the sort of man a woman can understand, much less cozy up to.”

Slipping her arms around his waist, she pressed her body next to his. “I find it oh, so easy to cozy up to you, Noah.”

Desire stirred low in his belly, prompting him to close his eyes and push his fingers into her dark, silky hair. “Taking you to bed isn't going to fix anything,” he murmured thickly.

“It will fix this ache I have to be in your arms,” she whispered. “That's all I'm asking for tonight. Tomorrow—well, we can talk about promises then.”

Aching. Longing. That's all he'd been doing since that Sunday afternoon so long ago when she'd shown up at his cabin.

“There might not be any promises tomorrow,” he hedged.

Her arms tightened around him as her cheek came to rest against the middle of his chest. “I'm willing to take my chances.”

He didn't deserve this woman. And he was fairly certain that after they met with Camilla tomorrow, Bella would realize it, too. But for tonight he wanted to hold her, love her and pretend that she would always belong to him.

Groaning with a need that was blurring his senses, he lowered his mouth to hers.

Chapter Eleven

T
he next morning the sun had just begun to climb above the stark, jagged mountains rimming the city, when Bella and Noah sat down at the little table in their room to eat a breakfast of chorizo omelets and warm tortillas.

Waking up next to Noah had been bittersweet for Bella. For long minutes she'd lain there listening to the even sound of his breathing and savoring the warmth of his hard body nestled close against hers. Last night she'd sensed an urgency to his lovemaking. As though it might be the last time they would be together. It was a thought Bella refused to contemplate.

Now, as she forced each bite of food down her throat, she wondered what the day was going to bring to him and to her. This morning, he looked incredibly handsome with his black hair slicked back from his rugged face and a pale blue shirt covering his broad shoulders. Yet the tense lines etched around his mouth and eyes told her he was dreading the forthcoming meeting with Camilla.

Bella was dreading it, too. From what he'd told her, the woman had tried every way possible to seduce him. The idea made her cringe and yet she had to believe that this whole trip would be a turning point for Noah. Because no matter what happened with the two of them in the future, she wanted him to be happy.

She sipped her coffee and hoped it would push the food past her tight throat. “There's something I've been wondering about, Noah.”

With a wry grunt, he looked up from his food. “Just something? I've been wondering about a million things. Like what the hell am I doing here? Jett and Sassy were going to a horse sale up at Reno today. I should've been there to handle the barn chores. Instead, I'm nearly a thousand miles away about to meet with a woman who not only stabbed me in the back but also deceived and manipulated her own husband. Even a psychiatrist couldn't figure out what I'm doing—that's how stupid this whole thing feels to me.”

She let out a long breath. “I'll be honest, Noah. Half the time I'm thinking exactly like you are. But then I keep thinking about the short letter she sent you. Instead of her phone number, she gave you her lawyer's number. What exactly did he say when you called to let him know you'd be coming to the ranch today?”

He shrugged, but Bella knew he was feeling anything but casual. “Only that Camilla would be pleased. And that she didn't want to talk with me over the phone. That everything she wanted to say needed to be said in person.”

“Well, it won't be long now until we find out what's on her mind,” Bella said. “How long will it take us to drive from here to the ranch?”

“About an hour and a half. Was there anything you wanted to see or do before we leave the city this morning? I told the lawyer, if all went as planned, we'd be at the ranch by ten-thirty. We're ahead of schedule.”

He glanced at the silver watch on his wrist and it dawned on Bella that this was the first time she'd seen him wearing a timepiece. Which only pointed out that he was a free-spirited cowboy who only conformed to the norm whenever he was forced to.

“Thanks for asking, but I'd rather we go on,” she told him. “That way you can point out some of the landmarks along the way.”

“Fine. The sooner we get this over with, the better,” he said.

* * *

Two hours later, Noah slowed the car as it passed over a wide cattle guard. Above it, a wooden sign hung from a simple arch made of rough cedar post.

Verde Canyon. In Noah's wildest dreams he'd never imagined he'd be back on this desert ranch. He'd never expected to ever see the house where he and Ward had shared meals and laughter and good times. He'd been a different man then. One that he no longer recognized. Would Bella have loved that Noah? The question was moot, he realized. If not for the break between him and Ward, he and Bella would've never met. That was something he'd never thought about until now. And suddenly the ache in his chest wasn't quite as hard to bear.

“This is beautiful, Noah,” Bella commented as he drove slowly over the narrow dirt road. “It's so stark and wild. The mountains are very different than the ones around the J Bar S.”

He glanced over at her. “Not a damned thing on them except mesquite bosque, creosote bush and a little desert grass. But there's something pretty about them. Especially after the rain comes and it all turns green. I'm surprised you like it.”

Smiling faintly, she reached for his hand and he gave it to her.

“You still think of this area as your home, don't you?”

“Doesn't make sense, does it? I went through hell here, but yes, this was my home. I'd planned to stay here for the rest of my life. Guess it's hard to get something that deep out of your head.”

“And your heart,” she added knowingly.

He let out a long breath. “Yeah, I used to have one of those. For your sake, Bella, I wish I could get it back.”

Ten minutes later they arrived at the ranch house, a rambling one-story hacienda with a beautiful tiled roof and a ground-level porch with arched supports. Red blooming bougainvillea grew up the walls, while huge terracotta pots filled with cactus and succulents lined the edge of the porch and the walkway. One lone mesquite tree cast a flimsy shade across the east end of the small yard.

Except for the mesquite tree being a bit larger, everything looked the same as he remembered. Noah wasn't sure that was a good thing or bad. One thing was certain, though—without Ward around, the ranch wasn't the same.

“Where is the ranch yard?” Bella asked as he parked in front of a low fence made of cedar rails.

“About a quarter mile on down the road,” he answered. “You can see it from the back of the house.”

He looked over at her. “Ready for this?”

“I'm ready. But before we go in, Noah, I think—well, maybe it would be better if you talked with Camilla alone. Whatever she has to say to you is personal and I—”

He interrupted her words with a shake of his head. “If what she has to say can't be said in front of you, then I don't want to hear it. Okay?”

“Okay.”

They walked side by side to the front door. Noah's short knock was quickly answered by a young Hispanic maid with a wide smile and black hair twisted into a ballerina bun. She ushered them through a short foyer and into a long, casually furnished living room.

“Please have a seat and make yourself comfortable,” she said warmly. “I'll tell Ms. Stevens that you've arrived.”

The maid disappeared through an arched doorway at the far end of the room. Noah and Bella sat down close together on a green leather couch to wait.

“This is quite a house,” Bella said as she glanced up at the cathedral ceiling supported by dark wooden beams.

Strategically placed skylights sent shafts of light spreading across a floor of Spanish tile, while here and there huge pots, filled with more cactus, gave the impression that the room was an extension of the outdoors. Except for changes in the furniture, it looked the same to Noah. And everywhere his gaze landed, he was reminded of Ward. The reality of the man's death was still hard for him to absorb.

“Ward didn't hold back when he had this house built. He wanted Camilla to have the best,” he added stiffly. “Poor bastard. I hope he never knew what really happened—that Camilla lied and deceived him.”

“Noah, you can't mean that,” Bella said in a hushed voice. “I thought you wanted your friend to know the truth.”

He shook his head. “Back then, I did. Now, I realize it would have hurt him even more. And he didn't deserve that.”

She rested her hand on his arm. “You didn't deserve it either, Noah.”

Her brown eyes were full of empathy, but Noah could also see courage and strength radiating from her and in that moment he realized that she was all he'd ever needed or wanted. If today he lost his job, the money and cattle he'd accumulated, every possession he owned, he could survive. But losing Bella would be like losing the air he breathed. Dear God, why had it taken him so long to realize the truth?

The sound of footsteps interrupted the self-directed question and he looked around to see the maid reentering the room. Camilla Stevens followed a few steps behind her.

Like the house and the land, Ward's wife hadn't changed all that much. At thirty-eight, the woman was still slender and attractive. Her blond hair was long and coiled into a neat twist at the back of her head, while her white dress and black heels implied she was planning to go out later.

Bella's fingers suddenly tightened on his arm and he knew that no matter what transpired with this woman, she was counting on him to remain a gentleman. He couldn't let her down. Now or ever.

Barely conscious of what he was doing, Noah rose to his feet and Bella quickly joined him.

“Hello, Noah. Thank you for coming,” Camilla said and reached to shake his hand.

Though it pained him, Noah complied. Mercifully, the handshake was brief and then Camilla turned her attention to Bella.

“This is Bella Sundell,” Noah quickly introduced. “She made the trip with me.”

The two women exchanged greetings and then Camilla gestured toward the couch. “Please sit,” she said, “and Lolita will bring refreshments. Since it's still early you might prefer coffee or hot tea?”

“Coffee would be nice,” Bella spoke up.

Noah merely nodded. It was hard to look at Camilla without thinking of Ward and as she took a seat in an armchair across from them, memories of his old friend rushed at him from every direction.

Camilla instructed the maid, then settled back in the chair.

Noah said, “I'm sorry about Ward. It's hard for me to believe he's gone.”

“It's still hard for me to believe it, too,” she said quietly, then suddenly looked away.

As Noah watched her eyes blink rapidly, he reminded himself that the woman was one of the biggest liars he'd ever met. Yet watching her now, he got the feeling that her husband's death had affected her deeply. Which didn't make sense. Seven years ago, when Noah left this ranch, she seemed to have forgotten she had a husband at all.

“I'm sorry,” she said. “Ward wouldn't like me choking up like this. He wanted me to be brave.”

“What happened?” Noah asked. “Your letter said his health had been declining. What was wrong?”

Camilla nodded. “For the past year and a half. He developed a lung disease—some long name I can't pronounce or even remember. In the beginning the doctors assured us it was a controllable condition. But Ward didn't respond to the treatments. We went to the best specialist, but nothing seemed to help. It was hell watching him die a little each day.”

Noah let out a long breath and looked over at Bella to see she'd been touched by Camilla's recounting. Surprisingly, he'd been affected by it, too. He'd not expected Ward's wife to express any grief over his passing. The Camilla he remembered had turned cold and callous. This woman sitting in front of them acted as though she'd loved Ward deeply. It didn't make sense.

Just as an awkward silence settled over the room, Lolita returned with a tray. After the young woman had passed around cups of coffee, Camilla spoke again.

“Noah, before I get into the reason I asked you here, I want to say how sorry I am for everything that happened all those years ago. I realize that doesn't mean much. But I—well, all I can say is that I was having deep emotional problems at the time. When I lost the baby it was like I'd lost everything. I felt guilty because I couldn't give Ward the one thing he wanted. Especially after he'd given me so much. I don't know—something snapped in me. I was jealous of you, Noah. I believed Ward cared more about you than he did me.”

“Camilla, that's crazy,” Noah told her. “He loved you more than anything.”

“Yes, it took a long time, plus a doctor's care, for me to finally realize the truth and come to my senses. But by then the harm had already been done.”

Noah gripped his coffee cup as strange emotions suddenly surged inside him. This wasn't the way he'd expected Camilla to sound or behave. He'd not imagined her being apologetic or grieving.

“If you don't mind my asking,” Bella spoke up, “did you ever talk to your husband about Noah? Explain what really happened?”

Sighing heavily, Camilla placed her cup on a nearby table, then folded her hands in her lap. As Noah waited for her answer, he noticed she was still wearing her wedding rings.

“Yes. But not until recently. For years I tried to find the courage to confess the truth to him. I recognized it was wrong to let him keep thinking Noah had betrayed him. Ward had loved Noah like a son. I believed if he ever found out I'd deliberately torn them apart, he would never forgive me. But once I accepted the fact that he didn't have long to live, I couldn't hold it inside any longer. About three weeks ago, I told him the whole sordid story.”

Noah and Bella exchanged pointed looks.

Noah instinctively reached for Bella's hand. “How did he react?”

Camilla dabbed a tissue beneath her eyes and though Noah would have liked to think she was shedding crocodile tears, he recognized they were real.

“Naturally he was devastated. He was ashamed of the way he'd treated you. And mercifully he forgave me. Thank God he understood that the woman I was then wasn't the same woman he'd been married to for all these years.” She rose from the armchair and began to walk restlessly around the room. “After that, he hired a private investigator to locate you. He wanted to see you—to ask for your forgiveness. We'd just discovered you were working on the J Bar S and I was in the process of contacting you when Ward suddenly took a turn for the worse and died.”

“Too late,” Noah muttered regretfully.

Camilla paused in the middle of the room, her rueful gaze passing from Noah to Bella, then back to him. “Yes. Too late. I was a coward. I should have confessed to him years before. Instead I lived with the lies. It hasn't been easy.”