His Amish Sweetheart (11 page)

Stop it!
he ordered himself.
How many more ways can she make it clear she wants to be friends and nothing more?

“Looking up things in books is as natural to me as breathing,” she said, drawing his attention from her slender fingers to her words. “I saw a bunch of books behind the chairs at your house. Could any of them help you?”

“I never noticed them until the chairs were moved, but I didn't find anything about alpacas.”

“You're welcome to borrow the few I've collected.”

“
Danki
. I—”

“Nathaniel! Esther!
Komm!
” called one of the Huyard boys. He, his younger brother and Jacob raced toward them, their faces alight with excitement.

The boy who'd shouted grabbed Esther's hand, and Jacob and the other boy seized Nathaniel's. Pleading with them to join in the softball game because the
kinder
needed more players, they tugged on the two adults.

She laughed and said, “You want us to play so you can strike me out again, Clarence.”

The older boy grinned. “We'll take it easy on you.”

“No, we won't,” asserted his younger brother. “That wouldn't be fair, and we have to be fair. That's what you always say, Esther.”

“
Ja
, I do. Milo is very, very serious about playing ball,” Esther said with another chuckle as she stood. “Do you want to play, too, Nathaniel?” She held out her hand to him.

For a second, he was transported to the days when the Stoltzfus
kinder
had been his playmates. How many times had Esther stood as she was now, her hand stretched out to him as she asked him to take part in a game or an exploration in the woods or an adventure born from her imagination?

“Of course,” he said as he would have then, but now it was because he wanted to see the excitement remain in her scintillating eyes.

When the two boys grabbed his hands again and pulled him to his feet, he walked with them and Esther to where other
kinder
were choosing teams. Soon the game began with Esther pitching for one side and he for the other. Nobody bothered to keep score as laughter and cheers filled the afternoon air.

One of the girls on his team hit a ball long enough for a home run. When she ran around the bases and to home plate, he held up his hand to give her a high five. Instead she threw her arms around him and hugged him in her excitement.

“This is the best day ever!” she shouted.

“Ja,”
he replied, looking at where Esther was bouncing the ball and getting ready for the next batter. Her smile was warm as she urged her team not to get discouraged. When her gaze focused again on home plate, his eyes caught it and held it. Her expression grew softer as if it were especially for him. More to himself than the girl, he repeated, “
Ja.
It's a
gut
day. The very best day ever.”

Chapter Ten

E
sther had planned to go home from the Huyards' with
Mamm
, but stayed for the evening's singing when
Mamm
insisted she wanted some time to talk with Ezra and Leah about the wedding alone. They were waiting at the house.

“You'll be able to get a ride home with someone else,”
Mamm
said, her eyes twinkling. “The Huyards have invited Jacob to stay with them and their
kinder
tonight, so Nathaniel doesn't have to bring him to school in the morning. Jacob is excited, and Nathaniel can have an evening without worrying about the boy. See how well that's working out?”

“Ja.”
She didn't add anything else. Telling
Mamm
to stop her matchmaking would be rude. Her
mamm
wanted all her
kinder
to be happily married.

She didn't want to be matched with Nathaniel. Right? Why did she keep thinking about riding in his buggy without Jacob sitting between them? The quiet night with only the sound of buggy wheels and horseshoes to intrude, a blanket over their laps to ward off the cold...his arm around her. She could lean her head against his shoulder and listen to his voice echo in his chest as he spoke.

She ejected those too-enticing thoughts from her mind. It'd be better if she just thought about the singing that had already started. From across the yard she could hear voices, which didn't sing as slow as during the church service. Going to a singing was the perfect way to end a church Sunday. As the weather worsened with the coming of winter, many singings would be canceled so people could get home before dark.

The barn doors were thrown wide open. Inside, propane lights set on long tables and on the floor sent bright light in every direction. A trio of tables to one side held snacks. Most of the singers had chosen a place on either side of the long tables. Couples who were walking out together sat across from each other so they could flirt during the songs.

Esther paused outside the crescent of light by the doorway, not wanting to intrude on the song. She wrapped her arms around herself as the breeze blew a chill across her skin.

“Are you going in or not?” asked Nathaniel as he stopped next to her.

“I could ask you the same thing.”

“
Ja
, you could. They don't need me croaking like a dying frog in time with the music.” He rubbed his right shoulder and grinned. “I'm not sure I want to show off how throwing a ball the whole afternoon for the
kinder
has left my shoulder aching.”

“Only
half
the afternoon,” she replied, wagging her finger. “The other half I was throwing the ball.”

“You look as fresh as if you'd gotten a
gut
night's sleep. Don't rub it in.”

She closed her eyes as the voices swelled out of the barn and surrounded them with “Amazing Grace.” It was one of her favorite songs.

“You look pensive. Singings are supposed to be fun.” He leaned against the wall by the door.

“Just listening,” she said quietly. “A joyous noise unto the Lord.”

“The hundredth psalm.”

She nodded. “One of my
mamm
's favorite verses, and whenever she reads it aloud, I imagine a grand parade entering the Lord's presence, everyone joyous and filled with music they couldn't keep inside.”

“I know what you mean.”

He did. He almost always had understood her without long explanations. Not once had he tried to make her into something she wasn't. When she looked at him, his face was half-lit by the lamps in the barn. His eyes burned through her, searing her with sweetness. He moved toward her.

She held her breath. His face neared hers, and she closed her eyes. Had time slowed to a crawl? What other explanation was there for his lips taking so long to reach hers? Her hands began to move toward his shoulders when someone stepped out of the barn and called to her.

Micah. If her brother discovered her about to kiss Nathaniel, she'd hear no end to the teasing.

Her eyes popped open. Nathaniel wasn't slanting toward her. Had she only imagined he intended to kiss her? Especially in such a public place with many witnesses? Perhaps she'd imagined his intentions in the attic, too.

As the song came to an end, Micah called, “Why are you loitering out here? The more the merrier.” With a wave of his arm, he went inside.

Nathaniel glanced into the barn as dozens of conversations began among the singers. “Shall we go in? You can sing, and I can croak.”

He must not have noticed her silly anticipation of his kiss. Doing her best to laugh at his jest, she walked in with him. The singers rose to help themselves to the cider and lemonade waiting among the snacks. In the busy crowd, she was separated from Nathaniel.

Esther thanked someone who handed her a cup of cider. She didn't notice who it was as she looked for Nathaniel. Not seeing him, she let herself get drawn into a conversation with Neva, Celeste Barkman and Katie Kay Lapp, the bishop's daughter. She realized Celeste and Katie Kay were peppering Neva with questions about Nathaniel.

“I don't know,” her assistant teacher said in a tone that suggested she'd repeated the same words over and over. “Ask Esther. She's spent more time with Nathaniel and Jacob than I have.”

The two young women whirled to Esther. She couldn't miss the relief on Neva's face. Katie Kay and Celeste were known as
blabbermauls
, and both of them fired a question at Esther. They exchanged a glance, then looked at her again...and both at the same time again.

Esther tried not to smile at the exasperated look they shot each other. Before they could speak a third time, someone clapped his hands and called for everyone to take a seat.

As the others rushed to the table, she drained the cup and put it beside others on a tray that would be returned to the kitchen later. She realized her mistake when she turned and saw Nathaniel at the far end with Katie Kay across from him and Celeste to his left. Katie Kay giggled as if what he'd said was the funniest thing she'd ever heard.

I doubt he's talking about alpacas with her.
The ill-mannered thought burst through Esther's mind before she could halt it. Why was she acting oddly? Friendship was all she'd told Nathaniel they should share. It
was
all she wanted. Right? Right! If she ever offered her heart again, the man would be stolid and settled with the quiet dignity her
daed
had possessed. Watching Katie Kay flirt with Nathaniel made Esther's stomach cramp, as if she'd eaten too many green apples.

She looked away and saw her brother Micah leaning against some bales of hay by the snack tables. His arms were crossed in front of his chest and his face was blank. Except for his eyes. They narrowed slightly when Katie Kay giggled again at something Nathaniel said.

Esther had suspected for several months that her brother had a crush on the bishop's daughter, though, as far as she knew, Micah had never asked Katie Kay if he could drive her home from a singing. It wasn't easy to think of her jovial, outgoing brother as shy, but he was around the tall blonde. That, as much as anything, told her how much he liked Katie Kay.

Now the girl he liked was flirting openly with Nathaniel, his
gut
friend.

Walking over to him, Esther said, “Micah, if—”

“Everything is fine,” he retorted sharply. “I want to stand over here. Okay?”

“Okay.” She wasn't going to argue with him when she could see how distressed he was. “Do you mind if I stand here, too?”

“Ja.”

His answer surprised her, but she simply nodded before she took one of the last empty seats at the table. It was on the end of a bench with nobody sitting across from her. She smiled at the people sitting near her and joined in the singing as each new song was chosen. Her eyes swiveled from Nathaniel to Micah and back. Her brother was growing more dismayed, but Nathaniel was grinning as if he were having the best night of his life.

When the last song was sung, the pitchers were empty and the last cookie was gone, the participants stood. Some, including Esther, carried empty plates and cups to the house. The men hooked their horses to their buggies and waited for the girls who'd agreed to ride home with them. Though nobody was supposed to take note of who rode with whom, Esther knew hers weren't the only eyes noticing how Katie Kay claimed a spot in Nathaniel's buggy before he gave the command to his horse to start. Certainly Celeste saw, because she pouted for a moment before setting her sights on someone else. Soon she was perched on a seat and heading down the farm lane toward the main road, as well.

Esther stood by the barn door and watched the buggies roll away. Several of the men had mentioned how much their younger sisters and brothers had enjoyed playing ball with her, but not one asked if she needed a ride home.

Even Nathaniel, it seemed. She'd thought—twice—he was about to kiss her, but now he drove away with another girl.
Don't blame him for your overactive imagination.
She sighed, knowing her conscience was right.

“It looks as if we both struck out tonight.” Micah jammed his hands into his pockets and frowned in the direction of the departing buggies. “I figured you'd ride home with Nathaniel.”

“He didn't ask me.” The words burst out of her before she could halt them.

“Oh.” Micah put his arm around her shoulders and gave them a squeeze. “Let's go home.”

She nodded, not trusting her voice.

* * *

The next evening, Esther was putting a casserole in the oven when the door opened. As she straightened, Leah Beiler entered. Leah wore a kerchief over her hair, and like Esther, her feet were bare. Her dress was black because she was still in mourning for her brother who'd died earlier in the year, but her eyes glistened with happiness. That, as much as the fact that Ezra was always whistling a cheerful tune, had been signs of how they'd fallen in love again after years apart, separated by miles and misunderstandings.

Would Esther offer her heart again to Alvin Lee if she had the chance? No! Not even if he put an end to his wild life and made a commitment to live according to the rules of the
Ordnung
. He needed to care about something other than drinking and racing. He must start looking toward the future.

As Nathaniel clearly was, because he'd asked Katie Kay to ride home with him. She shouldn't be bothered, but she was. Pretending she wasn't was lying to herself.

Help me remember what's best for both of us
, she prayed.

She put a smile on her face. “Perfect timing, Leah. I can't make any other preparations for supper until after the casserole has cooked for half an hour. Would you like something to drink?”

“Do you have lemonade or cider?” asked Leah. “It's too hot for anything else.”

“I know.” Esther opened the fridge and took out a pitcher of cool cider. Moisture immediately formed on its sides and around the bottom when she set it on the counter. “It feels more like August than October.”

Leah took two glasses out of the cupboard and picked up the pitcher, then gave Esther a shy smile because she'd acted as if she already lived in the farmhouse.

With a laugh, Esther asked, “If you hold that pitcher all afternoon, the cider will get warm.”

“Oh,
ja
.” Leah poured two glasses before handing Esther the pitcher.

She put it in the fridge. “Let's sit on the porch. Maybe there's a breath of air out there.” She gave Leah another teasing grin. “And who knows? You might catch sight of your future husband.”

“I like how you think.”

Esther kept her smile in place by exerting all her willpower. If Leah had any idea of the course of Esther's endless circle of thoughts about Nathaniel and Katie Kay, she'd know Esther's teasing was only an act.

They sat on the porch and sipped their drinks. Few insects could be seen in the wake of overnight frosts the previous week, so there were no distractions as the sun fell slowly toward the western horizon.

Leah put her emptied glass on the floor by her chair. “Would you be one of my
Newehockers
? Unless Ezra has already asked you.”

“He hasn't, and I'd be honored.” The four attendants to the bride and groom needed to be available throughout the wedding day to help with everything from emotional support to running errands.

“Gut!”
Leah's smile became bashful. “I can't believe this is finally happening.”

“I can. Ezra never looked at another girl until you came back.”

Leah flushed. “You shouldn't say such things.”

“I'm only being honest.”

“Esther, will you be as honest when I ask you what I have to ask you?”

“I'm always honest.”

“Except when you think you might hurt someone's feelings with the truth. Don't deny it. I've seen you skirt the truth, though I've never heard you lie.” She looked steadily at Esther. “Tell me the truth. Are you going to be okay with me taking over the household chores?” Before Esther could answer, Leah hurried on, “I know you've been in charge of the household since Wanda moved into the
dawdi
haus
. Your brothers tell me what a
gut
job you've been doing.”

“I'll be more than okay with you taking over the house.”

“I'm glad that's cleared up. I didn't want to step on your toes.”

She took Leah's hand and squeezed it. “Please feel free to step on my toes. I'll be glad to hand over anything you prefer to do yourself. It'll give me more time to focus on my scholars.”

“How are the lessons going?”

“What do you mean?” she asked.

Leah's twinkling eyes warned she wasn't talking about school. She laughed. “Just teasing. How's Nathaniel doing with learning to take care of his alpacas?”