His Heart's Desire (19 page)

Braden ran his hand through his hair in frustration. “I’ve already told you, lass, I don’t ken all of the facts.”

“You’re lying to me. If you don’t trust me, our relationship is built only on the physical, and that is something I can’t accept.”

He watched as she slipped into the bathroom and shut the door. Her cat, Snaggle, hopped on the bed and offered a cranky mew. “I ken, I’ve messed up.” The feline jumped down and stalked from the room as if in complete agreement. “Well, done, Braden,” he told himself, “you’ve managed to s
ingle-handedly clear the room.”

Somehow he had to prove to Catrìona that she held his heart and his trust. However, words weren’t going to be enough. He’d have to prove it through actions.

CHAPTER THIRTY

Braden woke to find the bed empty. He tossed back the sheets and dressed, needing a shot of caffeine. Since arriving in New Orleans he’d developed a taste for the chicory-laced coffee. He went to the kitchen, poured a mug and took it out to the balcony.

The sun crested over the buildings and he sat and watched the shop owners cleaning the side
walks in front of their stores.

He’d slept poorly, tossing and turning, wanting to hold Catrìona close but knowing she wouldn’t welcome the contact. Was it possible this was just part of the curse, forcing a wedge of distrust and hurt between them? Ruining what was special and pristine?

Or was it something more? Had he romanticized the relationship and situation all those centuries ago? Back then he had been her hero, taking her away from a hurtful situation. His ego had enjoyed the attention he’d received from the beautiful Catrìona. He shook his head. No, what they had shared back then was real, not an ego boost.

The phone rang and Braden decided to ignore the call until he heard the message.

“Braden, pick up the phone,” Alec intoned.

With a heavy sigh, Braden answered. “What do you want?”

“Get dressed. We need you to work off this excess energy and then we’re going to talk.”

Alec hung up on him before he could respond. He could do with some exercise. Maybe some swordplay would be what he needed to find some balance. He changed into shorts and a tank top and waited for his cousin.

By the time Alec arrived, Braden was more than ready to exercise. Back in his time they had spent hours in the lists every day, both as a necessity and as a form of exercise.

A few minutes passed and Alec turned the corner with a huge grin on his face as he watched a woman pass, dressed in a
very short skirt and tight top.

“Ah, I do like the way the women dress in this time period.” Alec put a hand to his chest. “The scenery never gets boring.”

Braden grunted and began walking. “Where did you want to go?”

“Meagan showed me her gym the other day. We’re going to go there.”

“What is a gym?” Braden asked as he sidestepped a dog running past.

“A large building with machines and weights. You’re going to like it, trust me.”

The two men walked a few more blocks before they arrived at Benoit’s Gym. Alec pushed through the door and was instantly greeted by a perky brunette at the front desk. They were each given a towel with a flirty smile before Braden followed Alec to the weight room.

“So, what is your problem, Braden? You’ve been wandering around the past few days pouting.” Alec adjusted the weight on the machine and sat down. “You’re worrying again, aren’t you?”

“I have not been pouting, and yes, I am concerned and so should you be.” Braden crossed his arms over his chest as he watched Alec work on the strange contraption.

“Worrying is not going to change things,” Alec huffed as he continued to lift the weights.

“I don’t want to cause Catrìona any pain and I haven’t been truthful with her regarding my concerns.”

“Well, if you insist on dwelling on them, talk to her.”

“Don’t you think I would if I could? Damn, Alec, how do I explain my worries if I don’t understand them myself?”

Alec put the weights down and moved out of the way. “Your turn.” He pointed to the contraption. “She is not a stupid person, Braden. I can almost guarantee you she is fretting about the future just as you are.” He smiled. “You’re both perfectly suited in many ways.”

Braden concentrated on lifting the weights, enjoying the burn he felt course through his body. His friend was right. But it did not make his task any easier. Since there was nothing he could do about it right now, he’d put his problems to the back of his mind and enjoy this new way of exercising.

*
* *

Several hours later, Braden walked into the bedroom, stripped off his sweaty clothes and headed for the shower. He had managed to get in a good workout. He and Alec hadn’t used swords but that didn’t matter. Braden’s muscles felt loose and relaxed for the first time in days. Mentally he was still a knotted mess.

While they’d been at the gym, they’d come up with the only plan possible regarding their situation and it left Braden with an ache so deep he felt it to his soul.

He stood under the cool spray and waited for the relief he wanted to feel by washing away not only his sweat, but also his remorse for what he was about to do. The shower, however, only accomplished one of the tw
o things—he emerged sweat-free.

Braden dressed in jeans, and a polo shirt, and grabbed a beer from the fridge, popping off the cap as he stepped out onto the balcony. He was growing accustomed to the temperature and the weather, and enjoyed being outdoors.

Sitting there, he listened to the crowd underneath his feet, drank his beer, and despite his best efforts, thought back over the past week and the time he had spent with Catrìona.

He had to face the facts. He didn’t fit here in her city. Shoot, he didn’t fit into the time period. But, more importantly, he had not been honest with her from the beginning and he needed to keep her safe even if it m
eant that she’d hate him later.

History was repeating itself as far as they were concerned. He couldn’t protect her now any better than he could in the past. Braden was beginning to resent his new life. This was not how he had anticipated things to be when he’d prayed for his Catrìona’
s soul to return to this plane.

He resented the fact he couldn’t do what he was trained to do, and his Catrìona didn’t seem interested in accepting his protection. Sitting at home while she worked didn’t sit well with him. There were so many things conspiring to keep them apart and he realized that his solution, although not what he wanted, was best for them both. Surely it was better for them to be apart than to have their love turn to resentment and pain. He’d rather die than allow that to happen.

After checking the time, he sat back and waited. Catrìona would be gone for most of the day and once she returned, he would tell her what he’d decided. Time had come for them to face the reality of their situation.

*
* *

Catrìona came home from the final fitting for her latest client to find Braden sitting in the dark.

With a flip of the switch she moved into the room and squatted down beside him. It wasn’t like him to brood, let alone do it in the dark. “What’s the matter?” She took his hand in hers and tangled their fingers together.

“‘Tis nothing, lass.”

Catrìona’s heart caught in her throat at the tone of voice he used.

They sat in silence for a few moments before Braden squeezed her hand. “I don’t belong in this time, my love. I can’t find my place in this strange new world. I thought I could make you happy.”

“You do make me happy, Braden. So much.” She rose on her knees and cupped his dear face. “Never think for a moment that you’re letting me down.” She bent and placed a kiss on his mouth before she whispered against his lips. “How can I help you?”

Braden ran his fingers through he
r hair and she closed her eyes.

“New Orleans is a strange place, lass. There is no call for what I’m capable of in this modern world.”

Catrìona swallowed hard. Tears burned her eyes. Her selfish wish and mistake had altered this wonderful man’s destiny and she would do whatever it took to make sure he didn’t suffer for it. Too bad she was doing such a bang-up job of it now. NOT. “What do you want to do?”

“I have no idea.”

A sinking sensation took place in her stomach. Her heart began to crack. She was in love with him. Had been since she was old enough to understand about romantic love; she’d weighed every relationship she tried to make work by the emotions Braden managed to evoke with just a smile.

She’d been a fool putting distance between them, afraid that he would be taken from her. She’d been hiding from the h
appiness right in front of her.

“I’ll do whatever you want. I want you to be happy.” She swallowed back the t
ears pushing their way forward.

He pulled her up into his lap. “
mo chridh, my heart, you please me greatly with your giving nature.”

“What is wrong? Please, talk to me?” She feared what he would say and worried that she’d used her quota of magic for this lifetime anyhow.

“I can’t protect you.”

“What?”

“In the time I’m from, the man takes care of his family. He provides a home for them, food, and protection. You don’t need me for any of those things.”

His words sliced through her. “I
. . . I don’t know what to say.” She stroked his face. “You make everything better. I’m not alone anymore. I don’t need you to protect me; I need you to love me.”

“I already do, lass. Verra much. But sitting here
. . . I feel incompetent.”

“How can we change this? Do you want to return to Scotland?”

Braden was silent as he stared into her eyes. “Aye, I would like to visit for a spell.”

“Visit or stay?”

“Only a visit. See how Elspeth is doing with the renovations.” He brushed a tear away. “I will make arrangements on the morrow.” His voice was gruff to her ears and instead of meeting his steady gaze, she burrowed her head into his neck, inhaling the musky male scent she would always associate with the love of her life.

In a voice barely above a whis
per she said, “Tomorrow it is.”

*
* *

Cat took a shower, needing to wash away the despair wrapping her in its icy hold. He wanted to leave; to return to Scotland. Her love w
asn’t enough to keep him happy.

The warm moisture began to work its magic and she let the hot water pound down on her aching shoulders. Over the past few days, tension had knotted her muscles to the point of nauseating pain. Trying to lose herself in work, as a way to ignore her worries, had not helped. If anything, it had made things worse.

Tears began to fall. She’d failed. Cat wasn’t surprised Braden was feeling this way. She couldn’t imagine what it would be like to find yourself in a new time period, woefully unprepared to deal with the changes. Braden was a warrior and she knew he chafed at not being able to care for her in the way he deemed important.

Cool air touched her body and she turned to find the object of her thoughts standing in front of her, gloriously naked. Steam filled the air cocooning them in their own sensual world.

“Don’t cry, mo chridh. I can’t bear it when you do.” Braden cupped her face and kissed her. “I’m not worthy of your tears.”

Not worthy? Was he out of his mind? “Oh, Braden. Don’t say things like that. I love you. I’m crying because I’ve failed you with my selfish needs. You should never have left Scotland and I know that now.”

“Shh. I dinna want to talk right now.” He tipped her head back and kissed a path from her neck to her breasts, holding her upright with his arm around her waist. Cat melted at the feel of his mouth laving her nipple. Sweet mercy, the sensations were amazing.

Braden backed her against the shower wall; the coolness of the tile a wicked sensation when compared to the heat and har
dness of his body against hers.

After he was done with one breast, he moved his attention to the other, continuing to hold her upright with his body against hers. His hard length pressed into her abdomen and she ached to feel him deep inside her.

Cat pulled Braden’s mouth to hers and poured all her lust and arousal into a burning kiss. The thrust and parry of their kiss caused her hips to grind against Braden. She needed this very physical connection to this man. Her need was such that she wanted to crawl up his body and impale herself on his erection and stay there for as long as she could. She feared she would never feel as complete as she did now with him.

Braden palmed her backside and she relished the feel of his hand on her wet, slicked body. He pulled back far enough to reach for her body loofah and poured a generous amount of the fragrant liquid before working it into a rich lather.

He began to wash her, slowly pulling the sponge down her torso, circling it around on her nipples, making the nubs super sensitive. Braden smiled and looked her in the eye. “I love how responsive these sweet little nipples are.” He brushed the back of his fingers against them and pulled a moan from her. “Hmm. You’re making me so hard.” He ground himself against her stomach for a moment before he pulled back and continued his sensual assault with her sponge.

Once he was done soaping her belly, he moved his hand lower to her aching center. She thrust her hips out for his touch but was doomed to disappointment as he dropped to his knees and lifted one of her feet to rest on his thigh. With agonizing slowness, he ran the soapy sponge up her leg, never breaking eye contact. The carnal promise there made her legs weak. His dark hair covered his shoulders and she tangled her fingers in the silky strands
in an attempt to stay standing.

Braden allowed the shower to rinse the suds from her skin before he blocked the water once again with his body. He began placing nibbling kisses up her leg, laving, sucking and biting as he went. When he reached the apex of her thighs, Cat found herself arching to his mouth.