His Eyes (15 page)

I whispered, “Do you remember Charlie, my brother? He said horrible things to my dad and then left for ten years. Charlie never even told him that he’d gotten married. And you know what? My dad never stopped loving him. Not for one minute. I’m sure your dad was the same way. And, being blind...that doesn’t change who you are.”

Tristan’s voice was rough, as he asked, “Do you really believe that?” Tears were pricking at the back of my eyes while I squeezed him tightly; I was desperate for him to believe me. “Yes!”

“Amy, how can you—”

“
Tristan
!”

I felt his muscles tense at the sound of The Creature’s voice slicing through the air. My arms slid from around Tristan as he sat up straight. He wiped the back of his hand quickly across his eyes and snatched up his sunglasses from where they had fall en. He called, “What?”

“Joseph is having some people over! He wants us to come!”

Don’t. Just don’t! My entire being was screaming at him to stay, but my tongue was paralyzed. I knew that he was going to go along with her, even if he wasn’t “dating” her. My stomach grew nauseous when he climbed to his feet. He held out his hand to me, like he expected me to be ready to go along. Not this time. He turned his head toward me and asked, “Amy?”

Somehow, I found my tongue. “I’m not going.”

“Why?”

“I’m tired,” I lied and crossed my arms over my chest.

Tristan brushed his fingers through his hair and I wondered if he could really be puzzled by my refusal.

“But we—”

Oh no. Being a third wheel was
not
part of my job. I stood up and said harshly, “I’m going inside.” I took a step toward the stairs, when I heard Tristan say, “Amy, can you...?” He was again holding out his hand, this time with an imploring look on his face. I glanced up at the cabin, confirming what he’d probably already guessed: The Creature had gone inside, leaving me as his only hope of getting safely inside. I stepped back, took his hand and placed it on my arm.

As we took the first stair, he said, “Is it because of Lexus?” I was startled by his question. It took me two stairs before I grumbled, “I don’t think this is the time, Tristan.”

He turned his head toward me intently. “Amy, just
tell
me. Please.” With that, I couldn’t hide the truth any longer and I didn’t want to. “Tell you?! Fine, I’ll tell you: she’s only here because she couldn’t think of anything better to do! Oh, and because her agent told her to stay. She wants the cover of
People
, not you! And I thought you’d figure it out, but you didn’t.”

“I figured she—” Tristan shook his head and said darkly, “I should’ve known.” I nodded, but didn’t say a word while I pulled open the back door. Tristan stepped in front of me and, in the light of the cabin, I could see how red his face was. Without any hesitation, he yelled, “
Lexus
!”

“What?” The Creature was standing in the living room and checking her lipstick in a compact mirror.

She didn’t recognize the anger in his voice until she shut the mirror and looked at him. Her eyes went wide and she frowned at me, as if I was the cause. She asked tentatively, “Trist...?” He took several steps toward her and growled, “Lexus, I tried to pretend that everything was fine, that nothing changed between us, but it has. I’m not the same person I was and now I know who you are. I want you to leave.”

The Edmunds were in the kitchen, their dinner half eaten. They were all surprised by the sudden outburst, but the Marly quickly covered Chris’s mouth to muffle his cheer. Mrs. Edmund looked the most outburst, but the Marly quickly covered Chris’s mouth to muffle his cheer. Mrs. Edmund looked the most flustered and her mouth hung open while she debated whether or not to interject.

The Creature, meanwhile, fluttered her eyelashes and held her hands out. She whimpered, “Tristan.”

“Don’t even
pretend
that you care!” he snapped. “The only person you’ve ever cared for is yourself. I’m through!”

She bit her lip, pouting, “But—”

“Where were you, when my father died?” Tristan demanded.

At this, The Creature had the nerve to flip her hair. “I was in Paris. You know that.”

“You never even returned my calls!”

“I was
busy
!” She glanced into the kitchen, finding her alibi. “Your mother understands.” Mrs. Edmund gasped, not expecting such a brutal stab in the back. Hearing the noise, Tristan reeled on her to release more of his frustration. “I can’t believe you invited her! You
knew
we’d broken up! I’d told you a thousand times!”

She said weakly, “I-I just wanted you to be happy.”

“Mother, she
never
made me happy!”

“Whatever, Tristan.” The Creature rolled her eyes and pulled her cell phone out from her purse. “I’ll leave so you can have fun with your babysitter.”

I laughed humorlessly, “Oh, he’s not ‘with’ me.”

All at once, Tristan came out of his state of rage and turned toward me with a frustrating level of surprise on his face. “Amy?”

“Tristan,” I shot back.
He
was the one who said he wasn’t dating anyone. How in the world could he be confused?

The Creature pressed her phone to her ear. “hello, Mick? You
have
to get me out of here.” Tristan continued to face me, his expression now calm and serious. “Amy, will you drive me back to Grayfield?” He shook his head. “This place—the memories—”

“Tonight?” I asked and looked into the kitchen for help. Mrs. Edmund gave me a silent plea to agree, if it would make him happy. I sighed. “Okay.”

If there’s one thing I could do, it was be stubborn. Like sitting in a car full of awkward silence for nearly two hours. Oh yes, I could do that. The only problem was deciding when to break that silence. On the highway? Too dangerous. Driving through downtown Grayfield? Too many pedestrians. No, I wasn’t going to do it until I was within jogging distance of the Edmunds’ house—and I’m not a runner, so that distance is about a mile. I waited anxiously because I knew once I broke the silence, there was no going back.

Turning onto Edmund Road, I carefully took aim and fired, “You know, your mom didn’t do anything wrong.”

Tristan didn’t seem startled, as if he’d known that I would be the first one to speak. “She shouldn’t have had her come. Then none of this would have happened.”

“Maybe she just wanted to help. Maybe she just wanted you to stop feeling sorry for yourself and start living your life. Maybe she would’ve done anything to make that happen.” In the dim light cast by the car’s dashboard, I could see him turn his head toward me, his arms crossed.

“Maybe she should see I’m doing the best I can.”

“But you haven’t tried to adapt at all!” I cried, leaning harder on the gas and causing the Cabriolet to jolt forward.

“Amy, my girlfriend dumped me, my father died, and I lost my sight!” Tristan fisted one hand and pressed the other against the window, like he was trying to escape a nightmare.

“Well, you could’ve had her back, so can cross that off your list.”

“I never wanted her back!” Tristan shook his head slowly. “Lexus just—she reminded me of how things used to be. My old life.”

“I thought you hated your old life,” I muttered and glanced down at the odometer, noting that I was going a good twenty miles per hour over the speed limit.

“I do.” He shrugged. “But at least I knew how to live that life.” I hit the brake to slow the car and turned to look at him. “You know what, Tristan? Most people don’t know what they’re going to do with their lives. Most people don’t have it all laid out for them. I don’t even know what college I’m going to go to!
Still
! So, yeah, life’s hard, but you’ve got to live it.” Hearing something in my voice, something that I’d refused to verbalize, his face softened. He said quietly, “You really hated her being there, didn’t you?”

I gave a short laugh at the irony. Why did he realize that
now
?! “Of course!”

“Why didn’t you say something?”

My throat suddenly tightened and my eyes burned as I held back tears. I choked, “Because you should’ve known that you being with her was hurting me!”

His posture drooping, Tristan began, “Amy, I wasn’t trying to be with her. I didn’t think—”

“No you didn’t!” I lashed out. “And that’s part of the
job
, I guess.”

“Don’t say that,” he whispered, looking offended.

“Why?” I spat. “It’s true.”

“Amy, I’m sorry I hurt you. That night when we kissed, I meant everything I said.” Tristan sighed heavily.

“But, then Lexus came and I was confused. I was...stupid.” He shook his head. “I’m so glad you stayed.”

“I had to.”

Tristan frowned. “Because of the money?”

I bit my lip, torn how to respond. How many times had I wanted to leave? I knew money was the reason Ahna had told me to stay, the reason I had told myself. But was it the truth? “I want to go to Evanston college and the money....”

“That’s the only reason?” he pressed.

“I don’t know, Tristan.” I paused, unable to ignore the honest plea written on his face. “I mean,
no
, it wasn’t! But, now....”

“You can’t forgive me?”

The car’s headlights fell on the Edmunds’ gate and I let off the gas, bringing the Cabriolet to a stop.

Throwing the car into Park, I told him, “We’re here.”

Tristan sat still, his breathing shallow and his face tense with worry. He remained silent for several painful seconds while he searched for something to say. Finally, almost timidly, he asked, “Are you coming tomorrow?”

I took in a deep breath and closed my eyes. “I’ll come.”

“Okay.” He gave a quick nod, as if to convince himself everything was all right. “The passcode is zero two one.”

I opened the car’s window and leaned my arm out, pressing the numbers into the gate opener. The gate buzzed and swung open, allowing the Cabriolet to coast up the drive. I parked behind my Camry, which was sitting patiently in front on the Edmunds’ house. I gave it a small smile, before reaching into the backseat to grab my duffle bag. Climbing out, I threw my bag over my shoulder and met Tristan in front of his car. He held out his hand, palm up.

I reached out, pressing his keys into his hand, and his fingers closed around mine. He said firmly, “I’ll see you tomorrow, Amy.”

“Good night, Tristan,” I said, pulling back my hand, and walked to my car. I knew what he wanted: some assurance that everything was going to be fine between us. But I was tired and I didn’t have an answer to his question.

* * *

I pushed my hair out of my face and picked up the pile of mail. Straightening up, I began to leaf through it. Bill, bill, ad, bill, ad, Bill addressed to me—wait. I flicked back and examined the white envelope more closely. It sure looked like a bill, but what in the world would I owe to “Sunny Cow Dairy”? I ripped open the envelope and pulled out a paper from inside.

It read: “Dear Amy Turner, Congratulations! We at Sunny Cow Dairy are pleased to inform you that you are the winner of this year’s Family Member Scholarship. Your brother, Charlie Turner, informed us of your avid pursuit of your dream to study journalism at a higher level, as well as your dedication to helping a local disabled boy.” At this line, I frowned, but continued reading. “As a result of your outstanding devotion to the improvement of both yourself and others, Sunny Cow Dairy is pleased to present you with a $50,000 scholarship for education.”

“What?” I gasped and, feeling dizzy, sat down on one of the kitchen chairs. I read, again, “$50,000.”

“Oh my God,” I whispered. “I can go.”

I jumped up and, waving the paper in the air, screamed, “
I can go
!”

“What is going on?” my dad’s voice boomed from my parents’ bedroom.

Any guilt I should’ve felt for waking my parents up was overshadowed by my excitement. I bounded through the house, landing with a bounce in their doorway. Holding up the paper, I screamed again, “I can through the house, landing with a bounce in their doorway. Holding up the paper, I screamed again, “I can go! To Evanston! I got a scholarship!”

My parents were sitting up in bed, their hair standing at odd angles and their eyes bugged in their heads. My dad was the first to free himself from the covers. Stumbling toward me, he took the paper, squinting at it in confusion. “But
how
?!”

“Charlie! He nominated me!”

“He, he did!” Dad beamed, turning to Mom and shaking the paper in confirmation. He then wrapped me in a giant hug, before jogging from the room. Amazed to see him move so quickly so late at night, I laughed, “Where are you going?”

“To call your brother!” he shouted from the kitchen.

I shook my head. It was so weird that he was saying that—he was
calling
Charlie—but it was so right, too. As soon as the shock wore off, my face fell into a look of contemplation and I lowered myself onto the edge of my parents’ bed. Everything had changed, so suddenly. Now that need for money was just
poof
, gone.

My mom was watching me and she placed a hand on mine, asking, “Why aren’t you happy, honey?”

“I am,” I said and managed to smile. “It’s just, now...now I don’t need the job.” She cocked her head to the side. “Isn’t that what you wanted? Now you won’t be getting paid to date your boyfriend.”

“He’s not—” I began and then sighed. “We had a fight. He was letting this girl flirt with him and... Well, it’s not just that. He doesn’t want to adapt to being blind and...me being with him doesn’t help. Not really.

I’m a crutch for him, you know? At least, that’s how I feel sometimes.” Her smile was annoyingly knowing. “Sometimes, if you love someone, you have to let them go.” I knew she was talking about her and Charlie. Sure, she had kept up the dinners so we wouldn’t forget about him, but she hadn’t sent anyone to find him. She knew he needed time to wander on his own and she had given it to him. I hadn’t really thought about it before, how hard that must have been for her to do.

Maybe I was a little like Charlie, taking her hippie-ness for granted and never thinking of looking to her for advice.

I reached out and hugged her, saying softly, “Thanks, Mom.”

“You’re welcome, Amy Rose.”

Everything felt so much...clearer. I knew what I had to do: I had to quit.

* * *

“Did he fight with you, too?” he asked.

I cocked my head to the side. “What do you mean?”

The boy rolled his eyes. “He’s been in the closet all morning.”

“Oh.” I sighed. “Yeah, we did.”

He shook his head and stepped out of the way to let me inside. “He wouldn’t even talk to us when we came home! You have get him to come out, Amy.”

I eyed the winding stairs and said, “Wish me luck, kid,” before marching forward. I began my ascent quickly and then stopped two steps from the landing. I pressed my icy hands to my lips and blew warm air on them. There was no reason to be nervous, but I felt strange, as if many days had passed since I last saw him.

I shrugged off any uneasiness and climbed the last stairs. My eyes were greeted by the sight of The Closet Door. For some reason, I’d expected it to be closed and locked, bringing me full circle, back to my Closet Door. For some reason, I’d expected it to be closed and locked, bringing me full circle, back to my first meeting with Tristan. In reality, the door was slightly ajar. I could see a sliver of darkness leering at me from within. Surely that was a good sign. I stepped forward and pulled on the door, which swung open.

I was immediately greeted by the smells of paper and leather. I walked inside and blinked so my eyes would adjust to the dim light. The first things I noticed were the piles of books pushed against the walls; there were many classics,
Catcher in the Rye
among them. Noticing a faint glimmer, I crouched down to find a box full of trophies. I ran my finger over the smooth metal, wondering what it would have been like to see Tristan flying through the air on Aeris.

I heard a faint noise, like something settling into place, and peered into the back of the closet. I recognized a riding uniform, hanging on a hook, and leather riding boots standing stoically on a shelf.

Beyond that, the corner was a dark mass. I moved forward carefully, avoiding the stacks of CDs that littered the floor, and finally stopped in front of the shadow. I squinted, trying to make out who or what I was looking at.

I whispered, “hello?”

Suddenly, little Marly jumped up from where she had been crouched in the corner and flew past me, out of the closet. I threw myself against the wall. Since when was I playing hide-and-seek? Bewildered, I shook my head and held a hand over my pounding heart. That’s when I heard it: music coming from the corner. I could hear Jon Buckley singing,
“Lost in a maze; I feel like I’m trapped in the turnings. All the
wrong choices; I’ve done you wrong. I never meant to hurt you. I never meant to go down this path—”
Were these lyrics for me?

Crack!

I jumped and turned around, my eyes fixed on the spot on the bottom of the doorframe where the sound had come from. The first thing I saw was the tip of a thin white pole. No, not a pole—a cane! My eyes followed the white line as it angled upwards into a male hand. My breath caught and I briefly hesitated before looking up. Tristan. He was standing in the doorway, holding his cane in one hand and a red rose in the other. I couldn’t believe what I saw and my mouth fell open.

“Amy?” He paused, shifting his feet as he waited for me to respond, but I was at a loss. He coughed nervously and tried again, “I-I’m sorry if Marly scared you; I just wanted you to hear the song.” He offered the flower, its head bobbing up and down on its long stem. “Can I talk to you, Amy Rose?” I took a small step forward to take the rose, sliding it from between his fingers. I studied the delicate petals for a moment and then looked up into his face. “I’m listening.”

“She took it!” I heard Chris whisper loudly. Craning my neck, I could see the Edmunds huddled on the stairs, clearly straining to hear what was going on. I rolled my eyes; Chris may have fooled me into thinking that Tristan was in the closet, but he wasn’t cut out to be a spy.

“Amy, you were right—about everything. I was being a coward. I thought I’d just sit around and let life happen to me, let Lexus walk all over me. And, it wasn’t fair to you. I-I know that a rose doesn’t make up for it, but...I’m sorry.” Tristan pushed a hand through his hair and took a deep breath, as if willing himself to continue despite the fact that I was silent. “And, I’m going to change! I’m going to
do
something: learn Brail e and how to use this cane right. I think I can even go to college in the fall...one that I was accepted to...one that has an equestrian team.”

“Evanston?” I breathed, a smile growing on my face.

Tristan nodded slowly. “Evanston.”