Cathy shook her head, the earrings swinging back and forth. She made herself smile. “She’s holding her own for now.”
Her sister’s eyes briefly squeezed shut. “I’m sorry, Cathy.”
“Yes.” There wasn’t any need for long explanations. Pam knew her too well. She would read between the lines.
“You look fantastic, by the way.”
Cathy was surprised by the compliment. She hadn’t put much thought into her appearance for years. At least, she amended privately, she hadn’t until she had started going out with Michael. It was kind of nice that someone else had noticed. “Thanks. I’ve been making more of an effort recently.”
They retrieved the luggage and walked out of the terminal to the parking lot, catching a shuttle to where Cathy had parked her car. When they emerged from the shuttle, a wall of summer heat hit them. Sweat beaded between Cathy’s breasts. “I’m parked over here.”
Cathy unlocked the trunk of her faded old car. She tried not to notice that Pam was eyeing the car. “We can put your luggage here in the back.” They stowed away the luggage, and Cathy unlocked the car. The inside of the car was like an oven. After she started the ignition, she flipped the air-conditioning on high. The system whined loudly as she drove away from the airport. She was acutely aware that her sister was watching where they were going. She braced herself for the inevitable questions when she finally turned onto her street. However, Pam didn’t say a word. She just looked intently through the window as they drove through the rundown area.
When they got to the apartment, they carried the two cases inside and dropped the luggage on the threadbare living room carpet. In the months that she had lived in the apartment, Cathy had stopped seeing it. Now, looking at her surroundings through fresh eyes, at what her sister must be seeing, Cathy saw the sagging sofa, the cheap chipped table and lamp, the tired-looking armchair. She waited while her sister took slow stock. The dreary apartment was quite a comedown from the beautiful home she had once owned.
Pam took a deep breath before she turned. Her eyes were troubled. “Cathy, what is going on? You told me you had to sell the house. But I didn’t expect that clunker you’re driving and—and this.” She swept a hand in a comprehensive wave.
Cathy sighed tiredly. She had known that her sister would not be able to keep from commenting. Actually, she was surprised that Pam had kept silent so long. “No, I don’t suppose you did. It wasn’t just the house and the sedan, Pam. I had to sell…everything.” Better than anyone else, Pam would have a fair idea of what she was talking about. Her sister had been with her on many occasions when she had bought at auction come of the antiques she loved.
As comprehension swept over Pam’s face, her expression registered shock. “Cathy, you should have said something!”
“I didn’t want you to worry too much.” Cathy tried for a smile, but she saw that her faltering attempt was not doing much to ease her sister’s distress.
Pam’s eyes flashed, her voice rose. “We could have helped you!”
Cathy pushed back her tumbled hair with a shaking hand. “You did help me, more than once. I couldn’t keep going to you and John!”
After a short tense silence, Pam asked more quietly, “How are you managing?”
Cathy gave a laugh. “I still have a roof over my head, if that’s what you mean. And the car has its good days and bad days, but so far it’s still getting me where I need to go.”
Pam shook her head. “No, that’s not what I mean. How are
you
, Cathy?”
Cathy stared at her sister, her eyes locked on Pam’s steady gaze. Pam knew her better than anyone else in the world. The wealth of compassion, underlaid by love, in Pam’s eyes was her undoing. Cathy was broadsided. Something cracked painfully, deeply, inside of her. She burst into tears. The anguish tore from her chest, and her body shook with the violence of her outburst. She started to crumple, but then Pam’s arms wrapped tightly around her. Somehow she came to be sitting on the sofa, leaning into her sister, Pam’s murmurs in her ears. Cathy hung on to her for dear life.
Cathy didn’t know how long she cried. When at last the storm was over, she was physically exhausted. Clumsily, she pushed upright, breaking free of her sister’s loosened arms. She swallowed, her throat raw. “I’m—I’m sorry.” She scrubbed the backs of her hands over her swollen eyes and wet cheeks. She was still sniffling, and her nose was running. “I’m not usually like this.”
Pam reached down into her hobo purse for a small package of Kleenex and handed it over. “You idiot. Don’t apologize. You obviously needed that meltdown.”
Cathy gratefully pulled loose a tissue and blew her nose. “Maybe I did. I do feel better. Tired but better.” She smiled and felt her mouth wobble. “Thanks for coming, Pam.”
“I would have come before if you had let me,” said Pam with a faintly accusing tone.
Cathy shrugged helplessly. “I know. But there wasn’t anything you could have done. And you were so far away. I hated to—”
“Inconvenience me?” Pam’s voice was sharp, crackling with anger. Her eyes blazed blue sparks. “Thanks a lot, Cathy! I’m really that shallow!”
Hot color surged into Cathy’s face. “I’m sorry, Pammy. Please don’t be mad at me,” she whispered. “I couldn’t take that. Not on top of everything else.”
Pam shook her head, her anger gone as quickly as it had come. “I’m not mad, not really. I’m just worried about you and Chloe and everything. It’s just so unfair for you and Chloe to suffer like this!”
Cathy straightened her shoulders, automatically responding as she always did. “I’m okay. It’s Chloe—”
Pam’s gaze turned fierce again. “No, you’re not okay! Damn it, Cathy! You aren’t freaking Wonder Woman, okay?”
Cathy was shocked into a giggle. A belly laugh caught her. “W–Wonder Woman? Oh, God!” She fell against the back of the sofa, giving herself over to laughter.
Pam stared, her eyes wide in alarm. Then her own lips twitched, before she, too, broke down. They shrieked helplessly, hysterically, clinging to one another.
Cathy laughed so hard that fresh tears ran down her face. Sludgy layers of mental and emotional muck were swept away. For the first time in many months, the air she drew into her lungs came easily and cleanly. When she could at last speak, she said thickly, “God, I’ve missed you!”
Pam wiped her eyes, spurts of mirth still burbling from her chest. “I’ve missed you, too!”
Cathy grinned at her with aching affection. “Come on. Let’s get you unpacked.”
The women got up from the sofa and retrieved the luggage. Cathy ushered her sister into the tiny bedroom that was always waiting for Chloe’s use. It was a typical frilly little-girl’s room, with a spangled canopied four-poster and pink-and-white dresser. Pam regarded the cheerful room in silence before saying quietly, “I’m glad you kept Chloe’s things.”
Cathy didn’t linger in the bedroom. It always hurt that Chloe wasn’t there. “I’m going to see about putting something together for dinner. Come on when you’re ready.” She walked out and went into the small kitchen, leaving Pam to unpack.
She had planned a green salad and baked parmesan chicken for their dinner. Swiftly she prepared the chicken breasts and slid them into the preheated oven. She opened the refrigerator and pulled out the makings for a green salad.
Pam came into the kitchen. Leaning a hip against the counter, she asked quietly, “How often has Chloe been back home with you since you took this apartment?”
“Only twice,” Cathy said briefly. She did not look up from shredding the lettuce into a salad bowl. She knew what she would see in her sister’s eyes, and she didn’t think that she could bear another dose of compassion. She heard the beep of a cell phone, signaling an incoming text, and put the head of lettuce on the counter. “Excuse me. I’ve got to take that.”
She hurried into the living room and snatched her purse up from the sofa. Digging out the cell, she read the text and typed a reply. Then she slipped the cell back into her purse and returned to the kitchen.
Pam had found the cutting board and was cutting up tomatoes. She looked up. “Who was that? The hospital?”
“No. Just a friend.” Cathy said nonchalantly. At her sister’s curious gaze, she felt a flush rising in her face. Silently cursing her too-easy tendency to blush, Cathy avoided her sister’s eyes and picked up the lettuce again.
“Do I know him?”
Cathy froze for a minisecond before she resumed shredding lettuce. She cast a glance at her sister, only to meet Pam’s knowing expression. Cathy felt a sinking sensation of panic. She tried to bluff. “What makes you think it’s a guy?”
Pam shrugged. “Because I know you. You didn’t tell me anything about this friend of yours, so it’s got to be a man.” She picked up the cutting board and scraped the tomato wedges into the salad bowl that Cathy had filled. She bumped her sister’s hip with her own. “Come on, spill. Are you seeing Paul again?”
“No, I’m not dating Paul.” Cathy’s pulse had sped up. She cautioned herself to handle Pam’s curiosity casually. There was no need to get into details, details which she knew would be upsetting to her sister. With a joking air, she said, “All right, you caught me.” She shot a mock hands-off look at her sister. “You don’t know him.”
Pam raised a slender blonde brow, a slowly widening smile settling on her lips. Her blue eyes sparkled. “Oh, it’s serious!”
Cathy shook her head and sighed. She should have known. After all, she knew how her sister thought. Pam was a hopeless romantic. “No, it isn’t serious. Not in the way you mean. I enjoy being with Michael. He…makes me forget how bad things are. I don’t feel so panicked when I’m with him.”
“With him?”
Pam stared at her so intently that Cathy shifted uncomfortably from one foot to the other. Cathy waved vaguely. “You know…with him.”
Her sister’s eyes rounded to the size of gumballs. She huffed a breath. “I don’t believe this! He’s a
booty
call?”
Cathy let out a burst of laughter. “Actually, I’m the booty call.” She slowly grinned. It was kind of liberating to admit it. Of course, Pam would think that she was joking. She slid a sideways glance at Pam and snickered at her sister’s gaping expression. “Bet you never thought you would hear me say that!”
Pam closed her mouth. “No, I didn’t! I can’t believe that you— you!—are having an affair! Is he married?”
“Of course not!” Cathy was indignant. She mixed vinaigrette dressing in a cruet. “Give me a little more credit than that!”
Pam raised both hands in a conciliatory gesture. “Sorry. Of course he isn’t. So? Tell me about Michael! Is he gorgeous? What does he do? How old is he? Do you have a picture?”
Cathy laughed. She deliberately evaded the spate of questions. “I thought you would be more shocked.”
Pam suddenly glared. “It’s been almost six and a half years since Rick abandoned you and Chloe. I’m
glad
you’ve found someone else,” she said fiercely. “I want you to be happy. If Michael makes you happy, then I’m all for him!”
Cathy shifted uncomfortably. “Michael and I—we don’t have that kind of relationship, Pam. It’s not a fairy-tale, happily-ever-after thing.”
“Right. Got it.” Pam nodded and began ticking points off of her slim fingers. “You sleep together, which means you really, really like him. A lot. And he makes you forget your troubles. And
that
means he is some kind of guy.” She gave a brilliant smile. “He must be terrific, Cathy. I hope it works out, I really do.”
Cathy felt all kinds of awful. While her sister had talked, a clammy sweat had broken out on her skin. She couldn’t tell her sister about the arrangement that she had with Michael. She had skated already too close to the truth, but she couldn’t let her sister believe that she was in a lasting relationship. “Pam—”
The trouble must have appeared in her expression. Pam threw up her hand. She smiled, the warmth of understanding in her clear gaze. “It’s okay. You don’t have to explain anything or tell me any more about him. I understand. Really, I do! It’s a rough time in your life. You don’t even
want
to think about commitment right now. Isn’t that why you and Paul broke up?”
“Well, that was a lot of it.”
Pam nodded. “Every part of you is wrapped up with Chloe. Obviously, Michael is okay with that, so in my book, he’s a good guy. When, or if, things change between you, then you can tell me all about him. Until then, I’ll just—slowly—die of curiosity!”
Cathy laughed, feeling both relieved and saddened. “You’re the best, Pammy.” It would have been nice to have been in just the kind of relationship that her sister had described, she thought wistfully. It would have been nice to have someone that she could lean on, who wouldn’t be freaked out by her all-consuming situation, but instead would stand by her, patiently waiting for their time together. It would have been nice to have been able to look forward to a future with someone she loved.
“How long until dinner is done? Whatever you have in the oven smells great!”
“I’ll check on the chicken. Why don’t you set the table?” Cathy turned away to open the oven. Heat blasted her face, shriveling the mascara on her lashes. She popped her head back then cautiously bent forward to poke at the bubbling chicken with a fork. She didn’t like the direction of her thoughts. She tightened her lips. Sure, it was nice to fantasize, but at the end of the day, she had to be realistic. She hadn’t lied about enjoying her time with Michael. He was a skilled and often considerate lover. The sex was fantastic. But it was not enough to build a relationship, even if either of them ever decided that they did want more. She and Michael were going to end up nowhere. She closed the oven door. “I think we’ve got another quarter hour. Do you want to have the salad first?”