Hold On (Delos Series Book 5) (39 page)

“I sure did. I asked Grandpa when he knew, and he said, ‘Right after the mission was completed.’”

“And how about you?” Beau coaxed gently, watching the play of emotions across her face.

“Right away.” And she gave him a wry look. “After the mission was completed, in our case.”

“So are you in a settling-in period? Are you rearranging your life to pursue something that’s calling strongly to you instead?”

Callie stared over at him, feeling Beau’s warmth and support wrap around her, holding her safe and secure. “I’m still sorting it out a new plan for my life.” She hesitated, holding his gaze. “I told Grandpa something I haven’t told you yet, Beau. And I’ve been afraid to say it. Grandpa asked me why.” She shrugged helplessly. “I told him I was afraid you’d reject me.”

Beau frowned. “What?” There was disbelief in his voice.

“I know it sounds stupid. Grandpa told me I owed you what was in my heart and head, and that I shouldn’t keep withholding it from you.” She placed her other hand over his so it was sandwiched between hers. “Beau, I love you. I don’t know when it happened, or why, but it did. At first, I didn’t want anything to do with you because I knew you were chasing me. You saw me dance at Bagram and you wanted me in your bed. I knew that.”

Shock tunneled through him, and he kept his face carefully arranged, but his heart was doing somersaults of joy. “What changed your mind about me, Callie?”

“Watching you with the babies at the orphanage. Doing the diapering, cleaning out the diaper pails. I’ve never seen a man do any of those things. Ever. And sometimes, I’d be walking by the room where you were changing a baby, and I could see the love in your face for that tiny child. It was real. You were real.”

She lifted her hand and pressed it against her heart, her voice wobbling. “You are the kindest, most sincere, and caring man I’ve ever met, Beau. I told Grandpa about what you did there at the orphanage, and he said that I ought to lasso you, hog-tie you, and never let you go.”

Beau grinned, holding her glistening green gaze. “Callie, I love you too. I’ve been holding on to that admittance for a long time, gal. I knew you weren’t ready to hear it yet from me. And then we had that ambush to contend with. So much has happened to you . . . to us . . . in such a short time I just didn’t feel right in letting you know how I felt. I was afraid I’d scare you off.”

She wiped her eyes. “I knew you loved me, Beau. Grandpa said you do, too. I guess I cried a lot on his shoulder then, because when he asked me how I saw my life going forward, I felt afraid.”

“Afraid of what?”

“Afraid that you didn’t love me, that it wasn’t that level of seriousness between us. Grandpa reassured me that it was, and he told me to get up my Montana gumption and go lay it at your feet.” She leaned over, kissing his brow. “I knew then I had to stop this waffling nonsense and tell you how I really felt about you, Beau. I got out of bed and was going to go to your room, wake you up, and tell you everything.”

He smiled a little. “But then I showed up at your door, didn’t I?”

She felt the warmth of his smile flowing through her, making her feel calm and happy. “Yes, and when I opened the door and you were standing there, something happened inside me, Beau. My heart literally burst with so much need for you that I leaned up and kissed you.”

“Which was one hell of a surprise to me,” he admitted, drinking in her openly loving gaze.

“I know I can be awfully forward at times,” she admitted. “I was going to tell you I loved you, why I had waited, and share my conversation with Grandpa. You were standing there, and I needed you so badly that all I could feel was wanting to love you, to have you love me back.”

He caressed her cheek. “And that was fine, Callie. In my line of work surprises are just part of my everyday life. And you kissing me out of the blue wasn’t exactly tough to take, gal.” He leaned over, kissing her smiling lips, feeling her heat, her eagerness to love him once more.

Beau was going to shake Graham’s hand later. “Your grandpa was right, Callie. I do love you. It’s been a special hell for me because just being in this cabin with you, I honestly see us living here, having dinner every night with one another, talking about the day’s events, me helping you in the kitchen. Small things, but they’re important.” Because Beau had realized a long time ago, it was the small, everyday things that counted the most.

Nodding, Callie said, “You have three weeks left here. I really, really want to make the most of them with you, Beau. I want to sleep with you every night. I’m tired of being scared. I’m tired of running. Grandpa told me I had to stop and make a stand. Make decisions, because I was capable of making them.”

“I like his suggestions to you, Callie.”

“Do you?” She searched his eyes, sniffing.

Beau released her hand, retrieved a box of tissues sitting on the nightstand, and handed one to Callie. “I do,” he told her, remaining serious, because he could still see remnants of the fear that he’d somehow reject her.

Callie was so unsure of herself, her confidence having taken a major hit due to that ambush, but her heart was running strong and true. And Graham McKinley, bless him, had seen the overview, just like a sniper saw not only every detail but the major pattern they added up to. He was helping Callie thread her way through the trauma, helping her discover what was still whole and healthy within her.

Callie blotted her eyes, giving him a look of apology. “God, I’m such a weepy sop, Beau.”

“I love you just as you are,” he said, shushing her and touching her cheek. “Tears are always good. Better out than in.”

“Are you okay with us sleeping together?”

His mouth hitched. “Gal, that’s a dream come true for me.”

“The other night when you slept with me, I wanted so badly to turn around, kiss you, love you.”

“I felt it,” he said, then added wryly, “And I’m sure it was no secret that I wanted you.”

She managed a choked laugh, nodding and wiping her eyes. “I thought it was too soon, Beau.”

“Yeah, I did, too.” He gave her a tender look, moving his thumb across her damp cheek. “You’ve been under tremendous strain. Your whole life got uprooted, Callie, and then we fell in love. Not exactly a great formula for success. And I didn’t want to add to your stress. You were carrying enough. I thought I’d wait it out. I could be here for you, let you know daily in small ways that I did love you. I didn’t know if you were even open to me on that level, to tell you the truth.”

“I love you so much,” she snuffled against his shoulder, squeezing her eyes shut, holding him as tightly as she could.

Beau smiled against her hair, running his hand across her shoulders. “Let the past go, gal. It doesn’t have any impact on me, my heart, or how much I love you . . . how much I want a life with you.”

His words were exactly what Callie needed to hear. He was so strong, hard-muscled, tender with her right now because Beau had that incredible ability to sense where she was really at. The last of her guilt dissolved in that moment as he held her and slightly rocked her.

Time stopped and Callie languished within his embrace. More than anything, Callie wanted Beau in her life right now because in three weeks he would be going back into harm’s way. She couldn’t even think about that now . . . the prospect tore her apart inside.

*

Christmas Eve dinner
at the main house was like a dream come true for Callie. Beau sat at her side at the long trestle table in the dining room after helping her mother and grandmother bring over the sumptuous feast. There were turkey and ham, mashed potatoes, gravy, chestnut stuffing, sweet potatoes slathered in marshmallow sauce and pecans, cranberry relish, yeast-risen rolls, carrot and raisin salad, and so much more. The talk was lively, spiced with laughter, and Callie hungrily absorbed every moment.

How could she have left the ranch she grew up on, and how could she leave her family again?

Maisy tapped Beau on the shoulder from where she sat. “You don’t know our family protocol around here for Christmas,” she said, smiling warmly at him. “On Christmas Eve, we give each other one gift. On Christmas morning, we all gather after a breakfast that Stacy, Callie, and I will make for everyone, and then the rest of the gifts are opened. Are you okay with that, Beau?”

“I sure am.”

“What’s it like with your family at Christmas?” Stacy asked him. She sat opposite Beau at the long table.

“My ma and pa are pretty set about opening all gifts on Christmas morning after we have breakfast,” he told everyone.

“Were you able to send everyone in your family a gift?” Graham asked from the other end of the table.

“Yes, sir, I did. They’ll be delivered a day after Christmas, but I think my family will be glad to get the gifts.”

“We should have gotten you into town sooner,” Graham said.

“It’s okay,” Beau said, giving Callie a warm look. “I called them yesterday and let them know what was happening, and they understood.”

“We’re glad to have you here with us,” Maisy told him. “Callie’s blooming under your care.” Her eyes brimmed with happiness.

Callie felt heat rush into her cheeks. She and Beau had said nothing about their intimacy or their declaration of love for one another. She wanted to break the good news to all of them on Christmas morning. She glanced over to see her grandfather’s blue eyes sparkle with secret knowledge. Did he already know? That wouldn’t surprise Callie at all. She swore her grandfather was psychic and could read her mind.

“Sometimes,” Graham said to no one in particular as he cut the turkey slice on his plate, “certain people are just meant for one another, Maisy.” And then he grinned a little. “For instance, like you and me. We met and fell head over heels with one another before we knew what hit us. Right?”

It was Maisy’s turn to blush. Her lips twitched as she ladled more gravy onto her mashed potatoes. “Yes, dear, that did happen. You were a brazen, overconfident Marine, walking into the store where I worked in Butte. You were so full of yourself.”

Graham chuckled indulgently. “Well, I knew I was going to have you in my life even if you didn’t know it yet.”

Bemused, Maisy laughed. “What was it you called me? A spitfire?”

“You still are,” Graham said, his eyes alight with tenderness. “Your hair might have gone from red to silver, but you’re a redhead in spirit.”

Callie grinned. “I love hearing how people met and fell in love.”

“Well, Maisy wasn’t exactly turned on by me. My enlistment was up, and I left the Marine Corps and had come home to help out at the ranch. I met her in the hardware store. Now, Maisy and I went to the same schools growing up, but she worked out on her parents’ ranch.”

“Yes, and you were always the mean little boy pulling on my braids, Graham. I really, really disliked you growing up.”

“Yeah,” he mumbled, hiding his smile. “But I grew on you over time, didn’t I?”

Beau laughed with Callie. He liked the wicked, loving look Graham gave his fiery wife down at the other end of the table. There was love in this family, even though all the people involved were different. They all held this ranch sacred, and that gave him a good feeling. Because his family, though they didn’t own a huge cattle ranch, was the same way with their homestead in the hills of West Virginia. And both families had more than one generation in the same home, which was important to Beau.

After dinner, the men cleared the table. The women had cooked, so it was their turn for some time off. Beau helped Graham and Connor clean up, clearing the table and putting items into the dishwasher. The women sat in the living room, chatting and laughing. Beau might have felt homesick, but it was lessened considerably by Callie’s family, who easily absorbed him into their midst.

Beau sat with Callie on a leather couch in the living room that faced the roaring fireplace. He was interested in how the McKinley family celebrated their Christmas. With soft holiday music in the background, Graham and Maisy met at the huge Christmas tree and faced the group.

“Now, we choose a gift for everyone,” Graham told Beau. “As you can see, there are lots of gifts under this tree, but each person is allowed to open one from each person.”

“Sounds good to me,” Beau said. He saw a
lot
of gifts beneath that tree. He leaned back on the couch, Callie near him, their hips touching. He smiled over at her as he eased her left hand into his. There were two gifts from him to Callie. Earlier, he’d asked Graham to choose the larger of the two tonight. The small one would be opened on Christmas morning.

For the next ten minutes, the grandparents chose a gift for everyone. Pretty soon, Beau, to his surprise, had one from each member of the McKinley family. They sat on the coffee table in front of him, and he was glad he had gone to the shopping mall to buy each of them something. He’d have felt terrible if they’d given him gifts without his having some for them.

Callie had equally as many gifts sitting in her stack. Among them was his red-wrapped gift with a gold bow on it. Would Callie like his gift? He hoped so.

Callie tried to contain her excitement. She loved opening gifts! There was an air of anticipation as everyone in the living room sat with his or her presents. Graham ambled back to the other couch with Maisy and they sat down.