Chapter Ten
"I have good news and bad news,"
Alex called as he walked in the door after three days away on an assignment.
Kyle resisted the urge to instantly molest
the man, but it didn't stop him from meeting him in the hallway. They'd been
together for just under three weeks, sharing a house, a bed, and their lives,
but not quite their bodies—well not entirely. Kyle ached to bury himself deep
inside his mate's ass, but he'd resolved to never ask, to never say out loud
what he truly wanted. He couldn't give that to his mate, so he had no right to
ask for it.
"Good news?" Kyle asked.
Alex arched an eyebrow. "Funny, I
always figured you for a 'get the bad news first' type of guy."
Usually he was, but he'd missed his mate
more than he'd ever believed possible.
"Fine, give me the bad news
first."
"I dinged your car."
"It's insured," he said
flippantly. Technically they were all company cars anyway, so it wasn't really
Kyle's car to begin with. "What's the good news?"
"You don't want to know how I dinged
your
car?
"
"Nope.
Good news, please," Kyle said, finally giving in to his
instincts and pulling his mate into his arms.
Alex grinned, rolled his eyes, and then
leaned in for a kiss. It was quite a few minutes later before they resumed
their conversation, and even then Alex was frustratingly coy.
~*~
Despite having made the decision a week ago,
now that the time had come to say the words out loud, Alex found himself
rethinking the whole thing. They'd only known each other for three weeks, and
most of that time had been a strange mix of crazy attraction and just plain out
crazy. They were so much alike in so many ways that it seemed they were well on
their way to driving each other insane.
But Alex also knew that people grew and
evolved and adapted to change and if he wanted a relationship worth having then
it was worth compromising a little to make it perfect.
"I…um…bought you a gift."
Kyle gave him a strangely boyish grin and
held out his hand. It was actually quite endearing. Alex already knew from the
other Alateeka siblings that they'd stopped celebrating things like birthdays
centuries ago. Add that to the fact they seemed to have endless pits of money,
gifts for each other were probably something none of them bothered with at all
anymore.
Alex frowned and suddenly wished he'd bought
something nicer.
He grabbed his duffle bag, ignored the
stench of clothes in desperate need of a washing machine, and pulled out the
plain paper bag. He handed it over with an apologetic smile.
Kyle gave him a confused look, but then
turned his attention to the bottle inside.
"You bought me lube?" he asked
curiously.
"No, I bought
me
lube," Alex said, apparently making the matter as clear as
mud.
Kyle laughed nervously and turned the bottle
over in his hands. "Babe, I…" He reached a hand out to touch Alex's
cheek. "Maybe one day I'll be…"
It was quite adorable watching Kyle try to
find a way to not make a promise he couldn't keep. He would always be a top. It
simply wasn't in his nature to be anything else.
But it was a little different for Alex. His
avoidance had come from not being able to trust anyone. Not that he'd ever
given it
that
much thought—his size
meant he usually attracted cute bottoms anyway—but it had never been deliberate
avoidance.
"
Ky
,"
Alex said, lifting his hand to cover the one that still rested against his
cheek. "The lube is for me. For you to use on me, I mean with me…um…in
me." He shook his head as nerves won out over the eloquent speech he'd
practiced in his mind for the past couple of days.
"You want me to fuck you?" Kyle
asked with a happy grin.
Trust Alex's grizzly bear to cut right to
the heart of the matter.
"Yes,
Ky
, I want you to fuck me."
Kyle looked like
he
might high-five him or maybe do a fist pump, but then the gravity of the
situation seemed to sink in. "Are you sure?"
Alex nodded, never taking his eyes off his
lover's gaze.
"You don't have to. We can go on as
we've been going. I don't expect you to do this for me. I mean…thank you,
for…um…considering it, but it's not…it's not necessary. I can…we don't…it'll
be…"
Alex lifted his fingers to Kyle's mouth to
silence him. "I want to do this with you.
Only with you,
Kyle.
I've never trusted anyone the way I trust you."
"I promise I won't hurt you,
babe," Kyle said in a voice that made it sound like a solemn vow.
Alex blinked back the tears filming his
eyes. It annoyed the crap out of him to be so emotional around this man, but it
also felt pretty incredible. He couldn't help making a small joke though. He
ran a hand over the extra-large cock pressing against the zipper of Kyle's
pants and gave his lover his best lascivious wink. "Maybe you shouldn't
make promises you can't keep."
But instead of taking the bait and laughing
with him, Kyle pulled him closer, nearly cutting off his ability to breathe.
When his man held him he often brought a whole new meaning to the words
"bear hug." As always, Kyle let go in plenty of time for Alex to take
a deep breath before he passed out.
"It's a promise I
will
keep," Kyle said in a determined tone. "We'll make
sure you're relaxed and ready and properly stretched and…"
Alex pressed a kiss to his lover's mouth,
pushing his tongue inside when he thought Kyle might try to talk again. When he
thought he had his lover's worries thoroughly derailed, he broke the kiss and
gazed into his mate's eyes. "
Ky
, I'm not
afraid."
"Can I be?"
"Be what?" Alex asked, not quite
sure what his mate was asking.
"Can I be a little bit afraid?"
Alex was pretty certain he was wearing his "what the fuck?"
expression, because Kyle leaned in to kiss him briefly again before explaining.
"I want to be buried inside you more than I've ever wanted anything in
this world, but I don't want to lose you."
"You think I'll leave if I don't like
it?"
Kyle gave him a lopsided smile that
suggested that was exactly what he was thinking.
"You know I'm not that shallow,
right?" Alex asked, unable to hide his annoyance.
Kyle shook his head but quickly stopped when
he realized he was answering the wrong question—at least that's the way Alex
hoped he was thinking. There was no doubt about it. They were going to drive
each other completely insane. It was only a matter of time.
Alex tried to take a step away, but Kyle
held on tighter, using his strength—an advantage he used very rarely when they
were together—to hold Alex to him.
"I mean," Kyle said in a tight
voice, "I know you're not shallow. It's just that if my choice is having
you or keeping you then I can live without have and keep you instead."
Yeah, Alex was wearing his "what the
fuck?" expression again.
"Babe, I'm lousy with words."
"No kidding."
"But I am trying to give you an
out."
"I see what you mean by 'lousy with
words,'" Alex teased, even though he was pretty sure this time he
understood what Kyle was trying to say.
"Babe," Kyle said in an
exasperated tone.
Alex smiled, placed a hand over his lover's
mouth, and nodded in understanding.
"This isn't the same as asking me to
ride a desk the rest of my career." And oh wow, they'd had more than one
argument over that—especially when Kyle's brother, Adrian, had assigned Alex to
an overnight prisoner transfer the first week on the job.
Kyle closed his eyes, perhaps still a little
raw that it was the one thing Alex couldn't compromise. At his core he was a
protector. Cop, bodyguard, paranormal security detail—it didn't matter what the
actual job description was, it was simply who he was as a person. To stop doing
it simply because his lover feared for his safety was not a good enough reason
for Alex.
"
Ky
, this
isn't the same. I'm not going to grow to resent you for
guilting
me into it because this is something I actually want to do with you, for you. I
trust you,
Ky.
I trust you with my heart
and
my body."
"Does that mean you love me?"
Alex laughed softly. Whoever coined the
phrase "bull in a china shop" had never witnessed his grizzly bear
shifter try to plow his way through a conversation.
"I've only known you for three
weeks," Alex said, trying to be sensible. He understood a little more
about the paranormal world now than he had when they'd met, and he loved living
with and sharing a bed with Kyle, but by human standards it seemed far too
early to use the "L" word. They were still learning about each other.
Kyle shrugged and tried to look nonplussed,
but it was clear that he was disappointed that Alex hadn't said the word. The
sad part was, in Alex's experience at least, the word didn't mean all that
much. Actions were far more important.
"But you like me a little," Kyle
said, trying to turn his earlier question into a joke.
"
Ky
,
I like you way more than a little, and I wouldn't be offering this if I didn't
care deeply for you and know that you care deeply for me."
"Sounds like love to me," Kyle
said in a voice almost too quiet for Alex to hear.
"Maybe it is," Alex conceded,
"but I've said and heard the word before. In the end it didn't mean as
much as it should have."
Kyle frowned—not exactly an unexpected
reaction—but it was the thoughtful look that followed that left Alex confused.
"You're right," he said.
"Actions are far more important." He leaned in and kissed Alex until
his head spun. By the time he lifted away, Alex was having a tough time
remembering how to stand up. "Go take a shower, babe. Dinner should be
ready in ten minutes."
~*~
Kyle stepped into the kitchen and took a
deep steadying breath. He hadn't expected Alex to make the offer he had, and he
needed a moment to fully process what it meant. He'd fucked up the
conversation—as usual—but even with Alex's assurances, he was nervous about
what it all meant.
Fuck, he truly wanted to share that intimacy
with Alex, but only if it was what the man wanted—really,
really
wanted. Kyle would never push his mate into trying something
he didn't want to try. The man was already too important to risk losing him,
especially over something that Kyle could live without if he had to.
He stared at the pot of water on the stove
for so long that it actually boiled…
"You're overthinking it," Alex
said from the doorway.
"Probably," Kyle conceded as he
finally remembered to grab the pasta. He threw several handfuls into the
boiling water and then turned to face his lover. The fact that he was wearing
only a towel certainly derailed some of his overanalyzing thought processes.
"Maybe we should just get it over
with."
Hell, no.
"Hell, yes," Alex said as if he'd
heard him. "If just the idea of fucking me has you this wound up, then the
best thing is to do it now before you give yourself a heart attack worrying
about it."
"I'm an Alateeka," he said by way
of denial even if he vaguely wondered if a heart attack was possible. He and
his siblings might only
seem
to be
immortal. Just because they hadn't physically aged in centuries, didn't mean
they wouldn't. And they all knew from bitter, painful experience that injuries
could be life threatening.
"
Ky
?"
Alex asked, leaning over to turn off the boiling water. He grabbed one of
Kyle's hands and placed it over his heart. "Do you trust me?"
"Of course," he said without even
having to think about it. Humans might not feel the mate bond as strongly as
paranormals did, but it was obvious Alex really did care for him. It was just
another thing to make Kyle worry that this wasn't what Alex really wanted.
"Then trust me when I say, I want this.
I want you."
"After dinner," Kyle said
stubbornly, reaching over to turn the stove back on. "You've been away for
three days. Give yourself a moment to acclimate."
Alex laughed softly. "I never expected
it to be this hard to seduce my mate."
Kyle pulled the man into his arms. "You
seduce me every moment of every day."
"Good to know," Alex said happily.
"So you won't mind helping me with this then."