Home to You (29 page)

“Damn, Katie.”

My breath came in heavy pants, and my hand went between our bodies. I gripped him in my palm, and I tried to shift myself on top of him. “I’m on the pill,” I whispered against his mouth.
 

He froze, and my invitation lingered between us in the air. I suddenly felt stupid and naive, and a rush of heat crept up my neck. “I’m sorry—I just—I’ve been tested— we don’t have to—”

He pressed me deep into the wall, one arm supporting my weight, as the other silenced me with a finger to my lips. “Hush.”
 

His intense stare left me immobilized. The sweltering heat of it turned my insides to liquid. “I’ve never not used a condom before.”
 

Now I was speechless. Jake was a grown man, one who’d had many partners, yet he’d never been with a woman while unprotected.
 

He shifted me lower, his eyes never leaving mine, and I felt him between my thighs. My throat thickened with emotion as I realized the significance of what was about to transpire. He was giving himself over. Whole, uncovered, and without question. And then he entered me.
 

I AWOKE IN A TANGLE of limbs, too warm with my face buried in the crook of Jake’s neck. I had no idea what time we’d fallen asleep, but my muscles already ached in protest of the things I’d made them do. A good ache. One that reminded me of each word, each kiss, each touch.
 

His arms and legs covered me like a blanket. An electric one—turned on to night-sweats mode. How the hell had I fallen asleep like this, I didn’t know. I was the needs-a-king-sized-bed-so-we-don’t-touch kind of girl. I couldn’t even stand Kevin’s feet touching mine, and here I was completely surrounded by Jake. I smiled against the warmth of his skin. This was so surreal. Like at any moment the alarm would beep and I’d be startled out of a dream. But this wasn’t a dream, and every moment, every touch, was burned into my brain forever. My leg began to tingle under the weight of his thigh, and I stretched a little to see the clock.
 

3:04 a.m.

Jake was as hot as a sauna, but I wanted to stay like this forever. Skin against skin, each breath coming in unison. I’d never been touched like he touched me. Cherished in the arms of a man who could so easily break me. I arched my back, hoping to free up a little more room to breathe, but he pulled me closer and burrowed in like I was one of his pillows. Not that I minded. I’d actually pay good money to be his pillow, fantasized about it for years actually. But the last time I’d eaten was the bite of crepe he fed me yesterday morning, and even though the sun had yet to rise, I was suddenly ravenous—and trapped. Not the best combination. But sleeping with someone you’ve known your whole life gives certain advantages. Like knowing the fact he slept like the dead, and he was also very ticklish. I poked him in the ribs, causing him to stir, and took the opportunity to roll away.  

The light was still on in the hall, and I could just make out Jake’s black T-shirt that hung on the foot of the bed. I grabbed it and pulled it over my head. It smelled of him. The smell I’d longed to be closer to since I was a girl now clung to me like smoke from a fire. My whole world had changed in an instant. I’d gone from thinking I was losing him forever to holding him naked in my arms. Life was funny that way. Just when you think you have it all figured out... I buried my nose into the soft cotton at my shoulder and inhaled the earthy spice that was so unmistakably
Jake
.
 

He’d been such a giving lover. I wasn’t sure what I’d expected, but it was so much more than anything I’d ever had with Kevin. No. Anything I had shared with
anyone
. He’d been as affected as I was. There was no doubt in my mind. I was swept away. Not just my body, but my soul. I glanced down at the bed. His muscular back, well defined even in the relaxed state of sleep, his sun-bronzed skin so kissable it made me question my need for food. Could it really be this easy? Did he really want me? All of me?
 

For how long? These were all things I should have thought about before falling into bed with him. Before falling in
love
with him... But in the heat of a moment, I wasn’t thinking about our future. In fact, I wasn’t thinking about anything at all. And whether he wanted it or not, every piece of my bruised and battered heart was his. I just had to trust that he’d hold it tight. And not let it fall apart.
 

I scooped up our still soggy clothes and deposited them into the laundry basket on the way to the kitchen. The house that was filled with the commotion of guests just hours before was now replaced with quiet. The counters were wiped clean and all evidence of the party was gone. But a quick peek to the backyard revealed the tent and tables still remained.
What had happened when I’d run?
 

My stomach let out a loud gurgle, and I opened the fridge to find Jake’s untouched birthday cake on the bottom shelf. Should I? It’s not like he’d care. Plus, the only other things in there were the appetizers purchased by Grace.

I pulled out the cake, placed it on the counter, and just when I was ready to cut a large slice, warm hands snaked around me from behind. “Hey,” Jake said in my ear, his voice low.
 

I leaned back against his firm chest and smiled. How would I ever get used to this. To be able to touch him whenever I wanted. “Did you sleep well?”

His arms tightened around my waist. “I did. Until I realized you were gone.” He nibbled kisses along the side of my neck. “Finding you barefoot in the kitchen wearing only my shirt may have made up for it though.” The curve of his lips brushed against my neck. “Is that for me?”
 

 
I nodded, and the rough bristle of his whiskers rubbed against my cheek. “Want some?”  

“Yes. Among other things.” His hand moved up the back of my bare thigh, then cupped a handful of my naked bottom.
 

Oh God, I wanted other things too. “Stop distracting me and make a wish.” I pulled a candle and lighter out of the drawer, put it in the center of the cake, and lit it.
 

“Hmmm… My wish? It involves you, this cake, and nothing else.”
 

I bit my smiling mouth closed. “Blow out your candle.” My voice alarmingly breathy. “I’m hungry, and if I don’t eat I’ll pass out.”  

“When’s the last time you ate?” He moved to lean a hip against the counter. He wore only his black PJ pants, and his dark brows furrowed.
 

“Yesterday morning.”
 

“Shit, Katie.” He blew out the candle, and without bothering to cut a slice, took a ample forkful and fed it to me.
 

“I can feed myself, you know.” My hand covered a mouthful of rich chocolate cake.
 

“Obviously not.” He smirked. “Otherwise you would have done so before now.”

I swallowed. “Well, I was a bit distracted.” I flicked my eyes to the backyard. “What happened last night?”

“I told John to get rid of everyone.” He cut another piece and put it in my mouth. “Went after you.”

He said it like it was nothing. He asked over a hundred people to leave so he could find me. Friends, colleagues… My stomach dropped. “What happened with Grace?”

He cleared his throat and looked me in the eye. “I’m sure she’s pissed.” He shook his head. “That doesn’t matter now.”

But it did matter. To me it mattered. I had so many questions, but only one wouldn’t go away. “Why did you play along?”

He set the fork down, his jaw tense as he looked at me. “I meant to tell you as soon as I got home, to explain the situation, but then the damned cops were at the door, and I was hearing you were attacked.”

“What about later?”

“I tried to.” His eyes met mine and he raked a hand through his hair. “When she asked me it seemed like a reasonable request. Everyone was already invited. Her friends, clients…her boss. I thought it would make for a clean break. No hard feelings.”

I nodded, then turned to the cake and took another bite. I hated my own insecurity. All I wanted was to enjoy the here and now. To stop thinking about the past or future, but I couldn’t help it. I’d lost people through illness and tragedy. Had my self-esteem crushed by infidelity. But if Jake rejected me…

He grabbed my shoulders and turned me to face him. “I’d do it all differently if I could.”

I nodded again, focusing on his bare chest as I tried to swallow the burning lump of emotion that settled in my throat. I didn’t want to cry again. This should have been a time of new beginnings, but all I could think about was how it would end. Endings were what I knew best, and as morbid as the thought might have been, beginnings were only an opportunity for more of them.

“I’m not perfect, and I never claimed to be.” His voice was low, and the backs of his fingers touched my cheek. “I made a mistake. A big one. I wish I could take it back, to say it will be the last—but I’d never do anything to intentionally hurt you…”

His hands moved up and down my arms as if to warm me. “Why won’t you look at me?”

My eyes brimmed with tears, and I squeezed them shut. Why was I acting this way? Everything about last night said he wanted me. Why couldn’t I shake this uneasy feeling? It was all happening so fast. Just yesterday I thought he was still with Grace. Two weeks ago I was seeing him for the first time in years. I inhaled a shaky breath and forced my eyes up.

His hair was a shaggy mess. The creases in his forehead deep with worry, and a dark shadow of whiskers covered his set jaw. He looked tortured, and his eyes burned into mine with such raw emotion that my knees went weak with the intensity of it.

I crushed myself against his chest, wrapped my arms around his waist, and his heartbeat pounded against my ear. “I don’t know what’s wrong with me. I’m just scared, I think.”

“Don’t be scared, Katie. You can be angry, or pissed off, or a whole lot of other things, but please don’t be scared of me.”

His voice rumbled against my cheek, and I looked up at him. “I’m not scared of you. I’ve never been scared of you.” I swallowed. “I’m scared about what this is. I’m scared about our past, and our future—”

His lips silenced me, crushing mine with an urgency I wasn’t prepared for. A kiss of passion, want, and need. Telling me to trust him. Not asking, but demanding that I believe in him. In us. He lifted me up and set me on the counter, his hands braced on either side. “Forget about our past.” His nose trailed along my neck, his voice husky and soft. “I’m not the same man I was then. I know what it’s like to live without you, and I never want to live that way again.”

Then he gripped the back of my neck and looked me in the eye. “Our future is whatever you want it to be. Just tell me what you want, and I’ll make it happen.”

Tears ran down my face, and my whole body began to tremble. I opened my legs wider and wrapped my arms around him, needing the feel of his skin against mine.
 

“What’s the matter, baby?”   

“I’ve never felt this way before.” It was as if every emotion filled me all at once. Happiness, fear, hurt, sadness, love. All bubbling to the surface at the same time. So powerful I shook with it. But I wasn’t scared, and I wasn’t sad, I was happy. In love. His mouth covered mine again but this time soft and gentle. Worshiping lips that made me forget about my fears, forget about everything.

“What do you want, Katie?”

For you to love me.
But I couldn’t say that. I couldn’t even hope for that. It was too soon, and I was still too fragile to handle that type of rejection. “Make love to me.”
 

He lifted me off the counter, and I wrapped my legs around his waist. “As you wish,” he said, then grabbed the cake and carried me down the hall to his bedroom.

“Was Kevin really your first?”

Jake’s whispered question startled me, causing my heart to jump. Where had that come from? We’d just had mind-blowing sex, I was practically comatose in his arms, and he wanted to talk about Kevin? Maybe I should just pretend I didn’t hear him? But the question would torment me if I didn’t answer.