Hey Sunshine (32 page)

The constant stream of questions flowed through my mind as we said our goodbyes to Savannah and Lucas and thanked them for the delicious dinner.

“You’re quite welcome, Avery.” She kissed me once on each cheek. “I am so happy to finally meet you and see that you’re every bit as lovely and charming as Beckett said, if not more.”

Lucas leaned in to brush his lips against my temple. “Don’t worry so much,” he said in a voice so low that only I could hear him. “You’re the end result in all of his equations.”

I stepped back and looked at him curiously. “Thanks,” I said softly.

“And you, precious baby,” Savannah hugged Annabelle tightly. “Thank you for coming and showing me your pretty dress and for this beautiful drawing.” She held up the crayoned paper Annabelle had given her. “I know just where I’m going to hang it.”

Annabelle beamed, and my heart felt full. So this was what it felt like to be approved of by your boyfriend’s family. I could get used to this.

* * *

“They loved you both,” Fox said in the car.

“They’re great,” I said sincerely. “Your mother is so lovely. It was a wonderful dinner.”

We’d bundled Annabelle into her car seat in the truck, where she fell asleep almost immediately, and were currently on our way back into Brancher. Fox put a low blues channel on the stereo and cranked the heat and, between my full heart and full stomach, I was tempted to take a doze myself.

I was so comfortable that I nearly forgot about the conversation regarding Fox’s colleagues, but it came rushing back to me all at once, along with a new feeling of something close to dread. As much as I didn’t want to push this issue because I was afraid of what he would reveal, I had to know.

And then there was Lucas’ comment. I felt like he was telling me the truth, that Fox was considering us in all of his decisions, but that still didn’t make anything any clearer.

“Fox, why haven’t you called your friends?” I asked softly.

His face was shadowed by the dim dashboard lights in the cab of the truck so I couldn’t completely make out his expression, but it looked like a combination of sad and conflicted. “I don’t know.”

“Will you consider it? It sounds like they really miss you.”
This is what I should be encouraging him to do,
I told myself.
Don’t be selfish. He needs this.

He glanced over at me for just a second before turning his eyes back to the dark roads. “Yes.”

I reached for his free hand and slid it into my lap, closing both of my smaller hands around his large one. “Good.”

Chapter 22

My head was presently crammed full with too many stanzas of poetry so I wasn’t entirely sure but it sounded like there was some sort of alarm coming from Fox’s lap.

“Is your tablet ringing?” I asked.

Fox tapped the screen and amusement settled over his face. “It is. Excuse me.”

We were sitting on the couch, recovering from our marathon Thanksgiving at the diner the day before while Annabelle played with her stuffed animals and I tried to catch up on some homework. Fox was in the middle of sending emails to his parents and his brother, trying to firm up plans for the holidays. We were hoping to see them at some point before the New Year, either here in Texas or maybe even in California.

The idea of the California trip was monumental to me, because not only did it mean I’d meet Fox’s entire family, but it also sort of cemented our status as a real couple. We hadn’t discussed the Forest Service or my graduate school plans lately, and while that was mostly due to major mental avoidance on my part, I hoped naively that everything would just fall into place.

I watched curiously as he got up and headed toward my bedroom with the tablet. There could only be a handful of people who would be trying to video chat with him, and from the look on his face I had a pretty good idea of who it was. Minutes ticked by and I heard the low murmur of his voice and the occasional deep chuckle, but I was too far away to really make anything out.

Part of me wanted to sneak over and listen at the door, but the other, more sane, part of me knew that eavesdropping on Fox’s conversation was not only childish but also incredibly rude. He didn’t make a habit of hiding things from me, so I needed to trust that he would share when he was ready.

“Avery, can you come in here for a minute, please?” he called from my room.

Maybe he was going to be ready sooner than I thought. I stepped over Annabelle and headed down the hallway nervously. He met me in the doorway with bright eyes and a smile that verged halfway between a smirk and a grin. Taking my hand, he led me over to my desk where he’d propped the tablet, and I saw two men in T-shirts grinning back at us from the screen.

“Well, well, well…” one of them snickered good-naturedly. “I can see why Foxy has been MIA for so long. Hello there, darlin’.”

The other man gave him a hard shoulder nudge. “Shut up, McD.”

Fox shook his head, raising his eyes to the ceiling. “Jeremy Sloane and Trey McDaniels, this is Avery Kent. Avery, these are two of the most irritating people I’ve ever met.”

I laughed and sat down when Fox pulled out my desk chair. He grabbed the ottoman and sat next to me so he could see the screen. “Very nice to meet you.”

“Likewise, sweetheart. Thanks for taking good care of this idiot while he hopped around on that bum leg,” McDaniels said.

“It was my pleasure,” I said giving Fox a cheeky side-eye.

Sloane burst into laughter. “I like this girl, Fox.” He turned to me. “Are there more of you? Where is this little town?”

“She’s one of a kind, she’s all mine, and you probably ran a GPS on me the minute we started this call, so stop pretending like you don’t know.”

“Glad to see your sense of humor didn’t get shredded along with that leg, Foxy,” McDaniels teased.

I blanched momentarily at McDaniels’ choice of words, but it was fairly accurate. Fox put everything he had into his physical therapy. The scarring on his leg was intense, and although he’d spent a lot of time building up the muscle that he’d lost, it was still a very evident former injury. He’d had a few setbacks, but the man was very nearly a machine. Now when he ran, instead of the minute wobble, he was completely fluid and fast. And there was definitely no denying his strength.

“Now Avery,” Sloane began, changing the subject. I focused my attention on him gratefully. “Fox tells us that he’s been cooking at your family’s restaurant. I’d like to know, how many people have been poisoned so far, approximately?” He kept his face entirely straight and I laughed when McDaniels couldn’t do the same.

“He’s actually very good!” I protested. “No hospitalizations as of yet,” I said, glancing over at Fox.

“Well, I can’t believe it,” McDaniels said. “You had a hidden talent and you never told us. Where were all my fancy-ass omelets and roasts and shit?”

Fox shrugged. “You’ll eat anything, any time. I only cook for those who appreciate me.”

“Pack your knives and your blender or whatever, asshole, and get back to work out here. You’re whole now, and we miss your ugly face.”

I think McDaniels intended his comment to be offhand, but it had the opposite effect. My heart jumped into my throat, Sloane gave him a dirty look, and Fox sat back, running both hands through his hair. A long ten seconds passed while we all tried to look anywhere but at each other.

“It’s not that simple,” Fox said finally.

“We know,” Sloane responded quickly. “McD has a big mouth.”

“I do,” McDaniels agreed. “But I meant it.”

Fox shifted stiffly on the ottoman, and I felt distinctly uncomfortable being a part of this conversation. I made a move to get up and excuse myself, but he put a hand on my shoulder. “Don’t go.”

“I should let you–” I began.

“Please stay.” Fox looked directly into my eyes and I felt my insides unclench a little.

“Shit, Foxy, I didn’t mean to start anything,” McDaniels said. “I just said the thing that we’ve been thinking since you medevacked out of here. When’s Fox coming back?”

“I know,” Fox said.

I had to hand it to McDaniels – he had the balls to say what the rest of us had been dancing around for months. It was out there now, the big question.

“We just want to know, man. We’ve all been there, felt it. Sometimes it’s hard to remember how you got here, or why.” Sloane looked down for a moment and then raised his head. The transparent conflict on his face was brief, but I caught it.

The night that Fox had been injured, the Hotshot crew lost a firefighter and a young camper. Fox told me that everyone had a hard time after that, because the loss was exponential – one of their own along with someone they were supposed to protect. Fox couldn’t go back to work immediately because of his leg, but the rest of the crew – Chase included – did. When they grieved, they did it in full fire gear.

“You want to do something else? Make movies or whatever? Open a restaurant, have some cows… I dunno, farm some shit?” McDaniels sat back. “Do it after, when we’re old.”

My mind flipped ahead forty years, to me and Fox relaxing on a porch somewhere, maybe even here in Texas. I wouldn’t be opposed to coming back someday, maybe closer to a big city, and retiring with some land of our own. But McDaniels had a point… we had time to do that when we were older.

Fox opened his mouth to say something, then closed it.

“Just think about it,” Sloan said.

Fox glanced over at me and nodded, his eyes softening. “You guys will be the second to know.”

* * *

I flipped through a rack of sweaters listlessly. I thought that driving out to the big mall in Midland to start some Christmas shopping would be a good idea, but I was too distracted.

Fox and I hadn’t discussed our conversation with his friends, but we needed to. I'd thought about it constantly for days, wondered what Fox was thinking, made pros-and-cons lists in my head for various scenarios, and basically just obsessed about the entire situation. For me, it boiled down to one simple thing: I couldn’t be the reason that Fox didn’t continue the career that was so very important to him.

I knew part of him wanted to stay and part of him couldn’t wait to get back, but I didn’t know which part was currently winning, and it didn’t really matter. He'd come here with a goal, and I had no intention of derailing that. He alluded to the fact that his hesitation was multi-faceted, but I had to take myself out of the equation. I was here for him no matter what.

“Find anything for your dad?” Fox came up beside me and startled me out of my thoughts.

“No,” I mumbled.

“Let’s take a break,” he suggested.

We walked out of the department store without buying anything and headed toward the food court. The mall was already decorated for Christmas and probably had been since before Halloween. Tinny carols played over the speakers and I could see Santa’s Village all set up over by the west end. I’d have to bring Annabelle here one day soon so she could see him and give him her Christmas list.

At the edge of the food court, Fox stopped and grabbed me around the waist, pulling my back against his chest and resting his chin on top of my head.

“We have an important decision to make,” he said.

“I– I know.” Fox caught me off guard but I supposed now was as good a time as any to have our serious conversation.

“I just don’t know what to do,” he mused.

“Me neither.” I wished I could see his face and try to read exactly what he was thinking, but he held me tightly against him and I couldn’t crane my neck far enough to look into his eyes.

“Part of me wants to go for barbecue, but then another part of me says why not Chinese? It’s a tiny food court in a West Texas mall, what could possibly go wrong?” Fox said sardonically.

Chinese? What the hell was he talking about? “Um.”

He spun me around so we were facing each other. “Avery? Aren’t you hungry?”

“Oh right.”
He was talking about food, you idiot,
I thought.
Not life choices.

Fox’s mouth quirked up on one side as he looked down at me. I always had the feeling he knew exactly what I was thinking, especially when I was flustered. “So? Chinese or barbecue?”

“Both?”

“That’s my girl.”

We filled our trays with an array of questionable-looking items, grabbed a couple drinks, and headed to one of the laminate tables in the center of the food court.

“I think the Chinese barbecue pulled pork really ties everything together,” he said, surveying the food spread out in front of us.

“Absolutely,” I laughed.

“Who’s left on your list?” he asked me, digging into his mashed potatoes.

I pulled the slip of paper from my pocket. “Well, my dad. And a few more stocking stuffers for Annabelle. At some point I have to assemble the Barbie castle and hide it somewhere,” I said thoughtfully.

“You picked it out, I’ll put it together,” Fox said. “Since you wouldn’t let me buy it.”

“You got her five dolls,” I protested.

“The princess castle is nothing without the princesses.”

“You’ll spoil her.” I leaned forward to kiss his lips.

His eyes flashed hot for a moment as I pulled away. “She loves me.”

“You’re the most important man in her life,” I agreed. “You and my dad.”

“I’m in good company then.” He paused. “But… someday she might want to know her biological father, and I’d have to adjust.” His voice grew rough when he referred to J.D.

“That would bother you?” I asked softly.

He steepled his fingers together. “Selfishly, yes.”

“Why?”

“Because the only way she isn’t already mine is by blood.” He smoothed a hand over his mouth and chin. “And there’s nothing I can do about that.”

“You think of her that way? As yours?” My heart was doing its skippy beat thing again.

“As ours,” he said. “You are mine and she is ours.”

I didn’t know what to say. Sometimes he knocked every coherent thought right out of me. He knew that I couldn’t have more children; we’d had that very important discussion after our first time together when I told him I was on permanent birth control. The fact that he would refer to her as ours made me feel like he was honestly fine with it.