Normally, Aurora didn’t allow herself to spoil her child this way but tonight she needed to hold the tiny sprite. Earlier, she’d come to a decision that took a lot out of her. Once she’d made it though, everything in her world slipped back into place.
Aurora had worked out a deal with Debbie, the only person in the world who she’d trust to look after Lily. Deb, eyes shining, readily agreed and her accepting attitude helped dissolve some of Aurora’s mommy-guilt.
Starting tomorrow, she’d be back on the job for an indefinite period. Someone had to cover for the missing staff and her sense of responsibility, a personality trait she accepted as being a part of her as much as the famous chip on her shoulder, told her she had no choice. The fact that excitement brewed at the thought of the coming morning wasn’t the point. Someone had to pick up the slack.
One last smooch on Lily’s soft-as-a-rose-petal cheek and she laid her down in the crib. The same crib that had given Aurora endless trouble the day she’d taken it into her head to put it together.
Touching the rounded rails, the memory of her loss of composure returned to haunt her. After hours of struggle, the realization that she’d put the rails in backwards, made her lose it completely. At her lowest point since Kai had left her, plus the fear of the actual delivery, of being a mom alone, of not having enough strength to endure and succeed, she felt the overwhelming need to hear his voice.
“Not available—leave a message” had ripped her apart. The rage when the machine signalled for her to start had ignited a hate that now lived in the same place where love had earlier existed.
To this day she couldn’t remember what she’d said. The ranting cruelty she’d screamed. But it had been the last time she’d reached out to him. And as God was her witness, no man would ever have the chance to get behind her barriers again.
The phone ringing jerked her from the past and she strode out into the hall to answer.
“Chica, I understand you left a message?”
“Raoul, nice of you to return my call.” Aurora smiled.
“Hey, I’m a nice guy. You know that. What’s wrong with your voice?”
She cleared the huskiness generated from bad memories and replied, “A lot you care. I need some information.”
“Come now, Bella. You know I care. Wouldn’t be talking to you otherwise. So, what do you want to know?”
“You hear about the patrolman killed at the weigh station on the outskirts of town?”
He hesitated and then his voice lowered. “Not our problem.”
“You saying your group had nothing to do with this?”
“That’s what I’m saying. The Hermanos don’t kill cops and we don’t steal babies.”
Steal babies? Aurora’s inner circuits lit up. “Didn’t say this was yours, did I? I need to know anything you got.”
She understood Raoul’s group enough to trust they drew the line at perversion, especially with underage youth, which would include babies.
His was a highly organized bunch that lived on the borderlines of what one might call occasional lawbreakers or ingenious businessmen depending on your mood. Their money came from other sources that she didn’t care to go into. Weighing his larceny against her benefits from his periodical intelligence meant there weren’t any options. She needed him on the outside feeding her.
“You can’t keep doing this, bugging me, making me into a rat-snitch.”
“Why do you care if it isn’t your people? For Chrissakes Raoul, these suckers are stealing kids and killing cops.” Aurora decided to go fishing and see whether he’d take the hook.
“It’s the kids that are getting to you, ain’t it? By the way, Rosa says a prayer for you every night.” His voice softened when he spoke his sister’s name. He’d never forgotten who saved her life by endangering her own, and it seems neither did Rosa if her prayers were any indication.
“Give her a big hug for me.” Aurora, picturing Mary Fulton’s desperation, readily used her calling card—Rosa’s affection for her. Unexpectedly, emotion engulfed her and showed in the husky sound of her voice.
A hiss sounded. With his voice lowered, Raoul said. “I hear the slant-eyes have some shit going on in Los Angeles and they’re branching out in other regions. You might be particularly interested in the Chang-Lee family. They’re badasses, Aurora. Hombres muy malos! Cuidado, chica.”
Damn right I’ll be careful. I have Lily to think about. “Gracias, Raoul.”
“De nada. And Aurora—don’t call again.”
“Yeah, like that’s going to happen.”
She heard the snorting chuckle before the click of his receiver. She sat down to consider the significance of his report and became lost in thought.
Seconds before the doorbell rang, the hairs on the back of Aurora’s neck stood straight to attention, whipping up shivers to shoot down her back and into her hair, making her scalp tingle painfully. Her ears joined in the fun and a whining noise made her jump as if she’d been stabbed.
She knew… Just like that. Kai was the only person who could unsettle her to this extent. Anger boiled and fizzled over to fill her small body. Slowly she stood and moved to look out the peephole.
Sure enough, a man who resembled Kai stood leaning against the doorjamb, a thick file of papers in one hand. An L.A. Kings cap covered a full head of hair.
He looked away from the door and she saw him swallow then turn. As if he felt her eyes on him, he lifted his face and those sorry blue dazzlers stared straight through the tiny window and into her hardened heart. Then she noticed Cory next to him. She retrieved her weapon from the hall table, opened the door and stood back.
Cory moved in front of the chicken-bastard and held his hand out towards her. “Put the gun down, Aurora. I’d planned to shoot him myself but I listened to his story first. It’s cool, brat. Trust me. You’ll want to hear what he has to say.”
She leaned to the side in order to get a better aim and held back the grin that threatened when she saw Cory scoot out the door and close it very carefully behind him. Fucking coward!
Kai dropped the papers on the table. “Baby—”
“Don’t you call me Baby. You gave up that right.”
“I know. I was talking about our daughter.”
As if the idiot had no idea that her finger itched to pull the trigger and pay him back for the pain he’d put her through, he stood facing her, hands on his hips and a stubborn glare on his face.
“Where’s your bald head?”
“Under my hair.”
“Looks weird. I like it better the other way.”
“So I’ll shave it. You gonna shoot me?”
“Like to. Just can’t decide if the satisfaction would be worth the years in jail. It’s a tough call.”
“I thought of you every day.”
“You’re making it easier every time you open that lying mouth.”
“I was undercover… deep undercover. I brought a copy of the case files for you to read because I knew you wouldn’t believe me any other way. Started a few days after I got back to L.A. until yesterday when I got debriefed.”
“And the first few days you were in L.A.?”
A blush appeared on his cheeks that arrested Aurora’s gaze and made her remember why this man had captured her heart when no others had ever come close.
“I guess I drank enough to forget my own name never mind yours. Not proud of being such a jerk, but it’s the truth.”
“A fucking jerk you mean!”
“I stand corrected. You gonna put the gun away soon?”
“Just so you know how much I hate you and how hard it is not to pull the trigger—”
He interrupted, his voice harsh. “Got it!” He held his hands out at his sides and the unspoken message let her know he understood there would be nothing between them except a tiny human being conceived from a night of such sweet lovemaking she’d never, ever be able to forget.
Anger fizzling through her, Aurora swung around and replaced her gun in the opened drawer and then slammed it shut. “Lily’s sleeping.”
“I’d appreciate a chance to look in on her. I promise I’ll be quiet.”
She heard the hitch in his voice before he recovered. “As if your promises are anything I’d believe.” Strange, she’d never heard her own teeth grind before. It unnerved her.
Looking at the bastard, she saw agony written on a face too thin, too pale and sweating as if standing was taking its toll. Questions slammed into her mind, but she bit down on her inquisitiveness, clipped the bud of softness and started down the hall.
“One quick peep and then you leave. If you really want a part in her life, don’t push me. I’ll think on it and let you know the rules. Capiche?”
A deep opened-mouth sigh followed. In a voice choked with emotion he replied, “Capiche.”
She pushed the door to Lily’s room wide enough for them to enter. The whimsical mobile of butterflies strobing soft shades of every color imaginable around the ceiling hung over the crib, a typical present from Auntie Lisa.
Lily dressed in a tiny pink shirt and frilly diapers lay sleeping on her tummy, her diapered backside up in the air and her knees curled under her as if she were waiting for the whistle to blow to start a race.
Her dark curls, damp with sweat, rioted around a face so pretty Aurora still questioned how she’d ever produced such a miracle.
Standing on one side of the crib, Aurora watched as Kai approached the other side. The wonder written on his face spoke more than words ever could. So did the hitch of his breath that had a noticeable sound of a sob.
She left him there. No way did she want to see his tears. Or let him see hers. No goddamn way.
Chapter Ten
Shaken to the very roots of her soul, Aurora went into her own room and locked the door. Rubbing her hands together didn’t help. Instead she clasped them tight, fingers entwined. Holding them against her mouth she pushed hard to keep the sobs from breaking loose.
Suddenly, she rushed to the bathroom mirror. That bastard! Arriving with no warning. Showing up at her door. What the hell?
How many different scenarios of this meeting had she pictured and not once did she imagine looking like this when they met.
Vulnerable and untidy, baby spit-up on her wrinkled t-shirt, hair half up and half down, straggling around her unmade face. Add the baggy sweats and baggy eyes and she knew at that moment that she’d hate him forever. The prick!
Shaking badly, she plopped down on the toilet seat, wrapped her arms around herself and rocked. No way was she going back out there. If he wanted to talk to her, he could phone and make an appointment.
Why he figured she’d be interested in anything he had to say or looking at the stupid file he left, she didn’t know. One thing for certain, no way would she waste her time reading his bullshit alibi. Soon as he left, she’d throw it in the trash where it belonged.
Jesus, he looked sick. The thought popped into her mind and she pictured again the thin man standing in front of her, pale and pleading. Shit, shit, shit!! She should have shot him.
***
Kai tiptoed closer to the sleeping angel and peered at her from every direction. Soon he knelt down so he could see her gorgeous face all scrunched up as if she were having a bad dream.
A second later she let loose a burp. Then, in the time it took him to release the sigh that had built up inside him, a grin replaced her frown.
At once he decided if she was a tiny replica of her mom with his habits, she’d be a force to be reckoned with.
For some unknown reason, Kai thought of his mother and her words came back to him. After the death of his sister, she’d become melancholy and started reminiscing about her babies. She’d gone on about what a happy, contented child he’d always been versus Tamryn who’d been a little hellion.
Since they’d just lost Tammy to suicide after she’d been attacked and raped by Earl Rhondo, he’d stopped the conversation. Couldn’t bear listening about a girl who he’d adored from the first time they’d placed her in his arms and warned him that he now had a huge responsibility. “Look after this little person because she’s your baby sister,” his father had said.
And I let her down. I messed up. “Lily, I swear, I’ll never mess up with you. If it’s in my power, I promise you’ll always be loved and happy.” Though whispered, the words resonated conviction.
Emotion he couldn’t conceal attacked and he blessed Aurora for giving him these moments alone with his daughter. Trembling from fatigue as much as sentiment, he reached to touch the smooth plump skin of her little arm. Stroking her hand, he opened her fingers very gently and had to catch his breath when she gripped tightly.
Oh God! He loved her more than he’d ever thought possible. She was like a mystic being sent to bless his world. And he had to have access to her. He’d do anything Aurora asked.
Earlier when he’d questioned Cory on Aurora’s relationship status, he’d been told in no uncertain terms that Cory didn’t know anything, that he minded his own business. If he wanted to know those types of details, he needed to go straight to the source. His friend’s declaration came on too fast, which made him very nervous. Dammit, he prayed he still had a chance.
After her greeting at the door, she probably wouldn’t be too cool with him questioning her about her love life. In fact, he didn’t hold out much hope that she’d even allow him back into her world other than to see Lily periodically. Maybe after she read the Angeli case files she’d have more sympathy. That’s if she even bothered. The sneer she wore when he tried to hand her the files wasn’t very promising.
His first view of her as she’d opened the door pointing a gun at his crotch haunted him. A smile grew, followed by a soft chuckle and he shook his head. That’s my girl!
With his eyes closed he saw her as she’d stood there, legs apart, gun in hand, and attitude blazing from her hard eyes. Her hair, all soft around her face, reminded him of his sister after she’d finished her yoga practise. On Aurora, it looked beautiful. She looked beautiful and it was all he could do not to sweep her into his arms. To feel her against him once more might have been worth the freaking bullet. Even worth the pain, because not touching her had ripped him apart.
Chapter Eleven
Aurora couldn’t believe her eyes the next morning when she stepped into her office and saw Lisa slouched at her desk. Ashen-faced, droopy hair and bloodshot eyes encircled by rolls of swollen, rubbery-looking eyelids wasn’t a pretty sight. Considering the girl’s hair normally looked like a shiny twisted hazel bush full of gnarly branches, to see it hanging dishrag limp seemed out of character. Granted, she was ill, but the damage was extreme.