His Christmas Virgin (12 page)

She and Jonas had made beautiful and erotic love to each other. At least…it was love on Mac's side. She doubted Jonas's feelings went any further than lust.

It just seemed too much to now learn that she had been terrorised this past week by another woman suffering from that same unrequited love for him!

Mac accepted that it wasn't his fault. Jonas had made it clear from the beginning that he didn't even believe in love, let alone a committed relationship, and so it wasn't his fault if the women he met were stupid enough to fall in love with him.

But that didn't mean Mac couldn't feel a little angry and resentful about it! ‘You had better go,' she said distantly.

Jonas knew he had to go. That he should drive to the police station where they had taken Yvonne and try to make some sort of sense out of this ludicrous situation. He would just prefer not to leave things so strained between himself and Mac.

‘I'll come back later—'

‘I would prefer it if you didn't,' Mac cut in firmly. ‘We have nothing else to say to each other, Jonas,' she reasoned as a scowl creased his brow.

‘Don't you even want to know what's going to happen to Yvonne?' he asked tonelessly.

She shrugged. ‘I'm sure the police will inform me if I need to be involved any further.'

In other words, Jonas realised darkly, Mac considered her ‘involvement' with him to be at an end.

Like hell it was!

He reached out and gripped the tops of her arms. ‘I'm coming back later, Mac,' he insisted determinedly. ‘If nothing else, you and I need to talk about this evening—'

‘There's nothing else to say.' Mac wrenched out of his grasp, her cheeks fiery red. Whether in temper or embarrassment, Jonas wasn't sure. ‘I'm grateful for the experience, of course, but I certainly don't want to have a post-mortem about it!'

Temper, Jonas acknowledged. Maybe tinged with a little embarrassment…

He should just cut his losses. Take the opportunity Mac was giving him to extricate himself from this situation with a little grace allowed to remain on both sides.

Yet looking at her he couldn't help but remember how he had kissed her. Touched her. Pleasured her. Just as she had kissed and touched and pleasured him.

‘I'm coming back later,' he repeated firmly.

‘I'm going to bed as soon as I've locked up behind you and cleared away,' she argued just as stubbornly.

Jonas's mouth twisted. ‘Then you'll just have to get out of bed and unlock the door and let me in again, won't you?'

Her mouth compressed. ‘Don't you understand that I don't want you here, Jonas?'

‘I would have to be pretty stupid not to realise that when you've said it three times in as many minutes,' he commented.

Mac had never felt so—so frustrated, so irritated with anyone in her life before. ‘Isn't finding out one woman is in love with you enough for one evening?' she shot back.

‘Low blow, Mac,' Jonas muttered between clenched teeth, his face paling one more.

It was a low blow. Not only that, it was spiteful when Jonas's shock earlier at learning of his PA's feelings for him had been self-evident. ‘Sorry,' she murmured uncomfortably. ‘I'm just not sure you should come back here later.'

‘Why not?'

Mac moved away restlessly. ‘Frankly, I find this whole situation embarrassing,' she admitted. ‘I— We—Earlier—' She shook her head. ‘Maybe you're used to these situations, Jonas, but I'm not.' And she never would be. Not if the cringing awkwardness she now felt with Jonas was any indication of how traumatic it was to be in the company of a man you had been intimate with. A man you were in love with but who didn't, and never would, love you back…

It was no good telling herself how stupid it was to have allowed her emotions to become involved with a man like Jonas. No good at all when she knew herself to be deeply, irrevocably, in love with him. In the circumstances, her only option had to be never to see him again!

‘I really can't take any more tonight, Jonas,' she told him with quiet conviction. ‘I just want to go to bed, fall asleep, and hope that when I wake up in the morning I'll find that this whole evening has been just a nightmare.'

Jonas had never heard any woman describe making love with him as a nightmare before, but there had been so many firsts for him with Mac already, why not add that one to the list?

His mouth firmed. ‘I'm not quite sure what you're referring to by “these situations”,' he said. ‘However,
I do accept—for now—that you feel you want some time alone.' He ran a hand impatiently through the dark thickness of his hair. ‘If it's any consolation, this evening didn't turn out the way I expected it to, either.'

Mac gave a humourless smile. ‘Nothing ever seems to turn out as “expected” between the two of us.' The fact that she had met the owner of Buchanan Construction at all, let alone made love with him, certainly shouldn't have happened.

‘No,' Jonas acknowledged heavily as he studied her for several long minutes before turning sharply and walking over to the door. ‘I'll ring you tomorrow.'

Jonas could ring all he wanted; Mac had already decided she wasn't going to be here.

No doubt her parents were going to think it a little odd when she turned up in Devon again so soon after her last visit, but what choice did she have? She couldn't stay in London after tonight. Well…she could. If she wanted to have another embarrassing conversation with Jonas like this last one!

‘Fine.'

Jonas's eyes narrowed suspiciously on her suddenly expressionless face. ‘What aren't you telling me, Mac?'

She gave a brittle laugh. ‘Nothing you want to hear, I assure you!'

Jonas continued to look across at her in utter frustration. Would he still be leaving like this if they hadn't heard the sound of glass breaking downstairs, if he hadn't discovered that it was one of his own employees causing the damage to Mac's property, scaring the hell out of her in the process, and if he didn't now have to go to the local police station and sort the mess out? If
none of that had happened, would he now be joining Mac in her bed, or would he have left anyway?

It had certainly been his intention to leave before any of those things happened. For him to get as far away from her disturbing presence as possible. Now the only thing he wanted to do was crawl into bed with her and make love to her all over again. Which, in itself, was reason enough for him to get the hell out of here!

‘Make sure you bolt and lock the door behind me,' he advised gruffly.

Mac waited only long enough for Jonas to close the door behind him before quickly crossing the room and doing exactly that, to then turn and lean weakly back against it as her legs threatened to buckle beneath her.

She
had
fallen in love with Jonas Buchanan.

A man who would never love her because he had no time for the emotion.

What was she going to do?

A
S IT
turned out, M
AC
wasn't able to leave London the following morning as planned, after all.

The telephone rang for the first time just after eight o'clock. Fearing, as promised, that it might be Jonas, Mac reluctantly answered the call, immensely relieved when it turned out to be the police asking if she would come down to the police station this morning so that they might talk to her.

Mac was only too happy to agree—the thought of not being at the warehouse to take Jonas's call, or at home if he actually came to the warehouse in person, was definitely an appealing one.

When she received a second telephone call a few minutes later, from Jeremy this time, asking her if she could call round to the gallery in the afternoon and meet a gallery owner from America who was interested in showing some of her work over there, she was only too happy to have an excuse not to be at the warehouse in the afternoon too.

Besides, the request from the police was one that Mac couldn't avoid or simply ignore, and the one from Jeremy was one she didn't want to avoid or ignore. The possibility of taking her work to America, too, would be a dream come true for her.

Consequently, Mac was forced to remain in London even though it was the last place she wanted to be. Forced to remain, perhaps, but at the same time given two legitimate reasons to avoid speaking to or seeing Jonas while she was here.

At least, until she returned to the warehouse at six o'clock that evening and once again found him sitting waiting for her at the bottom of the metal staircase leading up to her home!

Jonas stood up slowly as Mac came to a brief halt before she resumed walking cautiously towards him, her crash helmet tucked under her arm and her hair shaken loose about her leather-clad shoulders. ‘You're a difficult woman to track down,' he commented ruefully.

She shrugged those narrow shoulders as she came to a halt in front of him. ‘Is this something important, Jonas, or can it wait until another time? I'm rather busy this evening.'

Jonas's mouth thinned at her dismissive tone. He had spent hours at the police station the previous night, talking, explaining, in the hope of avoiding having the situation go any further than it already had. But it had taken until lunchtime today for the police to telephone and inform him they were prepared not to proceed any further with the case as long as Yvonne sought professional help for her behaviour. At the same time making it clear to him that Mac's refusal to press charges concerning the damage to her property had helped them to make that decision.

Trying to speak to Mac and thank her for her intervention had proved more difficult. She hadn't answered any of Jonas's telephone calls. She hadn't been at home when he'd called round earlier this afternoon. When he'd called at the warehouse a second time about an
hour ago, and found she still wasn't at home, Jonas had just decided to sit and wait for her.

‘Busy doing what?' he grated harshly.

Her eyes narrowed. ‘I don't believe that is any of your business, do you?'

The fact that Mac now made no effort to walk up the steps and go into the warehouse indicated she had no intention of inviting him inside. ‘It's too cold to stand out here talking.' The cold vapour on his breath gave truth to that statement.

Her chin rose stubbornly. ‘I didn't invite you here, Jonas.'

He reached out and took a light hold of her arm. ‘Perhaps not, but now that I
am
here you could be polite and invite me inside.'

Mac eyed him impatiently. ‘Why change things now?'

Jonas gave her a humourless smile. ‘Meaning we've never particularly bothered being polite to each other before?'

‘Exactly!' she said. ‘I really do need to shower and change, Jonas.'

‘You're going out this evening?'

‘Not that it's any of your business, but yes, I'm going out,' she snapped.

Jonas felt his hands clench in the pockets of his long woollen overcoat. ‘With whom?'

‘That's none of your business, either!' Grey eyes glittered with temper.

His jaw tightened warningly. ‘I believe what we did last night made it my business.'

Mac tensed indignantly. ‘Like hell it did!' She glared up at Jonas, so angry she could have hit him. ‘Last night was a mistake from start to finish. The finish obviously
being the revelation that it was your own PA who was vandalising my home and property!'

Jonas scowled darkly. ‘You're holding
me
responsible for that?'

‘Who else?' Mac came back heatedly, knowing she wasn't being completely fair in that accusation, but feeling too unnerved by finding him here waiting for her to even try to rationalise or calm the situation down. ‘There's bound to be some sort of reaction when you play games with people's emotions—'

‘I've already told you I've never so much as said a word out of place to Yvonne!' A nerve pulsed in his jaw. ‘As far as I'm concerned, she has only ever been my PA, never my mistress, and—'

‘Jonas, I don't care what your relationship was with Yvonne Richards.' Mac smiled insincerely. ‘I'm just relieved to have the whole sorry mess over and done with.'

His nostrils flared. ‘You're including our own relationship in that statement?'

‘We don't
have
a relationship, Jonas,' she said flatly.

‘Last night—'

‘We had sex,' Mac finished coolly. ‘Interesting experience, but, as I told you at the time, one I'm in no particular hurry to repeat!'

Jonas eyed her frustratedly. He had sought her out today with the sole intention of thanking her for her help in regards to the situation with Yvonne, and then leaving without making any further arrangements to ever see or be with her again. That she was making it more than obvious she was just as anxious to be rid of him definitely rankled.

Which was pretty stupid of him! ‘I just wanted to thank you for your help with Yvonne,' he explained.

‘You could have done that over the telephone.'

‘I wanted to thank you personally.' His eyes glittered. ‘Besides, you weren't answering your phone.'

‘I've been out all day.'

‘Obviously.' Jonas looked at her broodingly as she made no answer, knowing he should leave, and that Mac herself was giving him the perfect opportunity to do exactly that. Except… ‘So, are you going out anywhere interesting this evening?' he prompted lightly.

Her eyes narrowed. ‘As I believe I've already told you—I'm not answerable to you for any of my actions, Jonas.'

No, and he had never wanted that from any woman, either. Had never asked for exclusivity from any of the women he had dated in the past. But just the thought of Mac going out with another man was enough to cause a red tide of—of what? What emotion was it that was driving him at this moment? Making it necessary for him to know whom she was seeing this evening?

He straightened. ‘I'll leave you to get ready for your evening out then,' he bit out, tersely.

Mac's anger and resentment faded as she looked up at Jonas searchingly and acknowledged the finality she could hear in his tone. ‘So this is finally goodbye, then?'

His mouth tightened. ‘Only if you want it to be.'

Mac's eyes widened. ‘If
I
want it to be?'

He shrugged. ‘There's no reason why the two of us shouldn't continue to see each other.'

Not for Jonas, perhaps, but for Mac it would be excruciating to see him, be with him as she longed to be, and know that she loved him while all he felt for her was
desire. Knowing that once Jonas had completely sated that desire their relationship would come to an end. As all Jonas's other relationships had ended.

No, Mac's pride wouldn't allow her to take the little that he had to give for as long as he chose to give it. Even if her heart squeezed painfully in her chest at the very idea of never seeing or being with him again…

‘Until you got tired of me, you mean?' she guessed shrewdly.

He gave her a half-smile. ‘Or you tired of me.'

As if that was ever going to happen!

Mac had waited the whole of her twenty-seven years to meet the man she could love. That she
did
love. It was her misfortune that man happened to be Jonas. A man who didn't even believe in love, let alone in a happy-ever-after forever!

‘I don't think so, thank you, Jonas,' she refused dryly.

He scowled darkly. ‘Why the hell not?'

Mac shook her head. ‘What would be the point? You have your life and I have mine, and the two have absolutely nothing in common.'

Jonas's jaw was clenched. ‘Except we want each other!'

Mac smiled sadly. ‘Wanting something doesn't mean it's good for you.'

His scowl deepened. ‘What the hell does that mean?'

She gave a rueful grimace. ‘It means that I know how much I enjoy chocolate, while at the same time accepting that eating too much of it wouldn't be good for me.'

‘You're comparing a relationship with me to eating chocolate?'

‘It was just an example, Jonas,' she said. ‘What I'm really saying is that ultimately the two of us wouldn't be good for each other.'

‘We
are
good together,' he contradicted, his voice lowering huskily.

‘I said we
wouldn't
be good for each other,' Mac reiterated clearly.

Jonas frowned. ‘You can't possibly know that.'

Mac gave a humourless smile. ‘Inwardly we both know it, Jonas.'

Yes, inwardly he did know it. Just as he knew Mac was everything that he had always avoided in the women he became involved with. Physically inexperienced and vulnerable. Family orientated. Warm. Emotional.

Most of all emotional!

In essence she represented everything that Jonas didn't want in his own life.

Yet at the same time, she was everything he
did
want…

He shifted uncomfortably. ‘Admittedly, I can't give you romance and flowers, but—'

‘I don't remember ever saying I wanted romance and flowers from you!' she cut in indignantly.

Jonas eyed her intently. ‘Then what
do
you want, Mac?' he asked bluntly.

‘From you?' she asked shortly. ‘Nothing.'

‘I doubt you would be this…angry, if it was nothing,' Jonas drawled ruefully.

‘I'm not in the least angry, Jonas.' Mac sighed. ‘At least, not with you.'

‘Then who?'

She shook her head. ‘You wouldn't understand.'

‘Try me,' he invited huskily.

Mac gave a huff of laughter. ‘We simply don't look at things the same way, Jonas.'

‘Concerning what exactly?'

She almost smiled at the sudden wariness in his expression.

‘Concerning everything that matters,' she elaborated. ‘I don't need that romance and flowers that you mentioned but I do want my relationships to matter.
I
want to matter!'

‘Didn't our lovemaking last night prove that you matter?' he asked.

Mac gave him a pitying glance. ‘Last night proved only that you're physically attracted to me.'

‘Don't all relationships start that way?'

‘All
your
relationships certainly start
and
end that way! As any relationship with me would too,' she added quietly.

‘You can't know that—'

‘We both know that, Jonas,' she said wearily.

He couldn't let this go. ‘You're making assumptions—'

‘I'm being realistic,' Mac corrected firmly. ‘I really don't want to have an affair with you, Jonas,' she stated honestly.

His mouth twisted. ‘Why don't you just come right out and say that you're holding out for the whole package? Love and romance, followed by marriage?'

Mac felt the warmth in her cheek. ‘I'm “holding out”, as you put it, for exactly what you said I should hold out for last week—the right man to come along.'

‘And obviously that isn't me!'

She swallowed down the sick feeling that had risen in her throat. ‘Obviously, that isn't you. Don't you see, Jonas, you've allowed your childhood experiences to
colour the rest of your life? To damage you rather than anyone else?'

‘Are you a psychiatrist too now?' he sneered.

‘No, of course not.' She sighed. ‘I just think—you'll never be able to function emotionally until you confront the problem you have with your parents.'

‘Forgiveness and all that?' he scorned.

‘Yes,' she stated.

Jonas stared down at her for long, timeless seconds before breaking that gaze to glance up at the warehouse. ‘Have you given any more thought to selling out to Buchanan Construction?'

Mac was thrown for a minute by the sudden change of subject. But only for a minute. ‘None at all,' she said definitely.

‘Because it isn't going to happen,' Jonas guessed easily.

Mac's chin rose challengingly. ‘No.'

Which left Jonas and Buchanan Construction in something of a dilemma. The same dilemma, in fact, that Jonas had been in when he first met Mac over a week ago…

‘That's your final word on that subject, too?'

‘Absolutely my final word, yes.' She nodded.

Jonas drew in a harsh breath. ‘Fine,' he said.

Mac eyed him uncertainly. ‘Does that mean you accept my decision?'

He raised dark brows. ‘What other choice do I have?'

None as far as Mac was concerned. ‘You seemed so—determined to get me out of here a week ago…'

Jonas's smile was as lacking in humour as her own had been a few minutes ago. ‘That was before Yvonne started her sick little game.'

‘Oh.'

‘And before I knew you…' Jonas added softly.

Before Jonas knew her? Or before he ‘knew' her in the physical sense?