Holier Than Thou (The Tome of Bill) (32 page)

“We’re not going out, girlfriend. We’re doing
down
.” I immediately started chuckling. I couldn’t help it. “Into the sewer, you fucking perv.”

“Sorry.”

“Don’t be sorry. Just be fast.”

* * *

Christy helped me quickly gather mine and Ed’s stuff, especially his shotgun. That would be a particularly bad trinket to leave behind for the cops to find (ignoring for a moment the refrigerator full of blood). He’d also no doubt want it once we rescued him.

That is, if he was even still alive, a voice in the back of my head pointed out. No! That was a bad thought. Of course he was still alive. Tom wasn’t that far gone. He couldn’t be. I refused to believe it.

Thankfully, Sally was right about the door. When she said reinforced, she meant it. It had apparently been designed to keep vampires at bay. It was going to take an entire SWAT team to knock it in...not that I intended to stick around long enough to test that theory.

Sally grabbed a few spare clips of ammo, while Sheila quickly donned her Templar armor and strapped her sword to her side (and yes, it
was
hot). Gan, well, she just stood there looking bored and maybe a little disappointed that I wasn’t going to let her dismember the nice policemen. Oh how nice it would be to finally see her boarding a plane back home...although first I had to live long enough to do so.

“We all set?” I asked.

There were nods all around, followed by a large hollow boom against the front door. Guess they had brought up a battering ram. It was time to go.

* * *

We lowered ourselves down the manhole in the basement, sealing it behind us. Eventually the cops would figure out how we had escaped, but by then, we’d be long gone in the warren of tunnels underneath the city.

Gan, Sally and myself were fine in the dark (albeit I could do without the dirty and/or smelly parts), but neither Sheila nor Christy had night vision. Fortunately, Christy had magic on her side. She muttered a quick incantation and a soft glow began to emanate from her. It illuminated the tunnel enough to keep them from breaking their necks.

Sally took a look around, then turned to Sheila, smiling. “Aren’t you glad you met Bill?”

She chuckled in return. “Oh I don’t know. Some drapes...maybe a scented candle...”

“Okay, enough with the jokes,” I said, leading the way. “Let’s get moving.”

“Not that way,” Sally corrected. “No way in hell are we leading the cops directly to the office. Let’s take the scenic route. Besides which, it’ll eat time until it gets dark.”

* * *

Sheila filled us in on her
lunch date
as we walked through the dank tunnels, the squeak of rats accompanying us in the dark.

They had stopped at a Greek restaurant for some gyros - note to self: Sheila likes gyros. The attack had been both quick and efficient. Three witches, no doubt the same that had visited Christy the night before, simply walked in the door. It had been Ed who had spotted them, remembering their faces.

It was all over before anyone even knew what had happened. The witches had simultaneously fired a spell, but it hadn’t been aimed at Sheila. It landed directly in front of her, exploding out in a concussive wave. Her power had flared up to protect her from harm, but she had still been thrown back by the force of the blast. The rest of the lunch crowd, Ed included, hadn’t been so lucky. They had all been knocked instantly unconscious. Sheila had recovered and grabbed a steak knife from the table, but it had been too late. Just as quickly as they had entered, the witches left...but not alone. They grabbed hold of Ed’s unconscious form and blinked out in a flash of light.

“So where did the cops come in?” I asked, stepping in something semi-solid that I really hoped was just mud.

“That’s why I was so long in getting back. I stuck around to make sure everyone else was all right. Unfortunately, a few of them freaked out and called 911. I think maybe they thought it was a terrorist attack.”

“Because a gyro shop is the first place suicide bombers target,” Sally commented.

“So you ran?” I asked.

“Not quite,” she replied, continuing. “The police were there within minutes. They wanted to take me in for questioning and I....”

“What?”

“I sorta...”

“Kicked the shit out of them?” Sally surmised, a note of approval in her voice. “Nice. Welcome to my world.”

“Don’t let it get to you,” I said. “It’s almost impossible to live this kind of lifestyle without committing multiple felonies.”

“Yay me. If only mom could see me now.” She seemed to consider this for a moment and then asked, “Bill, what about your parents?”

“My parents? They live down in New Jersey, happily spending my inheritance.”

“No, I mean do they know?”

“Three words: no fucking way. I get enough shit from them as it is about not having a...well...girlfriend. Heh...anyway, no. Aside from the time I accidentally bit their cat, I try to keep them as far away from the vampire lifestyle as I can.”

“You bit their cat?”

“Closest Bill’s gotten to any pus...”

“Thank you, Sally. I think we get the picture. Like I said, it was an accident. Let’s leave it at that.”

* * *

Once the small talk petered out, we got down to business: discussing what needed to be done once we got to the office. Aside from Gan, who could have cared less, we all agreed that saving my roommates was the number one priority. Well, okay, Sally was closer to Gan’s attitude with regards to Tom. There was likewise little disagreement on the subject of Remington and his vampires. They needed to either be driven out of town for good or outright eliminated. Even Sheila, the relative newb of the group, didn’t have much problem with that. Remington was a dick, after all.

It was in the
hows
where we broke down in disagreement. Gan, easily the most experienced strategist amongst us, favored a full-out frontal assault. She considered the foes ahead of us unworthy of anything more complex. Thinking back over the past year, I had to concede she maybe had a point. Compared to, say, Turd or Alexander, Remington wasn’t all that terrifying. Still, a direct assault would be the best and easiest way to get my roommates, not to mention possibly the rest of us, killed. There was also the fact that a lot of Gan’s plan seemed to revolve around me gloriously cutting through our enemies like some sort of vampiric lawnmower. She didn’t seem to grasp that I wasn’t quite the demon beast she had convinced herself I was.

Christy wanted us to pop in then back out via her magic, but even she had to admit it was dicey. We didn’t know where or what condition Ed was in. If we weren’t quick enough, there was also the possibility of her coven sisters blocking our escape. Personally, I was discouraging that plan because I wasn’t too big on her participation to begin with.

“When we get back to the surface, you should go home. You’ve done enough for us,” I said.

“No way,” Christy protested. “I caused this. I’m going to fix it.”

“We’ll bring Tom back. I promise.”

“I’m not doubting you, Bill, but you’ll need my help.”

“We’ll be fine, besides...”

“Besides
what
? If you’re thinking I’m going to betray...”

“It’s not that,” I replied. “It’s just...well, your...
condition
...”

“That’s why you want me to leave?”

Sally and Sheila barely managed to conceal snickers.

“What? Am I the only one thinking of this?”

“I’m only a few weeks along, Bill. It’s not like I’m waddling around like an elephant yet.”

“Chivalry is not dead,” Sheila commented.

“Maybe undead,” Sally added, causing all of them to giggle (except maybe Gan). Jeez, try to the do the right thing...

Even Gan had to admit that Christy’s power could come in handy. We would still be outnumbered by witches, but she was fresh whereas the others had already been through hell courtesy of us and Gan’s merry bunch. I didn’t like it, but their arguments were sound.

Great! Now I was endangering an expectant mother. Between that and punching out the old lady yesterday, all I needed was to maybe push a couple of orphans down a flight of stairs and my game of gross negligence BINGO would be complete.

Maybe I should reconsider that course of action Sally and I had mapped out for Sheila. I should probably do it myself...not with her, mind you...just pick an opposite direction and start running. In the long term, it would almost certainly be safer for everyone. It was something to think about, although perhaps after events played out.

At the moment, we had more pressing concerns, such as a kidnapped roommate, a psychotic friend, and a whole building full of people who wanted to kill Sheila (and wouldn’t bat an eye at wiping out the rest of us in the process). If we were able to pull this off, it would be a miracle.

Sadly, in that regards, I found my faith a little lacking.

Under New Management

Sometimes the direct approach really is best. Even if it’s not the smartest way of doing things, it takes a lot of complexity out of the equation. That might not be the way dudes like Alexander roll, but it helped me keep things straight. What can I say? When it came to games of strategy, I was always more of a checkers guy anyway.

Gan mentioned that she sensed vampires ahead of us in the sewer tunnels which told us they had all of the entrances covered. It wasn’t particularly good news, but not surprising either. There was no way they were going to let us get the drop on them, especially since they were in our home court. They’d probably be expecting us to try that route anyway, take out the sentries and fight our way up - only to find ourselves surrounded. Well fuck them. If I was going down in flames, I’d do it my own way.

That didn’t mean we had to be complete dumbasses, though.

After a little subterranean reconnaissance, we cautiously surfaced in an alley about half a block away from the office. It wasn’t a particularly smart place to come up, considering how packed SoHo was even after sundown. Fortunately, it was a small enough space, with a Goodwill bin at the far end blocking our view from the street. The only ones liable to see us might be an errant wino or two. Hell, that might even be pretty damn funny - to send them off running, screaming about CHUDs surfacing in the Village. Sadly, though, there were no drunks or stoners to be found. The alley was empty.

“Gan, care to check on your people?” I asked, hoping beyond hope that they were in the vicinity. She was a fucking nutcase, but she was on my side at the moment. I could deal with her beloved bullshit if it meant having a goon squad of assassins backing us up.

She closed her eyes and inhaled deeply through her nose. She repeated the action three times, then sighed.

“Well?”

“Regrettably, they must still be occupied. I do not sense them nearby. They are not within the city limits.”

“Maybe my sisters won,” Christy offered.

“I think not,” Gan replied evenly. “Still, it is admirable they have managed to elude their fate for this long. They will be remembered as respected foes.”

That didn’t sit too well with Christy, but I put a hand on her shoulder to comfort her. It served the secondary purpose of potentially stopping her if she decided it would be a good time to vaporize Gan. At the very least, I preferred she wait until the bullshit ahead of us was finished. After that, she could have fun blasting away for all I cared.

“Okay, let’s all calm down here. We need to focus,” I said, trying to be the voice of reason amongst this motley crew. “We’re here to save Ed and Tom.”

“What if your friend does not wish to be saved?” Gan asked.

“He doesn’t get a vote. That’s my call. If need be, we might need to neutralize him, but that's it.” Heh, I sounded like a character straight out of a Tom Clancy novel.

“Snapping his neck would neutralize him without killing him,” Gan rather unhelpfully pointed out.

“No. He comes out in one piece. Don’t cross me on this.”

Much to my surprise, she didn’t just outright laugh at my somewhat toothless command. Instead, the terrible little tyke inclined her head and gave me a big smile. “As you wish, Freewill.”

Gah! I was playing right into her hands by taking charge. Jesus Christ, I really was fucked no matter what I did.

Okay, I needed to focus. The time to curl up in a little ball and whine about Gan would come later.

“Either way, we need to remember that neither of them are Remington’s main focus here. They’re just using Ed to draw Sheila out. The Icon is going to be their main target. Always keep that in mind and don’t let her out of your sight.”

Sheila raised a bemused eyebrow, and I could almost immediately feel pinpricks of sweat break out on my brow. Talk about unnecessary distractions.

“Any problem with that?” I asked, doing my best to feign a sense of authority.

“I can take care of myself, you know,” she said.

“I know, but we’re not taking any chances. Trust me - even the most straightforward dealings with vampires can turn into gigantic clusterfucks pretty damn easily.”

“What about you, Bill?”

“He’s used to clusterfucks,” Sally replied.

“No, I mean I got the impression they were after him too.”

“Not the same thing,” I said. “They’re going to want me alive as a trophy for the Draculas.”

“Draculas?” Sheila cocked her head to the side. Goddamn, she was cute.

“The First Coven...our ruling body.”

“For now,” Gan added, drawing a quizzical glance from Sally. *sigh*

“Any questions?” No one responded to my mostly rhetorical inquiry. Thank goodness - I had absolutely zero answers to anything they might ask. Hell, I was barely cognizant of what day it was.

Sheila, Gan, and Christy led the way out of the alley, weapons concealed as best they could. Despite it being
my
plan, I held back a few steps and motioned for Sally to do the same.

“Not bad, Bill.” She kept her voice low so that the others, save Gan, wouldn’t be able to overhear. “You almost had me convinced you were actually in charge of things.”