Hold the Roses (26 page)

I said, "It needs a lot of changing!"

We found out that the builder of the house had built all the houses
on the street and had built this one for himself and his wife, but it got too
big. Everything was oversized. The plumbing was all copper. It was very
well built. In fact, they told us we had the foundation of an apartment
house, which comes in real handy during an earthquake!

We sold the "dream house" and moved into the new house. I changed
everything! Wallpaper, light fixtures, paint, everything. It actually was a
brand new house because the builder had never lived in it. We worked day
and night, sleeping on the floor in the maid's room.

Of course, we had to get more furniture, so I called George Montgomery. He was married to Dinah Shore. He was a master at making Early
American furniture. I met him during The Bob Cummings Show. He was
charming and said he would love to do the furniture. He made our four poster, Early American pine, king-sized bed, our large "lazy Susan" dining
table and six chairs, the TV cabinet, and three milking stools. They were
and are truly beautiful to this day-and all signed underneath by George!
All of the other work, like woodwork, painting, taking off doors, putting
in louver doors in the bedroom, was done by Lofty Smearer, a bass player
from 20th Century Fox. Bobby knew all these musicians who would do
things on the side for extra money.

Poor Bobby tried to do as much as he could. In fact, we found two
Tiffany lamps that had to be wired. The guy where we bought them told
Bobby how to wire them. Bobby did it and when he said, "Turn the switch
on," I thought the whole thing would explode. It didn't. Our house was
really getting to look beautiful. It was a lot of work, but it was well worth
it. I still live in this house today!

The Dick q'VoR Dye SRorr

Bobby was now doing The Danny Thomas Show along with all the other
shows. He called me one day from the studio and said Danny Thomas wanted
me to do a benefit for an Italian church in San Diego. "I told him to call you,
because it's up to you," Bobby said. "Me? I'm a trumpet player." Danny
thought that was wonderful. Everybody knew they couldn't get to me through
Bobby. I know that's another reason why they respected him so much.

Danny called and wanted me to do this benefit for the Italian fishermen who were losing their jobs because the Japanese fishermen were coming and taking over.

He said, "We do benefits for everybody. This is for our people... the
Italians."

So I said, "Okay." What else could I say?

We went down to San Diego, and I met Harry Bianconi, the San
Diego end of the mob. He was a great guy and doing as much as he could
for Monsignor Travasoni, who was the head of that church.

We put on a great show. Afterward Danny said to me, "There are five
people who can dictate to an audience... laugh now, cry now, and hold
them in the palm of their hands... and you're one of them."

"Well," said I, "does that mean I will finally do your show?"

Danny laughed and said, "Your time will come."

"Great," said I.

The whole day was really wonderful. The benefit went well and it
was for a good cause. I could, I hoped, look forward to being on Danny's
show someday.

With Dick Van Dyke

I had the pleasure of meeting and talking to Monsignor Travasoni,
who arranged for me to get into the Vatican and meet the Pope on a later
trip I took to Rome. By the way, it was a wonderful feeling to have Harry
Bianconi on my side. Anything I needed, he took care of. .. not only on this
trip. Each time I went to San Diego and did a show for the church, Harry
was right there. (More about Harry later, in connection with my daughter.)

About two weeks later, I got a call from Ruth Birch, the casting lady
for Danny. She said, "Go to Desilu Studios at 2:00 P.M. tomorrow. Sheldon
Leonard wants to see you."

I said, "Finally, I'm going to do The Danny Thomas Show!"

With Morey Amsterdam and Dick Van Dyke

She said, "No! This is for a new show called The Dick Van Dyke

I said, "What's a Dick Van Dyke?"

"You'll see," she told me.

So I went to Desilu Studios the next day, saw Sheldon and met Carl
Reiner. Carl said to me, "Sheldon told me if I wanted the best, I should get
Rose Marie."

I said, "Thank you. What's this all about?"

They told me about the story for the pilot. I asked, "Who have you
got for the third writer?"

They hadn't picked anybody yet. I was the first one cast after Dick.
So I said, "How about Morey Amsterdam? He is a writer and a comic and
he knows every joke ever written."

They said, "Do you know where we can reach him?"

"Yes, he lives in Yonkers, New York," I told them and gave them his
number.

Then we started to talk about my contract... five years starting at
twelve hundred and fifty dollars a week and going up every year until it reached twenty-five hundred. There were no residuals at that time, but
they gave me six reruns, which meant that if I was getting twelve hundred
and fifty dollars that year and they ran a particular show (in which I appeared) six times during the year, I would get another twelve hundred and
fifty dollars. It was a good deal at that time. I was to costar with Dick ...good
billing. They gave me everything I asked for. When I left, I said to myself,
"Self, you should have asked for more money!"

Sally and Buddy

By the way, for all of you who think I still get residuals, forget it! I
haven't gotten a dime for the past thirty years from that show. In the meanwhile, every time the series is sold to a station such as Nick at Nite or a
station in some other state or town, it is sold for over a million dollars. The
millions continue pouring in to the owners of the show... Dick Van Dyke,
Carl Reiner, the Sheldon Leonard estate, and the Danny Thomas estate.
None of the cast has ever gotten a bonus or cut of any of the residuals!

When I went home after signing the contract, I called Morey and
told him they were going to call him about The Dick Van Dyke Show.

He said, "What's a Dick Van Dyke?"

I said, "It's a new show and they're going to call you."

He called back in a half hour and said, "I'll be out there Monday."

Morey and I have been friends since I was about ten years old. I did
The Al Pierce Show on which Morey was a regular. We used to visit his
nightclub in New York. He wrote a lot of material for my act. He called me
and said he got the part.

I said, "Great, now you have to move out here!"

I understand Mary was the last one to be signed. Danny Thomas
remembered her as the girl with three names. Richard Deacon was already
signed, as well as Larry Mathews.

Now, the true story of The Van Dyke Show and how it came about is
this: Carl had written thirteen scripts, and he called the show "Head of the
Family." He made a pilot with himself in the lead. Barbara Britton was his
wife, and Sylvia Miles played my part. I think Morty Gunty played Morey's
part. (We all saw the pilot about a year after we started the show... our way
was better.)

Carl went to Sheldon Leonard to try and sell his show. Sheldon loved
the idea and the scripts. But he told Carl, "Why don't you become the
producer of the show? I don't think you're right for the lead."

Poor Carl, he was so upset and thought it was all over. He told us he
felt awful. Sheldon told him not to worry, that they would do the show.
When Sheldon went to New York, he saw Bye Bye Birdie, the musical Dick
was starring in. He went backstage and asked Dick if he wanted to do a
series. I'm sure Dick said yes and came out to California. So, in a sense, The
Dick Van Dyke Show was all due to Sheldon. Carl wrote it, but Sheldon put
it together and held it together.

From the first day of rehearsal, everyone seemed to get along beautifully. Dick is a dream to work with. In the five years we were on the show,
I never heard him say, "No, I won't do that." I never saw him lose his
temper or get angry. Every so often, before a taping of the show, he would
say to me, "Is this show funny?"

I would always say, "Are you serious? It's great."

He would smile and we'd do the show.

Dick is so talented; even he doesn't know how much talent he has.
He can do everything... dance, sing, and move... but my favorite is when he "phumfed." He's the best at "phumfing," which means deliberately trying to get the words out correctly when you've already stumbled over the
past fourteen words! There's nobody like him. He was a joy to work with.

Morey and I dance it up for TV Guide