John gave me a once over when I hounded him to get me to Dr. Tinsley’s office early, but he did exactly that, and I was ten minutes early.
“You’re here early, Ms. Carter.”
“You know, you can just call me Aisley. I think I have too many people in my life calling me
that
.” I thought of all the people at the label and the people I worked with on tour.
“All right, Aisley. How are you feeling this morning?”
“I—” Goddammit. I wasn’t ready to say it out loud. I was chickening out. “I’m fine.”
She looked genuinely surprised by that answer. She was hoping I was ready to spill my guts. So was I. “Just fine?”
“Yes,” I lied.
“Did anything happen this week?”
“No.” I felt myself starting to sweat. This wasn’t good. Why was I torturing myself?
Just say it…
“Err, yes.”
“Something did?”
“I realized that I might, um, I think I maybe have some issues.” Whew. There. I said it.
Out loud, even.
“What would those issues be?”
But, of course. The damn doctor was going to make me say it. “I have an eating disorder.” I cringed as I said it, hating the truth.
She tried to mask her shocked expression with a smile. “And when did you realize this?”
“I don’t know. A couple of days ago?” Somewhere deep down, though, I always knew.
“Was there something that made you think that?”
“Come on, Doc, level with me. I know that you knew this all along. And I know that I did, too. I just didn’t want to believe it.”
“To be honest, I don’t know anything more about you than you told me yourself.”
“But you must’ve read about me.”
She nodded. “Sure, but those are just opinions, or conclusions people jump to. There could be a number of reasons a person would faint. Many of which don’t mean you have a problem.”
“But I fainted because I wasn’t taking care of myself.”
“And why was that?”
“I don’t know. I love singing, I really do, but there’s just so much pressure to be stick thin and have this perfect body. I just wanted to have it all.”
“Do you think most people would be happy having your body?”
I shrugged. “Yeah, I guess.”
“So why don’t you believe it’s enough?”
“Is our time up?” I laughed nervously. “I don’t know. Honestly, I just want to know how to stop thinking like this.”
“Like what exactly?”
“Like it’s okay to skip meals. Like it’s not okay to weigh 120 pounds.” I ran my fingers through my hair. “I just want to be normal.”
“Aisley, I’m going to tell you something you don’t want to hear right now. You’re not normal. Millions of young girls look up to you as a role model. Whether you like it or not, that’s how it is.”
“I know.” I thought about Karen and how she hoped to be just like me. If only she knew that being like me wasn’t exactly a good thing.
“I think we’re making good progress.”
I nodded. “So, this time next week?”
“I’m very proud of you.”
“Thanks, Dr. Tinsley.”
***
Easton:
Hey Carter, I’m beginning to think you’ve had enough of me.
Aisley:
Not even close.
Easton:
Can I come over?
Aisley:
I don’t think that’s a good idea. My dad was pretty pissed when he found out about the window.
Easton:
He’s not going to come over here with a shotgun, is he?
Aisley:
LOL. I’d never let him mess up your pretty face.
Easton:
So, meet me at our spot instead.
Aisley:
East…
Easton:
Is that a yes or a no, babe?
Aisley:
Fine, but the human shield will be there.
Easton:
I would expect nothing else. See you in fifteen.
Was it stupid of me to go see him? Yes, probably. It was easier to keep secrets if you weren’t looking someone in the eye. “Hey John,” I called, knocking on the door of the guest bedroom.
He opened up quick. “Something wrong?” he asked, looking around frantically.
“No. I was just hoping to go somewhere. Alone.”
“No.”
“Come on, there hasn’t been one camera—anywhere.”
“It’s my job to be your shadow.” He started gathering up his stuff.
“Please. I’m just going to meet East.”
“I think I hate going with you to see him as much as you hate having me on all your dates, but I have to.”
“I am literally begging you. I will make sure you get a raise when I get back on tour. Please. I promise I will be super careful.”
He groaned. “Where are you meeting him?”
“The lake.”
“I’m going back to my room. I will check on you in forty-five minutes, and if you’ve snuck out I will come get you at the lake.” He winked and shut the door in my face.
“I owe you!” I yelled through the door.
I practically sprinted out of the door and all the way to the woods. It was much needed exercise anyway. By the time I got to the lake, I was completely out of breath.
I really needed to get in shape if I were going to be touring in two weeks.
“East?”
“Hey, babe.” He was sitting on our rock, looking out at the sunset. “Where’s the shield?” he joked.
“I actually convinced him we’d be okay alone.”
“No way.” He gave me a big lopsided grin. “Come here.”
Just looking at him in the soft glow of the sunset did me in. I walked over to him, and he pulled me into his lap.
“I missed you.” He kissed me.
“It’s only been three days, East.” I laughed.
“Three days is too long, when I only get you for thirteen more.” My heart sank at the words he spoke. Thirteen days was nothing. I wanted longer. I wanted him to come with me, but I knew that idea wouldn’t fly.
“It doesn’t seem like enough.”
“That’s because it isn’t, babe.”
“It’s pretty unfair.”
“My thoughts exactly.” He pulled me closer, kissing me all over. “You smell so fucking good.”
“Mmm, East—we can’t do this here.”
“Why not?” he asked between kisses. "It's not like we haven't before."
Why not? Fuck. I couldn’t think when he was kissing me like that. “What if John shows up?”
He groaned, pulling back. “Fuck.”
“Sorry.”
“It’s fine. If you won’t let me have my way with you, then at least tell me what’s been bothering you.”
“Nothing.” I stood up abruptly.
“That is a big fat lie.”
“No, it’s not.”
“I’ve known you since you were five years old, Carter. I can spot you lying from a mile away.”
“Shut up.”
“You’ve been avoiding me.”
“No. East, it’s not like that.”
“It’s because I won’t tell you about my dad, isn’t it?”
“No.” I narrowed my eyes at him. “But while we’re on that subject, why won’t you talk to me? You know you can trust me, East. With anything.”
“I just don’t want to fucking talk about it. Why can’t you understand that?”
“Because! Because I love you! That’s why!” I yelled. I closed my eyes in embarrassment.
Did I just fucking tell him I love him?
“What?”
Shit.
“You can’t say that to me, Carter.”
I opened my eyes and he was close enough to touch, to kiss. “Why not?”
“Because,” he said desperately, “I might just say it back, and if I do—I won’t let you go again.”
“Well it’s true, East. I’ve never stopped loving you,” I told him.
“Fucking Christ.” He took a ragged breath and ran his hands through his hair. “I love you, too. So damn much.”
Then his lips were on mine. In that moment, nothing else mattered. Nothing but the feeling of East. His touch. His lips. His taste.
And his butterflies.
“Come here.”
I pushed him down on top of the rock, and undid his pants. Climbing into his lap, he shoved my panties aside and pushed inside of me. Thank god I had decided to wear a dress today. “Oh god, East.”
“Ais, god, you’re driving me crazy,” he whispered breathlessly into my ear.
“Oh, harder, East.
Harder.
”
Then before I could even realize what was happening, a camera flashed.
Holy fuck.
I froze.
“Ais?” East was breathing heavily. “What’s wrong?”
“Shh, stop. Don’t move.” I was going to have a panic attack. John was going to kill me. Then he was going to be fired and I was going to be fired. Fuck.
“What the hell?” Another flash. And another.
I pulled my dress down, and Easton got up fast, pulling up his pants. “Just cover your face, East. Come on.” I grabbed his hand and pulled him back through the path.
He put his head down and followed me. “What’s going on?”
“Paparazzi.”
“You got to be fucking kidding me. Can you even see where you’re going?”
“If you brought a flashlight, now would be the time to tell me.”
“Yeah, about that.”
“Right. Thought so.” I led him through the darkness, trying not to fall on my face.
“I don’t think he’s following us. Ais, you can slow down.”
“Slow down? You want me to slow down? I’m fucked, Easton!”
“I know. I didn’t get to finish,” he smirked.
I shoved his shoulder. “That’s not what I meant.”
“Just calm down for a minute, breathe.”
“Why aren’t you freaking out, East?”
“I don’t know. I just don’t want to die out here in this forest, running from a fucking camera man!”
“We aren’t going to die. Don’t be dramatic.”
“Fine, but if you keep running like that you’re going to fall and break something. That happens and you can kiss that precious tour goodbye.”
Ugh. That was true.
I slowed to a stop. “Fine, okay. Let’s just walk.”
“Thank you. Fuck. I don’t think I’ve ever seen you run that much. I didn’t know you had it in you.” He laughed.
“Cute, East. Real cute.”
“Are you even sure that was paparazzi? Who the hell hides out in the woods like that?”
“Paparazzi,” I stated with an eye roll. “Let’s go.”
“Here, why don’t you follow me, babe?” He pushed in front of me. “That way, I’ll be the first one to fall.”
“How very chivalrous of you,” was my sarcastic reply.
“Don’t be a brat. I’m saving you.”
“Next time, just bring a damn flashlight.” I narrowed my eyes at him, even though he couldn’t see it.
“Next time, let me know before you invite your friends to film it.”
“I am so going to punch you, when I can see you clearly again,” I muttered.
“Looking forward to it, Carter. It’ll be just like old times.”
“You think you’re so funny, Easton Everson, but you’re not.” I huffed.
“We’re about to cross the log, so keep ahold of my hand.”
“I’m not scared,” I said defiantly.
“Suit yourself, babe,” he replied, dropping my hand.
“Wait, East!” I felt around for him in the dark.
He thrust his hand at me, hitting me in the stomach. “Ouch.”
“Sorry, it’s dark.”
I latched on to his arm as we crossed the creek in the darkness. In all honesty, even if we fell in, the water probably only came up to our ankles.
“Can we run now?” I asked when we were on the other side of the log.
“Do we have to?” He groaned.
“Come on, it’s a straight shot from here.” I started jogging.
“Damn it, Carter. You’re going to break something!”
I didn’t give a shit. I just wanted to be out of the woods so I could get my head straight. I had to get those pictures. I couldn’t see a damn thing, so it was a good thing I knew this path by heart. I was expecting the dip in the trail in front of me. I was expecting the tree branch I ducked under. What I wasn’t prepared for was the face-plant straight into something hard!
“Jesus, Aisley? Are you okay? Tell me what happened.” John grabbed my arms and held me back, looking me over.
“I’m fine, let go.” The brute released his hold and I bent over, resting my hands on my legs to catch my breath.
A second later East came running out after me. “Aisley, shit!”
“One of you better tell me what the fuck is going on.”
“Paparazzi,” I admitted.
“Fuck,” John cursed. “I knew this was a bad idea.”
“It’s fine,” I said quickly. “We’ll just wait for him.”
“Ais, no.” East shook his head.
“Yes. It’s perfect. There’s not an easier way out of this forest, he’s probably on his way out now.”
“You’re assuming he came in the easy way,” Easton stated.
“Fuck. Tell me he didn’t get a shot.” John looked between us.
“Only the best one.” My sarcasm couldn’t be missed.
“You’re shitting me.”
“I wish I was, John.” I really, really did.
“Those pictures can’t be that good, it’s fucking pitch black,” Easton reasoned.
“You don’t get it! I’m on my third strike. If these pictures get out, I know they’ll drop me.”
“What do you mean ‘drop you’?”
“I mean, I won’t have a tour, a record deal, or a job anymore, Easton.”
“Oh.” I looked up at him and could swear I saw relief flash through his eyes.
He’d be happy if I didn’t go back.
I shook the thought away. I wouldn’t let myself believe that were true. Despite everything, East was happy for me—
right?
“Is that why you’re here? Did they put you in a time-out or something?”
“If that’s a smirk on your face, I’m going to smack it off.”
“It’s not funny.” But his muffled laughter told me he thought otherwise.
“Ugh!” I stomped away.
“Oh, come on, Aisley. I was kidding.”
“She’s going to beat you up, if you don’t knock it off.” John crossed his arms and chuckled.
“Thanks,” East replied sarcastically. “Aisley, calm down. We’ll get the pictures back. I promise.”
He kissed my forehead and I prayed he was right.
About fifteen minutes later, when the photographer finally came out, I wanted to crawl into a deep hole and bury myself alive.
Because the photographer was a fifteen year old boy.
John let out a hearty laugh and raised his eyebrows at me. “‘Razzi,’ huh?”