Highland Angels (Fated Hearts Book 3) (10 page)

He stroked her hair. “Maybe ye can try to start thinking of Curacridhe as home.”

“But it
isn’t
my home. Home is Naomh-dùn with the people I love and who love me.”

“Ye’re loved at Curacridhe too, ye know. Although ye’ve tried valiantly not to accept it.”

Her brow furrowed. “What do ye mean?”

“Angel, ye’re the one who has been holding yerself apart. Everyone here wants to embrace ye.”

“Only because I saved Davy, not because of who I am. Yer da threw me in the dungeon because of who I am.”

“Nay, ye’ve got it backwards. Da threw ye in the dungeon because of yer name. Ye saved Davy because of who ye are. There’s a huge difference. We love ye because of who ye are, in spite of yer name. And probably more importantly, the MacLeods are learning that the MacKays are not the devil’s spawn
because
of who ye are.”

Her lips twitched into a half smile. “There is at least one person who believes we’re the devil’s spawn.”

“Mairi will get over it.”

“Why are ye so sure?”

“Because, I am holding a wee angel in my arms who will press her relentlessly until she does.”

“Ye think I’m going to fix this?” she asked, her tone incredulous.

He chuckled. “I know ye’re going to. It’s part of who ye are. Ye love Tasgall, ye love Mairi and ye won’t rest until they love each other.”

She sighed but didn’t argue the point. Who was going to fix the mess she was in?

“Are ye feeling better now?” he asked.

Was she? “I still want to go home, but aye, crying about it won’t change anything.”

“Anna, please don’t do this again.”

“Cry? I know I can’t make that promise.”

“That’s not what I mean. Ye were upset and ye shut me out. I don’t ever want to find ye curled up sobbing yer heart out again. I’m going to be yer husband, the least ye can let me do is comfort ye when ye weep and dry yer tears.”

“If that’s the least I let ye do, this will be a terrible marriage.”

Andrew laughed. “Well, it’s a place to start.”

~ * ~

When he finally lay down in his bed that night, Andrew was more tired than he ever remembered being after a hard day of training. He hadn’t done anything physically exerting but the stress of the day had taken its toll. The ride to the strait and back with Anna on his lap had been excruciating. Not that he minded Anna on his lap, but sensing her nervous excitement on the way to the meeting caused his heart to ache. He had expected her disappointment to be profound and it certainly was.

In fairness, it took her less time to accept it than it had him. From the moment his father first mentioned the plan for their betrothal Andrew had not stopped thinking about it. Initially he was every bit as angry as Anna and then Mairi had been. He didn’t like being forced into anything but he truly did not want to be married again. He had loved Joan and losing her hurt so damn much he never wanted to feel that again. Even now, four years later, anything that reminded him of Joan renewed the pain and he avoided it.

After his initial anger cooled, he had decided he was taking the betrothal issue much too seriously. His father’s decision didn’t mean Andrew had to let the little copper-haired angel into his heart. He would do his duty, she would do hers, they could live together congenially—it was the way of things. He could still protect his heart. He had to admit it was certainly a boon that she was lovely. The fact that his son adored her and she loved him too was quite frankly both a blessing and a relief. David needed a loving mother. Andrew was certain Anna could be that for him.

But today as he held her in his arms while she experienced the full emotional spectrum, he realized he was in real danger. He felt the pain of her disappointment, sharp and deep. Going forward, he had to do a better job of protecting his heart.

Having made that decision, he tried to relax into sleep. Just as he began to doze off, he was jarred awake by a knock at his door. Alert and on his feet in a flash, he wrapped a plaid around his waist and opened the door to find Rory.

“Andrew, I’m sorry to bother ye, but ye were right, Mairi is trying to run away.”

“God’s breath, I may strangle her.” Beyond irritated, Andrew grabbed his clothes and dressed.

“We did as ye asked, just watching and following her, but Andrew, Anna has gone too.”

“What? Damn, she said she had accepted this.”

“I don’t think she’s running away, I think she’s following Mairi.”

“Where did they go?”

“Into the stable. I left Cormag and Finlay to watch for them. The men have orders not to let them leave the walls.”

“Let’s go.”

When they reached the courtyard, Cormag and Finlay stood watching the stables.

“Are they still in there?” Andrew asked.

“Aye, Mairi’s in a fine fettle. I would have tried talking to her myself, but Anna MacKay was on her heels,” answered Cormag.

“Thank ye, Cormag. Ye’ve always had more patience with my wee sister than I have.”

“That’s because I’ve been around her more.”

“Well, if ye hear screaming, come fast. I may need ye to keep me from killing her.”

Cormag chuckled. “Andrew, go a bit easy. This has been a hard day for Mairi.”

“It has been for all of us, but, aye, I won’t kill her. Not tonight anyway. The men chuckled as he slipped quietly into the stable. He heard Mairi talking so he remained still, just listening.

“But ye don’t understand, Anna,” sobbed Mairi. “It’s not the same for ye.”

“Now how did ye arrive at that, Mairi?”

“Ye know us now. We’re nice people. Ye have nothing to fear from the MacLeods.”

“Do ye think the MacKays are different?”

“Of course they’re different,” sniffed Mairi, “they’re MacKays.”

“But, Mairi, I’m a MacKay. The MacKays are nice people too.”

“They can’t be. They’re MacKays,” she wailed.

“We’re getting nowhere with this, pet. Let’s go inside and we can talk.”

“Nay, I’m leaving. I won’t let Da force me to marry a complete stranger,
a MacKay
.” By the tone Mairi used, one would think she was naming the foulest vermin on earth.

To her credit, it sounded as if Anna took no offense, saying gently, “Mairi, sweetling, ye can’t run away from this any more than I can. Besides, ye aren’t marrying a complete stranger. He’s my brother, I love him and I know ye will too once ye get to know him.”

“But the wedding is in five weeks,” she cried.

“Mairi,
my
wedding is in five weeks, but ye won’t be getting married for several years at least.”

Mairi sniffed, “What? I thought…”

“Nay, pet. Is that what ye’ve been so upset about? Ye’ll have plenty of time to grow up a bit and to get to know Tasgall first.”

“Ye’re sure?”

“Aye, I’m positive. I’m the one who is practically marrying a stranger.”

“Nay, ye’re marrying Andrew.”

“Sweetling, less than a month ago, the MacLeods were
my
mortal enemy. I thought ye all were monsters and then yer Da proved it by throwing me in yer dungeon.”

“But that was a mistake, Anna.”

“I know it was, but can ye see how I might not be terribly happy about being forced to marry a MacLeod in five weeks?”

“Well ye should be happy. Anna, ye’re marrying
Andrew
and he’ll be the laird someday. Ye’ll be Lady MacLeod. Ye know he’s a good man. Even if he is bossy and doesn’t like me very much, I know he loves me and I love him most of the time.”

“Mairi, this conversation is hopeless.” Anna laughed. “Let’s go back inside the keep. I’m cold.”

“Oh, Anna, Da will kill me if ye get sick again. Aye, ye must go inside now.”

Andrew smiled, made some noise near the front of the stable and yelled, “Mairi MacLeod, are ye in here?”

“Aye, Andrew, what business is it of yers? I am allowed to be in the stable,” said Mairi petulantly.

“This is the brother ye love most of the time, remember?” whispered Anna loudly, her voice filled with amusement.

“Mairi, ye’re allowed in the stables during the day. God’s teeth, lass, even horses have to sleep,” said Andrew as he walked towards them. “And ye dragged Anna out here too? Ye should know better. The night air is damp and cold and Anna has been ill.” He threw his plaid around Anna’s shoulders. “Come now, back to the keep with both of ye.”

“Oh all right,” said Mairi and, pouting, she pushed past him and out of the stable.

“Let’s get ye back inside too,” he said to Anna.

“How much of that did ye hear?” Anna asked.

“How do ye know I heard anything?”

“Because I suspect when Rory woke ye, ye were planning to do more than just scold Mairi for keeping the horses awake.”

He chuckled, “Ye knew she was being watched?”

“Andrew, ye’ve had me watched for weeks now and ye’d have to be a fool not to guess she’d do this. However, just in case, I was listening for her to sneak away too. So what did ye hear?”

“I heard my illogical little sister tell ye why it is so much worse for her to have to marry a MacKay in a few years than it is for ye to marry me in five weeks.”

“Well of course it is because ye’re Andrew MacLeod and, even though ye’re bossy, she loves ye most of the time.”

He chuckled and said, “I also heard ye say ye were cold, but she was wrong about one thing, Da won’t kill her if ye take a chill, because I’ll do it first.”

Anna laughed and he put his arm around her as they walked to the keep.

When they reached her chamber Andrew said, “Good night, angel. And if by chance Mairi changes her mind and tries to sneak away again tonight, leave her to me this time. It’s cold out and ye need yer rest.”

“I don’t think she’ll leave again—not tonight anyway. Tomorrow I intend to ask her to stand with me for the wedding and make her promise not to leave before then.”

“Will we have to put her under lock and key after the wedding?”

“Of course not.”

“Why are ye so sure?”

“Because by then she will have met Tasgall and she’ll love him.”

“And how do ye know that?” he asked teasingly.

“Because he is Tasgall MacKay, he isn’t nearly as bossy as ye are, and
I
love him
most of the time
,” she said with a grin.

Anna was home. She was at Naomh-dùn with Grizel, her old nursemaid.

“I can scarcely believe I’m here. I thought Laird MacLeod said I couldn’t leave. I’ve missed ye Grizel. I’ve missed everyone at Naomh-dùn.”

“Oh, my lovely child, I love ye so and I’ve missed ye too. Ye’ve grown into a fine woman. I know what ye did to save that wee lad. I’m very proud of ye.”

“I’m glad I was there. Davy is a sweet child. But Grizel, Laird MacLeod wanted me to marry Andrew. I don’t want to do that. I don’t want to live at Curacridhe. Maybe Eoin won’t make me go back; maybe I can stay at home forever, especially since ye’re here again.”

“Lass, this isn’t yer home anymore, just as it isn’t mine.”

“Of course it’s my home.”

“Nay, pet it isn’t. Ye have another home and ye have work to do. Ye have to pass it on.”

“I’ll do whatever is needed, if I can just stay here to do it.”

Grizel chuckled. “The work isn’t here. I gave it to ye, sweetling, but ye can’t keep it. Ye have to pass it on.”

“I don’t understand, Grizel. I have nothing of yers, nothing to give.”

“Oh, but ye do. I gave ye love. I poured all the love I had into ye and yer brothers. But ye were never intended to keep it. Ye have to pass it on.”

“Why can’t I do that at Naomh-dùn?”

“Because that isn’t where it’s needed.”

“Please don’t ask me to do this.”

“Anna, if Davy were alone and falling through the ice again, what would ye do?”

“The same thing I did before.”

“Well sweetling, ye’re needed just as much now. And ye’re the only one who can help. I was with ye when ye needed me—now someone needs ye. Don’t let me down, lass.”

“But, I can’t—”

“Of course ye can. Remember, ye can do all things in Him who strengthens ye.”

“But, Grizel—”

“Give me a hug now, sweetling, it’s time to go.”

Grizel wrapped her arms around Anna in the kind of hug only Grizel could give, all warmth and love and comfort.

Anna held onto her. “Don’t leave me yet, Grizel, I don’t understand. Please don’t leave me yet.”

“I have to go back home and so do ye. It’s the rules, but ye’ll be fine Anna. Just remember to pass it on, child.”

~ * ~

Anna woke just as dawn was pinking the sky. It had been a dream unlike any she had ever had before. She could almost feel Grizel’s arms around her still. Anna felt the keen pain of loss, but oh how wonderful to have seen Grizel again and know her love, even if it was only a dream.

In her dream, Grizel had said
ye have another home
. Yesterday Andrew had asked her if she could start thinking of Curacridhe as home. From her first moments here she had had one single goal—to go home. Was she home?

Aye. The decisions had been made and the betrothals signed. Her fate was sealed. No matter how she might wish otherwise, this was now her home. Andrew had also said
Angel, ye are the one who has been holding yerself apart
. This was true. Anna had only allowed herself to think of them as hated MacLeods, not people. On the night Laird MacLeod had discovered who she was, she had chided Colin for thinking the MacKays were terrible enough to allow a child to drown.
We are just people, just like the MacLeods. We laugh, and we cry, and we show compassion, and we make mistakes!
And yet, she herself was willing to believe the worst from the MacLeods and let fear rule her actions.

She needed to listen to her own admonition. Like it or not she was marrying Andrew MacLeod. Someday she would be Lady MacLeod. Fighting against it, or curling up and giving into tears over it was not going to change things. She was nineteen, a woman by all standards, but even though she hated to admit it to herself, she had been behaving like a child.

She also remembered Davy’s horrified expression on the night when she and Andrew had fought during the evening meal.
Anna, don’t ye like us?

Last evening Andrew had promised to try to make her happy, but that wasn’t in his power. The choice to be happy or not was Anna’s. If she didn’t try to make things work with Andrew, accept the MacLeods as her clan, and at least try to make Curacridhe her home, no one would be happy. She vowed to spend the weeks before the wedding trying to do just that.

I can do all things in Him who strengthens me
. This is what it meant: with faith she could handle the circumstances in which she found herself.

So, with new resolve, she got up, dressed and did something she had never done at Curacridhe. She went down to the great hall alone for breakfast. She hesitated in the arched doorway of the stairwell. There were a good few people there but not nearly as many as at an evening meal. The only person she recognized was Laird MacLeod who sat across the room at the refectory table.

She hesitated a moment, glancing around at the people seated at the trestle tables. She didn’t see the mistrust or hatred she had feared. Those who looked at her gave her warm smiles and wished her good morning. She smiled back, took a deep breath and walked across the hall to where Laird MacLeod sat.

His smile was broad and welcoming. “Good morning, Anna. Come sit with me and break yer fast.”

She swallowed hard. “Aye, Laird, thank ye.”

“Did ye sleep well?”

“Aye, and ye?”

“Well enough that I didn’t hear about Mairi’s little escapade until this morning. I’m sorry about that.”

Anna smiled. “It was rather a lot for her to take in.”

“No more that it was for ye.”

Anna flashed him a grin. “But I’ve had weeks to become accustomed to living amongst the devil’s own.”

Laird MacLeod laughed heartily. “Anna MacKay, I didn’t know ye were such a cheeky lass, but I quite like that about ye.”

Anna blushed. “I suspect I’ll have to remind ye of that someday.”

Laird MacLeod only laughed harder, “No doubt, little dove, no doubt.”

Looking to change the subject, Anna said, “Mairi mentioned ye have another daughter. Where does she live?”

“Ena is my oldest and she’s married to the Chisholm heir, Fearghas.”

Just then Andrew entered the hall. The concerned look he wore faded when he saw Anna. “Good morning, Anna.”

Graham came rushing in behind him, “Do ye think—oh there ye are, Anna.”

Anna smiled to herself. Clearly they thought she had gone missing.

“Good morning, lads. I was just telling Anna about yer sister Ena, and it occurs to me, since I’ve announced the betrothals to the clan, I should send word to her. Perhaps she’ll plan to arrive a few days early to help with the wedding…and Mairi.”

Andrew frowned. “Da, do ye really think we should expect her to help? She has her hands a bit full.”

Graham snorted. “Andrew, ye know that nothing will keep her away when she hears this news. Ye’ll like our older sister, Anna. She can teach ye how to handle a husband,” said Graham, at which Dougal laughed heartily.

“What do ye mean?” asked Anna.

“Fearghas Chisholm is as big and frightening a Highland warrior as ever drew breath, and he is besotted with our sister Ena. He would deny her nothing.”

“They have three daughters, the poor man. Two is more than I can handle. But it’s decided. I’ll send for Ena, she’ll be a great help and ye’re right, Graham, she’s likely to arrive weeks before the wedding, whether I send for her or not.”

As Anna listened to them discuss planning the wedding, it occurred to her the task of running this keep would rightly fall to her even now, but she wasn’t sure what Laird MacLeod expected. But there was no better time to find out.

“Laird MacLeod…I was wondering…well, I do know how to run a keep. I’ve helped Fiona—Eoin’s wife—manage Naomh-dùn for several years now.”

“Ye needn’t worry about that, Anna. Brenda has taken care of things here for years,” Dougal said.

“But I—”

“Anna, there are plenty of people assigned to tend Curacridhe. Ye don’t need to work,” said Graham. “Besides, just yesterday ye said ye hadn’t completely recovered yer stamina.”

Anna couldn’t spend her days doing nothing—she would go mad. “Nay, ye misunderstand. I’ll be Lady MacLeod soon enough and I need to learn how things are done here.”

Andrew shook his head. “As Lady MacLeod, ye’ll be Davy’s mother and the best thing ye can do, what I need most, is for ye to care for him so I don’t have to…worry.”

Anna frowned. “I thought Cora has been seeing to Davy.”

“She has been, but she is elderly and looking after a wee lad is a challenge. She only agreed to do it until someone more suitable could be found, but that has been difficult over the last few years. The truth is, if someone had been minding him properly the day he fell through the ice, neither of us would be facing a wedding we don’t want.”

She smiled, trying to hide the sting from that comment. It was true, but hearing him say that he didn’t want her still hurt. “Aye, well then, I’ll mind Davy. I’ll just go find him now.”

“But ye haven’t had yer morning meal yet, lass,” said Laird MacLeod.

“Davy will need to break his fast as well. I’ll eat with him.”

As Anna went to find David, she tried to brush away Andrew’s comment. She knew he hadn’t wanted to marry her any more than she had wanted to marry him. Just because she had decided to do her best to be happy with him didn’t mean that he had made the same choice.

That the MacLeods didn’t intend for her to actually do the things for which the lady of the castle would normally be responsible bothered her a bit more. It seemed despite Andrew’s declarations about how the MacLeods loved her because of who she was, and that Curacridhe was her home now, he and his father didn’t trust a MacKay with the running of her new home. She suspected that as much as they said she belonged here and the clan was prepared to respect her, she would always feel like an outsider if she was destined to be Lady MacLeod in name only.

Still maybe her whole purpose for being here was to be a mother for Davy anyway. Perhaps that’s what the dream meant.

~ * ~

Mairi woke that morning feeling no happier about the betrothal. It simply wasn’t fair, and no one seemed to recognize that. Not even Anna. Anna couldn’t see how different it was for her to be betrothed to Andrew while Mairi had to marry
Tasgall MacKay
. Her father only wanted to end the feud and her brothers certainly didn’t understand or even care about her feelings.

Oh she believed her brothers loved her—they had to, they were her brothers. But she didn’t feel particularly close to either of them. While they had come home occasionally over the years, they were away training during most of her childhood. Andrew had already begun training with the Macraes before Mairi was born and Graham went to train with Laird Gunn when she was just a bairn of two. When Andrew came home seven years ago, he was a grown man with a wife and, soon thereafter, a son of his own. He took little notice of his young half-sister other than when she annoyed him. Graham had only been home two years. He wasn’t as bossy as Andrew, but he too was a stranger to her.

Mairi felt closest to the lads who had come to live and train at Curacridhe. She had essentially grown up with many of them. Some had lived here as long as she could remember. Cormag MacKenzie came to train with the MacLeods when he was twelve, the year Mairi had been born. He had always treated her like a sister—a sister he was fond of, not impatient and bossy with, like Andrew. Mairi had been thrilled when Cormag fell in love with a MacLeod lass, married her and stayed on.

Boyd Sutherland came to train when he was ten and Mairi was seven. He was a serious lad with dark hair and eyes. He taught her to play chess but would never let her win, like some of the other lads. She would pout and beg, but he refused. When she finally won her first game against him, she was overjoyed. He had given her a rare smile. “Ye see, Mairi, how much sweeter victory is when ye it comes solely from yer own skill?”

She still played chess with him regularly and he nearly always trounced her, but when she won, it thrilled her like nothing else. And she was always rewarded with his warm smile.

Perhaps her best friend, the person to whom she felt closest to, was Darach Morrison. Mairi had been a lass of four when Darach came to begin training at the tender age of seven. That was the year Mairi’s mother had taken ill. Near the end, there were many days when Mama was so very sick, Isla and the other women who cared for her wouldn’t let Mairi see her. “Yer Mama loves ye pet, but she’s sleeping and needs her rest to get better.”

Mairi remembered one maid or another would be set the task of minding her, but there were times when she wanted her mama so badly she would cry for what seemed like hours. The only one who could console her, who could find ways to distract and entertain her, was Darach, her father’s young page.

When Mairi’s mother died, Andrew was too far away to come home for the funeral. Graham was there, but Mairi barely knew him. It was Cormag and Darach who held her hand and dried her tears that day and the many days that followed.

She needed to find Darach today and talk to him. He would understand.