Hold On to Me (24 page)

Oh yeah, she'd enjoyed it. She'd liked it so much she'd lost the power of speech. He liked having that effect on a woman. No, it was more than that. He liked having that effect on one woman in particular.

Luca got out of bed and padded in bare feet to the kitchen, where he found Stella leaning against the counter. The counter where they'd fucked the first time the night before. He had the sly thought that maybe they could christen every room in the house.

Stella's head was down. She was biting a nail. When she heard him enter the room, she hurriedly pulled her finger from her teeth and tucked her hands behind her back.

‘What are you doing?' Luca walked right up to her, giving her little room between him and the counter. He looked down into her eyes and was struck by the fact that she wasn't wearing any make-up. She looked pale and clean and somehow vulnerable without her eyelashes darkened and her lips reddened. As if she'd removed her costume and her armour.

‘Deciding if I want a coffee.' She was trying not to look at him and when she threw a glance at his cock, on its way to hard again, wanting her again, she looked quickly back to his face. Her fancy dressing gown was gaping at her breasts and he looked inside it. God, he loved her breasts, their soft weight, how all he had to do was caress her there and she reacted. He rested his hands on the bench on either side of her, enclosing her. Stella crossed her arms and dropped her chin.

Luca lifted a hand and ran his fingers down the silky collar of her kimono, down from the neck right down past her breasts, rubbed a forearm against her hard nipple and then reached the tied bow at her waist.

‘Come back to bed.' He gave one end of the bow a gentle tug. He saw and heard her sharp intake of breath. Luca kissed the side of her neck, nuzzled her hair away and slipped a hand inside the kimono.

She tensed and turned away from him. ‘You hungry? I'm sure all that sex has made you ravenous. I have eggs in the fridge and some bread for toast. Help yourself.'

Help yourself?
That sounded strangely like a kiss-off. ‘What about you?'

‘I've got things to do. So, thanks for last night. It was …' she kissed him quickly on the cheek and then moved out of arms' reach ‘… fun.'

‘Where are you going?'

‘I need to walk. I walk every morning. It's why I have such a nice arse. Can you pull the door closed on your way out?'

‘Wait a minute. You want me to go?' Luca rubbed the sleep from his eyes.

‘Grab yourself some breakfast or don't. I need to walk. It helps me clear my head. I'm a grumpy cow without it.' Stella tried to find a nonchalant smile. She needed to be in control here. This was fun, but it had to stop at fun. There was no point in letting it go any further than that. She had to get the natural order of things in the natural order. It had to be this way. If he was there when she returned from her walk, it would confuse her, perhaps lead her to doing or saying things she might regret. Things that would hurt her in the long run.

‘Okay,' he said, confusion all over his beautiful face. ‘If that's what you want.'

‘Luca,' she said. ‘C'mon. You've probably got things to do and family to see. Don't let me stop you.'

He didn't reply, just studied her face as if he was trying to see behind her eyes and her fake smile.

She turned away. She couldn't let him in. The work on the shop was finished. They'd scratched their itch. He had business back in Adelaide. She had to get back to her life without him.

‘Can you remember to pull the door closed when you leave? Thanks.' She went to her bedroom, hurriedly pulled on her sports bra, T-shirt, shorts and runners, and tugged a baseball cap over her hair.

When she emerged, Luca was still in the same spot, leaning against the kitchen bench. Still naked. Still jaw-droppingly beautiful. She felt the blow in his look. His eyes were dark. His mouth unsmiling.

She knew self control like that. She'd been honing it so long she should have a degree.

Stella stopped, hesitated over what to say. ‘Thanks.' It was incredibly lame but it was all she had.

‘For what?'

‘For …' She hesitated. There was a loud thumping in her chest and regret was welling in her throat. ‘Merry Christmas, Luca.'

Stella walked for an hour and a half, double the length she usually did. Boxing Day was warm and windy, and she was glad she'd pulled on the cap to keep her hair under control so it didn't flick around her eyes and make her even more frustrated than she already was. She rounded the cliffs above Port Elliot and kept walking, smiling politely at other walkers and making way for slower children and retirees who couldn't walk past the magnificent views without stopping to look. She was used to the view and anyway, didn't want to stop to take anything in that morning. She almost jogged past Knights Beach, where the wetsuited body boarders rolled and swam like seals in the crashing waves, and then kept going. Step after step after step until she felt some of the tension leave her legs, only to be swiftly replaced with twitching muscles and the beginnings of a blister on her left heel.

She checked her watch. She needed to stay away for as long as it took for Luca to leave her house. He needed to be gone when she got back. She hoped like hell he would be gone.

The look he'd shot her when she walked out into the day stayed with her. How could he know the truth about what had really happened in her bed and in her head? Stella had started out thinking they were simply blowing the lid off the combustible sexual tension that had been brewing between them. But it had been so much more. She'd been on the verge of opening herself up, and her demons had fought back.

It hadn't been a mistake. She wouldn't regret having Luca in her bed. Not for one second. But the night with him had to be put in its place. She'd learnt the hard way not to need people. She'd had a lifetime of people letting her down. Her parents. The system. Teachers who should have seen what was going on but remained silent. Her wonderful aunt had been the only light in her life, her only saviour.

That fiercely independent streak she had? It was born of necessity, not nature. So, she'd become used to being alone. She relied on no one but herself, a skill she used for the whole of her life, in and out of the bedroom. When she'd lapsed, let herself trust someone, Sully had almost ruined her. And since him, she hadn't found anyone even worth a second or third shag, let alone someone tempting enough to risk opening herself up to the wanting.

Until now. Until Luca.

She kicked her shoe against the stone path. Who was she kidding? That fun she thought she was having with Luca? It wasn't fun. It was so much more. And that's precisely why it had to end.

She'd let go last night and, hot damn, it had been good. Her heart was still trembling in her chest, and it wasn't from all the walking, and her lips ached from his insistent mouth. Having a younger man—and one who really looked at her, and really wanted her—in her bed or in her life put her so far out of her comfort zone she didn't know where to begin. She couldn't have sex like that again. Because it had been too good. It had been blow-your-head-off, forget-your-own-name-and-all-the-things-you-hate-about-your-body sex. Just as she'd shut Sydney away, and all the pain that went with it, she'd also learnt to shut away the part of her that wanted real connection. When they'd come along, she'd made do with guys like Duncan. Guys she could take or leave. Guys who never made it past her real defences. And who turned out to be pleasant but no challenge to her heart.

Her problem was that sex with Luca had been the kind of sex that made her miss it. Being with Luca had made her miss that intimacy.

But now it was done. She would have to close the door on it and on him. She had too much to lose by letting anyone in.

‘Ciao, Luca Morelli,' Stella said into the wind sweeping up from the ocean, and turned back for home.

‘What are you doing here?'

Luca looked across the room at his sister and lifted his chin in a silent greeting. Anna Morelli was on a dining chair next to Francesca's highchair and she was looking at him with suspicion in her eyes. Luca didn't feel like smiling but couldn't stop himself at the sight of his niece covered in what he hoped was squashed banana.

‘I need coffee.' Luca pulled up a chair on the other side of the table and crossed his arms, giving Anna the not-too-subtle hint that he didn't want to talk about anything.

‘What, Stella doesn't have coffee?'

Luca looked out the windows to the view. What crazy part of him had imagined he could
not
talk about Stella? Was there no fucking privacy in his family? He stood and went to the small kitchen. He knew where everything was so he began to help himself.

‘What happened, little brother?'

Francesca cooed and he looked back over his shoulder. Anna's eyes were narrowed suspiciously. His niece wore a beaming smile and she gurgled in his direction.

‘She's going to break hearts one day,' he said. ‘She is seriously cute.'

‘You mean Stella?'

Luca shot his sister a look.

‘Oh, Francesca. Yeah, she's cute. Especially at two o'clock in the morning. So, you're not going to tell me?'

Luca positioned the small coffee cup under the twin spouts of the European machine on the counter. He pressed the brew button and, after a moment, two thin streams of coffee began filling his cup. He watched it intently, mesmerised by the aroma.

‘What kind of beans?'

‘Ethiopian. Double roasted.'

‘Nice.' Luca took the cup, topped it up with a little cold water, and downed the shot. He put the cup in the sink and came back to the table. He needed the caffeine hit like he'd never needed it before. He didn't know why the hell he was so flat. He expected to feel tired, but not wrung out like this. He was confused as hell and the thought briefly crossed his mind to swear off women altogether. It didn't stay there longer than half a second.

‘Where's Joe?' he asked, distracted.

‘Surfing with Ry and Dan. Apparently there's a swell off Middle Point, but don't ask me what the hell that means. You want some more banana, bella?'

‘What?' Luca asked, confused.

Anna laughed. ‘Not you, you idiot.' She passed Francesca a slice of fruit and it was hurriedly gobbled up with a giggle.

‘Right. I've got to get going.' He kissed his sister on her cheek and then did the same to his niece, avoiding the squashed banana by smacking a kiss on the top of her head.

‘When are we going to talk about the kitchen? Have you done any work on the plans yet?'

Luca was at the doorway but he looked back to the small room. ‘Yeah, cos I've had so much spare time.'

‘Don't take too long. Ciao,' Anna called.

‘Ciao,' Luca called back and let the screen door slam behind him.

Stella opened her front door to silence and a hungry cat.

‘Give me a minute, will you, Mouse?' she whispered, and then wondered why she was bothering. Luca must have left. There was no sound, save for Mouse's purring. Something washed over Stella, and she took a moment to decide whether it was relief or disappointment. He was definitely gone. Everything in her house was back in its place. Order had been restored and her sanctuary was safe once again. Not even a throw cushion had been shifted the night before. They hadn't made it to the sofa, anyway.

She'd already known so much about Luca before that, the kind of person he was, his loyalty, his hot desire for her, his passion, his dedication. People couldn't spend weeks working in such close proximity and not learn things about one another. He liked to flirt. He liked to look at her. He liked to make her laugh. He had great attention to detail. He was proud. She knew all that before she'd taken him to her bed.

Now, so much more had been revealed. What else did she know about him now that they'd slept together? There were layers to Luca that she could never have guessed. He liked to fuck. He was good at it. Oh sure, he had that swaggering confidence that any young man who looked like him would have. But there was nothing young or impatient or egotistical about the way he fucked. She couldn't shake the feeling that he'd been more interested in her pleasure than his own. He'd grinned when he'd made her come with his mouth and then wanted to be inside her while she was still riding the orgasm. At first, he'd been fast and strong, then slow, teasing, reeling her in and then making her wait. Just like he took great pride in his work, he seemed to take great pride in being a good lover. She was still throbbing from it.

Stella tried not to trip over Mouse as she plodded to her bedroom. She stripped off her clothes, only glanced once at her empty unmade bed, and then ran a shower, but she didn't find much relief in the sluice of water over her shoulders and her muddled head. She had the rest of the day to get her thinking straight before she crashed into the post-Christmas sales in the shop. She had the rest of the day to do her thinking about Luca Morelli and then file it away.

When she was dressed in her yoga pants and a loose linen T-shirt, she half-heartedly went to the fridge. She wasn't feeling hungry but thought she should probably eat something. She poured some orange juice and slid two pieces of bread into the toaster. Once they were smeared with Vegemite, she took her plate and her juice over to the sofa and sat down.

That's when she saw the note on her DVD of
It's a Wonderful Life
.

She reached over to the coffee table and picked it up.

Not sorry we didn't get to watch your movie.

Stella read it. And then read it again. She distractedly pressed
Play
on her remote control and the opening titles began to roll.

‘C'mon, Stella, its New Year's Eve, for god's sake. You cannot, I repeat, cannot sit here on your sofa and watch movies.'