Hidden in the Heart (35 page)

“Mom.” Darcie’s eyebrows rose.

Michelle walked behind the bar and grabbed a couple of sodas from the fridge. “Coke?” They both nodded so she had to make a second trip. Rain pelted the roof of the house and beat against the windows. The guests still in residence had long since called it a night, and her parents always retired early.

Once seated in the lounge area, Michelle flicked through yesterday’s newspaper.

“Man, it’s pouring.” Landon strode around the room like a caged tiger. “Can we wake Jackson up?”

“No, we can’t wake Jackson up.” Darcie’s laughter flooded the room. “You get bored far too easily, Landon. Why don’t you read a book?”

Michelle glanced up in time to see the bemused expression Landon wore. She laughed too. “Books. You know—these things? With writing inside the covers?” She waved a hardcover at him.

“I know what a book is.” Landon stuck out his tongue and flopped onto the couch
opposite her. “It’s just been a while since I read one.” He stretched out long legs and studied his fingers.

“Why am I not surprised?” Darcie stood and began to pack the game away. “What is it that keeps you so busy, Mr. Marsh?”

“This and that.” Landon tossed Darcie a grin as he watched her. Michelle straightened, trepidation inching around her at the interest in his eyes. Landon Marsh was checking out her daughter.

Rick had finally told her that Landon worked for the Drug Enforcement Agency. She’d watched the younger man over the last few days, seen the way he interacted with Jackson, the long looks he gave Darcie when she wasn’t paying attention.

Michelle cleared her throat and he met her eyes. The look she sent him erased the need for speech. His resulting blush made her feel sorry for him.

“Heard from Claire?” He threw her pointed look right back at her.

She didn’t feel sorry for him anymore.

“Nope. You?”

Landon shrugged and smothered a yawn. “No. Rick’s tried to reach her a few times but she doesn’t return his calls. What about you, Darcie?”

Darcie sat cross-legged on the rug and played with the laces of her moccasins. It took her a moment before she looked at them, and Michelle saw hesitation cross her face. “We’ve talked a few times. She’s doing okay.”

Michelle picked up the paper and pretended to read again. Since her talk with Claire, her emotions were all over the place. Telling Claire the truth had probably been a mistake, but she couldn’t take it back now.

The back door slammed and she shot her head up as a bolt of lightening lit the room.

“Anybody home?” Rick called from the porch.

“We’re in here.” Darcie rubbed her arms and pulled on the sweater she’d discarded earlier. “It’s cold tonight. Maybe we should light the fire.”

“I’ll do it.” Landon jumped up, apparently in need of something to do other than stare at Darcie.

“Good. Make yourself useful for a change.” Michelle still hadn’t forgiven him for his faux pas the night at the gallery. He hadn’t even apologized.

Rick entered the lounge shaking droplets from his dark head. “Evening, all. I should have brought my boat.”

Landon threw a few thick logs into the fireplace and turned his way. “I hope you drove here. I walked down.”

Rick snorted. “’Course I drove. I’m not as stupid as you.”

“That’s debatable.” The words shot out before Michelle could stop them. She buried her face in the newspaper, her cheeks burning.

“Nice to see you to, Shel.” She didn’t have to look up to know he was grinning.

“Hey, she accused me of cheating.”

Michelle raised her head, a smile pinching her mouth at Landon’s whine.

Landon finished with the fire and rose, pointing toward the game table like a petulant child. “And she said you probably taught me all I know.”

“I did.” Rick rounded the bar and grabbed a towel, drying his wet head. “Glad to see you were paying attention.” He flashed Michelle a wink that succeeded in turning her insides out. “Anybody heard from Claire?”

Michelle folded the paper, stood and tossed it into the orange flames. She watched as it crackled and burned, the fire eventually consuming it. If only the mistakes of her past would vanish just as quickly.

Her heart pounded against her chest. She’d told Darcie and her parents the extent of
the conversation she’d had with Claire, but Rick had no idea. She’d almost been afraid to tell them, but after Claire left that afternoon with barely a word, not even waiting to say goodbye to Rick, Michelle figured they deserved an explanation. To her relief, they hadn’t judged her, only given her the love and support she so desperately needed right now.

Part of her wished she’d found the courage to come home years ago.

The reason she hadn’t stood just behind her.

“I’ve talked to her.” Darcie’s quiet voice pushed Michelle’s emotion to the edge. More tears welled as she thought of the years she’d missed with her daughter.

“And?” Impatience laced Rick’s tone. “Why’d she leave so quickly? And why won’t she return my calls? What did you say to her, Michelle?”

“Excuse me?” Her mouth went dry and she made a slow turn to face him. If the vase on the coffee table hadn’t been full of flowers she might have thrown it at him.

“Oh, look,
People
magazine.” Landon’s easy chuckle filled the room. “Did you sneak this in here, Darcie? Hey, Rick, you might be in here some day. You know he’s almost famous now, right?”

“Oh, leave him alone,” Darcie scolded. “Rick, take this man home. He’s too much of a nuisance.”

Michelle prayed Rick would do just that.

“Answer me, Shelly. What did you say to Claire?” Rick was ignoring everyone but her. “You were the last person she talked to. Then she just took off. Didn’t even say goodbye to me.”

Michelle dragged her hands down her face and stormed past him. She wasn’t about to put up with a temper tantrum from Rick Matthews. “I don’t answer to you.”

She fled the room and made her way down the hall to the small sitting room. She fell onto the couch and buried her head in her hands.

A few minutes later, Rick thudded into the room. He still walked like an elephant. “Go away.” Michelle smothered her face in a cushion.

“I want to know what happened.”

“It’s none of your business, Rick. Go away and leave me alone.” Michelle bit her bottom lip and somehow refrained from giving him clearer directions. She’d been trying to break the habit of resorting to bad language when angered, especially around her parents. If he opened his mouth again, she’d gladly pick it up again.

“She’s my daughter too,” Rick growled. “That makes it my business.”

Michelle sat up, hurled the cushion onto the floor and met his eyes. “She’s your daughter, too? Is that right? Remind me again, where were you when I was lying in a hospital bed, twenty-seven years ago, having
your daughter
? Huh, Rick? Because as far as I recall, you certainly weren’t there with me!”

She spat words at him and watched him recoil. “No. You were too busy doing your own thing, living your own life. You didn’t claim her then, did you? What gives you the right to come in here and judge me now?” Her breath came in spurts and she prayed for calm.

Michelle drew her knees to her chest and stared at the photographs on the mantle. She didn’t have the energy to rise. The grandfather clock out in the hall ticked in steady rhythm with her pounding heart.

“I’m sorry.” Rick’s low voice pulled her eyes toward him. He sank down onto the easy chair just across from her. His face was drawn and pale. “I don’t know what else I can say. You’re right. I wasn’t there for you, Shelly. If I could go back and change it all, I would. But I can’t. All I can do now is just thank God I have another chance with Claire. A chance to get to know her—be a part of her life. Since she left, I’m beginning to wonder if that’s gone.”

The desperation in his words branded her. Michelle gnawed her trembling bottom lip and shook her head. Was there any way past this pain?

She doubted it.

Somehow, she needed to find the courage to walk through it.

Rick stared at her through haunted eyes, eyes she could hardly bear to look at. He didn’t know what he was asking of her.

“She’s not angry with you. It’s me she doesn’t want to talk to. You were right. After what I told her, I doubt I’ll be hearing from her again.”

He leaned forward and reached for her hand. “Can you tell me?”

Michelle nodded, released a deep sigh. “My life hasn’t exactly been a walk in the park. It might look that way, but I’ve lived with a lot of hatred—toward you, my parents, myself. If Claire hadn’t come back into our lives, I’m not sure I’d be sitting here right now. My parents and I are starting over, and I’m getting to know Darcie again, and my grandson. I was hoping Claire would fit into that picture too.”

Michelle let his hand go, pushed to her feet and crossed the room. Her father’s writing desk lay open where she’d sat hours earlier, trying to compose a letter to Claire. She hadn’t been able to get past the first two words. She pulled her cardigan around her shoulders and brushed hair out of her eyes. Slowly she turned to look at him. Rick watched her in silence, his brows knit together, his mouth drawn.

And then she told him. Told him all of it. From beginning to end.

Leaving nothing out.

Rick rubbed his face. “You told Claire this?”

“I had to. I spoke with her father again before I came out here. I didn’t know what to do. He told me I should tell her the truth.”

“You took the money.” Rick sat with his head in his hands.

“Yes.” Tears trailed down her cheeks.

It was done.

He could do with it what he liked.

“I don’t blame her for hating me,” she whispered. “I’ve lived with this guilt her whole life. I still can’t believe I did it.”

Rick said nothing for what felt like an eternity. “I didn’t leave you with much choice, did I?” He raised his head, his eyes full.

Amazement crept over her, but she shook her head. “This has nothing to do with you. It was my decision. I was intimidated. I could have refused to take the money. I was within my rights to take Claire, but I didn’t know that. If I’d gone through proper channels…”

Rick put up a hand, his expression grim. “You were barely an adult. How would you know your rights?” His tone hinted at the pain this caused him. “He shouldn’t have offered to pay you off in the first place. It’s despicable.”

Michelle could only shrug, weariness settling over her soul. “I’m sure he didn’t see it that way. In his world, money, power, those things get you whatever you want. Fifty grand was probably a drop in the bucket to him. I tried to rationalize it—I didn’t know anything about babies. I couldn’t have raised her on my own with no money and no home to go to—I told myself she really would be better off with them. They loved her. I never doubted that.” She gave a muted groan and covered her face for a moment. Rick stayed quiet.

“So I moved on. I created a life for myself, got married, tried to raise a child.” Bitter laughter rose. “I failed miserably on all three counts.” Michelle lowered her hands and took in his look of pity. “I’ve learned the hard way that the best things in life are the things you convince yourself you can live without.”

Rick nodded and leaned back against the couch. Shadows circled his eyes and told her he hadn’t been sleeping any better than she was. Sudden empathy for him took her by surprise.

Forgiving her parents was one thing, but…forgiving Rick?

“So, that’s what happened. That’s why Claire left so quickly. I’m sure she’ll call you soon.” Michelle recognized her clipped tone and instinctively reached for the pearls she no longer wore. In their place sat a tiny gold heart on a chain.

He nodded, not looking at all convinced. “Thanks for telling me.”

“You would have hounded me until I did.” She managed a smile and met his penetrating gaze.

“I guess I was a little overbearing.” His hard look softened. “I’m sure Claire will come around eventually. She probably just needs some time. She’s kind of stubborn. Gets it from her mother.”

“Right.” Michelle sighed and set her gaze on him. He scratched his head and looked across the room for a moment. Then he looked straight back at her, eyes locked with hers, and Michelle felt the room spin.

She pushed aside trepidation and gave in to curiosity. “Did you…did you ever marry?”

He chuckled, his sorrow lifting and a new light creeping into his eyes. “Nope. I came close once, but…fortunately I realized it wasn’t going to work out before we got that far.”

“What was wrong with her?” Michelle wrapped her arms around her knees. The chill in the air permeated her skin, but the smile Rick gave her warmed her in an alarming way.

“Nothing. She just wasn’t you.”

Michelle bit her lip and looked down at her jeans. She knew that tune. “Is it my imagination or have you been keeping your distance?”

His face deepened a shade, but another smile lifted one corner of his mouth. “I guess I’ve been keeping my distance. I figured you needed some time with your folks and Darcie. Didn’t think you’d want me hanging around.”

His knowing look eased her racing pulse and Michelle returned his smile. “I suppose I
have given that impression.”

Rick’s smile faded and he opened his mouth as if to speak, but closed it the next instant.

“What?” She didn’t know what made her ask and she regretted doing so at once. His chuckle sent her pulse racing again.

“Well, I guess I’m just wondering how long you plan on staying in Bethel. I thought you had some big fancy job to get back to, among other things.”

“Ah.” Michelle drew in a deep breath and watched the dimple in his cheek dance. “No, actually. No job. I quit.”

His dark eyebrows rose but he said nothing. She stood, stretched and moved to the other side of the room, feeling lighter than she had in years.

A selection of Rick’s paintings hung on the wall and Michelle studied them. She recalled the older ones and admired the ones she hadn’t yet seen. Maybe one day she’d summon the nerve to visit him in his studio.

“What are you planning to do then? What happened to you and the…”

“Senator?” She swiveled to face him and quirked an eyebrow. He sat against the couch, one long brawny arm draped over the back of it as he tipped his head in her direction. “He…wasn’t…good enough for me.”