Her Secret Fantasy (45 page)

Lily set her lanterns down, took the letter from her hyperventilating cousin, and sent her husband a dubious look, for this was the first she had learned of his mischief.

He gave her a nod full of cavalry confidence.

Lily cracked the letter open, but her eyes widened as she read the letter.

“What’s it say?” Pamela squeaked.

She looked at her in amazement. “Mr. Murray wants to publish your book.”

Pamela screamed.

“Wait! There’s more.” Lily gripped her arm and glanced again at the letter. “He wants to know if you have any more you might be interested in selling!”

Pamela shrieked again and burst into tears.

Then everyone was hugging her, cheering. Aunt Daisy was crying and prattling on incoherently about how proud she was of her daughter. Lily was jumping up and down, while Derek clapped the footman on the back and beamed with pride. But then, into this clamor of rejoicing, a cold voice gusted in like the frigid north wind.

“What is the meaning of this?”

Everybody stopped.

“Oh, Clarissa,” Aunt Daisy spoke up bravely, though her voice was barely a whisper, “Mr. Murray of London wishes t-to publish our Pamela’s books.”

“Really?” Mother breathed, turning her needle-sharp glance toward the authoress. “Pamela, I am shocked at you! How could you risk the family’s reputation this way?”

“I’ll use a pen name, Aunt Clarissa, I-I swear.”

“No! It is out of the question, and I am stunned you would dare contradict me in this manner.”

“It wasn’t her doing,” Derek announced in a bristling tone, stepping forward. “It was mine.”

“Ah, I should have known,” she said with dripping sarcasm.

“Mother,” Lily warned.

“Don’t ‘Mother’ me!”

“Oh, please, everyone, please stop!” Aunt Daisy wailed. “I feel the palpitations coming on!”

Lady Clarissa ignored her and refocused her anger on Lily, her blue eyes flashing dangerously. “This is all your fault, you selfish girl! You’re the one who got us into this, marrying this pretty fellow instead of keeping your word and taking your family duties seriously. But then again, knowing you, you probably had no choice.”

Lily stared at her in hurt shock.

Derek drew off his work gloves. “Did you just insult my wife’s honor?”

Lady Clarissa looked away with a nonchalant shrug. “If the shoes fits.”

“Madam,” Derek addressed her, “go upstairs and pack your bags. You are leaving.”

“Oh, I see!” she mocked him. “You’re going to throw me out of my own house?”

“It is not your house, Lady Clarissa,” he reminded her succinctly. “It is mine. And I…want…you
out
!”

Lady Clarissa jumped as he bellowed the last word in drill sergeant fashion. She stared at him, looking like a breeze could have knocked her over. “Well!” She glanced at Lily, who was standing there frozen in shock. “If that’s how you all feel,” the queenly woman clipped out. Then she snapped her jaw shut, whirled around, and flounced out with her chin high.

Everybody turned and looked at Derek in amazement.

He glanced around at them with no signs of remorse.

Lily gazed at him uncertainly, then shook her head and ran upstairs to check on her mother. The woman probably didn’t know what hit her.

When Lily reached her mother’s grand but frayed and dusty bedchamber, she found her angrily packing her things.

Or at least making a show of it.

“Mother?”

“Don’t talk to me, you little traitor,” she said under her breath as she tossed another armful of threadbare clothes into her portmanteau, which lay open on her canopy bed.

“Mother, please. Derek just wants everyone to get along. You don’t really have to go—”

“As if you care what happens to me!”

“Don’t be like that. Please, calm down. Shall I bring you some tea? It’ll be all right—”

“No, it
won’t
!” she shouted, turning to Lily with eyes wrathfully ablaze. “You’ve ruined everything! This is all your fault and you can’t even be bothered to care! What were you thinking, bringing home someone like him? He doesn’t belong here! A half-pay officer? He’s not at all what we agreed upon! Do you have any idea how completely you’ve let us all down, all because, once again, I presume, you were
incapable
of keeping your legs crossed?”

Shame flooded Lily at those cruel words. Head down, her heart reeling from the blow, she had not noticed Derek leaning in the doorway. But then she heard his deep, steadying voice, reminding her of who she really was.

“Lily Knight,” he said softly from across the room, “you are the bravest woman I know. Are you going to stand there and take that?”

He was right.

Through a sort of fog, she recalled the stable fire, and how she had fought like mad to save him. Could she not summon up just a little of that defiance now to fight for herself?

“I’m right, aren’t I, Major?” her mother drawled, interrupting Lily’s reeling thoughts. “You only married her because you had to, for honor’s sake.”

Derek shook his head in stony silence, refusing to rise to the bait.

Lily knew he was also silent because he wanted her to be the one to speak up. Her heart was pounding. She barely knew where to begin, there was so much anger bottled up inside her. “You just can’t stand to see me happy, can you?” she ground out, startling even herself with the vehemence of her tone.

Slowly, she lifted her head and looked her mother in the eyes.

Lady Clarissa regarded her in aloof amusement, one eyebrow raised. “Ah, what’s this, a show of spirit from the mouse?”

Lily flinched. “I am so sick of you hurting me. A mother is supposed to love you, but all you ever do is mock me and find fault. I’ve tried so hard to win your approval. For years I’ve tried, but you know what, Mother? I give up,” she declared, tears filling her eyes. “Nothing I do is ever going to be good enough for you, so what’s the point? You’ve been ashamed of me since the day Lord Owen Masters wrecked my life.”

When her mother rolled her eyes, Lily’s temper snapped.

“Where were you when he was preying on me?” she shouted at her. “Absorbed in yourself! I was fifteen years old, Mother! Only a child! I didn’t know anything—I didn’t understand! That bastard all but raped me, but you didn’t even care how it had affected me. Instead of helping me or comforting me, all you did was scream at me and worry about how we would cover it up! Well, maybe
you
deserve some of the blame,” she said coldly. “You were my mother—you were supposed to be protecting me. My father was dead—mainly because you drove him away.”

These last words startled Lily even as they came tumbling out of her mouth.

They were the truth that no one had dared speak in so many years.

“You and Grandfather. You both pressured him into leaving for the money’s sake and he died.”

Lady Clarissa’s eyes had filled with tears, but she was silent and stock-still.

“Well, you’re not going to drive my husband away, too,” Lily finished in trembling shock, her composure hanging by a thread. “You can live in proud, stiff misery if you want, and I know, misery may love company. But I’m not going to join you in it anymore.” She glanced over at Derek. He sent her a steadying nod. She looked at her mother again, her heart pounding. “I intend to be happy,” she said, “and if you can’t live with that, then Derek’s right, and you should go.”

Lady Clarissa took a deep breath, avoiding Lily’s gaze. She turned to her portmanteau and closed it, fastening it with a click. “You’re right,” she said at length, still staring at the distant wall, refusing to look at Lily, as though her daughter’s face were a mirror that revealed too many un-flattering lines. “You’re quite right,” she clipped out. “I failed you. I failed your father, too, and now I have to live with my regrets.”

Lily trembled, waiting for her mother to look at her, but instead, Lady Clarissa picked up her valise and walked out the door, apparently persuaded to accept her banishment.

Derek stopped her by the doorway with a gentle hand on her shoulder. “My sister, Georgiana, has already made a guest suite in her home ready for you and the others. Have the footman drive you there. She will be expecting you.”

“I see. You’ve been planning this for some time.”

Derek said nothing.

Lily closed her eyes, holding back sobs by sheer dint of will, and then her mother was gone.

She heard Derek’s approach heralded by the squeaky floorboards. Then strong arms wrapped around her, and she broke down against his chest. He held her close.

“
Brava,
” he whispered. “I love you.”

Lily wept.

“You needed to do that.”

“Yes.”

“Do you feel any better yet?”

“No. Not yet.”

“You will. I promise,” he breathed and he kissed her head again.

“She—didn’t react very well.”

“You said your part. That’s the important thing.”

“I suppose.”

“I’m proud of you. I know how hard that must’ve been.”

“I’m not as brave as you,” she whispered.

“Oh, yes, you are.”

She glanced up at him with a wry but tremulous smile. “Do you really think so?”

“I’m living proof of it, my dear. I’ll tell you one thing. She heard you. I think you’re going to start seeing a change.”

“I hope you’re right. I don’t know why she has to be so cold. I don’t think she quite knows how to love.”

“But you do.”

“Yes. I do.” After a moment, she let out a small laugh and shook her head, beginning to feel better. “I can’t believe you threw her out.”

“Aunt Daisy and Pamela will ride with her to London. Georgiana was happy to offer a few rooms in that palace of hers for a while.”

“Well, that’s wonderful,” she forced out with a sniffle. “Pam will be able to meet with her publisher, and Aunt Daisy will love seeing Matthew again. Maybe Mrs. Clearwell can find a nice rich gentleman for Mother.”

Derek succumbed to a reluctant laugh. “Oh, my darling, she’s not a miracle worker.”

“Oh, you are bad.”

He captured her face between his hands and bent his head, pressing a gentle kiss to her lips. “Lily?” he whispered after a moment. “You know I love you, right?”

She lifted her lashes and gazed dreamily into his silvery blue eyes. “Yes.”

“Good. Because, darling, there’s something that I really need to tell you.”

Derek knew the moment of truth had come.

Ah, bugger.

Damned nuisance, those bloody moments of truth.

“I love you,” he told her again. It was true, but perhaps he was stalling just a bit.

“What is it, darling?” Her eyes flew open wide. “Oh, God, you’re going back to India!”

“No! No, no, of course not. Come, sit down, sweeting. You’ve had a bit of a shock.”

Though that was nothing compared to the shock she had coming.

He led her out of her parents’ bedchamber, a room that frankly made him uncomfortable, and drew her gently into the threadbare settee under the mullioned windows at the end of the long, darkly paneled corridor.

They both sat; Lily gazed at him earnestly, folding her hands in her lap in that gentle way of hers that did strange things to his insides. He laid his hand over both of hers.

“Is something wrong, husband?”

“No.” He took a deep breath and reminded himself he would have done much more than this in order to protect her. He just hoped she didn’t want to plunge a dagger in his chest when she heard the news. “Uh, firstly, I am glad to report that our finances are in excellent order.”

“Oh.” She furrowed her brow, then nodded. “Good.”

He swallowed hard. “Gabriel asked me to accept the role as Father’s main heir.”

“What?”

“He said he no longer wanted to be burdened with the responsibility.”

She paused, frowning. “That doesn’t sound like him. Is he all right?”

Derek shrugged. “I don’t know. He usually knows what he’s doing. But as you can imagine, this will be a great benefit to us,” he added.

She considered this revelation with a look of increasing surprise. “Are you saying I managed to marry a rich man, after all?” she exclaimed.

He laughed. “Quite.”

“How clever of me! Why, you dickens!” He was relieved to see her loosening up after that row. “Why didn’t you tell me this before?”

“Gabriel could still change his mind, though God knows, his temperament is that of a mountain. Even so, there’s plenty to go around, so I’m not worried.”

“Were you afraid I was going to go spend all your new inheritance?”

“No.” He touched her cheek fondly. “I was afraid you’d tell your mother, and then she would.”

“Ah. Well…”

They exchanged smiles of glowing attachment.

“At any rate, my coming up in the world,” he said dryly, “is not the only part of our circumstances that’s undergone a change.” As he gazed at her, his expression sobered.

“What do you mean?”

Derek willed himself to maintain the most soothing possible tone of voice. “We’re going to be moving.”

“Moving?” She went on her guard. It was the subtlest shift, like a wall coming up behind her eyes.

“Yes,” he murmured, lightly holding onto her hand. “I would like you to start thinking about what sort of house you’d like to live in—I mean, your ideal.”