Authors: Hannah Howell
Once away from Islaen, Iain hurried to his chambers. He splashed cold water on his face several times but it did no good. With a groan, he sprawled on his bed and indulged in a lengthy, colorful bout of cursing.
When Islaen had put their son to her breast Iain had felt every lustful inclination he had worked so hard to subdue spring to life. He had come very close to taking her, there on the floor in the midst of their children. Before he actually succumbed to such a rash urge he had fled the room. Fleeing had not stilled his urge for her, however. He briefly wondered if he should just give in and return to her bed.
It was not easy but he shook away that temptation. He had to keep on as he had been. It was best for both of them. He had seen that he could not walk any middle ground with Islaen. It was all or nothing. Although it twisted his heart he had decided that it would be nothing and would stay with that decision. After seeing how weak he was in the nursery, he decided that he had better make this visit a short one, that he had not yet gained the strength he sought. When he greeted a guest to Caraidland a little later he wavered in that decision.
“Alex,” Islaen cried with delight when she entered the hall that evening and he rose to meet her. “When did ye come?”
“Only a short while ago.” He kissed her hand. “Ye look as lovely as ever.”
“Flattery. How is your daughter? Weel?”
“Aye and I am anxious to see how your brood has grown. I ken weel how swiftly bairns change o’er the days.”
Although she told herself to be careful, for Alexander still looked at her with wanting, Islaen enjoyed his company as they dined. He could make her laugh and feel womanly, neither of which Iain had done in a long while. When she caught Iain sending dark looks at her and Alexander she paid him no heed. If he did not like Alexander talking to her, then he could keep her company himself, she thought crossly. He did not want anything to do with her but it seemed he wanted no one else to either.
When Islaen retired for the night, Alexander turned his attentions to Iain. “I can see how pleased ye are to see me.”
“Ye have a way of quickly wearing your welcome thin.”
“Why? Because I pay heed to your wee wife as ye ne’er do?”
“Ye enter into what isnae your concern.”
“Ye are a fool, Iain MacLagan. Ye turn aside that which many a mon craves.”
“I must. There is an axe hanging o’er my neck. She could be made a widow at any time, but I will at least leave her heart free.”
“What heart is left after ye toss it about. We all have an axe hanging o’er our necks, my friend.”
“Aye, but we dinnae all ken when it will drop nor who will wield it. I do. T’will be soon and t’will be MacLennon.”
“How can ye be sure t’will be soon?”
“Because the mon lurks near as he ne’er has before. He is hunted as he ne’er has been before too, and is pressed to move fast. My allies draw ever nearer to him. Aye, he has to strike soon for he is but a step ahead of a sword himself.”
“That doesnae mean ye will die.”
“’Tis a great possibility and weel ye ken it. At least I can save Islaen from too much grief.”
“But is that your decision to make? ’Tis her heart. She might feel the chance is worth taking.”
“’Tis my place as her husband to protect her from hurt. I am doing so.”
“Are ye? Or, are ye protecting yourself? Do ye ken what I think ye do?”
“Nay, but I ken ye will tell me for all that.”
“Aye, I will for I feel ye ought to think on it. ’Tis not just her grief ye try to prevent but your own. Ye hold her away because ye dinnae want to ken what ye can have with her, thus what ye can lose if ye lose her or ye die.”
“Really?” Iain said tightly. “Say ye are right. What would ye, in all your great wisdom, suggest I do?”
Ignoring that sarcasm, Alexander replied, “Stop this game. Ye have no marriage. If God means to take ye, He will. Ye cannae stop that. Do ye mean to waste the time ye have? ’Tis what ye do now. And Islaen’s. Ye keep her locked in a barren marriage thinking to protect her, yet, if ye but asked, ye would ken weel that isnae what she wants.
She wants to enjoy what she can while she lives, not shut herself away from life and love because she might die tomorrow. ’Tis what ye should do.”
Alexander’s words struck deep and Iain could find no response. Uttering a harsh curse, he left Alexander, left the hall and retreated to his chambers. He did not want to think on all Alexander had said, wanted to deny it and forget it, but the man’s words pounded in his brain demanding attention. With a soft curse, he decided it would be a long night.
Balancing Morogh on her hip, Islaen watched Iain prepare to leave, checking the cinches on his saddle. Her brother went with him and Alexander had been asked but had refused. She supposed she ought to be glad that Iain was always so well protected but she really wished that someone would stop him from leaving at all. If he were to be made to stay home they might just be able to lessen the chasm that now seemed to yawn between them.
“Muircraig must be near done,” she murmured when he stopped before her to give her a kiss much like the ones he bestowed upon the children, a cool kiss upon her cheek.
“Nearly. We will winter there, I am thinking.”
‘And then I shall truly be alone,’ she mused silently but said, “Weel, take care, Iain.”
“Aye and ye.” He found it difficult to turn from her but hurried away from her before he weakened and stayed.
Islaen sighed, waving half-heartedly as Iain and the others rode away. It would be good for them to go to Muircraig but she also knew it could be disastrous. If he found a way to avoid her there, a way to cut her out of his life, she would truly be alone. At least at Caraidland she had friends, people who honestly cared about her. They could never make up for the neglect of the man she loved but they did help to ease the loneliness.
Taking Padruig from Grizel because Liusadh was tormenting him, Islaen started toward the nursery where she knew she would find Storm. She was a little dismayed to find Alexander there too. When she managed to get Storm away from the children, Alexander followed. She finally decided that it did not matter if he heard what she had to say. The man knew what troubles she had so there was little point in being secretive. She often felt that all of Caraidland knew.
“I have given Iain his chance, Storm,” she said as they retreated to a deserted corner of the hall.
“Aye, ye did.” Storm sat down on a chest next to Alexander.
“And ye saw what he did with that chance.”
“Aye, I fear I did,” Storm said with a sigh.
“So now I try your plan.”
“When?”
“In a week’s time. I will give him a week.”
“To lessen his guard?”
“Aye, to grow nicely unsuspecting.” She looked at Alexander and was suddenly glad that she had not excluded him for she suddenly had an idea of how he could be very useful indeed. “Alexander,” she purred.
“Uh-oh. I have a feeling I may regret being here.”
“Nay, I but need ye to share with me your skill in one particular thing.”
“And what is that?” he asked suspiciously.
“I want ye to tell me all about seduction.” She smiled slowly as Alexander began to laugh.
“He will, of course, immediately suspect me of having a hand in this,” Alexander said as he and Islaen neared Muircraig.
“An all goes weel, that shouldnae be any great burden to bear. I hope this works,” she muttered, beginning to feel nervous.
“Islaen, if ye but get him alone and employ but some of what I taught you, his capitulation is assured.”
She giggled. “What vanity. Ah, but Alex, I am nay as pretty as you, nor do I have such a fine, seductive voice.”
“I find your voice most seductive,” he murmured, reaching out to capture her hand in his and kiss it.
“Behave yourself, ye rogue. Beltraine will be jealous.” She patted her mount’s strong neck and stared at Muircraig.
To her eyes the keep looked more than ready to be lived in. That opinion changed little the nearer they got. It looked strong enough to protect those who lived within from both hostile armies and hostile weather. She felt the pinch of hurt and insult and ruefully admitted that she had hoped to find some visual reason for Iain’s neglect. If the keep had been in ruins, she would have had something to excuse him with, thus soothing her feelings. Instead, she found a place that the most exacting could find pride in.
As she rode through the gates she briefly felt an urge to turn around and return to Caraidland. Standing close to Iain was a woman Islaen had hoped never to see again. For a moment, all her fears swamped her but then she found her courage. She was not about to run away as if she was in the wrong. If he was using Muircraig as a trysting spot, then he was the one in the wrong.
“Easy now, lass. That she-wolf’s presence doesnae mean there had been aught going on,” Alexander said softly.
Islaen was not so sure of that. Iain looked rather guilty to her. She fought for calm as she approached her husband, telling herself that Robert would not have allowed anything to happen. A small voice in her mind asked her just what Robert could have done to stop it and she ruthlessly shut it up. She would do Iain the courtesy of believing him innocent until he was proven otherwise. Fixing Lady Mary with a cold look, Islaen decided that she owed that woman no courtesy at all.
Iain stared at his wife in near horror. She had never come to Muircraig of her own accord before. He felt it was the worst piece of luck that she should come now. His mind went blank as he tried to think of an explanation for Lady Mary’s presence. He could all too easily guess what his wife thought, especially when he saw how hard her usually soft eyes had gone. Forcibly, he shook himself free of his shock. It was an awkard situation but there was nothing for him to feel guilty about.
“Islaen,” he murmured and kissed her cheek, fighting to hide how stirred he was by the fresh, clean scent of her, “What has brought ye to Muircraig?”
“I but wished to see what has been done. Greetings, Lady Mary. Ye look weel.”
“As do ye, m’lady.” Mary struggled to hide her fury over this interruption. “I hear ye are now a mother.”
“Aye, m’lady. I dropped the litter near six months past,” Islaen drawled, then grinned when Alexander choked on a laugh.
“How witty,” Mary murmured, then tucked her arm through Iain’s. “Iain was just
about to show me Muircraig.”
“Ye can see it verra weel from here,” Iain muttered as he extracted himself from Lady Mary’s hold, “or mayhaps Robert will escort ye about.” He looked at Islaen’s grinning brother who did nothing to hide a grimace of distaste at the suggestion.
“But, Iain,” Lady Mary pouted, “I came so far just to see you.”
“So did my wife, m’lady.”
The anger Lady Mary could not hide almost made Islaen smile but she scolded herself for such pettiness. She also reminded herself that the ease with which Iain was pushing Lady Mary aside was not really proof of anything. The woman was still a threat and, until she was more secure in her marriage, Islaen felt she would be a fool not to recognize that threat.
She found it difficult not to bombard Iain with questions as he took her around Muircraig. The presence of Lady Mary at Muircraig was but one of the many things she wanted explained. Islaen sensed, however, that direct questioning was not the way to get any answers from Iain. If he wished her to know, he would tell her in his own good time.
“Ye are right, Iain. We should be able to winter in this place,” she said as they returned to the bailey. “Are ye sure ’tis not ready now?” She felt sure it was and that he knew it but was curious about what answer he would give.
“There are still a few things that must be done ere I feel it secure enough for ye and the bairns.”
‘Verra weel said,’ she thought wryly. Iain had clearly learned a lot from the courtiers who sought favor at court. He was pushing her away again, refusing her, yet made it seem as if it were all for her own good. She wished that she had such a skill with words.
Glancing down at his wife, Iain caught a look in her eyes that nearly made him wince. She did not believe him. He could not really blame her. Muircraig was secure and it would be comfortable. The work he did now was but extra strengthening of the defenses and a few slight additions to the living quarters to add to their comfort, ideas he had gathered in France and from foreign visitors to court. They were things that could be done while they lived there with little or no lessening of comfort or safety. He was hiding at Muircraig and he had the distressing feeling that she suspected as much even if she did not know why. He wondered why she did not question him about it for she was usually most forthright.
“’Tis time to eat,” he murmured as he saw the men start to put down their tools. “I fear all we have to offer ye is camp fare.”
“Ye ken weel that I have no complaint about that. Howbeit, mayhaps such a thing will make ye more amiable to what I had planned.”
She was looking at him in a coy, teasing way that made him ache to kiss her even as he wondered when and where she had learned such a trick. “And what is your plan?”
“I have in that pannier ye can see upon Beltraine a fine meal. All the best delicacies of Caraidland and some verra fine wine.”
“There is a feast,” he exclaimed with open anticipation. “Far better than what sets in that pot all the men gather round.”
“Aye, so t’would be almost unkind to dine upon such right afore their eyes. I havenae brought enough to share with all here.”
“We could dine within Muircraig,” he said thoughtfully as he tried to shake the
feeling that he was being gently drawn into a trap.
“On such a fine day? ’Tis not often we have such sun and warmth to enjoy, Iain. I have brought a blanket to spread upon the ground and but a short distance from here is a muckle fine spot with clear water and a carpet of flowers.”
“We shouldnae be off alone,” he murmured, hesitant to refuse her such a treat yet not sure he could resist all the temptations of being alone with her. “MacLennon still lives and but awaits a chance at me, at us.”
Tugging him closer to her horse she pointed out the horn that hung from her saddle. “To call for aid if ’tis needed. The place I saw is near enough to Muircraig that one blast upon this will be heard clearly here yet we will be private.”
“Aye, t’would work an he gives us time.”
“An he falls upon us so quickly and quietly, then all the men here wouldnae be enough protection. Ah, Iain, t’would be so fine. I havenae much time now to enjoy the few fine days the summer brings.”
He sighed for he knew he would go. She was tied to home and hearth by the babes. Somehow she had managed a few hours of freedom and he did not have the heart to deny her simply because he had a fear that he would weaken in his resolve to leave her alone. When he saw Lady Mary moving their way he decided there was another good reason to go. He would rather chance breaking his vows of restraint with Islaen than stay within the reach of the persistent and increasingly annoying Lady Mary.
“Iain, where do ye go?” Lady Mary demanded as he called for his horse to be saddled.
“To dine quietly and privately with my wife, m’lady.”
“But what of me? I am your guest,” she almost hissed.
“There are many here to see to your needs, m’lady. Ones such as Robert, Alexander or Phelan, wherever Phelan has hied to.” He was a little startled when Murdo brought his mount over. “That was quick.”
“Weel, sir, Sir MacDubh said ye’d be wanting him saddled so I had done it afore ye asked.”
Looking at Alexander who simply smiled sweetly, Iain murmured, “I see.”
As Iain helped her mount, Islaen fervently hoped that he did not see. If he did, she was sure he would either stay at Muircraig or thwart all her attempts to put an end to the abstinence that was making her nights much too long. She breathed a sigh of relief when he mounted, then looked at her expectantly. If this plan failed she had but one move left to make and she was loathe to employ such drastic action. With a little smile she led him out of Muircraig.
Islaen spread out the blanket and watched Iain tether the horses. She wondered a little crossly why she had to love that particular man past all reason. If hers had been as so many other marriages were, she would probably find his aloofness and constant absences a blessing. She would find her happiness in running the household and making the greatest use of whatever prestige her marriage had brought her. Instead, she constantly tried to reach his heart and did not seem to know how to stop even though she seemed no closer to him despite so many months of marriage. A person with some sense, she thought crossly, would have given up by now.
Sighing a little as she set out the food she tried to ignore the fact that what she planned would probably solve very little. It might bring him back to her bed but a man in
her bed did not make a marriage, not the sort she craved. She needed his love and she was beginning to wonder if everyone was wrong, if perhaps Iain MacLagan simply had no love to give. It was a thought that chilled her for it made the years that stretched ahead of them look frighteningly barren.
“Did ye leave something behind?” Iain asked as he sat down. “Ye looked mightily upset for a moment.”
“Nay, ’tis all here.” She smiled at him. “I feel certain I have brought all ye favor.”
“Aye, and more than enough of it too. I think ye have some grand ideas about the size of my appetite.”
“Weel, if there is much left o’er,” she murmured as she served him, “ye can keep it at Muircraig to add to your camp fare.”
“An I do, I shall need to keep it weel hid for such as this would tempt the most honest of men to thievery.”
He asked about the children, which did not surprise her but she had to bite back a sigh. It was good that he had such an interest in his offspring but it seemed as if they had little else in common.
She forced away such dismal thoughts. It would be impossible to enact her plan if she grew sad or angry.
Strugging to recall all that Alexander had told her she began to seduce Iain or so she hoped. At any moment she expected him to guess her game and hurry them back to Muircraig. She also worried that he would be totally unmoved, that she would see all too clearly that she had lost his passion. If that was true then she knew she had irrevocably lost.
There was also a look in his eyes on occasion that made her wonder if she was doing it right and it caused her to hesitate a moment to try to recall Alexander’s instructions. As the meal progressed and she seemed to stir little more than confusion in him she grew frustrated. According to Alexander, Iain’s lengthy celibacy should have made him highly susceptible to seduction and success should have come quickly, yet they had already finished the meal and were enjoying the sweet but he had not even kissed her. The only person she seemed to have seduced was herself for she was certainly feeling very warm and eager.
Iain watched his wife closely as she broke off a piece of sweetmeat and fed it to him. It was very nice to lie in the sun and be so waited upon but he felt sure she was up to something. She was constantly touching him, found every opportunity to lean close and brush her body against his. So too was she acting strangely flirtatious. Occasionally, she would hesitate and a cross look would swiftly pass over her face, but then she would renew her apparently unconscious assault upon his starved senses.
He crossed his arms beneath his head to keep himself from grabbing her. The resolve to leave her alone was crumbling swiftly. An urge to hurl her to the blanket and thoroughly ravish her was becoming too much to resist. ‘An I didnae ken her better,’ he mused idly, ‘I would think she was trying to seduce me.’
That idle thought stuck firmly in his mind. She was still innocent, still somewhat unpracticed in the arts of love, yet she had put herself in his bed the last time he had kept himself away from her. The more he watched her the more certain he became that she was trying to seduce him. It was subtle, even hesitant, but it was definitely a seduction.
For a moment he thought about hurriedly collecting up their things and returning to
Muircraig, then hastily sending her on her way back to Caraidland. Then Alexander’s words spun through his mind. Since the birth of their children he and Islaen had been little more than strangers. The fact that she would go to such lengths to draw him back to her if only in passion showed him how little she liked the situation between them. He admitted to himself that he did not like it either.
As she took far too long to clean away what meager crumbs might have stuck to his face, he came to a decision. He had wasted months of their lives and would waste no more. Neither of them gained anything from his faltering attempts to protect them from pain. He was past protecting and she was obviously miserable, caught in a marriage that was really not much of a marriage. All he could do was hope that he was not letting his starved body do his thinking for him.
“Islaen,” he murmured as she gently wiped his mouth, “are ye trying to seduce me?” He smiled when she blushed.
She thought that if he laughed she would definitely strike him. “’Tis so obvious?” she asked softly.
“Nay, I wasnae quite sure at first.” He studied the small face so close to his and ached to kiss her.
“Weel, I was trying not to be too obvious. I wanted ye to think that t’was your idea.”