Hercules and the Geek of Greece
Read Hercules and the Geek of Greece Online
Authors: Hunter Kennedy
Hunter Kennedy
Based on the Universal TV television series created by Christian Williams
Executive producers Sam Raimi and Robert Tapert
Chapter 3âLeaving For Castletop
Chapter 4âQueen of the Amazons
Chapter 8âOn the Road at Night
Chapter 11âDesperate Measures
Chapter 12âClose to the Edge
Chapter 18âRiding the Dragon
The Two Girls
The village of Xeres was covered in flowers.
Roses, daisies, liliesâthey were hanging from trees, from windows, from maypoles and arches. Thousands were floating in the fountain in the village's main square.
Xeres was part of the Kingdom of Zim, a small territory north of Olympus, which, as everyone knew, was the center of the world. It was a warm spring day in the kingdom; there was not a cloud anywhere in sight. This was perfect weather for the celebration the village had been anticipating for so long.
It was called the Festival of the Blue Moon. On this day, any girl in the village who'd reached the age of thirteen would be granted an audience with Aphrodite, the Goddess of Love herself. Aphrodite would usually bestow gifts on these young girls, offer them advice, and then a huge feast would take place. Sometimes the celebration would last for days.
The villagers had begun to gather in the town's square since early that morning. Many people from the surrounding areas of Zim had come to town, too. Now, as the sun rose higher in the sky, the minstrels began playing and a chorus began singing. Men, women, and children, all dressed in their finest clothes, filled the square, waiting for the Goddess of Love to make her appearance.
For the little village of Xeres, this was by far the most important day of the year.
On this particular day, two girls from Xeres were being honored by Aphrodite. They were presently in a house near the village square, waiting to be called into the goddess's presence.
One girl was named Posey. She was blond, and had long limbs and a face like a flowerâthus her name. She was very pretty, but just a tad awkward. Her father was the mayor of Xeres and a very powerful man. As a result, Posey had always gotten anything she wanted.
The second girl was named Dedra. She was blond and pretty, too. And because her father was the richest man in the village, she was as spoiled as Mount Olympus was high.
Both girls were very nervous. This was to be the biggest day in their lives and everything had to be perfect. They knew if they made a good impression on Aphrodite, the goddess might grant them some extra special gifts. In the past, Aphrodite had given cool supernatural things like magic threads and necklaces to the girls of the village. Posey and Dedra were hoping this would happen to them, too.
As the sun drew closer to the top of the sky, the honorary matrons of the festival arrived at the house where Posey and Dedra were waiting. Both girls were closely examined by the matrons. Their dress, hair, and posture was checked, and Posey and Dedra seemed perfect. This was good, for it was almost noon, and that was the time when Aphrodite would make her appearance.
Outside the house, the street leading to the square was filled with happy villagers hoping to get a glimpse of the two honored girls. Many villagers were watching the festivities from their windows and from the nearby trees as well.
But one person was watching from the rooftops.
He was hiding on the roof of a house right next to the village square. He was a small kid who'd just turned thirteen. He was wearing a very uncool smock and repulsive squirrel-bladder sandals that only the really gross people of Xeres wore. His name was Geekus.
Some people in the village called Geekus the “human disaster,” and in some ways the nickname fit. He was always tripping, or stumbling, or knocking into something. And because the glass spectacles he wore over his eyes were way too big, he was forever losing them, which only added to his clumsiness.
Geekus's personal appearance was also somewhat disastrous. Besides his bad taste in clothes, his nose always seemed to be running, he was always sniffling, and his hair was always a mess.
He was also very shy. He had no friends and could go days without speaking to anyone. As the kids might say, Geekus was a total nerd, too weird even to think about.
That's why he was hiding up here on the roof. He wanted to watch the festival, tooâbut he did not want anyone in the village to see him doing so.
At exactly one minute before noon, Posey and Dedra were led out of the house by the festival matrons.
Geekus was leaning against a big bucket that had been put on the roof to catch rainwater when the two girls came out. He heard the cheers and looked over the ledge to the street below. His heart began to swell. Both girls looked beautiful, radiant. The crowd cheered even louder now. Flowers were thrown into the air. How could Aphrodite not be impressed by these two?
The small procession moved slowly down the street. As it got closer to his position, Geekus had to lean farther out over the ledge to get a better look. Finally, he got so far out that he had to hold onto the rim of the barrel to keep himself balanced.
But just as the girls reached the spot right below him, he leaned out a little too far. In the next second, the rainwater barrel tipped over. There was a great gush of water, followed a few seconds later by a great splash on the street below. Then came a horrified gasp. . . .
When Geekus dared to peek over the ledge again, he saw that the contents of the bucket had rained down directly onto Posey and Dedra, soaking them all the way through.
The two girls immediately began wailing. Their clothes, their makeup, and their hairdos were ruined. “Where had the water come from?” the villagers in the street cried. Finally, one of them looked up and pointed to the roof.
“Look! Up there!” he yelled. “It's Geekus! He did it!”
Geekus was horrified. He
had
done itâagain! Getting very scared very quickly, he turned to flee the roof and wound up tripping over a rope that was supporting a huge arch of flowers over the main square. The rope snapped due to his clumsiness, and the huge flower display came crashing down to the street. The noise was so loud, it caused a team of horses in the square to panic. They broke free of their reins and went running through the crowded square, trampling many of the beautiful decorations, knocking many people into the fountain in the process.
Now there was chaos. People running, women screaming, chickens squawking. Many of the farm animals brought to town for the marketplace got loose and began running wild through the streets. It was a chain reaction of events that served to destroy just about every decoration erected in the square for the celebration.
Inside of ten seconds, Xeres had become a disaster zone.
And then noon came.
In the instant that the sun was directly overhead, the villagers heard a great
boom!
Then they saw a yellow flame shoot across the blue sky. The flame curved over and started coming right toward the village. It grew bigger and bigger until it was brighter than the sun itself! Then it landed right in the middle of the village square.
There was a puff of smokeâand then the flame disappeared. And in its place was a huge solid-gold throne. Sitting atop this throne was the Goddess of Love, Aphrodite herself.
She was beautiful. She had pearl-white skin and long, blond hair. She was dressed in a short white tunic and a silver belt. Aphrodite was by far the most popular of all the gods, if a bit temperamental. All the girls in the Kingdom of Zim thought she was tops! (And all the boys did, too.)
Aphrodite was accompanied by six minotaurs. These huge creatures had the bodies of men and the heads of fierce bulls. They were her personal bodyguards. A number of nymphsâthe goddess's entourageâwere also flying around.
“Greetings good people of Xeres!” Aphrodite called down to the villagers. “It is good to see you again!”
The crowd let out a cheerâbut it was a rather weak one.
That's when Aphrodite got a good look around the village square. The trampled flowers, the broken arches, the panicking animals, some still running wild. The middle of the village looked as if a small tornado had just blown through.
“What happened here?” she asked. “Someone leave the back door to Hades open? I mean, this place is so
icky
!”
Saying this Aphrodite began to laugh, and when Aphrodite laughed, the whole village laughed. The laughter went on and on, until it seemed to be echoing through the nearby hills.
But then Aphrodite raised her hand and the laughter abruptly stopped. The smile had left her face and now her mood had turned rather sour. She hated icky places. And at the moment, the middle of Xeres was very icky. She was clearly disappointed with the villagers.
“Okay, let's get this over with,” she finally said to them. “I'm in a big hurry.”
Just out of sight, Dedra and Posey stood, soaked and crying. They could not go through with this. They were a mess! They needed time to clean up. Change their clothes. Redo their hair. . . .
But Aphrodite was an immortal and the immortals simply could not be left waiting. When one of Aphrodite's minotaurs appeared before them and let out a loud grunt, his meaning was clear. The festival had to beginâ
now.
Still sobbing, the girls were led out to the square. The villagers cheered when they first saw them, but quickly became silent when they realized their condition.
The girls were brought to the foot of the massive throne, where both stopped. Neither wanted to go on. But pushed ahead by the matrons, both girls awkwardly climbed the steps of the throne and knelt before Aphrodite, still dripping wet.
Aphrodite took one good look at them and grimaced.
“Eeeewwww!” she exclaimed. “What happened to you two?”
Both girls began to explain, but their sobbing got in the way. Aphrodite was clearly annoyed now. This was not the greeting she would have expected as a goddess. She held up her hand and silenced the girls. Then she snapped her fingers and one of the minotaurs came forward.
“I said let's get this over with,” she barked at him. “I have a lunch date with Ares I simply cannot miss!”
The minotaur was bearing a silver platter. On it sat a small pile of gifts, from golden rings to silver earrings to jewel-encrusted necklaces. Aphrodite looked at the jewelry and then down at the disheveled girls.
“I was prepared to give you both a gift that would be equal to your beauty,” she said, thumbing through the tray full of valuable trinkets. “But I think you both need more help in the grooming department instead.”
Posey and Dedra were so mortified they could barely raise their heads.
Aphrodite snapped her fingers and the minotaur took two items off the tray and handed them to both Posey and Dedra. They were not golden rings or silver earrings and bejeweled necklaces. In fact, what Aphrodite was giving them looked like nothing more than ordinary hair combs.
“These things have some magic within them, I guess,” Aphrodite told the girls quickly. “And with them you both can . . . well, you can do something about your hair.”
A cheer went up from the villagersâthat is, after a moment of head-scratching over the girls' unusual gifts. It was a cry of relief more than anything. Aphrodite didn't look very happyâand the villagers didn't want to upset her any further.
Then the goddess held up her hand and the village was quiet again.
“Farewell, my common folk,” she said with a huff. “I hope when I come back again, you can manage something a little more . . . well,
fitting
for a goddess.”
She took another look around the disrupted village and then back down at Dedra and Posey.
“
If
I come back, I mean,” she added cruelly.
She blew a quick kiss to the mortals gathered below. Then a great wind came. There was a flash of fire and a cloud of smoke and in the next second, goddess, minotaurs, and throne all vanished into a bright orange flame. This flame quickly climbed into the sky and finally disappeared into the sun.
No sooner was it gone when wails started up from the villagers.
“We have disappointed Aphrodite!” one man cried. “She will never forgive us!”
“All year in preparing,” a woman yelled. “And now this!”
“Oh, what curse has befallen us that our goddess would treat us so badly!”
Watching all from a nearby hill was Geekus. He was too scared to cry, too scared to even move.
He
was the curse, he thought over and over again. Without trying to do so, he had managed to upset a powerful goddess, ruin the Festival of the Blue Moon and nearly destroy the village of Xeres all at the same time.
The villagers were right: he
was
a human disaster.
And the human disaster had struck again.