Here to Stay (39 page)

Luke sat at the far end of the sofa. He drew off his headphones and grinned. “Hey. That you, Zach?”

“It’s me,” Zach replied.

“Did you bring Rosebud?”

“No. Sorry, buddy.” Luke’s crestfallen expression prompted Zach to add, “I’ll bring her by tomorrow. Okay? Maybe we can take another walk to the park.”

“Right on! Maybe Mandy can come. We can go Dutch for a Coney Island experience.” Luke sat forward on the cushion. “Guess what!”

Zach tried to smile, but his lips felt like rotten rubber bands that might snap in two if he stretched them. “What?”

“I went to see your blind friend, Carly Coulter, today. She can see right now, but even so, she knows what it’s like to be blind, and she’s totally awesome!”

Zach listened with genuine interest as Luke talked about all he’d learned during the first session. “Hey, man, that’s great. When will you see her again?”

“Next week. She hardly charges anything, so we can afford it. I’m really excited.”

Zach touched his palm to the small of Mandy’s back. “Can I talk to you for a few minutes?” he asked. “Privately?”

She glanced at Luke. “Sure. Headphones back on, brother dear, and no fair turning the volume way down so you can eavesdrop.”

Luke grinned, shoved the headphones on, and fiddled with the volume control. The muted blast of rap was audible. “That loud enough for you?”

Zach guided Mandy to the kitchen with every intention of telling her of his suspicions about her father. But when they were settled across from each other at the table and he looked into her eyes, the words jammed in his throat. She had already endured so much. How could he bring himself to layer on even more pain?

“Is something wrong?” she asked. “Is Rosebud okay?”

Reaching a quick decision, Zach replied, “She’s great, and it just happens that she and Luke are what I want to talk to you about. Rosebud looked so sad when Luke left last night, and I thought for a minute I’d have to pry him away from her with a crowbar. They’ve really formed a strong bond.”

Mandy glowed with happiness. “Isn’t it awesome? Luke talks about her constantly. It isn’t only that he’s fallen crazy in love with her, but he’s starting to believe in the life she’ll be able to help him have. He’s getting excited about going to college, but even more important, he’s looking forward to going out into the world and enjoying all the things he’s never experienced.”

That had been Zach’s dream all along—what had driven him to embark on this journey—and now it was happening.

“I’m so thankful, Zach. I’ll never be able to express it with words.”

Zach waved a hand. “Hey, I’m a horse trainer. Working with Rosebud hasn’t been a huge leap for me.”

“Let me get my shoes on,” she said, her voice laced with excitement. “I want to show you something.”

Zach trailed her with his gaze as she rushed to her bedroom. She reappeared a second later with tennis shoes, bouncing on one foot and then the other to slip them on.

When he realized she meant to go outside with the laces dangling, he turned sideways on the chair and patted his knee. “No way. You’ll trip and break your neck.”

“Don’t be silly,” she protested, but as she spoke, she plopped a foot on his knee.

After tying her shoes, Zach followed her out into the backyard. The glow of the porch light barely reached the far left corner, but Zach had excellent night vision and saw that she’d driven some stakes into the ground and strung red tape to outline the shape of the shed she hoped to build.

“Will that be big enough?” she asked.

Zach nodded in approval. “Plenty big enough.” Sensing her excitement, Zach turned to reassess the yard. He’d been unenthusiastic the last time she’d shown it to him, but Luke’s determination to change had eliminated most of his concerns. The kid clearly loved Rosebud and would provide her with a good home. “She’s going to love it out here, Mandy. Just look at all the space she’ll have to run and play. That’s vital for a mini that is indoors so much of the time.” Toeing a clump of grass, Zach angled a querying glance at her. “You do realize that Rosebud will take dumps on the lawn.”

Mandy laughed. “I did some surfing on the Net and found a poop scooper I’ll order. It’ll make cleanup a snap, and I honestly don’t give a hang about the grass.”

“What about your flower beds?”

She shrugged. “I’ll have the front yard for gardening. This area is for Rosebud.”

Zach moved toward her. At first, she smiled up at him, and then, as if she sensed what he meant to do, a look of uncertainty settled over her beautiful face. Zach cupped her chin in his hand. “Don’t be nervous,” he whispered, his voice gone husky with desire that surged through him, making his blood feel thick and molten. “I’ll never harm a hair on your head. You’ve got my word on it.”

Moving slowly, Zach settled his mouth over hers. When she failed to part her lips, he gently encouraged them open with the press of his fingertips and thumb on her cheeks. The instant he gained access and tasted the sweet recesses of her mouth, his desire for her became more intense—a yearning so powerful that his body tightened and his pulse started to slam in his temples. He couldn’t hear, could barely think.
Sweet, so sweet.
She melted against him like a pat of butter on a hot biscuit. Opened for him. Moaned into his mouth.

Need and longing obliterated Zach’s common sense. He forgot where they were, slipped his hands under her nightshirt, and moved his palms up to cup her bare breasts. She jerked when he grazed one turgid nipple with his thumb. Then she twisted her face to one side, ending the kiss.

“Stop, Zach, please.”

Nothing had ever been quite so difficult for him to do. He wanted her so much that he ached. Only the trepidation he glimpsed in her eyes enabled him to let go of her. She planted a trembling hand at the center of his chest as if to hold him at bay.

“I’m
very
attracted to you,” she whispered tremulously.

Ditto
, he thought.

“I just don’t see how a relationship between us can go anywhere. I mean ... well, I’d be a liar if I said I haven’t thought about it—but I always end up at the same place.”

“Where’s that?” he managed to ask, the words gravelly.

“A dead end,” she whispered. “I’ll never get married,
never
, and when it comes to physical intimacy, anything short of that isn’t my style.”

Normally Zach would have run like a scalded dog if a woman had said the M-word after only two kisses. But with Mandy, he felt different. It had been that way from the start, an instinctive knowledge deep within him that she was special, the woman he’d been waiting all his adult life to meet. She was so affectionate with Rosebud, so devoted to Luke, so courageous, and so unfailingly kind. How could any man get to know her and not dream of slipping a ring on her finger?

“Sweetheart, why is marriage out of the question for you?”

She shivered and rubbed her arms. “After what I’ve already told you, you need to ask? It just is. After my dad ... well, I can’t imagine
ever
giving another man that kind of power over me. I know you don’t understand.”

Zach did understand, and it made him feel half-sick.

Face draining of color, she struggled to explain, her kiss-swollen lips quivering. “One time at a dinner party, I forgot to tip the goblets as I poured a vintage merlot for his guests. When everyone left, he beat the hell out of me, and after I went down, he started kicking me in the stomach.”

Nausea mixed with a burn of rage pushed up Zach’s throat. “You don’t have to tell me, honey. I know talking about it ... well, it can’t be easy.”

She shook her head. “Normally I avoid talking about any of it, but I need you to understand.” She splayed a hand between her breasts. “He kicked me and kicked me. And you know what he said each time? ‘I’ll teach you not to bruise the wine, you little bitch.’” In the moonlight, the tears that filled her eyes sparkled like diamonds. “There I was, huddled on the floor, wondering, ‘What about
me
, Dad? You’re bruising
me
.’ But he didn’t care. His precious wine mattered more to him than his own daughter did.”

Zach scuffed the toe of his boot through the grass. He’d seen her childhood home this evening. He’d pictured her there as a kid. Now she’d put a new vision in his head, that of a helpless thirteen-year-old girl curled into a fetal position on the floor while her father worked her over. The image filled him with such anger that he trembled.

“That was just one instance,” she whispered. “If I scorched one of his shirts, it was punching-bag time. If I pressed a wrinkle into a napkin, punching-bag time. If he saw a dust bunny, punching-bag time. I never knew what might set him off next. I only knew something would. He didn’t need much of an excuse.”

“Ah, Mandy.” In that moment, Zach knew, without a doubt, that he had fallen wildly, madly, Stetson-over-boot-heels in love with her. Done deal, no turning back. He wasn’t sure when it had happened—or even
how
it had happened—but his feelings for her ran so deep now that a surgeon couldn’t have excised them with a scalpel. “I’m so sorry.”

Zach wished he could tell her that Harrigan men never lifted a violent hand to a woman and somehow make her believe him. But Mandy had to learn that over time.

“I know it sounds weak of me,” she went on, “but I don’t have it in me to love or trust anyone, Zach. My dad ... well, he left me feeling broken inside.” She lifted her shoulders in a helpless shrug. “I like you a lot, truly I do, but that’s as far as I’m able to take it.”

Chapter Sixteen

M
esmerized by the twin beams of his truck’s headlights, Zach stewed all the way home about Mandy’s inability to trust again.
I’m not a wife beater, damn it
. But he could probably tell her that a million times and never get her to believe him. He also had it in him to be steadfast and true to only one woman. It was the way his father had raised him to be. But how could he convince Mandy to set her fears aside—all of which were understandable—and get her to take a gamble on him?

Usually Rosebud’s excited whinnies of greeting made Zach smile, but tonight when he entered the arena, all he could do was scowl. He got the mini set up for the night outside Tornado’s stall, shook out his sleeping bag, and then went to cut the lights. Cookie startled him half out of his wits when he called down from the landing.

“What’s got your tail tied in a knot?” the older man asked.

Zach sighed and put his hands on his hips, gazing solemnly up at his foreman. “I’m in love with her, Cookie. Crazy in love, and she can’t love me back.”

“Well, shit.” Cookie rubbed the crown of his head, then gestured Zach upstairs. “Only one thing to do in a situation like that—have a counselin’ session with good ol’ Jim Beam.”

Zach nearly refused. He was in no mood to get drunk. But then he decided it wasn’t a bad idea. He would find no answers at the bottom of the jug, but with enough booze in his system, he might get some sleep. He had a long day planned for tomorrow. He mounted the steps with quick, angry taps of his boots. When he entered the apartment, Cookie was already sloshing Jim Beam into two tumblers. He motioned at a bar stool. “Hang your hat and have a seat. Tell me all about it.”

Zach needed a good belt of bourbon before he could sort his thoughts and say anything that made sense. “I need all day tomorrow off.” He held up a hand. “And,
please
, no lectures. It won’t be a play day. I’ll be working my ass off.”

Cookie listened as Zach briefed him on his suspicions about the disappearance of Sharyn Pajeck. “Sweet Lord have mercy,” he whispered. “You really think he killed her and buried her in the backyard?”

Zach raked his fingers through his hair, not caring if he made it stand on end. “Yes.” He spat the word, then met Cookie’s gaze. “Sharyn loved those kids. She always made Mandy grab Luke and hide upstairs when Tobin flew into a rage. She took beating after beating after beating, and she never left. What else could have happened that night to suddenly make her do a vanishing act?”

Cookie’s ruddy complexion had turned almost as ashen as his frizzy hair. “It’s just hard for me to think of it. What kinda man does stuff like that, son?”

“The Tobin Pajeck kind. He didn’t give a damn about his wife or kids. All he cared about was himself.” Zach took another slug of whiskey and whistled air through his teeth. “Here’s the dilemma. Do I tell Mandy, or should I tear up that slab first?”

“If it was me, I’d wanna be there.”

“But, Cookie, what if I don’t find a body? Then I’ll have put her through hell for nothing.”

The foreman passed a gnarly hand over his eyes and blinked. “I don’t think that’ll happen. A mother’s love ... well, it’s mighty powerful stuff. Don’t get me wrong. There’s women who don’t give a rip. They can walk off and leave their kids without a second thought. But those that love their babies?” He shook his head. “They’ll fight like she-bears to protect ’em. I’m with you. I don’t think Sharyn Pajeck ran off.”

Zach couldn’t argue the point. “So you think I should tell Mandy? Cookie, what if I
do
find her mother’s body with her standing right there beside me?”

“Tell her, Zach. Make it her call if she’s there with you or not. But tell her. She deserves the chance to decide for herself.”

The following morning, Zach awoke with a headache and a rotten taste in his mouth, but he wasn’t about to let a hangover alter his plans for the day. After a quick shower, he gathered some tools and tossed them into the bed of his truck, then headed for town, his first stop a rental supply outfit that carried jackhammers. Once he’d gotten the equipment, he took it over to Montrose Place to drop it off before going to Mandy’s.

In broad daylight, the house and yard looked even seedier than they had late yesterday. Clearly the old fellow who owned it had experienced difficulty finding good renters, or possibly any renters at all, for a good long while. Zach carried the jackhammer out to the patio, then used the wheelbarrow to haul the picks and other tools he’d brought from the ranch. Pausing to catch his breath, he almost hoped he wouldn’t get the heebie-jeebies again. Digging up a decayed corpse wasn’t high on his list, and he would have happily passed. But when he went still, his skin went cold. She was down there. He couldn’t explain why he felt so certain. He only knew it was so.