Authors: LJ Baker
We know you're here.
I looked over the letters one by one, and committed them to memory. Every bubble or drip in the paint was etched into my mind.
"What the fuck?" Dan climbed over the junk on the floor and ran his finger over the writing. It was dry and he tried to scrape it with his knife, which sent red flecks flying around and only made it look worse.
I took a step back. What was once my safe haven, my own private oasis from all things 'real life', had been violated. My teenager self wanted to help Dan scrape the words off and return my precious room to the way I left it. The zombie apocalypse survivor in me wanted to get the hell out of there before whoever wrote it, came back.
"You think they are going to come back?" I looked to Will for rational thoughts.
"I think it's something we have to consider, but probably it was just some kids fooling around." Will slid his hand into mine and forced a smile.
Dan stopped scrapping and turned to look at us, then back to the words that were half scraped off the wall. "If they do, they'll know someone was in here now. Shit."
I tensed and squeezed Will's hand a little harder. "Maybe we should go back downstairs now."
"Is there anything else up here that you wanna keep, babe? I think you should grab it now, if there is."
The last time I was up there, I made sure to take what was most important to me. My old journal, my favorite quilt from my grandmother, and some other trinkets from my previous life, all went with me back to the basement. I'd left behind plenty of other stuff that had once been so valuable, but after what I'd been through since then, it hardly seemed to matter.
"Can I just have a few minutes alone?"
The guys shot each other an uneasy look, before Will nodded and the two walked from the room. I knew they wouldn't go much further than just outside the door, but I just needed a moment to gather my thoughts and make my peace with what I'd lost.
A deep foreboding filled me and I couldn't shake the feeling that it would be the last time I'd stand in that room. So much had changed since the outbreak began two years before. I had changed more than I could have imagined. Even in just the previous few months, it was like I'd matured a decade or more. I wanted to say that I was okay with growing up so fast, that I'd come to terms with the fact that my world would never be the same, but the truth was, I never would be. Sure, I'd stop dwelling on it, push it to the back of my mind and pretend like it wasn't there, but it always would be.
Looking around that pink room with butterfly stickers and posters of Maroon 5 and Jensen Ackles, I knew a part of me would always mourn that life. But I needed to take the opportunity to accept that those days were gone forever and to say goodbye, once and for all, to my old life.
I pulled a few of the photos down that hung around the mirror over my dresser. The last time I was up there, I left them as they were. Somehow it felt wrong to disturb them, as if it was dismantling my old life. With each one I pulled, it became easier, and before I knew it, they were all off in a pile.
I moved the corner of the dresser over and used my knife to pry up one of the floorboards. It was my old secret hiding spot that I made when I was nine, after I saw someone on television do it to hide fake passports and illegal cash. Inside was a small wooden box, similar to the one my mother hid in her floor safe. But instead of being beautiful and intricately carved like Mom's, mine was nailed together at
Daddy and Me
day at Lumber Barn and painted blue and green.
I glanced around the small room and tried to think if there was anything else I wanted to take. I had most of the things I wanted from the very first week of the outbreak when we moved into the basement, and what was left, I didn't really miss.
So this is it
.
I took a deep breath and closed my eyes tight. I said goodbye to my old room. It was time to leave it behind.
CHAPTER THIRTEEN
Both of the boys tried to get me to talk about what we found upstairs, but I needed to put it behind me and move on. I was a little creeped out by the writing on my bedroom wall, but there wasn't much I could do about it then, so there was no use talking about it.
"Are you sure you're all right, babe?" Will handed me the toothpaste and started scrubbing over his teeth.
We brushed together like an old married couple, and despite the crappy day I'd had, it made me smile.
I spit minty suds into the sink and rinsed off my brush. "I'm not sure anything will ever be all right again, but if I don't find a way to be something close to okay, I'm going to lose it for sure."
"I'm sorry, Andi. I wish I could make things better for you."
"You do make things better for me. You make everything about this shit-hole world tolerable." I rested my head against his shoulder while he finished up brushing and smiled.
Maybe Dan was right. Things might not be the way I planned before the outbreak, but I could still have what was important. I had Will, and Dan. We had a place to live and food to eat. We might not have heat, but we had enough warm clothes so we wouldn't freeze. Things could be so much worse.
Will dropped his toothbrush into the cup with the others, flipped off the light, and led me across the hall to the bedroom. Dan was out cold on the couch and we were turning in early too. It was an exhausting day and I just wanted to put it behind me.
Will and I climbed into bed and snuggled around each other. It was already starting to get chilly in the basement, but we would hold off on using the small amount of fuel we had until the weather was at its coldest. I was grateful that we didn't live further north where the snow and cold would be a much bigger problem. For the time being, all I needed was Will's body heat to keep me warm.
"You ready to talk about what's been on your mind yet?" He pushed his chin down against his chest to get a look at me.
"What are you talking about?" So many things had been on my mind that I wasn't quite sure which he was referring to.
"You've been really quiet. And you've been spending more time with Dan so I—"
"If you are going to start this jealousy again, Will, I swear, I will punch you in the throat."
Will laughed and pulled me in a little tighter. "You might want to let me finish."
"Okay. Finish."
"I was saying, you've been spending more time with Dan
and
I know that you talk more to him. I wish you felt like you could talk to me about what's bothering you, but I get it. You guys are like besties now." He couldn't manage to get the last few words out without a chuckle.
I nudged his side with my elbow. "It's not like that. I do feel like I can talk to you. I guess sometimes I just don't know how. It's just, I don't know,
easier
with Dan."
Will furrowed his eyes and pressed his lips together. Even though he knew I was close with Dan, I was sure it still stung to know I found it easier to talk to him.
I reached up and pushed his hair off his face. "Having kids."
He pushed himself up on his elbows. "Huh?"
"That's one of the things me and Dan talked about. Getting married, starting a family, a career. Ya know, all the things I thought I'd be doing with my life before the outbreak. I sort of thought those things weren't possible anymore."
Will smiled and lifted me up so that we were both sitting. "Of course they're possible, babe. This world may seem impossibly different, but really, it's just the same. We might have to work a little harder for some things, but in time I know things will even out. Maybe we'll never get back to exactly how things were, and maybe that's not a bad thing. But we'll find our way. It's human nature."
"You really believe that?"
"I absolutely do." He kissed the top of my head and ran his hand over my back. "Now, about these kids..."
***
There was something not right when I opened my eyes. The basement was mostly dark, though hints of dawn peeked through the small basement windows. Will was asleep next to me, but I could no longer make out the faint snores coming from the couch.
I threw my leg over Will and climbed out of bed. The floor was cold through my socks and sent a chill up my spine.
Or maybe that wasn't the cold.
I made my way out to the living room to check on Dan where we left him. I peered over the top of the couch, but all I found was a crumpled up blanket. I shined my light around the room and right away noticed the coffee table was pushed several feet away from the couch. It was not something we ever did, so I couldn't imagine why it would be like that.
My heart thumped hard in my chest and I knew there was something wrong. I reached down to grab my knife, only to realize I didn't have it.
Why the hell didn't I grab it before I came out here?
The closest weapon was in the kitchen, so I went to grab that before I checked the rest of the house. I reached under the table to grab the gun and found nothing but a strip of duct tape and some cobwebs.
Dammit
.
Will must not have put it back after we heard the noises upstairs. I noticed what sounded like a scraping noise coming from the back. I tried to reason with myself. Maybe it was just Dan rearranging stuff in this room, or cleaning, or who knows, but something. There was a loud thump and I knew that it wasn't Dan. I tried to take slow deep breaths and slow my heart down to a manageable pace, but it wasn't working. I never really thought I'd have to worry about anyone getting into the basement. We were pretty secure down there and I lived happily in my denial.
I had to do something. Dan was unaccounted for and Will was oblivious in dreamland. I took a few tentative steps from the kitchen toward the bedrooms. My room was the first room down the hall and if I could get safely back there, I'd have my gun and knife. And Will for backup.
The floor no longer felt cold. In fact, the hard cement burned into the bottoms of my feet. My whole body felt like it was on fire, tingling with fear. I cleared the corner of the kitchen and headed for the hall. Just as I reached for the handle on the bedroom door, I felt a hand come around my mouth and something hard stick into my back.
"Hello there," he whispered into my ear. His breath smelled of nicotine and filth, and I gagged against his hand.
I stood still for a moment, trying to decide the best course of action. I could comply, hope he was just there for supplies and when he had what he wanted, he'd leave. Or, I could fight. Risk him killing me in the process, or kick his ass and hope that he was there alone.
"I think you and me are gonna have a lot of fun together," he breathed against my neck.
Okay. Fight it is.
I slid my arms under his and flipped myself around. Before he could react, I brought my knee up, into his groin with all the force I could manage. At the same time, I elbowed him in the throat and pushed him back against the wall. He dropped to the ground with a thud.
"You
bitch
!"
I turned to get to the gun, but he grabbed my leg and pulled me down to the floor with him. I kicked at him, making contact with his face before he let go, and scrambled to my feet. I pushed the bedroom door open and another one stood smiling. It was the last thing I saw before everything went black.
***
My vision gradually returned and muffled sounds became clearer. I was tied to a chair in the kitchen. I felt warm blood trickle down my head and fall into my lap. Across the table, Will was tied to another chair, his perfect face, beaten and bloody. His eyes were open wide and he was whispering my name to get my attention.
I looked around, fully expecting to see Dan tied to another chair, but he was nowhere to be found.
"Where's Dan?"
Will shook his head and glanced around the room. "I haven't seen him. You okay? You're bleeding."
"You should see your face. I'm fine." I wasn't. My head throbbed the way it had when I had a concussion and there was a searing pain shooting from my shoulder down my arm.
I could hear something going on in the back, but I couldn't see them. Or Dan.
"How did they get in?" Will struggled against his bindings and slid his chair up against the cabinets.
"No clue. Something seemed off, so I came out to check."
One of them came down the hall and walked into the kitchen. "I see you are done with your little nap sweetheart. You're a feisty one, I hear. Your little boyfriend didn't put up nearly as much of a fight."
He walked over and ran his hand over my hair. I pulled my head back to avoid him, but he just pulled me by the hair with his other hand.
"Now don't be like that. We went to a lot of trouble to get together with you. Followed you all the way from Franklin when you were sitting out in the open. If I'd known you were going to be such a problem, I'd have taken your friend out back there and saved us a few days of trouble."
I heard his words, but they weren't sinking in. They followed us from Franklin. I wasn't even sure where that was. It had to be along the route Dan and I took on our supply run.