Authors: Astrid Yrigollen
“You are special Fredrick and you will have more than I ever did.”
“Yes father, I will never forget what you have taught me.” Fredrick stood up but his father grabbed his hand for one final word.
“Do not forget your parents, but forget the hate that brought you here. Living well is the best revenge my son.”
That was the last thing that Fredrick heard from his father before he closed his eyes forever.
Fredrick was a man now, torn in two. If it wasn’t for his father telling him as a child that people, normal people did not live deep underground under such conditions, Fredrick would have not known anything was wrong. As a child he had lamented the fact that he did not have wings like his father. As he grew into a teenager in those tunnels he soon learned why they were there, confined to the darkness of the earth. He could not fully comprehend what greed was and how it was greed that forced them into slavery. He heard the venom in his father’s voice when he explained about Maidstone Industries and what they had done to his family. As time went on, this venom slowly poisoned Fredrick. By the time Fredrick’s father lay dying and realized it was a mistake to spend your life hating, it was already too late. Fredrick grew to hate Maidstone Industries and the shadowy figures that stood behind it. He began to formulate his plan as soon as he stepped out in the fresh air for the first time ever. Fredrick’s only problem was he viewed Maidstone Industries in mythical proportions. A large company with seemingly unlimited resources, controlling lives, what chance would he, an uneducated boy, have to go against it?
For the time being, Fredrick had to simply survive in this new world without anyone knowing where he came from. His father let him know that if the Grand Council found out that any of the workers had escaped, they would kill him. His best defense against them was they did not know he had ever been born in the mines. Young Fredrick being a strong and hard worker, quickly found work as a laborer at a milling company. Storing, hauling and delivering sacks of wheat, rice and millet, his job was just the outlet he needed for the strong emotions he dealt with every day. Every night Fredrick would fall in to bed with aching muscles, too spent to dream.
The outside men who did the heavy work were coarse and heavy handed with the young man. Fredrick being brought up in a gentler manner, stayed away from them as much as he could. His employer, Sutton, was a generous man who had no son of his own, only daughters. Sutton noticed that Fredrick was different from the other laborers. He took the young Fredrick under his wing and allowed him to stay on the business premises in the old miller’s cottage. He himself lived with his family a mile down the road.
Eventually, Fredrick under the tutelage of Sutton, came to know the milling business in an intimate way. He was taught from the ground up, much to the chagrin of the other clerks who worked in the offices of the Sutton Milling Company. They resented seeing this “
uneducated house rat come from the threshing floor into their clean offices and learn the ledgers by none other the Mr. Sutton himself
.” Fredrick had overheard the older men express their opinions of him in loud voices but he did not care. He may have not gone to school but he was quick witted enough to see a good opportunity when it presented itself to him. His days of work got longer as, instead of turning in for the night, he would head up to the offices where Mr. Sutton would stay behind working on expense reports, invoices and other filing work. The months turned into years and soon Fredrick found himself working solely in the offices of Sutton Milling Company, as well as a frequent guest in the home of the Suttons.
Fredrick found his solitary life adequate but not ideal, until he found himself falling in love with Sutton’s youngest daughter, Emrah, who was a year younger than himself. Their friendship blossomed steadily as did Fredrick’s business knowledge. While the elder Sutton was content with Fredrick as an employee and dinner guest, Fredrick was unsure of how he would feel about him as a match for his youngest daughter. He had no family, no name or property and everything he did have, was earned from Sutton himself. Fredrick applied himself diligently to the business and was given even more responsibilities at Sutton Milling Company, yet his co workers were always there in the background grumbling at his rise up the ladder.
On his twenty-third birthday he spoke to Emrah privately. Even though he felt as though she was as fond of him as he was of her, he needed to be sure. Fredrick was a confident young man and stated his feelings, his purpose and goals matter of factly to Emrah. She, being of a sweet and earnest disposition, smiled serenely as she listened to her beloved. He wanted to marry her and make her happy but he wanted to be able to provide for her as she deserved. His one thought would be to work harder and in two years build her a house where they could raise a family. He noted her smile lessen a bit when he mentioned two years, but he felt that was the time he needed and in the long run it would be better to start their lives in a home of their own.
“I bring this up to you first Emrah, because if you return my feelings, then we can set a date, two years from now and we can both go to your father and ask for his blessing.” Fredrick hoped his voice did not tremble as he voiced his wishes. Emrah being of an affectionate nature simply sprang up from where she sat and wrapped her thin arms around Fredrick’s neck and pressed her cheek to his.
“I have waited so long to hear you say something, anything, to let me know that you cared for me Fredrick. You always hold yourself so aloof and focused, I never know what you are thinking.” She now looked deep in to his eyes and he could see the love he felt for her reflected back at him.
“Then we will marry in two years.” Fredrick said and tenderly kissed his fiancée. For the first time since he had been out of the mines, he was happy. With a promising career in front of him and the prospect of marriage to Emrah, he was content. The old nagging feelings of resentment for Maidstone Industries had been buried.
When the engagement was announced, there was great excitement in the Sutton house. Emrah’s family loved Fredrick like a son and brother and he was much welcomed to make a legal tie with the Suttons. At first, the elder Sutton did not understand why Fredrick wanted such a long engagement but when he learned of the young man’s reasons, he was pleased beyond reason. The older man gave a heartwarming speech at the wedding banquet when finally, two years to the day rolled around.
“That is the proper way for a young man to start out his life. I have felt as a Father to Fredrick ever since he came to me seeking employment when he was a teenager. I have watched him grow and learn like any other man of privilege that has graduated from a Gentlemen’s academy.” Sutton continued to sing Fredrick’s praises much to the disappointment of Fredrick’s co workers who shifted uncomfortably in their seats.
“Even though Fredrick could have asked for Emrah’s hand in marriage and set a date for soon after, he wanted to postpone it. Not because of any love lacking on his part for Emrah, but because of an abundance of it. He has worked hard for several years, living frugally, not given to vice or bouts of anger and saved his money. When he came to me for permission to marry my daughter, he expressed his desire to dedicate the next two years of the engagement to even more hard work and saving so that he could build her a grand house, one that would be what she deserved.” He turned towards Fredrick in a now apologetic manner.
“Yes, I know very well how you spent your weeknights alone after a hard day’s work. I know you were dedicated solely to the mill, until you fell in love with Emrah that is. I know how, after you were engaged, how you spent your weekends meeting with contractors and calculating costs for building materials. All for the home you would build my daughter. I know all these things because I was curious about you Fredrick and wanted to make sure you were the right sort of man to welcome in to my family. The fact is, I secretly hoped you would want to join our family, no matter which daughter you chose!” The wedding party laughed at this but understood well the sentiments.
The young couple settled in to married life easily and happily after a long honeymoon. Emrah’s older sisters viewed their marriage regrettably with some jealousy. After all, they were older and should have the right to marry first shouldn’t they? Emrah’s older sisters were quickly married off to two of Fredrick’s not as young, less promising co workers, the very ones who complained that Fredrick was smooching his way up the ladder to gain control of the Sutton Milling Company. These two marriages even though proving depressed and bitter, produced offspring quickly.
Months passed with gentle chidings finding their way to Fredrick and Emrah’s ears about children. The months turned into years but the queries did not cease. The young Lowoods always managed a faint smile when handling questions about children.
Did they not want children?
Didn’t they agree it was better to have children when one is young?
The young couple took solace in their own love for one another and wanted children as much as any happy couple would, but the pregnancies would not come to full term. Emrah suffered three miscarriages in three years and finally could not bear to bring up the subject of children again. The Sutton family was sad for their youngest daughter, but by this time had other grandchildren now in the fold that demanded attention. When his wife became pregnant again Fredrick was gripped with a sort of paralyzing fear and realization that he no longer wanted children. He could not bear the thought of his beloved Emrah going through another pregnancy and being devastated by its lack of fruit. Her health was now a constant concern for him and he felt that nothing was worth the risk of her health. A creeping doubt lingered in his mind, that perhaps it was his own tainted seed that was lacking the genetic means to become a full human baby. For nine months Fredrick lived on pins and needles, always making sure of his wife’s comfort and hiring a full time caretaker for her.
Their daughter arrived on a summer evening with no pain for the mother. The birth was easy and painless and produced a beautiful, perfect daughter. The joy in the Lowood house was immeasurable and even the elder Sutton was roused again to make another heartfelt speech at the baby shower that was now safe to be given. A month went by and tears of happiness that were shed by the Suttons and young Lowoods turned into tears of grief. The infant died the day before they were able to take her to the local court for birth registry.
Emrah’s family now retreated from the young couple, perhaps not knowing how to deal with this new tragedy. Fredrick took time off of work to act as nurse to his wife. He could not understand how such a cruel blow could have been dealt to them once more. Having held his baby daughter in his arms, kissing her warm soft head and smelling her baby smells, his heart overflowed with love and happiness. Now, only an empty crib and forlorn stuffed toys remained of all that was their baby daughter. They resisted the urge to withdraw from one another and instead clung together and shared their grief with long nights of weeping.
After a time, the storm of emotions cleared and Fredrick and Emrah were able to continue life, resigned not to have any more children. While they would never be truly whole again since having to put a part of them in to the cemetery, they realized they had to be strong and continue on with life. It was their love that brought them together and brought a daughter in to this world and while their baby was gone, their love for one another remained. They discussed procedures that would keep them from becoming pregnant again, a special concern since Emrah had grown much weaker since the last pregnancy.
Fredrick was disappointed with the Sutton family’s lack of emotional support through these last few years. They were simply caught up in their own families, but Fredrick felt as though somehow they ranked low on the families’ totem pole because they had no children. The chasm between the Lowoods and the Suttons grew wider as time passed after the funeral. When Emrah for the final time, became pregnant, the couple withdrew from her family even more. They kept the pregnancy a secret from the Sutton family, as well as Etrigan’s successful birth.
When Etrigan was born he was delivered at home and again the birth was painless and easy. Emrah smiled at her son and husband, not believing that she had carried another baby to term. She pushed away her secret fears that would grip her tightly for the next few months and dedicated herself to making sure that this baby lived.
Fredrick was cautiously hopeful that this baby would survive, even though there were two faint splotches on the baby’s back that the Doctor said were birthmarks. When the baby reached two months old, Emrah still did not want to take him to get registered. Fredrick took clandestine trips into to the city to purchase baby clothes and supplies. He could not risk his in-laws seeing him at the local baby shop. Months passed and Emrah still refused to show Etrigan off to her parents or sisters, which Fredrick knew would only make it more difficult to explain his sudden appearance when Emrah changed her mind.
Etrigan proved to be a calm baby of a sweet disposition that grew stronger each day to the delight of both his parents. While Emrah’s health was still very delicate, it buoyed her spirits to see her son thriving. Even when the splotches on his back became red and irritated, she insisted on treating them with home remedies instead of taking him to the Doctor, so confident of her sons great health. Fredrick however was fearful, he recalled other children in the mine being born with the same red splotches. He knew that there was a chance those red splotches would fester, then break forth with wings, and his child would die. Or his child could have been born without the splotches and still die like his daughter. Fredrick felt powerless to protect his family, his son from his own genetic makeup and his wife from possible grief. According to his father, Fredrick himself did not have the red splotches on his back when he was born, thereby making him more of an interest to the Maidstone laboratories. Fredrick took to watching his small son with a mixture of curiosity and dread. Emrah’s presence gave him some sense of normalcy as if everything would continue on as it were, his son in good health and his wife stable. On days like this however, when he was left on his own without Emrah, he felt the anxiety creep slowly up the back of his neck to grasp his thoughts in their negative grip. Today Emrah had gone to visit the Suttons since they no longer visited the Lowood home. The elder Sutton had since retired, leaving the care of the Sutton Milling Company spilt between Fredrick and his two coworkers that had married his sister in laws.