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As we walk to class, my breakfast threatens to make a reappearance. “You realize we’re about to see Sarah?”

His eyes narrow into a scowl. “The key to Sarah is to stand up to her and not take her abuse. Don’t let her intimidate you.” He squeezes my hand for reassurance.

“
Easier said than done.”

He stops and looks down at me. “From what I heard, you did a great job in class last week. Sarah wouldn’t shut up about it. Besides, what does she have that you don’t?”

“
Are you serious? Looks. Class. Power.”

He blinks in confusion. “You have all of those things.”

I snort and begin to walk again even though facing Sarah is the last thing I want to do. “Yeah, right.”

Evan grabs my arm and pulls me to the wall. “Are you serious? You really don’t think you’re better than her?”

“
Sure, on some global, metaphysical scale I’m superior to her. But on the James Monroe social scale, I’m a cow pie.”

He shakes his head and leans closer. “There’s more to your life than this idiotic school. Change your scale of measurement.” He smiles. “You can do this.”

Sarah stands outside the door when we arrive. Her arms cross over her chest and her feet are planted hip distance apart. She has the aura of someone looking for a fight.

“
Evan,” she snarls. “I see you have your new pet with you.”

Evan’s hand tightens around mine. “Her name is Julia. I suggest you learn it.” His voice is clipped.

An evil smile lifts the corners of her mouth and she raises an eyebrow. “Oh, I’ll be using it, all right.”

Evan whispers in my ear. “I’ve got to go. Will you be okay?”

“
Of course.” I give him a tiny smile to prove it.

Still, he hesitates before he says, “I’ll see you after class.”

I nod and watch him walk away. When I turn to go into the room, Sarah blocks my path. I shouldn’t be surprised, yet my breath pulls in anyway. Past experience proves that sidestepping her won’t work. My best option is to find out what she wants.

She continues to stare. It occurs to me this is part of her intimidation, to make me squirm.

I lift my chin and look at her, trying to keep my face expressionless. I hope she doesn’t see the tremor in the hands clenched at my sides.

To my immense satisfaction, she caves first. “What do you think you’re doing?”

“
I know you’re kind of slow, but I thought it was obvious. I have English Lit every day this period.”

Evil fills her eyes. “Evan is mine. I thought I made that clear last week.”

“
I guess you forgot to make that clear to him.”

Her gaze narrows and hatred oozes out her pores. “I’m warning you.”

“
What’s your problem?”

“
My
problem
is
you
. Ever since Evan disappeared last week, he’s been
obsessed
with you. Why is that?”

The bell rings and the students loitering in the hall duck into classrooms, but Sarah stands her ground. The door to English Lit closes. It’s now Sarah and me in an empty hall.

“
How would I know?” I’d like to know the answer to this question myself.

“
Something stinks here and I don’t think it’s your cheap perfume.”

My eyes widen out of reflex, but she notices and grins.

“
Oh, yeah, I can smell your wannabe ass a mile away. I don’t know what you did to him, but I intend to find out. Consider yourself warned.” She disappears into the classroom.

My heart palpitates as my breath comes in shallow pants. Not for the first time, I wonder what I’ve gotten myself into.

Chapter Eleven

I stand in the hall and consider my options. I can either hide somewhere and cry or go into class. While the first option is my preference, the stubborn part of me refuses to give Sarah the satisfaction. After counting to twenty—twice—I slip into my seat just in time for roll.

Mrs. Jacobs has ended her unit on Poe and decides a trip to the school library is in order. The class is thrilled, since a visit to the library is the closest thing we get to a field trip. We’re supposed to check out classical literature books for our book reports due in three weeks. She encourages us to use our time wisely, but most of the class goofs off.

I use my time wisely to check out Evan’s favorite book,
Captured
, by Steven Morris. When I search for it on the computer, nothing comes up. I try spelling Steven a variety of different ways but still nothing.

Huh.

The librarian sits at her desk waiting to give assistance, but most of the students are hiding behind book racks and pretending to look busy.

“
Excuse me.”

She looks up, surprised. “Oh, hello, Julia. What can I help you with?”

I’m astounded she knows my name, then again, I have spent some time here lately. “I’m having trouble finding a book.
Captured
by Steven Morris. I even looked up both spellings of Steven.”

“
Is it fiction or nonfiction?”

Good question. “I don’t know.”

She smiles. “It doesn’t matter. It shouldn’t be a problem.” She turns to her computer and searches. After a half a minute she looks at me. “Are you sure you have the title and author right? I’m not coming up with anything either.”

“
I thought I did…” It isn’t a difficult title or name. I’m sure it’s right.

The librarian pushes away from the keyboard. “Sorry. As far as I can tell, that book doesn’t exist.”

“
Thanks anyway.” I walk away, shaking my head. I must have remembered it wrong. How can Evan like a book that doesn’t exist?

I check out
Little Women
before the period is over. It’s a copout. I’ve already read it but figure I need all the extra help I can get with all my makeup work. I’ll read something new for the next report.

When the bell rings, I’m heading out the library doors when I’m bumped from behind and slammed into the wall. My books fall to the floor and papers scatter everywhere.

“
Oops,” Sarah laughs as she walks past. “I didn’t see you there.”

She and Lindsey lean into each other and giggle over their stunt before they head to the cafeteria.

I purse my lips and try to snuff my brewing anger as I bend over to pick up the mess. A pair of hands comes into my view, scooping up papers. I raise my eyes to see a brown-haired boy I vaguely recognize.

“
Thanks.” I lower my gaze in embarrassment.

“
Hit and run, huh?”

I panic and my eyes widen in alarm. Is he talking about the accident?

He leans back slightly, acting like I’m contagious. “You know…Sarah smashing you into the wall and taking off?” He shakes his head and hands me the papers as he stands. “Yeah, okay…” He strides toward the cafeteria.

“
Thanks,” I call after him, feeling like a complete and utter idiot.

“
Why were you talking to Reece?” Evan comes from behind and catches me off guard.

I jump and almost fall over. “Is that his name?”

“
You don’t know him?” His voice raises in surprise.

I gather the last of my books and stand. “No, never met him before. He helped me pick up some of the papers I just dropped.”

Evan glances over his shoulder in the direction Reece has disappeared. “He’s bad news. You’d be safer to stay away from him.”

Evan’s reaction seems a little strong considering the guy just helped me out. Then I remember Evan mentioning Reece’s name before. “But he only—”

Evan’s eyes darken and he practically growls, “Trust me.”

“
Okay.” I have no reason not to, but it still rankles some hidden nerve. “Hey, while we were in the library communing with the classics, I looked up your favorite book. Only it wasn’t there.”

All expression falls off his face and he scratches his forehead. “It’s not? It’s probably because the library is so small.”

“
No, I had the librarian look, but she didn’t find it anywhere.”

As he lowers his hand, I notice a slight tremor. “Must be some kind of fluke. Do you want to go to the cafeteria for lunch or your secret spot?”

I snort. “What do you think?”

“
Secret spot it is. Did you bring a lunch today?”

I don’t say anything.

“
As I suspected. Good thing I packed enough for you too.”

I bump into his arm and grin. “Thanks.”

He looks at me with the most brilliant smile. The sun could fizzle out and Evan’s smile would provide enough warmth to power a thousand solar systems. His hand reaches for mine. The realization that I find his grip familiar makes my heart race. Becoming attached to him is dangerous. I can’t help thinking I’m being set up for heartbreak.

When we reach the choir room, we sit on the floor in my corner. Evan pulls a brown bag out of his backpack. He hands me a sandwich.

I take a bite and grin. Peanut butter. “I can’t believe I’ve been drawing your name.” It feels weird to admit this, even though I already have anyway, but I really want his help. He saw the love knot before. Maybe he can find something else.

“
And you really didn’t know you were drawing it?”

“
No.”

He grins but uncertainty lurks in his eyes.

“
Yeah, I know. Weird.” I open my backpack and pull out the notebook. “See?” I point to his name sprawled diagonally across the page. If the love knot is on every page, I wonder if his name is too.

Evan has the same idea. Without saying a word, he flips to a previous drawing. “There.” He points across the bottom. “Evan.” He’s beaming.

I lean over to check it out and he’s right. The word pops right off the page. Along with a Celtic love knot. He flips back page after page, finding his name on every one. The sandwich turns to a heavy lump in my stomach.

He lays his hand on top of mine. “Are you okay?”

“
Don’t you find it the slightest bit creepy that I’ve been drawing your name for months when we hardly even spoke before? It’s not like I had some secret crush on you.”

“
Yeah, thanks. Way to boost a guy’s ego.” His eyes have a mischievous glint.

“
You have to admit. It’s stalkerish.” I lean my back against the wall in disgust. I feel slimy.

“
No, maybe it was your subconscious saying you’re supposed to be with me.”

I roll my eyes. “Good thing you decided to tutor me or I might’ve gotten my heart broken when I realized my subconscious is obsessed with you.” Of course, we’re assuming Evan Whittaker is the Evan on my pages. Maybe it’s not. Maybe I’ve just randomly drawn the name Evan. But I have to admit I don’t know any other Evans.

The hair on the back of my neck prickles as sweat breaks out on my forehead. My stomach flip-flops at the possibility of a panic attack. I push up the sleeves of my sweater and my bracelet slips down my wrist, onto my hand. The silver glitters in the sunlight streaming though the cracked blinds.

Evan reaches down and fingers the charm. “What’s this?”

Doodling his name is bad enough. I’m not sure I can admit my other freaky idiosyncrasies. “It’s nothing. Just a bracelet.”

But Evan’s curiosity is piqued and he lifts my hand to get a closer look. His eyes are large spheres as he reads the inscription on the charm. With a gasp, his face turns ashen. “Where did you get this?” His words escape in a wheeze.

I try to suck in a breath as my chest tightens. “You wouldn’t believe me if I told you.”

“
Try me.” He sounds impatient and his fingers shake.

“
They said I was wearing it when they found me at the scene of the accident, but I’d never seen it before. The doctors said my head trauma made me forget, but I remember everything else. I have no idea how I got it.”

His eyes flood with tears. He still holds the charm between his thumb and finger. The chain pinches my flesh. “Do you know what this means?”

The pendulum of his emotions scares me. “You mean
Love endures forever?
” I shake my head and bite my lip. ”Other than the obvious.”

He looks like he’s staring at a ghost. “Julia, who gave you this bracelet?”

“
Evan, I already told you.”

“
And you never saw it before the accident?” He stands up. “
Never?
”

I stand up, too, my legs rubbery. “I already told you that,” I say, more insistent.

He rubs his shaky hands over his face. “I have to think. This is all such a mess.”

My heart thumps wildly. “Why are you so upset? Have you seen this before? Do you know where it came from?”

He drops his hands. Beads of perspiration dot his upper lip. He looks like he’s about to barf as he stumbles backward.

“
Evan,” I plead, the word almost lost in my breathlessness. My head grows fuzzy at the possibility that he has answers.

“
You have no right to have this!” he shouts, grabbing my wrist. “That doesn’t belong to you!”

“
Evan, stop!” I jerk out of his grip. “Who does it belong to?”

“
I have to go.” He’s wild-eyed as he steps backward. His heel catches on a chair leg and he stumbles then rights himself. With a grunt, he flings the door open and runs out of the room.

My feet meld to the linoleum floor, not that I think to move. My brain has frozen.

Breathe
.

I gasp out a breath as tears sting my eyes.

In. Out.

Like an idiot, I tell my shaking body to do what it’s obviously forgotten. How to survive. I have no idea how to survive Evan’s anger, but I know how to breathe.

At least I have that.

My legs give out and I crumple to the floor, still giving my chest commands.
In. Out. Just one more breath
. The panic attack following in the wake of Evan’s reaction shouldn’t surprise me, yet it does. It hits like a freight train and leaves me gasping for breath. I can’t die this way.

You’re not dying
. The logical part of me knows this, but the betrayed part wishes it were true.

Evan’s anger won’t kill me.

But the panic attack might.

The choir teacher finds me laying on the floor, choking on nothing but lack of air. Before I know it, my private humiliation becomes a public spectacle. Students gather at the door to watch, their anxious faces the last thing I see before everything goes black.

When I wake up, I’m laying on a flimsy medical table covered in paper in the school nurse’s office. I sit up and wait for my equilibrium to settle. The crinkly paper grates my raw and oozing nerves.

A grey haired nurse sits at a desk on the other side of the room, watching with a bored expression. “How do you feel?”

“
I’m fine. Can I go to class now?”

Her lips press together. “I’ve called your mother to come get you.”

“
No!” I shout, then lower my voice. “No, she’ll get in trouble if she has to leave work. Do I
have
to go home?”

Her scowl deepens as her eyebrows lower. “No, you don’t have to, but I really think you should.”

“
No, I want to stay. I need to stop my mom.”

She shakes her head as she picks up the phone. She whispers into the mouthpiece before handing me the phone.

“Mom?”

“
Julia, are you okay?” Mom sounds relieved, but her words are tight. “Nurse Benton says you had an attack.”

“
I’m okay, Mom. I promise. I just want to go back to class.”

She hesitates. “Are you sure? I can try to get off work and take you home.”

I’ve already put her through enough. Besides, since Dad left, she needs her job more than ever. “No, I’m fine. I promise.”

“
Well…okay.” She’s obviously trying to disguise her relief and I pretend I don’t hear it.

“
Thanks, Mom. I love you.”

“
I love you too, Julia.” She doesn’t disguise her tears very well, either.

I give the phone to the nurse and look around, hoping someone brought my backpack to the office. It’s lying in a chair, on top of Evan’s, my notebook sandwiched in between. I grab the notebook and my bag. I wish I could burn Evan’s.

“
Your mother says you can stay,” The nurse says after she hangs up. “But Mrs. Hernandez wants to see you before you go to class.”

I nod. I’m lucky it’s not the principal’s office since they found me in a restricted space. So much for my private lunch spot.

Damn you, Evan Whittaker
.

I leave the nurse’s office and take my time going to Mrs. Hernandez’s office. The halls are deserted and a quick glance at a clock tells me it’s sixth period. Everyone’s in class. The longer this takes, the less time I’m on display like a mutant in a freak show. I have no idea why I want to go back to class. Maybe it’s one of my futile attempts at normalcy. Look how that’s turning out so far.

Outside Mrs. Hernandez’s office, I take a deep breath before knocking.

“
Come in,” she calls.

I push the door open. Mrs. Hernandez sits in front of her computer and lowers her reading glasses, a grim smile cracking her expressionless pose. “Julia, please come in.”

I shut the door and sit in my usual chair.

She releases an exaggerated sigh as she clasps her hands on the desk. “Julia, I heard there was an incident in the choir room.”

An incident? I want to laugh. Evan accusing me of stealing my bracelet ranks higher than an
incident
on my list. Of course, she means my panic attack.

“
Can you tell me what you were doing in the choir room?”

“
Eating lunch.”

“
Why weren’t you in the cafeteria?”