He pushes his chest off the bed and turns. Lacy is naked. Her hair is down, unbound, almost touching the tops of her small breasts. The white smock is in a lump on the mahogany floor.
“
Sorry, Lacy. But I can
’
t.
”
“
Can
’
t, or won
’
t?
”
He doesn
’
t know what to say.
“
Maybe you want a boy instead?
”
Henry shakes his head.
“
You want me to continue, but without returning to . . . ?
”
She looks at his midsection.
He looks at his midsection.
“
No.
”
He doesn
’
t trust himself.
“
But thank you. Really.
”
While she bends to pick up the smock, he swings his legs around and sits on the edge of the bed with a small towel covering his crotch. He tries again to explain the month he
’
s had, the chest pains, but Lacy doesn
’
t seem to be interested. When she is done buttoning the front of the smock, she walks to a mirror on the wall and pulls back her hair, ties it into a kind of soft knot.
She walks to the door and puts her hand on the knob without turning to say good-bye. Henry calls her name. She stops.
“
Yes?
”
“
You wouldn
’
t happen to have any knowledge of the occult, would you?
”
~ * ~
Cue the Motivational Video
Early Monday morning the phone in his room rings.
“
What
’
s shaking,
studly
?
”
Giffler. Henry rubs his eyes. He
’
s been sleeping on and off for almost two days.
“
The eco-lodge is a whorehouse.
”
“
Book me a VIP suite ASAP,
”
Giffler replies, back in New York City, via sat-phone.
“
It
’
s like Canyon Ranch, but with prostitutes on the spa menu, right next to seaweed wraps and morning Pilates.
”
“
That
’
s my kind of inconvenient truth. And absolutely consistent with my prediction that with time, green will become so increasingly complex and fractured it will be impossible to separate the good from the bad.
”
Henry opens his mouth but decides not to speak. Outside his window on the lawn of a lush garden he sees a group of American and European guests in
ghos
being led through a series of yoga moves. He
’
s fairly sure that the instructor is Lacy.
“
Have you met the prince?
”
“
I have. We . . . well, we seem to have hit it off.
”
“
Splendid. I hear he
’
s bonkers in a cute, occasionally homicidal way. What
’
s up with the call center?
”
“
I just got here,
Giff
. I
’
m supposed to go meet the local management team and tour the new building in about an hour.
”
“
Here
’
s a little tip: your best bet right off the bat is to go all empire on them.
”
“
Pardon?
”
“
Empire. Gun-to-the-head, no-nonsense leadership. Make an example of someone within the first five minutes of the meeting. The third world expects this from us, or they will rob you blind.
”
Henry considers telling Giffler Madden
’
s theory that Galado is about to transition from third to second world, but again chooses not to reply.
“
I imagine as part of the orientation you
’
re gonna screen the motivational creation myth video. You have seen the video, haven
’
t your
“
The Happy Mountain Springs video?
”
He hasn
’
t.
“
Sure.
”
“
It
’
s brilliantly manipulative. Show them that. Hopefully they won
’
t be too offended by the lesbian marriage thing. If they are, downplay it. No, deny
it. Just say that
’
s the way hard-core environmentalists look in the Vermont section of the United States.
”
“
Okay.
”
“
If that fails, just keep emphasizing how much money they can make compared to abject poverty, then give them the sample customer service scripts so they can start justifying themselves.
”
“
Gotcha,
”
Henry answers, then adds,
“
By the way, were you or anyone back in New York or Vermont aware of the fact that more than three quarters of the country of Galado is drought-stricken or has no access to potable water?
”
“
So you think there
’
s a bottled water opportunity there?
”
“
No. I think it
’
s sort of a sensitive issue that we might want to be careful with. Maybe we should consider a token investment in their infrastructure. Wells. Filtration membranes. Treatment plants. LifeStraws. You know, consistent with the whole Happy Mountain Springs ethos. We could even get someone from marketing to film it and use it as a PR tool.
”
“
So, these Galadonian whores,
”
Giffler responds.
“
Are they hot or skanky?
”
“
I have to go.
”
“
Wait a sec. I gotta run, but someone wants to say hi.
”
He hears the jostling of the phone, then a woman
’
s voice saying hello.
“
Meredith?
”
“
Giffler tells me you
’
re smothered in prostitutes.
”
“
I forgot, you work for the man without a conscience now.
”
“
He needs someone to keep track of all the people he
’
s firing.
”
“
How
’
s Warren?
”
“
He
’
s gone. To India. He did get his job back.
”
“
Do I dare? Do I dare disturb the universe?
”
“
Nicely observed, Tuhoe. How are your testicles?
”
“
Filled with shame and healthy swimmers. And your quadruple Es?
”
“
Apparently they are recession-proof. When the markets crash, men seem to have an uncontrollable desire to seek the solace of very large, digitally convenient breasts.
”
“
I don
’
t know what I
’
m doing here, Meredith.
”
“
Would you rather be
here
? What
’
s here—abandoned cubicles and defaulted loans? Endless memos about armpits?
”
“
Divorce lawyers.
”
“
Exactly. Have an adventure, Henry. You
’
re in a mysterious land. A mountain kingdom. Disturb the universe. Get your freaking
‘
nads
back.
”
~ * ~
He is greeted in brilliant sunshine outside the call-center-to-be by a group of twelve employees, several local dignitaries, and a small chorus of sweet-singing, orange-robed schoolchildren accompanied by a
dranyen
, an instrument similar to a folk guitar. He can
’
t make out the words to their song, but as he watches them tightly grouped with the white-peaked Himalayas as a backdrop, he is fairly sure that they have embedded his name into the chorus—
TuhoeTuhoe
-Tuhoe
—and he finds it all strange and moving.
When the song is over, a bass drumming commences and two shirtless, barefoot men in bright skirts of red and yellow and lavender silk with porcelain fish masks on their heads begin enacting a dance that mimics rainfall and swimming and drinking. As they dance his eye is drawn to a gathering of peasants on the other side of the stone fence. Their robes are worn and tattered, and the expressions on their faces are the opposite of the brilliant smiles of those formally assembled before him, for him.
He applauds when the dance ends, then accepts from two young girls a bouquet of wildflowers and a porcelain fish mask all his own.
“
It is a bottle-nosed Galadonian riverfish,
”
explains Maya, a Galadonian woman in a black Western-style skirt and jacket who is to be his second in command, pointing at the mask.
“
Soon to be extinct. The river teemed with them before the factories, but now there is only one known left in the world.
”
“
I know,
”
he answers.
“
I saw it yesterday in a tank in the prince
’
s game room.
”
Maya narrows her eyes and looks Henry up and down, as if he is about to be extinct. He meets her wide, dark eyes for a moment, but can
’
t hold her stare for long.
After bowing to the performers and the assembled group in a gesture of thanks, he turns to hand the gifts to Shug, but Shug takes a step back and gives him a look of incredulity.
Are you k
idding me?
~ * ~
The new building in which the call center is to operate is more substantial and better constructed than Henry had expected. It
’
s a long, rectangular structure with white-painted concrete walls and an asphalt-shingled roof. Inside there are four rows of cafeteria-style tables that stretch the sixty-foot length of the open space and dozens of metal folding chairs stacked against the windowless walls. He stands in the center of the room taking it in, flanked by Maya and the Galadonian minister of future commerce. He waves at the gathered, employees and in unison they bow in his direction.
“
The telecommunications service is not yet in place,
”
the minister of future commerce, a tall (for Galado), thin man with a shaved head, tells him.
“
It
’
s simply a matter of running lines through the mountains, wiring the building, purchasing the devices, and negotiating a contract with a provider.
”
Henry nods.
“
What
’
s the official relationship with outside
telcos
in Galado?
”
“
Presently,
”
the minister answers,
“
they are forbidden. Mostly because of the Internet. But the prince is in negotiations with several large multinationals, and a piece of legislation is being drafted that we are confident will soon rectify the situation.
”