Hers (20 page)

“How would you feel about buying a penthouse together?”

I drop my fork against the glass plate. It bounces off the dish and flies right onto the floor, pasta still attached and making a giant creamy mess. “What?” I ask him, my mouth gaping in his direction.

“Too much?” he asks. I don't even know how to answer that question, but my only internal reaction is to fucking run as far as I can. It was a big deal for me to agree to give him a chance. To give this whole thing a chance. We went from nothing to everything almost overnight. He’s becoming my everything, and when he walks away, I’ll be broken. I know this.

“Way too much, Levi.” I let out a deep breath, and push the plate away from me. My appetite is gone now. “I can't do this. I need a break.” I stand from my chair and start to back away from him. I need to put as much room between us as I can. If he touches me, I’ll change my mind. “This is all too much, too fast. I need a break. Please, Levi. I hate to ask this of you, but can you go?” I can feel the panic attack brewing and I don't want him to witness the nastiness that is my manic behavior.

“Seven, can we please talk about this?” His tone is pleading, and I can’t reply. I stand still, arms wrapped around my body, praying he’ll walk out of my life as fast as he possibly can.

“Please. Go.” My breathing becomes faster, and my hands shake as they harshly grip my own arms.

He turns without a word and makes his way to the elevator. Only a minute more and I can crack. Shatter. Retreat back into my fucked up head. Back to my fucked up life where I am worthless and where no one wants me. There, I am safe. The only person I am safe with is myself. It will always be like this.

I hear the slam of the elevator door and my entire body slips down the wall, sagging onto the kitchen floor as the hysterics pour out of me. First, it starts ever so slowly with tears. Followed by a meek cry. My breathing becomes more rapid with each memory that flashes through my overactive brain.

“You are destined to be alone, forever, Seven. You are just too fucked up.” Blue's words echo through my ears.

“You'll never get your shit together long enough to love anyone but yourself,” my father adds. Way to add insult to injury.

Without missing a beat, Daniel's voice slams through my ears.

“You are nothing more than a good fuck, and a warm body.” He should have just carved my heart right out of my chest at that moment. “Seven, you aren't a forever kind of girl.”

No, I am not built for forever. I am not the kind of girl you bring home to your parents. That had been drilled into my head repeatedly over the years. A good fuck, a warm body. But never a forever. My labored breaths turn into gasps for air, my shaking out of control as I sob uncontrollably on my kitchen floor. I am destined to be alone. Forever. That is the only forever I will get.

I lie on the floor for hours. Well, it seems like hours, but my panic attack lasts for only a few minutes. With my legs no longer feeling like Jell-O, I stand and make my way to the medicine cabinet in the bathroom, where I dig out a bottle of Xanax. I’ll sleep tonight, but not because I’m comfortable in the arms of the only man I’ve ever truly loved. It will be because I’m too sedated to actually think about my fucked up life.

Ring ring, ring ring, ring ring, ring ring.

Stop fucking ringing already. Jesus fucking Christ. I don't want to be bothered. My cell phone continues ringing and vibrating until I can't take the racket anymore. Reaching over to the nightstand, I see Star's photo flashing on the display.

“Hello?” My voice is sedated, full of misery. It will be a miracle if she doesn’t pick up on it.

“Seven? Are you okay?” Star whispers into the other end of the line.

I grunt, apparently now speaking caveman. “Yeah, I'm okay. How are you?” I try to turn this around on her. She has been gone for a while. Longer than I’ve ever spent away from her, except for college.

“I think I found the people who adopted her.” I can hear her sniffle in the background; she’s crying. “They died, years ago. There’s no sign of Willow.”

Fuck. Just what I needed on top of this whole fucked up situation. How can I even offer her kind words of comfort when I’m hurting just as bad? “It's okay, Star. I promise you, we will find her.”

Her sobs grow quiet. “I hope so,” she squeaks out.

“Keep in touch, Star. I gotta go back to bed.”

I end the phone call. I can't listen to her tears without my own coming back. I want to be numb. Numb is exactly what I’m good at, although I wish I was better. I drift back off to sleep, only to be rudely awakened early by my fucking alarm screaming in my head as it pounds. Another day of work. Worst of all, I am going to have to deal with Levi and Daniel. Something I could honestly live without.

Two entire weeks have gone by. Two fucking weeks and I have done my best to ignore Levi. He has given me the space I need. He hasn't pressured me, only left sweet reminders of why I fell for him in the first place. Starting the morning after I asked him to leave.

I walked into my brightly lit office, and sitting in the center of my desk was a bright bouquet of colorful flowers. I smiled, even though I didn't want to. He was going to make this hard. Tossing my bag onto my chair, I snatched up the card attached to the flowers.

Seven,

“She'll lie and steal and cheat. And beg you from her knees. Make you think she means it this time. She'll tear a hole in you, the one you can't repair. But I still love her, I don't really care. Don't leave me, Love. I don't think I can survive without you now.

-Levi

A mixture of love and anger crashed over me. I picked the flowers up from my desk, chucking them across the room. Picking up the note from my desk, where it fell, I headed for Levi's office. I slammed the door open, and he sat behind his desk, just watching me.

I threw the card in his direction. “You can't do this to me. Please. Just let me go.” I yelled; people looked and listened. He stood up and strode across the office, slamming the door behind me.

“Seven. I will not let you go.” His body pressed me up against the door, his hard cock pressing against my stomach. I tried to push him off of me, but he was just too strong, and I was too exhausted from my lonely night. Drugged or not, I didn't sleep worth shit and I knew why. Because Levi wasn't in my bed.

I opened my mouth to speak and his lips crashed against mine. I tried to protest, but my body was such a fucking traitor. I gave in and kissed him back with everything I had. His fingers pushed my skirt farther up my legs, and I could feel him pushing my thong to the side. I moaned into his mouth as his tongue explored every corner of my mouth. He tasted like fresh toothpaste and mouthwash. Deliciously minty. Fuck!

As I pulled my mouth away to protest, I felt his thick cock press against my wet pussy. Before I could even object, he pushed in hard. “Fuck!” I breathed out, wrapping my legs around his waist. My body was on autopilot, and I was completely helpless when it came to anything that had to do with him. His length rubbed against my clit as he pushed into me roughly.

“Seven. I can't live without this,” he whispered into my ear. I tried to block out everything going on and just feel his dick inside me. Deeper than I think he has ever been.

My orgasm crashed over me, as his hand pressed against my mouth, muffling the screams. His come flooded into me a moment later. His grip loosened, and my legs slid back down to the floor, barely holding me up. Pants somewhere around his ankles, he turned to walk away from me, completely ignoring everything that had just happened between us. I pushed my skirt down and turned for the door. I felt used, which was a first. In all the years of my meaningless sex, I had never once felt used.

Out of the corner of my eye, I saw him pulling his pants up, and I ran out the door, stalking toward the safety of my office as fast as I could. Once I was inside, I slammed the door closed and prayed no one noticed what had just happened. Fucking office gossip. I needed a damn vacation.

I make it through the rest of that day trying not to think about Levi. Which is hard because work has started to slow down. Soon enough, I won't be in the office at Alexander Mobile daily, and I can retreat back to my old building, far from Levi and Daniel's fucking nosy ass.

It would be really fucking nice if Star was home right now.
I can't help but miss her. I’ve been lying through my teeth every time she calls. I won’t let her know Levi and I are over, because she’ll turn her ass around and high tail it right back to the city. She needs to be looking for her little girl. There will never be any peace in her life until she finds Willow. My heart breaks for her, repeatedly. The idea of becoming a mother has never been something I was fond of. Even under the shitty circumstances, though, Star brought that little girl into the world, and I find myself jealous. She has the opportunity to have someone who will love and want her for the rest of her life.

Had she been given the chance, she would have never let that little girl go. I know that for a damn fact. The situation makes me hate my family even more, and hers to boot.

Realizing I’ve been lost in my head for damn near an hour, I make my way home for the day. My evening will be identical to what it’s been since the night I asked Levi to leave.

Shitty takeout food, longing for something homemade by Levi. A long bubble bath, praying he will appear in the tub with me. Followed by a sleepless night, tossing and turning with nightmares about the past, and the future. Will I ever be at peace again?

Three Days Later

The week sucked, and the weekend got even worse. The food poisoning I got Friday night lasted all weekend long. At least, I think it’s food poisoning, but it certainly seems like the fucking plague. Every time my head hits the plush pillows on my bed, my stomach rolls, the room starts spinning, and I launch myself in the direction of the bathroom. A handful of times I didn't even make it to the fucking toilet. Leaving me to clean up vomit, splattered all over the marble. Just what I wanted to do when I was nauseous.

Sleep has been virtually non-existent, except for when I finally pass out. My body can't take any more of the dry heaves, and it simply shuts down. I’m grateful for that, until the nightmares start. It’s a vicious cycle. I jolt awake only to be greeted by whatever is left in my stomach making an escape. Just when I think I am going to die, alone in my apartment from tainted Thai food, there’s a light at the end of the tunnel.

Sunday afternoon, I wake from one of my stretches of sleep, induced by being absolutely exhausted, and finally start to feel human again. I have something to be happy about for the first time in weeks, getting the fuck out of bed without hurling. I take a nice long shower and brush my teeth, and I feel like a million bucks. Until I think about Levi.

Being so fucking sick, I haven't had time to think about the shitty situation I’ve found myself in with Levi. I haven’t been able to think about how much I miss him, or how much I wish he was here, in my penthouse with me, holding my hair back as I yack. It’s not a perfect happily ever after, but it’s something I want, with him. I want a life with Levi.