Holiday Homecoming (13 page)

“What phase would that be?”

“Grandchild envy. A very dangerous phase. As a doctor, I recommended counseling but she's been very rebellious. Then I told her to try pressuring Mia for a change. That's what a sister is for. To take the pressure off of me.”

“It's never worked for me.”

“I guess I'm doomed.” He didn't feel doomed. Why was his gaze sliding upward to notice the slender curve of her calves and the sway of her lace-edged dress? The swing of her short hair and the elegant line of her back? Because she was the reason he'd decided to come home again.

He held the door for her and watched as she breezed by. She was delicate, fine boned and petite. He bet he could span her waist with his hands. Tenderness—where was it coming from?—ached hard beneath his sternum. What would it be like to hold her against his chest? To tuck her against him and shelter her—just a little—from the world?

Why was he wondering?

The coffee shop was busy as more women arrived. Some of them he recognized from his school days, some he didn't. They crowded into the room in that way women have, of talking and excitement and hugging in greeting. Gifts piled on a table against the wall, and
there was Mom, waving to him from the corner, where a table just for the food was waiting.

Unfortunately Kristin was heading there, too. He followed her and still managed to keep from dropping the Crock-Pot until he delivered it safely onto the table where Mom indicated. He looked up. No Kristin. Where had she gone in the ten seconds he'd taken his eyes off her?

“Ryan.” She reappeared, winding her way to him. The dress she wore was the color of pale daffodils. It made her look elegant and beautiful in a classy timeless way. She carried a stack of plates from the kitchen. She unloaded them on the table and thrust one at him. “You might as well dig in. You'll be our test guinea pig.”

“If I keel over, then you know to stay away from the macaroni salad.”

“Something like that.”

How had he gotten more handsome? The months had rolled by, so busy with work and hoping for a new promotion, that she'd hardly been aware of the days slipping away like water. But seeing him made her aware of the time. He looked well-rested. He looked as if he'd been getting in some windsurfing time.

Not that it was any of her business. If her mom were to walk in at this exact moment and notice how she was studying the handsome doctor, think of what new levels of determination that would push her to.

She pivoted away and headed in the opposite direction. A hand on her arm stopped her.

Ryan's mom seemed to have noticed. “He could be
moving to Seattle, did he tell you? He's been hemming and hawing and this week that fancy clinic made him an offer he shouldn't pass up. I think he should take it. Don't you?”

Her brain stopped working. Odd, because the cheerful excitement in the room seemed to diminish, as if someone had turned down the volume on a radio. Whatever this was, she had to stop it right now. She had to protect her heart. She had to make sure—

A loud, excited squeal kick started Kristin's mind. She blinked, the sound crescendoed.

It was Michelle making that excited laughter. Her hand settled on her huge abdomen. “Oh! I can't believe it! I'm in labor!”

Shrieks of excitement filled the shop. Kristin stood as if transfixed as everyone jumped to life around her. Jenna, Michelle's best friend, made a call on her cell. Karen raced over and made Michelle sit down. Ryan's mom ran for her purse on the counter.

“Hey, Kristin. Don't look so shaken. She'll be all right. Promise.” Ryan's hand settled against the small of her back, offering her assurance.

She believed him. How could she resist? He was everything manly and rugged and dependable. He towered over her. She should have felt dwarfed, but she felt protected. Safe. As she knew Michelle would be, too.

A strange thing happened to her heart. As he moved away, to cut through the crowd of women to kneel down at Michelle's side, it felt as if he was still at her side. Touching her. Linked to her. She felt his compassion
and his care as he took Michelle's hand and leaned to whisper something in her ear.

Oh, he's wonderful.
If Michelle didn't look happy enough, she lit up with more joy. Breathing deliberately, the pain seemed to pass and she relaxed. Kristin's heart filled with a floaty, airy sensation.

“Oh!” Michelle let Karen and Ryan help her to her feet. She surveyed the family and friends who had gathered just for her. “I hate to run out on, like, an awesome party. I love you all so much. But I get to go have my baby now!”

Amid cheers of excitement, Kristin stood still, riveted by the way Ryan held Michelle's arm in his. She was perfectly capable of walking to the door, but he took such care with her. Michelle, her baby sister, was all grown up, waving goodbye at the door and throwing kisses.

“Come see us in the hospital! Oh!” Her hand flew to her tummy. “You may not have to wait very long!”

“Kristin?” It was Mary, pressing something cool into her palm.

She looked down at a set of keys.

“Take my car, sweetie. It's parked the closest to the door, I think, and if you drive, then Ryan can keep watch over Michelle.”

Yes, it sounded sensible. Why she felt utterly overwhelmed, Kristin couldn't say. She only knew the room silenced to her ears when it should have been loud with the din of friends' and family's excited shouts of good wishes and joy.

She moved without thought, striding into a world where the sun wasn't as bright as the sight of one man. It was as if her entire being waited until his gaze met hers. Then air rushed into her lungs and blood pumped into her heart.

When he smiled, her soul opened wide.

W
ith every breath she took, it was worse. This agony of awareness beating within her spirit. It was like gazing into a too-bright light and being unable to look away. And that light was Ryan. When he spoke, his voice vibrated deep within her. When he was silent, his silence was peace in her soul.

She didn't want him there, a part of her. Affecting her. She fought as hard as she could to concentrate on driving and
only
on driving. It was impossible not to notice the man's reflection in her rearview mirror when she checked traffic. She tried to ignore him. She truly did.

But every time she breathed, she noticed the faint scent of his aftershave. It reminded her of spice and smoked wood and winter nights spent at home.

The ribbon of highway unrolled before her. The miles spun away and they were pulling off the exit in Bozeman in no time. Certainly not long enough for Michelle to finish up on her phone. She was calling
everyone important, including several calls to her husband to make sure he'd be waiting for her.

And he was. As dependable as a knight of old, Brody was waiting by the entrance door. He had the car door open the moment it stopped and he took his wife's hands in his big strong ones. Their love and joy was as unmistakable as the scent of spring on the breeze. Brody slipped a protective arm around Michelle and let her lean on him, a strong rock of a man.

That was what true love looked like. The quiet gazes, the comforting touches, the deep bond that had them walking with the same stride, exchanging words without saying anything at all.

An orderly came with a wheelchair, just in time as Michelle winced in pain. Brody helped her off her feet, held her hand and they breathed together until the pain passed. Michelle relaxed, leaned her forehead to his.

“Wow.” Ryan felt so close. He settled into the front passenger seat, all six feet of him. “Is that something, or what?”

“If you believe in that kind of thing.”

“You don't believe in love?”

“Sure. I just don't think it lasts.”

“You don't? Really? Boy, what Michelle and Brody have. That looks like forever to me.” Ryan had never let anyone that close to him. He couldn't seem to remember why as he watched Brody and Michelle make their way into the hospital, hand in hand, heart to heart.

Man, it was obvious. They were deeply in love.
Wrapped up in each other, they clearly shared a deep bond. They sure made it look good. Watching them made him feel not exactly envious. He'd tried the relationship thing. He'd failed at it.

But it made him consider his possibilities. He had to consider there was the potential for that kind of link between him and Kristin.

Icy fear hardened in his veins. He shivered and pulled the door closed. No, he had to stop thinking like that. He couldn't make it work. He'd tried before and found disaster. His former fiancée had been right. He wasn't good at intimacy. He'd never let her, or any other woman he'd dated, get close enough.

So why, whenever he gazed at Kristin, did his soul stir?

He remained silent as Kristin pulled away from the curb and circled around in search of a parking spot. A couple climbing out of a new SUV waved. He recognized Kristin's older sister Kendra and her husband, who was carrying their baby daughter.

Kristin stopped and rolled down the window. “How did you two get here so quick?”

“I was loading up to come to the shower when Michelle called from Mary's car.” Kendra hit her remote locks and tucked the keys in the diaper bag slung over her shoulder. “So I headed here instead of town. I hear Michelle had the best medical care on the ride over here. Thanks, Ryan.”

“Hey, my pleasure. I didn't do anything. I'm an orthopedist. Good to see you again, Kendra.”

“Make Kristin bring you on up. Come wait with us if you want.”

Kristin glanced in the rearview. “I've got someone coming up behind me. See you inside, Sis.”

She pulled into the first available space and turned off the engine. A hard pressure jammed behind her sternum. With every breath she took, it seemed to expand. She felt ready to explode. She was worried about Michelle. She was happy for Michelle. She was glad to see Kendra looking so good and content walking alongside her husband. A year ago, they were newly married. Now they were a family.

Back in Seattle tucked in her little town house with her busy life and her demanding job and errands and housework and dinner out with friends, she didn't have to think about it.

It wasn't until she was here that it hit her between the eyes like a blow. Her sisters were married and mothers. Making lives of their own. With their own families. She didn't know how they could do it, how they could risk so much.

“Kristin?”

She blinked, realizing that Ryan had circled around and opened her door. He was offering his hand like a gentleman of old. Like a man courting.

No, that couldn't be right. Ryan wasn't interested in her like that. Just as she wasn't interested in him like that. But his hand, palm up, looked so dependable and
right
. She was already moving to lay her hand on his, before she realized she hadn't meant to. It just hap
pened. When her palm met his, his bigger fingers wrapped around, holding on. Something clicked in her heart.

A perfect fit.

Dazed, she was somehow on her feet, squinting in the vibrant spring sun. Watching him, senses spinning, as he closed the door, took the keys, pocketed them, and then moved away. She let go of him, and her hand had never felt so empty.

The wind ruffled his dark shanks of hair as he slowed his pace to match hers. “It looks like your mom just drove up. It looks like she's alone.”

“Yeah. That means Dad will probably come along later.” Kristin could see clearly that Mom was alone in her car. The big white sedan slowed two parking aisles over. Mom waved behind the sun-streaked glass, then drove on in her hurry to find a parking spot.

The emotion pushing against her rib cage hardened. Like a cooling ball of lead, it began to sink downward, settling into her stomach. She took a step farther away from Ryan. Their shadows traveled in front of them, and she saw them in silhouette. Two separate entities.

“Dad's busy this time of year in the fields.” But that wasn't the whole truth. He and Mom hardly ever drove anywhere together, and since their two weeks in Hawaii in January, it had gotten worse. The silence between her parents was louder. The breach in their marriage painfully obvious and how sad was that?

As if he could sense her thoughts, Ryan inched closer until their shadows hovered on the blacktop side
by side. “Mom mentioned that your mom is thinking about divorce.”

Divorce.
That word hit like an unexpected blow to her abdomen. Her mom didn't believe in divorce. Both her and Dad had to be desperately miserable to even consider such an option. She took a steadying breath.

“Oh, great. I shouldn't have said anything. You didn't know.”

“No, but it's not that big of a surprise, either. It's just to hear it said out loud like that. It sounds
real
. As if there's no more hoping things might work out.”

“Wow, and your parents once had a solid marriage. The best. Like my folks had, until Dad died.”

“Yeah, that's the problem with love. It doesn't last. When you think about it, how can it? Life is full of hardship and disappointments and devastating loss. How can something as fragile as love survive that?”

Ryan felt something nudge his cheek, soft and silken and warm. A brief brush, and then it was gone. He looked up. The wind shivered through the old flowering cherry trees lining the parking lot, and pink blossoms fell like rain.

Kristin held out her hand, palm up, to catch the silken petals. They rained down on her, clinging to her hair, her face, her dress. Carpeting the cement at her feet.

As if heaven had overheard her and sent a sign to disagree.

The wind calmed, and the downfall stopped.

“I have these all over me. They're like little bits of
silk.” She stopped, her slim skirt swishing around her thighs, to brush blossoms stuck to her clothes. Her golden hair fell forward to frame her face, revealing more blossoms there.

“Here. You have some—” He reached without thinking, moving close as if he had the right. Her hair was as soft as the pink petals he carefully separated away.

“Oh,” she breathed, turning to him.

Drawing his attention to her mouth. Ryan cupped her lovely face. Cradled her delicate jaw in his hands. There was no thought. No plan. No intention. Just a feeling so strong and true, it overwhelmed him. Drove him forward. He watched her bow-shaped mouth part slightly in surprise, but it was too late. He wanted to know her warm kiss. She was like spun sugar and spring light. Hope like no other.

He brushed her lips with his.

What did he think he was doing? Kristin wanted to argue, but she didn't seem able to push him away. Instead her hands closed on his shoulders, holding on. His kiss was a storm tearing across the western sky. Like lightning crackling along the horizon.

When he broke the kiss, his hands remained a tender claim against her cheek. The sun behind him haloed him, gracing him with a rare, brilliant light.

Everything within her stilled.

Afraid to breathe, afraid to break the magic, she closed her eyes. His touch sparked like fireworks popping in a midnight sky. Bold and bright and unmistakble.

A longing, sweet and intense, knifed through her. Longing for what could never be.

She stepped away, tuning into the real world around her. The place where love was not perfect, where impatient horns blared, where her mom was hurrying, her shoes clacking on the concrete. Where a siren announced the arrival of an ambulance at the emergency entrance down the way. This was a world where love couldn't last.

“Ryan.” It was her mom, hurrying up, her big black purse swinging from her forearm, her free hand holding the scarf on her head with the other. “I can never thank you enough for staying with Michelle during the drive to the hospital. I didn't worry a bit knowing you were with her.”

“I was glad I could help, although I didn't do a thing. Michelle seemed to be handling everything just fine.”

“That's my Michelle,” Mom said fondly, sparkling. And not only at the thought of the new grandchild ready to come into the world.

No, Mom was near to bursting. She had to have witnessed the kiss. There was no way she could have missed it.

Panic set in. Kristin started walking. She needed space. She needed perspective. She needed to obliterate the memory of that fantastic, emotion-filled kiss from every neuron in her brain. Because there was no way she was going to get carried away or let her feelings spiral out of control.

She didn't need anyone. Especially not Ryan. He
made her feel way too much. And he just thought he could kiss her any time he wanted? She ought to be insulted.

She wanted to be angry. She wanted to be so consumed with fury she didn't have to think about what she'd done. About how she'd practically run into the building, dashed through the lobby and bolted into the first elevator to open, even though it was going down, because she wanted to put as much distance as she could between her and Ryan.

But she hadn't left him at all. Not really. He was right there, in her heart and in her soul. Linked.

What was she going to do about that?

Since she took the long way to the maternity floor, down to the basement and back up again, Mom was already in the family waiting area.

One quick glance told her that Ryan wasn't there. He must have gone back to his mom's car and gone home. Good. She had enough to worry about without him around.

“Kristin, come sit with me.” Kendra patted the hard plastic chair next to her. On her other side, her husband, Cameron, was talking on his phone, his low mumble hardly audible above the excited conversation.

Kirby and Sam arrived, with Michael leading the way. He still carried his plastic dump truck everywhere he went, but he was bigger. Taller. A little boy with thick dark hair and big blue intelligent eyes.

“Kristin!” It seemed impossible for Kirby to look any happier, but she did. “Oh, it's so good to see you!
This is what I get for being late to the shower. I missed all the excitement, and seeing you. You look good. Tired. You're working too hard.”

“Guilty, but I'm up for this cool promotion. I really want it.” Love for her sisters was the kind of love a girl could count on. She hugged Kirby, careful of her growing girth. “How are mommy and babies?”

“Healthy and happy.”

Kirby looked it, too. She seemed to glow from the inside out, and the joy on her face doubled when her husband took her hand to help her into a chair. “Oh, that feels better. Thanks, handsome.”

“Anything for you, beautiful.” Sam kissed her, the way a husband kisses his wife, and means it. That's true love.

Ryan had kissed her like that.
Kristin's throat ached with too much emotion, a wild jumble of feelings that she didn't want to name and didn't want to feel. She remembered Ryan's kiss. How could she forget it? Her lips sparkled. Her soul sparkled. That's how Ryan had kissed her.

Panic shot through her and she bounced out of the chair. “I'm going to the cafeteria,” she announced too fast, already striding toward the elevator. “Anybody want anything?”

“Tea,” Kendra answered. “Want me to come with you?”

“No!” She wanted to be alone, but she wasn't fooling Kendra, who was watching her with concern. Or Kirby, who was gazing up over the top of her little boy's cowlick, an unasked question clear on her face.

She loved her sisters, and she knew they loved her back, but they wouldn't understand. They couldn't. They had chosen to hide from the fact that you were born into this world alone, and you left it alone. That no matter how much you loved someone, that didn't stop them from dying. Loss was a part of life she didn't want, no way. And she wasn't going to close her eyes, open her heart and love as if loss wasn't inevitable.