He’d also held my hand through all the craziness that became my life once I learned I was a Link to the Spiritual Realm after my mother’s suicide. Jet had been the one to explain things to me about Reapers and what the consequences of my mother’s actions meant for me. He’d been the one to harvest my soul as I died and he’d been the one to teach me the Reaper basics.
I missed him.
Jet’s coy smile from my last moment with him flashed through my mind, and I felt the corners of my lips twist into a thin smile. The dark-haired guy standing in front of me mistook my smile for one directed toward him and nodded in my direction slyly. My smile fell as I rolled my eyes before glancing out to the lake. I wished I could see Jet right now.
Him being a Reaper had given me hope that I would be able to spend my afterlife with him. I knew now how foolish that idea had been, because the most frustrating part of being a Reaper, even a member on the Reaper Council, was that I could go to places, to people, and to objects from my life that had meant something to me, but not to other Reapers. It also seemed as though Fate still had a grip on me and refused to let go, because out of all the Reaper Rulings I’d been a part of over the last month, none of them were brought to me by him. All of this was what held me back from being with Jet whenever I yearned to.
“Theodore Benjamin Monroe?” Damaris’s voice boomed, pulling me from my thoughts and to the present.
“Yes,” Theodore answered. He clasped his hands together in front of him and met Damaris’s gaze dead on, his nervousness drawing his brows together.
“You understand that it is time to take your place as a Reaper?” Evelyn asked coolly, and I wondered if she was always this cold-hearted seeming, even while she was alive.
Theodore shifted to glance at the young Reaper standing beside him. He smiled encouragingly and nodded. I watched as all of Theodore’s fear and uncertainty evaporated from his eyes as they shifted back to the four of us standing before him. “I do,” he said in a calm and collected tone.
Shock rippled through my mind. How could he be so okay with all of this, so at peace? I had been in an inner turmoil over it, but him, it was almost as if he’d known what waited for him after his death, as if he hadn’t been nervous about the situation as I’d thought, but only of the outcome of whether or not he was going to be granted the honor of becoming a Reaper. Did other families not keep the Reaper world a secret like mine had? Was that even allowed?
I’d transformed a handful of souls into Reapers in the last month since I’d been on the Council, but none of them had done so as willingly and calmly as Theodore. Questions formed in my mind, and I stalled my mouth from saying the words that I knew I needed to say—the words that were forcing themselves from my mouth as though I were possessed.
“Then you accept?” I questioned, unable to control my lips any longer.
Theodore’s eyes grew glassy and distant as he gazed out at the foggy lake, and I wondered if he doubted his heritage. “Yes,” he replied, just as the first beams of sunlight streaked through the sky.
“Let it be done then,” William said from beside me.
I raised my right arm, palm facing Theodore, at the same time as the others did. Pushing with my mind, I forced the hazy whiteness from inside of me out and straight into Theodore. Crows cawed all around; I couldn’t believe I hadn’t noticed them all until now. I wondered if Theodore had been stalked by them like I had been before my death.
The white haziness from the four of us enveloped Theodore, encasing him and seeping in through his pours. The moment I felt a swelling within him, as if he were entirely filled, I began drawing the energy back into me, which in turn brought Theodore with it. He inched closer and closer, his feet dragging behind him, until the four of us were able to touch his forehead with our fingertips. Once contact was made, the whiteness dulled until it was nothing.
Theodore Benjamin Monroe had been transformed into a Reaper.
I watched as he opened his eyes and glanced around in wonder. Emotion shown clearly on his face, and I wondered what portion was real and what was remembered. As a Reaper, I knew your thoughts and emotions were there. You could feel them as though they were the only living part of you left, but they were not mirrored by your face with as much intensity as when you were living. For the older ones, like Damaris, their faces reflected almost no emotions anymore.
“Garran, Reaper number 26 of the West Physical Realm, you will become Theodore Benjamin Monroe’s Overseer until his training period comes to an end,” Evelyn stated.
Number 26
? Was Garran one of the first Reapers? How long did you have to serve before you were able to Fade Out and become reborn? What if Garran had no children to cast a Linkage line down to like me? Would I remain a Reaper Council member for eternity?
My eyes shifted toward Garran once more. He seemed content, but how content could one be and for how long when they were such a large part of Death?
As Theodore and Garran disappeared to begin Theodore’s training, I wished my sudden onslaught of thoughts would do the same, but knew it was probably only the beginning. Even after an entire month of being on the Reaper Council, I still knew nothing.
I walked to the lake’s edge, my mind growing more crowded by questions with each step that I took, and looked to the sky, watching as the sun peeked up from behind the tree line. The colors of the sunrise still held beauty no matter whether I was dead or alive. The same could be said about sunsets and nature in general. It was sad how I only now, in death, appreciated the beauty that had surrounded me while I was still living, how much I had taken for granted.
“Carry on as you may until the next Reaper Ruling,” Damaris said before I felt his presence leave.
William was the next to go. He departed without saying a word, and I wondered where everyone else chose to go. Did they have any loved ones that they visited? Or places that still remained their favorite even in death?
I turned my back against the brightness of the sunrise to take in the scenery of the uncorrupted nature that surrounded the lake. Theodore’s body sitting slouched over at a nearby picnic table caught my eye. Had he chosen this place to die at?
“Such a peaceful place to choose, isn’t it?” Evelyn asked, her soft voice surprising me almost as much as her question. It was as though she’d read my mind.
I nodded. “Yes. He knew he was going to die then, didn’t he? He accepted things so easily, almost as if he’d known all along what happens to members of his family after they die.”
Theodore’s reaction had puzzled me only because my great-grandmother had told me that the women in my family didn’t know anything about being a Link between the Physical and Spiritual Realms, not until the moment we died and became a member of the Reaper Council.
“He most likely did.”
“But how is that even possible? I thought no one knew until they died,” I said, still confused.
Evelyn tilted her head to the side as she stared at me. I met her bright blue eyes and for the first time got the impression of her age. Evelyn looked to be in her early twenties, but gazing into the depths of her eyes, she appeared to be ancient.
“To some, their family bloodline is an honor, not a curse or a tragedy, which means there was no reason to keep it a secret,” she said, just before she abruptly disappeared, giving me the impression that I had offended her and leaving me standing at the lake’s edge alone with more questions than ever.
An honor, not a curse or a tragedy
—her words echoed through my mind. Had my family chosen to keep it a secret because someone felt it was a curse? I could see where that was possible, wasn’t that how I felt about it?
I paced the length of the lake, pondering my thoughts more. Each day I seemed to learn something new about being a Reaper, and with each new thing I learned, I became more confused by the entire notion. Some were born a Link, like my mother and Mr. Monroe, capable of seeing both the Physical and Spiritual Realms. They automatically turned into Reapers when they passed. There were others like Jet who were taken from the Physical Realm before their time by accident and given a choice to either Crossover or become a Reaper. And then, there were others like me, or so I supposed, that were Replacement Reapers who died to take the place of a family member who should have become a Reaper but didn’t due to suicide.
I moved to sit at the edge of the picnic table where Mr. Monroe’s body sat and placed my head in my hands. I missed Jet. My soul felt even hollower without him, and my thoughts more jumbled and congested.
I thought of our place—the white sands, clear blue sky, and salty waters that stretched as far as the eye could see—the place he’d taken me to when I’d first become a Reaper. In mere seconds, I could hear the ocean waves crashing against one another in their race for the shore. I opened my eyes and focused on the sun high in the sky, wishing to feel its warmth against my skin if only for a moment.
My heart sank as I glanced around, searching for Jet. He wasn’t here. He was never here when I was. I’d been here what felt like hundreds of times in the past month, thinking that at some point he would return to this spot in search of me and I could finally feel whole again once I saw him, even if it was brief.
I walked toward the sandy area beneath a rock ledge where I’d scrolled a note into the sand the last time I’d come, and silently hoped he’d been here to find it. I wondered if my message, my plea for him, written shakily in the sand, was still there at all, or if time had finally swiped it away. I came upon my etched out letters and read silently:
I’ve been here, Jet, searching for you.
Then, I gasped in surprise as I noticed something had been written beneath my message for him.
Rowan—
I’ve been here doing the same for you. Every day. Please don’t give up. Fate will let us find each other soon. I’m certain.
I sunk to my knees and traced his words with my fingertip even though I was too unfocused to move the sand or feel it. He’d been here; Jet had been here. And from how clear his letters still were, I imagined it hadn’t been too long ago. Hope blossomed in my chest. Had I been able to, I would have cried tears of happiness.
I had no idea how long I’d been sitting on the sandy shore of the beach, staring at Jet’s message. Time no longer held meaning for me. I would sit here forever if it were possible. A warm breeze blew through my hair, and soft sand slid between my toes as I focused on my surroundings and became submerged in them. I closed my eyes and envisioned Jet and what he had looked like the last time I’d seen him—his disheveled dark hair, the creamy smoothness of his complexion, his sapphire eyes, and the cocky little grin that had twisted onto his face before he’d vanished reluctantly.
Jet was what had made all of this seem tolerable. If I had to be a Reaper, then I could endure it, but only if I was able to visit with Jet from time to time. Sorrow cracked its way through my soul again. I didn’t want this. I didn’t want the waiting and the yearning. I didn’t want to be a part of the horribleness death was, not alone, not without Jet.
I didn’t want
this
to be my hereafter.
“Rowan?” a familiar voice called out to me. I left my eyes closed and smiled, afraid that if I opened them disappointment would crush me because he wouldn’t be there in front of me, afraid that it was nothing but a memory of him calling my name swimming to the surface of my broken mind in my moment of heartbreaking want.
A hand softly brushed against my cheek, and I slowly allowed my eyes to flutter open. Glistening sapphire eyes held my attention as I fumbled to make sense of how Jet was in front of me. Happiness and excitement bubbled through me and escaped in the form of laughter. My arms wrapped around his neck, and I drew him in closer to me, vowing to never let him go again.
“I’m glad to see you, too.” He chuckled, a sound I’d missed more than I knew.
“I feel like I’ve been waiting forever,” I said, releasing the grip I had around his neck in favor of simply holding his hands in mine.
“Death has a way of making things feel eternal,” he said, his tone etched with heartache.
I didn’t want to talk of death. I didn’t even want to think about it. All I wanted was to savor this moment because I wasn’t sure how long we would get. Leaning forward, I pressed my lips to his and felt my desire to be with him always pulsating through my soul.
“I’ve missed you so much,” I breathed once I finally pulled away and drank in his image.
I felt like I was seeing him for the first time all over again. I took in his short, dark hair, the creaminess of his complexion, the striking sapphire blue of his eyes, and his all black attire—right down to his pair of worn, scuffed-up Converse sneakers that I loved.
Jet pressed his forehead against mine and smiled. “I can guarantee you not as badly as I’ve missed you. You’re what made me feel alive again.” The desperation that flashed in his eyes tugged at my soul.
I shook my head and grinned. “And now, ironically, you’re doing the same for me.”
“I’ve been back here every day hoping that this would be the place you’d look for me. I wasn’t sure if you’d be allowed to travel because, obviously, I’ve never been a Council member,” he said as he shifted to sit beside me on the white sand.